Reason Magazine
- reason.com
- reason.tv
- reason.org
- Donate
- Site Search:
Reason on Facebook
Reason on Twitter
Reason on YouTube
Reason RSSGet Reason E-mail Updates!
Manage your Reason e-mail list subscriptionsadvertisements
Zombies, Man, They Really Creep Me Out
There's
not really any question that zombie movies reflect left-leaning
politics. Still,
this article by the The American Prospect's Paul
Waldman leaves something to be desired:
But most important, what ensures survival in a zombie story are the progressive ideals of common cause and collective action. A small group of people from varying backgrounds are thrust together and find that they can transcend their differences of age, race, and gender (the typical band of survivors is a veritable United Nations of cultural diversity). They come to understand that if they're going to get out of this with their brains kept securely housed in their skulls and not travelling down some zombie's gullet, they've got to act as though they're all in it together. Surviving the tide of zombies requires community and mutual responsibility. What could be more progressive than that?
But the survivors rarely act as if they're "all in it together," as George Romero's movies make abundantly clear. The humans always turn on each other. By Land of the Dead, Romero was basically rooting for the zombies.
For a far more sophisticated and convincing take on the mostly left-wing politics of zombie cinema, look no further than Tim Cavanaugh's Reason classic "We the Living Dead":
From Night of the Living Dead to Homecoming (in which dead Iraq war veterans return from the grave to vote against the war), the zombie movie has been among the most consistently political forms in American popular culture. The politics tend to lean left, but zombie entertainment approaches a level of discontent more elemental than mere anti-capitalism or shopping mall burlesque. Apocalyptic and piously disdainful of the carnal realities of human life, zombie cinema is a shocking, uproarious meditation on the nature of death—on what, if anything, we owe to the dead.
Kyle Jordan|6.22.09 @ 11:31AM|#
Does this dumbfuck realize that most zombie movies end with
everyone dying?
Take Dawn of the Dead (remake) for example. CJ had the plan, and
then Sarah Polley and Ving Rhames come in and fuck everything
up.
|6.22.09 @ 11:42AM|#
I drove by the sign in the pic taking my kid and his buddy to school one day. We all had a good laugh.
Flex Nasty B.I.G.|6.22.09 @ 11:51AM|#
But most important, what ensures survival in a zombie story
are the progressive ideals of common cause and collective
action.
The "progressive ideals" of common cause and collective action are
possible within a libertarian context. The key requirement is that
participation in them be voluntary.
See open-source / free software as an example. Tens of thousands of
programmers all over the globe have cooperated to produce software
like Linux, Apache, and PHP. (Most of which undoubtedly power this
web site.) They have done so of their own free will.
So, it's entirely possible for *voluntary* socialism to exist
within a free market context. It's probably even desirable.
|6.22.09 @ 11:53AM|#
So zombie movies are created to make a statement? Huh...and here I thought they were just zombie movies. Color me superficial.
Franklin Harris|6.22.09 @ 11:58AM|#
Romero never knows what he's doing, anyway. Look at his original
Night of the Living Dead. I doubt he intended it, but the
white racist guy was right and the attractive black hero was wrong.
How does the black character end up surviving the night? By hiding
the the basement, which is what the white racist guy wanted to do
in the first place! The black guy's cockamamie "plan" gets everyone
killed.
Now: Night of the Living Dead as metaphor for the Obama
administration. Discuss.
|6.22.09 @ 11:58AM|#
They come to understand that if they're going to get out of
this with their brains kept securely housed in their skulls and not
travelling down some zombie's gullet, they've got to act as though
they're all in it together. Surviving the tide of zombies requires
community and mutual responsibility. What could be more progressive
than that?
Complete and utter bullshit.
Ad hoc organization on a temporary and strictly
ends-oriented basis is libertarianism, dummy.
A band of "progressives" would be busily organizing the vote for
Leader and hashing out a fair redistribution of supplies and
possessions when the zombies came through the (still unboarded)
windows.
|6.22.09 @ 11:59AM|#
Does this mean a zombie was elected President?
....or just the victim of a Zombie?
I can't wait for the politicization of the Halloween, Nightmare on
Elm Street, and Friday the 13th series...
|6.22.09 @ 12:05PM|#
In most zombie flicks guns are used to protect people, and we all know use of guns for any reason is wrong and not progressive.
Tricky Prickears|6.22.09 @ 12:07PM|#
I think zombie movies, in general, are meant to explore human nature, if anything, not make a political statement. But I think Shakespeare, does a much better job at it. It's all artsy fartsy crap anyway.
