Wild Turkey

In Turkey, gay people aren't allowed to serve in the military. But it might take a lot of evidence for the authorities to believe you're gay:

many gay men have to endure pseudo-scientific tests designed to appraise both their homosexuality and the extent to which it might render them "unfit" for service. "Parts of the test I took included having to draw a picture of a tree, a house, and a person," says S. "You're given a lot of crayons, and then you have to answer why you drew things the way you did." Other gay conscripts report having been asked whether they liked playing with dolls as children or enjoyed wearing women's clothing. Military psychiatrists who know better have to pretend that there is a scientific value to such examinations, says L. [a psychiatrist with experience on military health panels], "because it's in the regulations."

Astoundingly, some gays also report that they were asked to produce photographs showing them as participants in anal intercourse. Even then, Turkish authorities are said to apply special criteria. According to the military, and Turkish society at large, penetrating another man does not necessarily qualify as a homosexual act; only being penetrated is undisputedly homosexual. Hence the unwritten rule when it comes to such photos: "The man should be in the passive position, receiving from behind," L. explains, "and looking at the camera. Preferably while smiling."

The article adds that the military "flatly denies" the photography story, so caveat lector.

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  • Joe M||

    No homo.

  • crazyfish||

    I came across a description of gay men in Turkey : Homophobic homos.

  • Kristen||

    Turkey has compulsory military service. Every single Turkish man I have known has had a well-planned scheme to get out of it (mainly involving going to college and moving to another country). Sounds perfectly reasonable that some would try anal; though judging from the "requirements", college and green cards may be the easier route.

  • ||

    Rutger Hauer got out of compulsory service in Germany by claiming to be gay. I guess back then they just took your word for it.

  • Robert||

    That name's familiar, but I forgot how. Like I know him.

    And why's the guy in the Brooks ad to our right sniffing a sneaker? Feh.

  • ||

    He could have just claimed to be Dutch. Which he was and is.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    It doesn't make the Turks especially enlightened just because they know it's not gay as long as you're on top.

    Who posted this, anyway? What is Reason hiding here?

  • ||

    Hey, it's the same attitude that the ancient Greeks had, and people called them enlightened.

    (Some of the Romans adopted the idea, though there's also a lot of Roman poetry like that of Catullus talking about the moral degeneration caused by adopting Greek practices like homosexuality.)

  • Jerry||

    One of the doctors, a surgeon, decided to subject V. to a rectal examination. "The guy put his finger in my ass to check for any deformations," says V. "'Ooh, it's very tight,' he joked. 'You'll be a very good soldier.' His finger was still inside."
  • Slut Bunwalla||

    "That wasn't my finger, tee hee!"

  • Moooooon River...||

    Using the whole fist, doc?

  • Phil D||

    that SOB had BOTH hands on my shoulders!

  • ||

    You know how I know you're gay? Because you have a tatoo on your lower back that says "two way traffic ahead."

  • T||

    I didn't realize "pics or it didn't happen" was an official policy.

  • Dello||

    "Hence the unwritten rule when it comes to such photos: "The man should be in the passive position, receiving from behind," L. explains, "and looking at the camera. Preferably while smiling."

    I didn't ask: Why did you have to tell?

  • prolefeed||

    According to the military, and Turkish society at large, penetrating another man does not necessarily qualify as a homosexual act; only being penetrated is undisputedly homosexual.

    LOL moment.

    And re: the above quote -- so being the male recipient of anal sex while in the missionary position is also not gay?

    Srsly?

  • ||

    Imagine if Klinger had been in the Turkish Army instead of the US Army. Section 8 would have taken on a whole new meaning.

  • Slut Bunwalla||

    This seems like something out of The Onion, doesn't it?

  • Warty||

    That's nobody's business but the Turks.

    Also, I work with a bunch of Turks. Because of them, I've learned how sublime Iskender kebab is. As far as I'm concerned, Turkey is awesome.

  • ||

    Making They Might Be Giants references? And I thought you couldn't sink lower than you already had. Thanks for surprising me.

  • bill.||

    No, it's a Four Lads reference.

  • Warty||

    It's more of a Tiny Toons reference to me. If you think of They Might Be Giants at every opportunity, that's your own damn perverted fault.

  • ||

    But Tiny Toons were using They Might Be Giants in that episode! (besides, I liked the "Particle Man" bit better)

  • A girl||

    After that episode I kept waiting for Tiny Toons to attempt a tribute to The Dead Milkmen....and then I remembered "Takin' Retards to the Zoo."

  • Corduroy||

    Bitchin' Camaro...

  • A girl||

    But will you dance to anything?

