The War On Weed, And By Weed I Mean Weeds In General

KRIS-TV reports from Corpus Christi, Texas:

What was initally thought to be one of the largest marijuana plant seizures in the police department's history turned into what amounted to a city park cleanup Thursday night.

Shortly after 8:00pm, a teen riding his bike through Waldron Park in Flour Bluff discovered what he thought were marijuana plants growing there.

Police later hauled away 300-400 medium-sized plants that they also believed [were] marijuana.

If fact, officers only stopped collecting the plants because it got too dark, and planned to return in the morning to look around for more.

However, after spending more than an hour removing and tagging the hundreds of plants, then hauling it all down [to] the police department downtown, testing revealed that none of it was marijuana at all.

Embarrassed officers haven't given any word yet on what the plants actually were.

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  • ||

    Embarrassed officers haven't given any word yet on what the plants actually were.

    I suspect we now know what happened Tulpa's ivy in his backyard.

  • alan||

    +1!

    Hey if you see that Tulpa, my Mother Jones reading sister uses a mixture of vinegar and liquid dish washing detergent to deal with her poison ivy problem.

    My brother in law uses home brewed whiskey, beer and wine to deal with her!

  • ||

    LOL, I was just about to comment that I hope it was poison ivy. Thanks for the tip, alan...but you're sure dishwashing detergent isn't going to poison the soil in the future?

  • alan||

    From my observations, it does not seem to have any lasting effect. She sprayed the ivy and kudzu on the outskirts of the forest on the back end of her acreage, it seems pretty green to me this year.

  • ||

    If I can't find a goat, I'll just submit an anonymous tip to the local SWAT team about suspicious plants in my backyard. And then make sure neither I nor my pets are home when they get here, partially for fear of getting shot and partially for fear of them burning it and releasing the poison into the air.

  • ||

    The trick is making sure to you aren't home Tulpa when they arrive. As far as them burning it, hope they do and think of the class action suit you could bring. Balko or Sullum might even do a story on it.

  • ||

    Here's a preview:

    -------------------------------

    Pittsburgh Cat, 5, Killed in SWAT Raid

    Radley Balko | June 17, 2010

    Five-year-old cat Aslan Baggins was killed during a SWAT raid in Pittsburgh over the weekend (more here and here). Police raided a townhome looking for suspicious plants in the backyard. According to Baggins' family, the plants' owner, an unfortunately frequent Reason commenter, was arrested in the adult video store opposite where the cat was killed. Police thus far are only saying that they had a warrant for the entire block, and that the suspect was arrested on that block.

    The family says when police incinerated a large patch of poison ivy outside the window where Aslan was sleeping, the fumes caused Aslan to die a horrible death by suffocation. The police initially claimed Aslan was suffocated after he had an altercation with one of the officers. They now say the contact with the Aslan was incidental and the fire was lit accidentally. According to the family, neighbors warned the officers that there were cats in the home, and pointed officers to yarn in the front yard.

    MORE: Sigh.

    Film crews with The History Channel's "Modern Marvels" documentary show, which ran out of actual modern inventions to do shows about five years ago, were taping the [SWAT] team for an episode on "Fire".

  • Brian E||

    ... Aslan Baggins? Really? That's the most horrifying thing about that.

  • robc||

    I was about to post the exact same thing. Almost word for word. Well, the 1st 3 words were going to be exactly the same.

  • ||

    I think Tulpa is actually a 15 year old female nerd. Because if he's not, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  • alan||

    I was asked to name a pair of cats by a neighborhood kid who was totally stumped for names. He was 11 at the time, and as revenge for an imagined wrong his parents committed against me, I asked myself, 'what is the gayest two names I can come up with?'

    You guessed it, Tooty and Natalie.

    My cat is named Peter, after Peter Griffith even though she is she. I was hoping giving her a boy name would turn her lesbian. It didn't. I had to pay the bill for an abortion and to get her fixed anyway.

  • ||

    You keep yarn on your lawn? God, you're a slob Tulpa. I hope they also cited you for littering. At least MM could have done a bit on yarn.

    Did SWAT check the immigration status of this fiend? Was he Muslim? And was he tazed?

  • ||

    That's the "new professionalism" I was talking about.

  • Brandon||

    I'm voting Giant Ragweed.

  • yeah||

    There is a small resemblance. I'm embarrassed to say I tried to smoke it when I was a kid.

    So, I'll forgive the officers if they're nine and went to public school.

  • ||

    I heard that smoking a pound of chronic will stop the poison ivy itching.

  • alan||

    Ecstasy works too, but you have to smoke a really huge amount of pot for the effects to work.

    (Only thing I remember about the movie Go!)

  • ||

    I heard that smoking poison sumac will stop the itching too.

  • ||

    Among other things, most notably breathing.