Mad Max|6.22.09 @ 12:13PM|#
'I think zombie movies, in general, are meant to explore human
nature, if anything, not make a political statement. But I think
Shakespeare, does a much better job at it.'
Is this the end of Zombie Shakespeare?
'Surviving the tide of zombies requires community and mutual
responsibility. What could be more progressive than that?'
I recently saw Night of the Living Dead again. The authorities were
worse than useless - they were nowhere to be seen when the zombies
were besieging the house. When they *did* come, they killed the
lone survivor, mistaking him for a zombie.
And I got the impression that the zombie plague was the
government's fault in the first place, thanks to radiation from a
NASA satellite.
Mad Max|6.22.09 @ 12:20PM|#
From Shakespeare's suppressed play, Invasion of ye
Zombies:
O, that this too, too solid flesh would melt
Thaw, and be boiled into a stew
Or that the Everlasting had not made
Our flesh so tasty!
If brains be the food of love, play on.
Methought I heard a voice cry, sleep no more!
Zombies have murdered sleep . . .
. . . a poor player
Who struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And gets eaten by the third act.
Franklin Harris|6.22.09 @ 12:21PM|#
More Romero doesn't know what he's doing: Dawn of the
Dead is supposed to be a critique of "consumer capitalism"
because it's set in a shopping mall.
What I learned: You can fill all of your zombie-fighting needs at
the mall!
freeforall232|6.22.09 @ 12:21PM|#
Progressive/Liberal - "The zombies are coming! Quick! Everyone give me their guns and ammo!"
Xeones|6.22.09 @ 12:21PM|#
I might as well admit it: I'm firmly anti-zombie and
pro-human.
RACIST!
is there any doubt this will be the most commented thread
today?
None whatsoever.
alan|6.22.09 @ 12:22PM|#
Surviving the tide of zombies requires community and mutual
responsibility. What could be more progressive than
that?
Mutual responsibility? Is that what they are calling it these
days.
Mad Max|6.22.09 @ 12:23PM|#
Pieces of my heart are on my sleeve
For daws to peck at - at least if the zombies don't get to it
first.
Stretch|6.22.09 @ 12:25PM|#
"There's not really any question that zombie movies reflect
left-leaning politics."
I question that.
|6.22.09 @ 12:25PM|#
is there any doubt this will be the most commented thread
today?
At least until Balko clocks in...
¢|6.22.09 @ 12:27PM|#
Does this dumbfuck realize that most zombie movies end with
everyone dying?
You'd think he'd mention that. It's the best evidence that they're
leftist.
|6.22.09 @ 12:28PM|#
Zombie movies reflect progressive politics all right, but the other way around. Hordes of people who don't produce anything but live off the flesh of regular people, until everyone dies in the end: that's socialism for you.
KipEsquire|6.22.09 @ 12:31PM|#
What a Randroid would say, not entirely incorrectly, is that
zombie movies celebrate reason over mysticism. Ever read Rand's
West Point commencement
address with its brief "science fiction" introduction?
Besides the obvious anti-religion backdrop required in any zombie
movie, the people who survive are invariably the ones who think,
reflect, reason and act. The ones who just sit, hope --and
eventually scream -- are the ones who perish.
A better question would be why so many movies have anti-Romanticist
endings these days (i.e., the protagonists perish in the end
anyway).
"Cloverfield" comes to mind, as does "Alien 3," "The Happening,"
"Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978 version), as well as the
cut-away endings of the video games "Dead Space" and
"F.E.A.R."
Leaving an opening for a sequel is one thing, but there's something
disturbing and unfortunate about the popularity of gratuitous,
existentialist, "it was all for nothing" endings in zombie and
apocalyptic fiction.
redbeardrum|6.22.09 @ 12:31PM|#
I recently saw Night of the Living Dead again. The authorities
were worse than useless - they were nowhere to be seen when the
zombies were besieging the house. When they *did* come, they killed
the lone survivor, mistaking him for a zombie.
LOL
ATF/FEMA to the rescue.
Xeones|6.22.09 @ 12:32PM|#
When they *did* come, they killed the lone survivor,
mistaking him for a zombie.
I don't remember, did they kill his dog first?
Mad Max|6.22.09 @ 12:34PM|#
Zombie, or not zombie--that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to shoot first
Cast slings and arrows first and ask questions later
To take up arms against a sea of zombie
And by opposing end them. Or be discreet -
To look--but not to shoot if there's a risk
Of shooting someone who is not yet dead
Through a mistake. 'Tis a dilemma
Devoutly to be solved. To shoot, or wait--
To wait - perchance to scream: ay, there's the rub,
For if we wait to see if it's a zombie
Then we might shuffle off this mortal coil,
While we do pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of this zombie plague.