  • Robert||

    Damon Lindelof had an earlier animated adaptation of that song -- as a school project in HS, or maybe jr. high or even earlier, he was that advanced.

    Too bad about Lost, though.

  • Barely Suppressed Rage||

    It's a very old reference indeed. Istanbul, not Constantinople.

  • Robert||

    ...but it's really Byzantium.

  • Hugh Akston||

    I'm afraid to click on that link. Who knows what depraved totally not gay act an Iskender kebab is.

  • ||

    The unintended consequences of dubbing old MASH episodes in Turkish?

  • Jeff P||

    Remember, all cultures are equally valid, and we should not judge their...

    ...I'm sorry, I almost got through that.

  • ||

    OK, it makes sense that they would require some verification from somebody trying to get out of compulsory service.

    But "pics or it didn't happen"? Who do they think they are? The TSA?

  • Irresponsible Hater||

    What, no taste test?

  • Phil D||

    daughter: "Dad, your dick tastes like shit!"
    dad: "Oh that's right, your brother has the car"

  • Mr Whipple||

    A friend of mine that was a Marine, told me about those Turkish sailors he was on a ship with. I thought he was exaggerating. Maybe he wasn't.

  • ||

    Dammit, this isn't about sex, it's about trust!

  • ||

    According to the military, and Turkish society at large, penetrating another man does not necessarily qualify as a homosexual act; only being penetrated is undisputedly homosexual.

    What if you're a power bottom?

  • prolefeed||

    That's also no homo, apparently, at least in Turkey.

  • Spottswoode||

    Attention. Attention, everyone. All you in the audience should go to your homes now. Your countries need you, but the world will be safe, thanks to a brilliant actor named Gary Johnston.

    Let me explain to you the kind of man Gary is. He's a man who knows that when you put another man's cock in your mouth, you make a pact. A bond that cannot be broken. He's a man so dedicated that he will get down on his knees and put that cock right in his mouth.

  • alan||

    According to the military, and Turkish society at large, penetrating another man does not necessarily qualify as a homosexual act; only being penetrated is undisputedly homosexual.

    An entire nation in denial. If the Canadians have taught us anything it is any male to male contact that doesn't involve punching, kicking, or gauging done above the waist is necessarily gay.

  • alan||

    For some reason this reminds me of something that happened at a Dylan Fence concert back in '91. If you don't recall or never heard of the band they had a hit single, 'Living Room Scene'. Kind of a grunge knock off act, but refreshing for our area because they were the rare non REM knockoff act outside of the metal scene (which was pretty good in those days). Anywho, this four foot ten Mexican dude was wobbling around the front of the stage. Being the kind person I am, I helped him keep him standing by making a lean post with my arm holding on to his denim jacket. The band went into a suite of Bad Finger covers. The Mexican said something like, 'Oh, shit, my favorite. Hold me up! Hold me up!'. I grabbed him by the waist and lifted him. He went into an enthusiastic dance cheer of arm rolls and leg kicks while belting out "No Matter What." It may have been the gayest thing I ever participated in, but you know what, no regrets, I'd do it all over again in the right circumstances.

  • prolefeed||

    doesn't involve punching, kicking, or gauging

    "gauging" -- giving a really sloppy and fast and enthusiastic BJ like the porn actress Gauge

  • alan||

    Of course that is what I meant! I mean the technique on that girl, how could that ever be considered gay, no matter to whom it was applied?

  • Steve||

    Astoundingly, some gays also report that they were asked to produce photographs showing them as participants in anal intercourse.

    I thought that's why the internet was created...

  • I like to wear my wife's burka||

    This is no problem in Iran.

  • CavMedic||

    There was an old Onion piece about the commandant at the prison in Midnight Express and the officer in Lawrence of Arabia...

  • Robert||

    gay soldiers have to live with the anxiety, says L., that they "will be diagnosed as having a psychosexual disorder and kicked out of the army."


    Sorry, not credible. If it's so hard to prove your homosexuality, and even then it's not a problem unless you're flaming, then how is the above fear justified? It can't be hard both to qualify and to be disqualified.

  • ||

    Well obviously the old "Don't ask, don't photograph yourself in super panavision in technicolor in a 3 hour extravaganza with Gina Lollobrigida, Lawrence Olivia, and Tony Curtis, and lots of muscular oiled up black slaves wrasslin' in which your are pinned and take it from both ends...while writing a declaration that you like homosexual sex, and have that notarized....
    Than the Turks flip a coin - and as long as it lands heads or tails...your not gay.
    Seems logical.

  • Phil D||

    It's only gay if the balls touch

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