No More "Orange You Glad" Terrorism Policy Puns

Bill Flanigen | July 15, 2009

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano—last seen worrying about a generation of disaffected right-wingers suffering from The Paul—is reportedly considering scrapping the post-9/11 color-coded warning system. For nearly eight years, it has kept the politically useful fear of terrorism at the front of our minds by informing us all whether the terrorist threat was a high tangerine, or merely an elevated school bus. (Remember the one time that it was red? Me neither.) Bloomberg:

The U.S. Homeland Security Department has appointed a task force to conduct a 60-day review of the nation’s color-coded terror-alert system.

The 17-member panel “made up of Democrats and Republicans, elected officials at the state and local level, security experts, law-enforcement officials and other professionals” will assess the system and suggest “any improvements that are needed,” Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano said.

"My goal is simple: to have the most effective system in place to inform the American people about threats to our country,” she said in a statement posted today on the department’s Web site. 

No word yet on what might replace the color-coded warning system.

Back in the primeval darkness of 2004, Reason's Nick Gillespie ranted about the politicization of terror alerts. He also punned off of the chart here.

Comments

!</a></|7.15.09 @ 3:43PM|#

The 17-member panel "made up of Democrats and Republicans, elected officials at the state and local level, security experts, law-enforcement officials and other professionals"

Sounds like The Village People added a few more members.

|7.15.09 @ 3:46PM|#

Between DHS, JaNap, Obama, and the 17-member panel, I'm looking forward to the buzzwordiest report ever issued.

P Dier|7.15.09 @ 3:48PM|#

clearly we need more colors

Paul|7.15.09 @ 3:51PM|#

There's no 'brown' represented in the current threat indicator. I think we all know what we have to do.

!</a></|7.15.09 @ 3:52PM|#

There's no 'brown' represented in the current threat indicator. I think we all know what we have to do.

We would not want to associate the color brown with a threat. That would be racist.

|7.15.09 @ 3:54PM|#

I went to a VA hospital in Prescott a couple of days ago and at the gate it showed that the level was elevated.

And you know, in a way that is true. I consider those pigs who kill old ladies like Kathyn Johnson terrorist. I am much more likely to die at the hand of a domestic terrorist with a fucking badge than an islamic terrorist trying to get his 72 virgins.

Tomcat1066|7.15.09 @ 3:55PM|#

Not if brown equaled no threat at all.

And we definitely need more colors and we need to use them. I've been color coordinating with the threat advisory for years, and I'm sick of yellow and orange. Show some diversity!

Warty|7.15.09 @ 4:01PM|#

It's a beige alert!

|7.15.09 @ 4:10PM|#

LOL, it will take a 17-member panel 60 days to figure this out?

Explain to me again how the government will be more efficient at running healthcare.

|7.15.09 @ 4:13PM|#

This was ridiculous from the start. It's like rating women on a 10 point scale. Many guys are willing hand out 10's but not 1's. If the ugliest girl you can see is a 6.5, your standards are too low. likewise, a threat system that never goes to "LOW" is based on paranoia.

|7.15.09 @ 4:16PM|#

The U.S. Homeland Security Department has appointed a task force to conduct a 60-day review of the nation's color-coded terror-alert system.

Give me a fuckin' break! The system is as useless as tits on a boar. I still have 59.97 days days left and did it without a goddam task force.

Sheesh! Even when the Obama administration does something right, they fuck it up.

hmm|7.15.09 @ 4:18PM|#

They are going to use something like the new GOP flowchart for health care.

LoL Flowchart

They, the GOP people making it, claim it is a relatively close representation of the bill.

|7.15.09 @ 4:20PM|#

"It's like rating women on a 10 point scale."

I've never had a 10, but I've had 5 2's.

ed|7.15.09 @ 4:21PM|#

The U.S. Homeland Security Department has appointed a task force to conduct a 60-day review

Oh boy! I never felt unsafe to begin with, and now I feel even less unsafe. Thanks, Janet!

Phil Ken Sebben|7.15.09 @ 4:22PM|#

BLACKWATCH PLAID!!!

ed|7.15.09 @ 4:23PM|#

Of course, I will be singing "God Bless America" nightly at sundown, as is my custom, just in case.

SpongePaul|7.15.09 @ 4:26PM|#

its all colour coded fear mongering bullshit. We dont need a threat level for the general pop. it matters to the american zero what the level is. give me back my rights, and fuck the color codes and the tsa.

|7.15.09 @ 4:32PM|#

I've been color coordinating with the threat advisory for years, and I'm sick of yellow and orange. Show some diversity!

Should we have a plaid to appease the schizophrenic crowd?

Russ 2000|7.15.09 @ 4:40PM|#

Whenever I go to O'Hare, the mere existence of the TSA puts me in a bad mood but the absurd PA announcements of the ORANGE! threat level (it's never anything else) lightens my mood a bit. I'm sure if the threat level is/was ever changed, by the time some government sloth changed the announcement the level would have changed again anyway. So the mere fact that O'Hare never changes the threat level is/was a nice reminder that even the government hates itself.

hmm|7.15.09 @ 5:04PM|#

That color scheme looks a lot like a gay pride flag. I'm amazed anyone in the Bush administration allowed that.

jtuf|7.15.09 @ 5:08PM|#

My guess is they might graduate from colors to numbers.

Jeff P|7.15.09 @ 5:45PM|#

I was at least hoping for one good "Spectrum is Green" line outta washington, but I expect too much.
And can we please have a president who introduces a new government sanctioned tasked force that wears matching tights? Like Nick Fury or Barry Bostwick in Megaforce? The color codes would have been more credible if we saw people in tights driving DARPA super-vehicles out of Mount Rushmore like in Team America.

|7.15.09 @ 6:13PM|#

Wired had the best version of the threat level system here.

GILMORE|7.15.09 @ 9:41PM|#

In Washington D.C. it takes 60 days to agree something is incredibly stupid.

No wait. I guess that's only if you're *lucky*

qwerty|7.16.09 @ 12:45AM|#

I think instead of using colors they should use a beautiful woman at various stages of undress. That would get people's attention.

Robert|7.16.09 @ 12:49AM|#

What confuses me is that they came out with this classif'n about the same time as Amber alerts, and I keep forgetting that Amber isn't one of the colors in the warning system, although yellow is.

|7.17.09 @ 6:43AM|#

nice post...
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