For who would bear the jaws of undead demons,
Th' undead throng, the colleague's contumely
The pangs of despised advice, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and their tendency
To mistake you for a zombie yourself,
When he himself might his quietus make
By shooting everything that moves? Who would AK-47s bear,
[here the manuscript mercifully ends]
Hugh Akston|6.22.09 @ 12:35PM|#
What places zombie movies firmly in the field of lefty politics
is the juxtaposition of the undead-lurching about aimlessly,
engaged only in mindless consumption, weak individually but
threatening in large groups-with the survivors-rational, racially
and sexually diverse, primarily concerned with meeting basic needs
of everyone in the group, and often victims to the unthinking
mobs.
If there is a better presentation of the Progressive worldview, I
doubt it is more entertaining.
Kyle Jordan|6.22.09 @ 12:40PM|#
"Zombie movies reflect progressive politics all right, but the
other way around. Hordes of people who don't produce anything but
live off the flesh of regular people, until everyone dies in the
end: that's socialism for you."
PapayaSF,
You are my Hero of the fucking Day!!! That is a GREAT line. Bravo
sir, bravo!
|6.22.09 @ 12:45PM|#
Well, these zombies are definitely pro-business.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXs78MASeR4
|6.22.09 @ 12:51PM|#
You don't have to rewrite Shakespeare to find zombies:
Tis now the very witching time of night,
When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out
Contagion to this world: now could I drink hot blood,
And do such bitter business as the day
Would quake to look on. Soft! now to my mother.
O heart, lose not thy nature; let not ever
The soul of Nero enter this firm bosom:
Let me be cruel, not unnatural:
I will speak daggers to her, but use none;
My tongue and soul in this be hypocrites;
How in my words soever she be shent,
To give them seals never, my soul, consent!
Hamlet (Act 3. Scene II)
Note in particular the first half: "[C]hurchyards yawn[ing]"
clearly refers to graves opening, and the part about hell breathing
out contagion, well, that's obviously zombies or some other form of
undead. Drinking hot blood is all part of the zombie lifestyle, as
they munch their way to the brains (note that while a modern
audience might think "Vampire!", vampires were not a part of the
Elizabethan mythos).
So, in conclusion, Hamlet is hoping that he won't become a zombie
and eat his mother.
hmm|6.22.09 @ 12:52PM|#
It's somewhat ironic that the movies are somewhat left leaning
and the right side "gunnut" crowd typically embrace the zombie
theme.
Like the:
Missouri Undead and Lychenthrope Liquidation and Eradication
Team.
Two to the head will make it dead, again
|6.22.09 @ 12:58PM|#
Surviving the tide of zombies requires community and mutual
responsibility. What could be more progressive than
that?
Getting picked off one by one through carelessness and infighting
is progressive? OK.
What I've learned most about zombie films is that douchebags love
to project their politics on them.
Next up: project your politics onto Dario Argento films!
Suspiria is about atheism, or something! Tenebrae
is about animal welfare!
Xeones|6.22.09 @ 1:15PM|#
Tenebrae is about animal welfare!
Incorrect. Tenebrae is actually a critique of cultural
imperialism.
|6.22.09 @ 1:17PM|#
The main sources of failure for most groups in zombie films
attempting to survive are also the main failures of
left/progressives: destructive altruism and Utopianism.
When do the protagonists get into trouble? When they try to help
other people who are "less fortunate" than they are. Take the
Dawn remake: They are perfectly fine in the mall, fucking,
making up games, and eating Cinnabon... but they just have to help
the guy starving to death across the street. Drawn to his plight,
they send the dog over, which results in the gun store owner
getting eaten and a sentimental mission to rescue the dog, which
leads to the mall being breached. (They were still able to retreat
to the upper levels, though.)
And then, while in a fairly safe mall that the undead hordes can't
get into, they decide to seek an island sanctuary by trying to get
to the marina. The mall has food and water to last them decades...
but that's not going enough... they want paradise. And it gets all
of them killed.
hmm|6.22.09 @ 1:22PM|#
They fail due to a lack or preparation, tactics, and a superiority of weaponry!
Franklin Harris|6.22.09 @ 1:22PM|#
And The Stendhal Syndrome is about child abuse -- namely Argento subjecting his daughter Asia to rape and torture for the audience's viewing pleasure.
|6.22.09 @ 1:28PM|#
And The Stendhal Syndrome is about child abuse -- namely
Argento subjecting his daughter Asia to rape and torture for the
audience's viewing pleasure.