  • bleek obummer||

    Good to see that the War on Drugs is going well.

  • notaclassicalliberal||

    Bleek,leave a response if you see this. Please,don't use my handle in reply.

  • bleek obummer||

    Yes?

  • Binky||

    It would be funny if they turned out to be Japanese maples planted by the park service.

  • alan||

    That would be one of the most awesome and given the hush, hush realistic scenarios. The most fantastic one would be the plants turned out to be poppies owned by an Afghan warlord (testing new markets) and every one of those cops is now on the run as we speak afraid they are about to get their asses capped.

  • ||

    Hey, they're creating jobs! Now someone has to replant them.

  • Colin||

    In a few hundred years people will look at these operations the same way we look at medieval barbers and their bloodletting.

  • BakedPenguin||

    I've said we'd look at the WoD the same way we now look at the Salem Witch trials or the Spanish Inquisition, but same idea.

  • ||

    Well, we have come to expect them nowadays, whereas "Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition."

  • BakedPenguin||

    Their modes of entry are very similar. Too bad the worst thing they give people convicted of drug possession isn't the comfy chair.

  • SIV||

    Embarrassed officers haven't given any word yet on what the plants actually were.

    The important thing is the plants are off the street and won't be ruining any young lives in Corpus Christi middle schools.

  • Chief, to underlings:||

    Dammit!! Why did you have to test what was obviously marijuana and ruin a perfectly good bust?!

  • TheOtherSomeGuy||

    I'm glad to see our tax dollars are being spent so efficiently.

  • Jerry||

    Ellos tomado nuestros trabajos!

  • ||

    Oh, it was the real stuff, just got switched before it got to the evidence room.

  • ||

    Good, I'm not the only one who's that cynical.

  • ||

    Kids will find a way to get high off of anything. This was a great pre-emptive strike on weeds and these officers should be commended.

  • Hugh Akston||

    Good point Juanita. I have already alerted the local PD about the suspicious plants growing in your front and back yards. I warned them that you'd try the old "it's only grass" defense, but they assured me that that wouldn't stop them from breaking out the Army surplus flamethrowers.

  • ||

    Did you mention she has all sorts of strange cars and people at her place at all hours of the day and night?

    Oh! Don't forget the bikes that went in one color and emerged another color.

  • ||

    I've already eliminated all plant life from my property. No way that poison is getting near me.

  • ||

    You realize you have now raised the ire and suspicion of the EPA and IRS for improper waste disposal and fraud regarding those Carbon Credits you bought.

    You also didn't know there was an endangered species of snail in your back yard, did you? Expect ALF to make a visit as well.

  • ||

    LMAO.

  • ||

    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

  • PermaLurker||

    bet it was Texas Star Hibiscus

  • ||

    Hhhmmm, you could be right. Must not have been in bloom, though, or those cops were totally clueless.

  • ||

    "Must not have been in bloom, though, or those cops were totally clueless."

    The options are not mutually exclusive.

  • ||

    Some years ago, the Plano, Texas police busted down a door and scared the crap out of an elderly woman after seeing a hibiscus plant in her back yard.

  • Some Guy||

    My back yard could use some trimming. Maybe I should call the cops on myself.

  • Astrid||

    Wouldn't recommend it if you have and dogs or children you would like to see live through the experience.

  • Some Guy||

    I didn't say I'd be home. I'll put the lights on a timer and plant video cameras.

  • ||

    Oh, it was the real stuff, just got switched before it got to the evidence room.

    And you'll find the whole dept here

  • ||

    I prefer to look at it positively.

    Assume these were real weeds growing in the park and the officers removed them.

    First, we have a group of LEOs doing useful work, albeit inadvertently.

    Second, they are going to be in so much trouble when the CC Parks Employees Union (whatever it's called) finds out that the cops have been doing the Parks Employees' job.

  • BakedPenguin||

    Good thing it happened in TX, and not a state where union "jurisdiction" is a matter for bloodshed.

  • ||

    Good thing for the cops, maybe.

  • ||

    I can only hope that the area had been cleared and replanted with some 'non-exotic' by the local "Preserve Local Weeds" woo organization.

  • Hugh Akston||

    Shortly after 8:00pm, a teen riding his bike through Waldron Park in Flour Bluff discovered what he thought were marijuana plants growing there.

    And s/he called the cops?

    NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!

  • peachy||

    Isn't it also possible that our junior good citizen on the bicycle actually knew they weren't marijuana plants, and was just screwing with the cops?

  • ||

    If so, he's enjoying a Matt Dylan moment out of Drugstore Cowboy, when he orchestrated the shooting of a fuzz by the prole next door, before Heather Graham left the hat on the bed and things went South.

  • Jersey Patriot||

    Embarrassed officers haven't given any word yet on what the plants actually were...