Well, that's actually true. Just ask Asia.
Tenebrae is actually a critique of cultural
imperialism.
See? SEE?
|6.22.09 @ 1:32PM|#
Zombie movies are an indictment of our heartless free-market capitalist health care system; those people wouldn't have died in a caring, single payer system.
Salvius|6.22.09 @ 1:36PM|#
Romero has always said that the decision to have a black
protagonist in the original Night of the Living Dead was
not intended as a political statement, he was just the best actor
they had available. I get the feeling that when that movie came out
and was praised for its political boldness, Romero has been trying
ever since then to achieve the same praise he originally got
inadvertently, and so his zombie movies have gotten more and more
overtly political over the years.
When too confin'd become the pits of Hell,
Those damned souls in this fair Globe will dwell.
(Wm. Shakespeare, Death's Night; or, The Flesh Eaters, Act
IV, scene 2)
Scott|6.22.09 @ 1:48PM|#
Damn it Jim! I don't think the zombie film is irrelevant after
Shaun of the
Dead. In fact, its moral coda showed us that the living and the
undead can live cohabit in peace and harmony.
A lesson for us all.
Kyle Jordan|6.22.09 @ 2:09PM|#
"When do the protagonists get into trouble? When they try to
help other people who are "less fortunate" than they are. Take the
Dawn remake: They are perfectly fine in the mall, fucking, making
up games, and eating Cinnabon... but they just have to help the guy
starving to death across the street. Drawn to his plight, they send
the dog over, which results in the gun store owner getting eaten
and a sentimental mission to rescue the dog, which leads to the
mall being breached. (They were still able to retreat to the upper
levels, though.)"
Gotta disagree here.
The problem was that they could have come up with another way to
get Andy food. Fuck, tie a sandwich to an RC helicopter and let him
regain his strength that way.
Also, he owned a gun store. Guns and ammo in a zombie apocalypse
are paramount to survival. They had very little left.
Also, when they returned from the botched rescue mission, Steve had
left the door and it took them a while to get in to the mall. By
that time the zombies were too near and they managed to force their
way in to the mall. It was no longer safe forcing them to
leave.
What they should have done was to let that stupid bitch die in the
gunstore since she's the one who had to rescue or her precious
doggy. Or at the very least taken more time to come up with a
better plan.
|6.22.09 @ 2:12PM|#
A better question would be why so many movies have
anti-Romanticist endings these days (i.e., the protagonists perish
in the end anyway).
I think that's a backlash against the excesses of the past, where
you always know that good will ultimately triumph over evil and the
good guy will kill the bad guy and get the girl. I shouldn't even
say "of the past", since most adventure movies are that way
still.
Especially in a horror movie, the audience has to be unsure whether
the characters will survive the ordeal to keep them interested.
hmm|6.22.09 @ 2:22PM|#
Also, they would have run out of fuel for the generators eventually.
No fear. Obama will ensure we are using only solar and renewable
sources. See he is saving us from zombies as well as ourselves.
|6.22.09 @ 2:25PM|#
Kyle,
1. Yes, they should have thought of a better plan.
2. They were wasting ammo playing games.
3. The rest of your objections prove my point. And even without the
generators, they were still safer in the mall than without.
It's OK to help people, but you have to do it in a way that itself
harmful to your group. Think of all the boarded-up doors opened for
ill-conceived rescue attempts.
Also, when somebody gets bit, fucking shoot them already.
|6.22.09 @ 2:31PM|#
Speaking of Shakespeare and zombies, there is an actual film incorporating zombies into Romeo and Juliet. I posted the preview at Urkobold; here's the official film site.
|6.22.09 @ 2:32PM|#
OK, now I live in Kentucky, a state chock full o' rootin-tootin'
stereotypes... but I've never been to a mall with a gun store in
it. Knives? Yes. Sporting goods with ammo? Maybe. But guns? Nope.
I'm not saying they don't exist, but I've never seen one.
Of course, I've been to a mall with a pharmacy in it... that's a
great place to hole up during the zompocalypse. Food, drugs, booze,
medical supplies, feminine products for Episiarch...
Kyle Jordan|6.22.09 @ 2:37PM|#
I don't disagree with you about them being safer in the mall.
More about helping Andy since he had the guns and ammo. They could
have gone about it in a much better way.
You know one thing that should have been done? Instead of having
Andy waste his really good .308, he should have been using a .22lr
rifle. He was a good enough marksmen to make the shots and .22 our
of a Ruger 10/22 is good out to at least 100 yards. Plus, I don't
think I've ever been in a gunstore that had less then 20,000 rounds
of .22lr. Christ, I think I had near 25,000 rounds myself when my
stock of .22lr was at its peak.
So in summation, when the zombies rise, if you're stuck in a city,
have a very healthy supply of .22lr, some well reinforced high
ground, a nice accurate .22lr rifle with some good glass on it,
food/water/etc., and a great escape vehicle. Take your time and
thin the heard before you make any brash decisions.
And yes, if someone gets bit, shoot them in the head.
|6.22.09 @ 2:39PM|#
I seem to recall Oshman's selling guns back when it was a major mall store. Dick's Sporting Goods sells guns, too, and it's in the mall closest to my house. So I know where to hole up.
hmm|6.22.09 @ 2:40PM|#
Cabela's in a local mall here and more than a few sporting goods
stores sell guns while being a part of a mall. They even sell those
evil assault weapons!
I agree with the sentiment though. Have the guns at home and know
how to use them along with plenty of ammunition instead of relying
on the ability to procure them at another location.
hmm|6.22.09 @ 2:42PM|#
Not to mention the numerous conversions for .22lr for other weapons platforms. That and .22 is cheaper.
|6.22.09 @ 2:42PM|#
Also, who sells large propane tanks in the mall? Maybe those little bitty ones for camp stoves, but not big ones for a grill.
Kyle Jordan|6.22.09 @ 2:43PM|#
Well, the gunstore in the mall was in the original. Maybe it was different in the 70's. Though, one of the malls where I live that closed down a couple of years ago had a sporting goods store that had both guns (handguns/rifles/shotguns) and ammo so it may not be as much of a stretch.
|6.22.09 @ 2:43PM|#
Do malls typically have emergency generators? That would give them a propane or some other gas supply, anyway.
|6.22.09 @ 2:44PM|#
Dick's Sporting Goods
Ah, there you go. The old sporting goods place didn't stock guns,
but we have a Dick's now. Good call.
And it's right by the FYE so we won't run out of Jonas Brothers
CDs!
hmm|6.22.09 @ 2:44PM|#
I'm thinking a walmart would be a good place. Guns, ammo, food, clothing, gear, and plenty of rednecks that can shoot.
|6.22.09 @ 2:46PM|#
That does it. For the next Dawn of the Dead re-make, they hole
up in a super Wal-Mart. Guns, food, drugs, camping supplies,
everything!
And they survive the zombie apocalypse. What kind of statement
would that be?
|6.22.09 @ 2:48PM|#
Dick's also has giant gun safes, which could be useful for
temporarily evading zombies, assuming that they also carry air
tanks for diving. I don't think they do, but maybe there's some
other reason they'd carry tanks?
Do bows and arrows work on zombies?
I have to agree--Wal-Mart makes the most sense. It has
everything.
A.G. Pym|6.22.09 @ 2:49PM|#
Hey, speaking of, what's worse than a zombie?
A _Nazi_ Zombie!
"Dead Snow":
http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4GFRC_enUS210US210&q=%22Dead+Snow%22
|6.22.09 @ 2:49PM|#
Do malls typically have emergency generators?
I've been in one where a back-up system cut in, but if it was going
to run any length of time, it would have to be connected to a
natural gas line, I would imagine. And how long would the natural
gas line stay active in an zompoc situation?
I guess they could have propane or a gasoline/diesel reserve, but I
don't imagine it would be very big. Whole "giant bomb in mall"
problem.
|6.22.09 @ 2:51PM|#
Do bows and arrows work on zombies?
I don't see why not. Unless they don't do enough damage to the
brain stem, seat of zombie "consciousness."
And they would make a good back up in case vampires showed up.
|6.22.09 @ 2:54PM|#
Are arrows still made of wood? I thought everything was
composite materials these days.
I'm reserving a space at Fortress Wal-Mart. I have a friend who
works at their corporate HQ--maybe he can connect me with the right
people.
|6.22.09 @ 3:01PM|#
Does Dick's carry organic arrows? What's the point, that they're
biodegradable if you lose them? Or does Dick want to be ready for
vampires. . .just in case? Silver-tipped arrows could be useful,
too.
Query: Will an arrow with a metal or polymer point penetrate a
vampire's skin? The traditional stake, of course, is all wood.
|6.22.09 @ 3:02PM|#
I'm thinking a walmart would be a good place.
Oh, if only zombies would let you visit mom and pop stores.
Corporate drones.
|6.22.09 @ 3:07PM|#
Does Dick's carry organic arrows? What's the point, that
they're biodegradable if you lose them?