    "...but, to be safe, the officers plan to smoke it all."

  • ||

    After 6 days and 3 hours of a successful operation to destroy the unknown and potentially hazardous plant material, we have determined that the plants were merely White Widow, and fortunately not Mexican Schwag, as was previously suspected.

    The operation did, by all accounts, take longer than scheduled, but all officers were paid over-time accordingly.

  • voxpo||

    Ha! Just noticed the last line of the article--

    "According to the city's Brush Collection Schedule, the next set out period for the area of town that includes the police station doesn't begin downtown until May 31."

  • pmains||

    "Your post (#1719635) has been marked as spam by a third-party spam filter. If this is a mistake, please email webmaster@reason.com." What's up with this?

  • anarch||

    Third-party spam filter : legit posts :: Flower [sic] Bluff cops : legit weeds.

  • ||

    If I wanted to grow some real weed in a public location somewhere in Corpus Christi I think I just found a perfect place. "Yeah, yeah, we know all about the weed in Waldron Park. Ha Ha, very funny."

  • BakedPenguin||

    Right? Especially if this story goes viral / national. "Ha ha ha! Stupid CC cops!" They wouldn't touch any plant in the park for a month's salary.

  • Astrid||

    I'm calling bullshit on this one. No way there's a teenager in America that doesn't know what pot looks like.

  • BakedPenguin||

    See Hugh Akston's NERD!!! comment above. As a former teen, and one-time nerd, there are plenty of teens who don't know what pot looks like.

  • Astrid||

    He beat me, the bastard!

  • ||

    Plus we're talking about TX, where "Good Xtian Boys" who want to grow up to be Police Officers are thicker on the ground than cow chips in a feed lot.

  • Astrid||

    Aren't they the biggest potheads? Or does that only work with grown-ups that moralize?

  • BakedPenguin||

    It works with adulterers, that's for sure. Pot / drugs, not so much. You can sell those idiots grams of foot powder for $60.

    Not that I ever did. Or would.

  • ||

    When I did smoke pot, it was a truism amonst my associates that you could spot the narc by the narc's willingness to pay three times the going rate for what was offered.

  • Jedi Teenager||

    (waves hand before cop)

    There are many marijuana plants growing in Waldron Park.

  • Pope Jimbo||

    As a huge underage drinker and scofflaw in many other areas, I have to admit that I've always been iffy when it came to pot.

    The only reason I tried it at all was because a good buddy of mine in high school made me smoke some of his brother's stash.

    This was after drinking, so I'm still not sure what the real effect was.

    I do know to this day that I suffer from the fact that I couldn't point out a pot plant (or smell it) if my life depended on it.

    In full disclosure, I must say that I was/am a huge nerd. If I hadn't shown a proclivity for violence in football I'd be the "40 year old virgin".

  • ||

    OTOH, I was the only kid in my high school whose parents asked him to score some pot for them.

  • Tim||

    Why does that not surprise me? ;)

  • Max||

    Reading about police fuck-ups is so much more interesting and relevant that reading about corporate fuck-ups like the BP oil spill. Thank you Jesse Walker, pretend journalist!

  • Ryan||

    If BP were breaking into your home, stealing your property, and then drowning your dog and daughter in oil, I might sympathize with your comment.

    Do you drive a car, by chance? Ever used recreational drugs? If the answer is yes to either of those, you are a hypocrite fuck.

    Everyone needs oil. And I need weed. No one needs thugs in uniforms kicking down their door

  • ||

    Max|5.23.10 @ 9:56PM|#
    "Reading about police fuck-ups is so much more interesting and relevant that reading about corporate fuck-ups like the BP oil spill. Thank you Jesse Walker, pretend journalist!"

    Or, government fuckups like, say, Chernoble?
    Thank you, Max, for once again proving you're a sewer-sucking, brain-dead, asshole pretend-human.
    And I mean that in the *best* way! Fuckwit.

  • Max||

    Do you always sign your posts "Fuckwit"?

  • Max, simplified||

    Should I sign my posts "Fuckwit"?

  • Rabbit Scribe||

    That's a Roger.

  • ||

    ROTFL, isnt that the funniest thing you ever heard? Stupid cops.

    Lou
    www.complete-anonymity.at.tc

  • cmace||

    My lawn mower won't start. where are suspicious teens when you need them?

  • zoltan||

    Maybe proper botany standards need to be amended by the Texas Board of Education.

  • anarch||

    Anyone have a link to a cop-talk site thread about this caper?

  • Eryk Boston, Esq.||

    I just wish I could be the defense attorney the next time one of those officers says in court:

    "Based upon my knowledge and experience as a police officer, I identified the substance as marijuana."(tm)

  • ||

    Perhaps this might be grounds to appeal any convictions?