Sorry, I was getting a little dry in my sarcasm...
It depends on the vampire type. Some can't be cut with metal, and
with some it's about "piercing" the heart. But if it's just a good
old "disrupt the heart with something organic to short circuit the
magic" then a metal tipped wood arrow should do.
I always thought a good vampire weapon would be a sharpened wooden
billy club. Two points, and you can block.
|6.22.09 @ 3:10PM|#
Vampire type? Meh. I prefer simpler times, when there was one type of vampire. Now Hollywood has inflicted various "types" of vampires upon us.
Ska|6.22.09 @ 3:20PM|#
Hey, speaking of, what's worse than a zombie?
A _Nazi_ Zombie!
I will do my part by suggesting Call of Duty: World at War. There
are 2 Nazi zombie maps playable by up to 4 people online. There's
also a new Japanese zombie map, complete with hell hounds.
phalkor|6.22.09 @ 3:22PM|#
I refuse to believe that there are any vampires that can't be cut by metal.
|6.22.09 @ 3:24PM|#
Well, if they can be cut by metal, why couldn't they be killed by metal? Is it all in the regeneration process? Maybe wood interferes with that and metal doesn't. Still, if metal can cut vampire flesh, won't the vampire be in trouble if one hacks it into wee, tiny bits?
LarryA|6.22.09 @ 3:24PM|#
Surviving the tide of zombies requires community and mutual
responsibility. What could be more progressive than
that?
Sorry. My favorite is Night of the Comet.
The survivalist think tank retreats to their impregnable shelter,
but forget to close the air intake. It takes a videogame expert, a
cheerleader, and a Hispanic truck driver to "save humanity as we
know it."
Money quote: "C'mon Hector, the MAC-10 submachine gun was
practically designed for housewives."
Left? I think not.
For the next Dawn of the Dead re-make, they hole up in a super
Wal-Mart. Guns, food, drugs, camping supplies,
everything!
Sorry. most Wal-Marts no longer sell firearms. I'd vote for a
Bass Pro.
[sigh] I remember when Sears was a gun store. Including catalogue
order. Didn't have to worry about zombies back then.
Kyle Jordan|6.22.09 @ 3:25PM|#
"Who gives a shit about arrows when you own a rifle."
Guns can run out of ammo. And to a certain extent, arrows are
reusable.
This brings me to another question. We know that fire would
eventually work on zombies but burning away the flesh and muscles,
but do you think electricity would kill them?
Return of the Living Dead 2 used electricity to kill zombies. I
believe the ROTLD series after that did the same but I'm a bit weak
on them.
I'm thinking that electricity would work on zombies too.
Another possibility for surviving would be to go to arctic/extreme
cold regions. Have a safe haven in the Arctic Circle and when the
zombies come, they'll eventually freeze and you can then destroy
the brain while they're immobile.
Trust me, when the zombies rise, I'm ready for them.
|6.22.09 @ 3:26PM|#
phalkor,
The Annerician varieties are often described as being as hard as
stone. Only fire and sunlight do the trick (and not even that at a
certain point.)
|6.22.09 @ 3:27PM|#
Another possibility for surviving would be to go to
arctic/extreme cold regions. Have a safe haven in the Arctic Circle
and when the zombies come, they'll eventually freeze and you can
then destroy the brain while they're immobile.
World War Z had a good answer for that scenario. Everyone
forgot that nothing grows up there... when they ran out of food
they ate each other.
Brian Lockwood|6.22.09 @ 3:28PM|#
I'm grateful for the tips on surviving both the zombie and vampire Apocalypses but what about the more likely event of alien invasion. Is it true that aluminum foil can block their telepathic abilities? I think biological warfare is probably the way to go against aliens. Does walmart carry anthrax?
Mike Laursen|6.22.09 @ 3:28PM|#
But most important, what ensures survival in a zombie story
are the progressive ideals of common cause and collective
action.
The good news about Waldman's being precisely 180 degrees off is
that the bug in his thinking can probably be fixed out by flipping
one neural bit in his brain. Now, debugging Lonewacko's brain, that
would be a challenge...
Xeones|6.22.09 @ 3:30PM|#
Does walmart carry anthrax?
Check the DIYbio post further up the main page.
|6.22.09 @ 3:31PM|#
World War Z had a good answer for that scenario. Everyone forgot that nothing grows up there... when they ran out of food they ate each other.
Now that, my friends, is what they call irony.
Brian Lockwood,
Any aliens capable of getting here from another solar system are
capable of overcoming aluminum foil. Even reinforced aluminum foil.