  • Eryk Boston, Esq.||

    Not likely, this would be handy during a probable cause hearing to show the officer doesn't actually know what the plants looks like well enough to justify a search or seizure. By the time a case gets to trial, they will have lab analysis reports.

  • ||

    I figured as much. Just asking though.

  • j||

    ...officers only stopped collecting the plants because it got too dark...

    The taxpayers of Corpus Cristi got dinged for some heavy police overtime. I doubt anyone on the City Council will have the balls to ask for an accounting of this. That would be a good follow-up story for a local reporter. Hello, hello ... dial tone.

  • Slut Bunwalla||

    I like that night was an impediment to them. What, they don't have flashlights or those big halogen lamps road crews use at night?

  • Hacha Cha||

    probably some kind of Japanese maple, bonsai Japanese maple growers get raided because of nosy people thinking they are growing pot. Hilarious, I grow 4 different plants that look like pot in my yard.

  • ||

    When I was a kid, people used to routinely sell oregano or tomato leaves as pot. Many kids were too stupid to be able to tell the difference. It seems to me it is now a crime in NY State to pretend to sell pot - to sell stuff like oregano claiming that it is pot. I'm not sure whether the basis for this law is the proscription against fraud or what.

  • Hacha Cha||

    Nearly all states have laws against selling fake/counterfeit drugs, the laws apply to illegal drugs as well. Every once in a while you'll read in the paper about people getting busted for this.

  • ||

    Sex and drugs - the two favorites items for hysteria in this country. I have not yet gotten over the fact that it is a crime to sell "paraphernalia" in this country. Well, actually, I'm surprised they haven't gone after rolling papers in convenience stores yet. You know, if we invent enough "crimes" we could probably turn the entire country into a prison colony if we want. The word "crime" is this close to becoming utterly meaningless when anything someone doesn't approve of becomes a crime. I think most of us would agree that anything that could legitimately be called crime must have an actual victim.

  • BakedPenguin||

    Selling a gram of confectioner's sugar for $60 creates a victim.

    Just sayin'...

  • ||

    Well, I agree, but the person committing the fraud is not charged with the crime of fraud. I have no idea how their crime is actually defined. It seems to me that if you are anti-drug you would be all for people selling fake ones.

  • Hacha Cha||

    In Illinois they want to make blunts and tobacco leaves/blunt wraps illegal.

  • Tim||

    Did they dress up like ninja warriors to pull them weeds?

  • EscapedWestOfTheBigMuddy||

    Ninja warriors do not pull weeds.

    They cut them of infinitesimally above ground level using swords so shard the weeds don't even notice until the next light breeze.

  • EscapedWestOfTheBigMuddy||

    /trying to think of a way to make "shard" seem intentional...

  • Hacha Cha||

  • Hacha Cha||

    Mentha longifolia
    more than one mint is called horse mint, longifolia is the one they are talking about here.

  • ||

    Horse mint?!?! How freaking stupid would you have to be think that was a pot plant?

    Seriously. Google up an image.

  • In Time Of War||

    Do they have a ridiculously inflated estimate of how many dollars of horse mint they got off the streets?

  • ||

    Well, at least they didn't shoot all the dogs in the city park!

  • ||

    Yes, our community is thankful to our team for not completely annihilating every single pet within 1000 feet of the park.

    We allowed a golden retriever and a pit-bull to remain. For officer safety concerns, two Chihuahuas had to be euthanized.

  • Ho new||

    Well, at least they didn't shoot all the dogs in the city park!

    Did they dress up like ninja warriors to pull them weeds?

  • ทางเข้า sbobet||

    Horse mint?!?! How freaking stupid would you have to be think that was a pot plant?

  • 3m||

    It's just about time for yet another re-enactment of that epic conflict: The Annual Battle of the Weeds. Once again, it's you versus the weeds. And the weeds are winning...

    That's not surprising, really. Why? The weeds have the advantage on every front. There are more of them than there are of you. They're more determined and tenacious than you are. And (sorry to remind you of this) they're a lot younger than you are.

    But you mustn't give up! When you give up, the weeds really have won. And it doesn't take long for them to reclaim the land.

  • sbo||

    Recently, I watched a TV documentary that showed an archeologist searching for signs of lost civilizations in Central America. As he spoke, he was

  • sbo||

    truggling up a hill through dense vegetation until he reached the summit and looked down at the Guatemalan jungle all around him. Only it wasn't a hill. It was a man-made pyramid. Once, it had been meticulously cared for, surrounded by carefully-tended lawns and neat beds of Buddleia, Crape Myrtle and Forsythia. Okay, I made up that last part. But my point is that Nature is highly efficient at reclaiming what she regards as rightfully hers. And Nature consists largely of weeds.

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  • ليبيه||

    gooooooood thanks

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