In other words, the only possible way to defeat them is to enlist
the aid of other alien civilizations.
|6.22.09 @ 3:33PM|#
Well, the gunstore in the mall was in the original. Maybe it
was different in the 70's.
The gun store in the original is not, in fact, real. They filmed
the gun store scenes at a nearby gun store and made a fake
storefront in the mall. But yes, Dick's is an example of a gun
store at the mall, so they do exist.
|6.22.09 @ 3:33PM|#
Does walmart carry anthrax?
Who needs that? According to one of the worst movies
of the modern age that also manages to make the Christian God out
to be complete dumbass a simple glass of water will kill
them.
|6.22.09 @ 3:35PM|#
Oh, and don't forget the "killer water" thing was totally ripped off in the first place.
Brian Lockwood|6.22.09 @ 3:37PM|#
Pro Libertate,
Sure they will have the technological advantage, but we will want
it more. It probably wouldn't hurt to call in the Asgard
though.
|6.22.09 @ 3:40PM|#
NutraSweet, do not bring up that movie, or I will
"swing away" at your head.
I always thought a good vampire weapon would be a sharpened
wooden billy club. Two points, and you can block.
Seeing as vampires are faster and stronger than regular humans,
sometimes massively so, I don't think a close combat weapon is a
good move. Ranged weapons are your only chance.
I'd think one could make mahogany-tipped bullets that would
theoretically kill if you got them through the heart. Or, just eat
some of the garlic fries they sell at Safeco Field and then breath
on them. That should melt them.
Kyle Jordan|6.22.09 @ 3:43PM|#
"World War Z had a good answer for that scenario. Everyone
forgot that nothing grows up there... when they ran out of food
they ate each other."
Haven't read it (I think it's a book, right?) but that's due to
lack of proper planning. The Arctic Retreat is only feasible if
you've either stored up copious amounts of freeze dried, Mountain
House style goods or are prepared with greenhouses and hydryponic
gardening set ups.
It can be done.
|6.22.09 @ 3:43PM|#
Please. Here's how it will go down: A Type II civilization will
decide that it covets the Sol system. It'll send a ship that will
enter Earth orbit and simply kill us all off by pushing a switch.
Kind of like the neutron bomb, but leaving select animal and plant
populations intact, along with the buildings or not.
If we're extremely lucky, they'll just mind control us into a slave
race, but I have a feeling that would be too inefficient.
Episiarch,
How about a full spectrum laser?
Kyle Jordan|6.22.09 @ 3:46PM|#
"Please. Here's how it will go down: A Type II civilization will
decide that it covets the Sol system. It'll send a ship that will
enter Earth orbit and simply kill us all off by pushing a switch.
Kind of like the neutron bomb, but leaving select animal and plant
populations intact, along with the buildings or not."
A quick acting virus tailored to humans perhaps?
|6.22.09 @ 3:48PM|#
Yes. In fact, a virus that overwhelms our brains and makes us kill each other off in some sort of monomaniac hunger for some key part of the human body.
Kyle Jordan|6.22.09 @ 3:50PM|#
And remember, the original probe from Night of the Living Dead
was destroyed due to high levels of radiation after exploring
Venus.
Sneak attack me thinks.
|6.22.09 @ 3:53PM|#
How about a full spectrum laser?
One small enough to carry wouldn't be enough to destroy a vampire,
but merely cause a pinprick of damage.
I enjoy the Lost Boys technique of the holy water in the
squirt guns.
Brian Lockwood|6.22.09 @ 3:59PM|#
And remember, the original probe from Night of the Living
Dead was destroyed due to high levels of radiation after exploring
Venus.
Sneak attack me thinks.
Under the supervision of the reverse vampires of course.
|6.22.09 @ 4:00PM|#
Episiarch,
I don't know about that. Sunlight is diffuse, so a laser emitting
the entire spectrum might work, even at low power. I guess the key
question is what about sunlight is lethal to vampires?
Brian Lockwood|6.22.09 @ 4:09PM|#
I guess the key question is what about sunlight is lethal to
vampires?
According to Blade, its the UV. So I think a specific frequency
would be better when designing the vampire killing laser. Its
probably some resonance effect which causes the vampires to react
so badly to UV so low power might be ok.
Kyle Jordan|6.22.09 @ 4:24PM|#
"Under the supervision of the reverse vampires of course."
Perhaps that's why they set the main attack for night since they
can only come out in the day.
|6.22.09 @ 4:52PM|#
"It's a holy laser but in solid, not liquid, form. Put simply, in deference to you, ProL, it's like lasing a stick of holy dynamite."
|6.22.09 @ 4:56PM|#
SugarFree - "How about sunlight lasers that draw crosses on the
target?"
Like a laser pointer, with a hole shaped like a cross?
In that case you can prepare for the vampires for about $9.99 at
your local Wal-Mart.
I don't know if the spectra emitted would be ideal, but a cross
alone should kill 'em.
Ska|6.22.09 @ 5:00PM|#
How about some sort of garlic laser?
Like some sort of vapor of the condensed breath of Flushing Main
Street?
|6.22.09 @ 5:01PM|#
jr,
No, I was thinking more like one of those old school "laser
writers" that could spell out words in laser light on the side of
buildings. Much like in Episiarch's beloved Real
Genius.
|6.22.09 @ 5:05PM|#
Episiarch,
I wonder if an excimer of hydrogen and oxygen would work? If so,
then a holy water laser is possible!
Incidentally, you're more of the Jerry Hathaway of this blog than
the Chris Knight (and I'm surely no Kent, though I may become Lazlo
if my job gets any weirder). However, the good news is that, as
Jerry, you can apparently hammer nails through wood (also used for
slaying vampires) using key body parts. Which isn't a skill without
merit.
|6.22.09 @ 5:12PM|#
Aren't you guys getting off topic here with the vampires and
aliens? I thought this thread-jack was about zombies?
And you guys must not have been in a Walmart lately...the zombies
have already taken over most of them.
|6.22.09 @ 5:12PM|#
ProL, when you first started here at H&R, you were well on
your way to becoming another NutraSweet, and then you know what
happened?
Like some sort of vapor of the condensed breath of Flushing
Main Street?
I don't think vapor from Queens is good enough. You need Manhattan
vapor.
Ska|6.22.09 @ 5:20PM|#
I don't think vapor from Queens is good enough. You need
Manhattan vapor.
Typical of a former Manhattan resident, hating on the Q-boro. Drive
down Northern Blvd. from Flushing to Great Neck if you need
convincing.
|6.22.09 @ 5:45PM|#
Typical of a former Manhattan resident, hating on the
Q-boro. Drive down Northern Blvd. from Flushing to Great Neck if
you need convincing.
That's something I avoid at all costs.
ProL, you got a taint shave.
|6.22.09 @ 5:55PM|#
No, because I bought the Taint Protection Service from the
Urkobold early on. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for the
Viking Moose, who I believe has an artificial taint now. It's a sad
story, really.
Back to the excimer, is holy water still holy if the hydrogen and
oxygen are separated out? Or if the elements are frozen? If the
answer is yes, then holy hydrogen and holy oxygen are possible, as
are holy frozen hydrogen, holy frozen oxygen, and, possibly, holy
ice. Which could lead to holy ice daggers and holy ice bullets.
|6.22.09 @ 5:57PM|#
Silentz
"Aren't you guys getting off topic here with the vampires and
aliens? I thought this thread-jack was about zombies?"
I would like to point out that this demonstrates both the
versatility and ADD/ADHD of the typical Reason reader.
In addition, is there some sort of rule or reg against simultaneous
thread-jacking?
|6.22.09 @ 6:01PM|#
jr,
In my many years participating on this blog, I have seen threads go
off on multiple tangents and even, oddly, returning to the original
topic!
At least we're still vaguely on the undead.
Incidentally, vampires are libertarian. Evil libertarian.
|6.22.09 @ 6:08PM|#
Ice bullets don't work, ProL, they conclusively proved that on
Mythbusters.
What about holy water balloons?
|6.22.09 @ 6:12PM|#
jr,
No regulations, it's just that I'm doing my thesis on zombies and
this stuff makes for good research material.
Oh, and I'll be contacting several of you for permission to use
your zombie facts in my paper.
|6.22.09 @ 6:35PM|#
Episiarch,
Ah, that nagging feeling that ice bullets were a problem now comes
to my forebrain. I saw that episode.
Anyway, yes, holy water balloons should work. As should holy water
super-soakers and holy fire hoses. Frozen holy water
shirukens and arrowheads might be a possibility, too. And,
of course, if metal can penetrate vampire flesh, holy water-filled
darts are an option.
I still want my holy water laser. Vampires aside, a holy water
laser would allow for long-range blessings. The Pope could flash
his holy water laser at crowds. And a high power holy water laser
could be used to bless people on the Moon, maybe. Surely people in
orbit.
Say, does the Church pay people for these kinds of ideas? Even
non-Catholics? 'Cause I could use ten or twenty million. Better
make it thirty.
|6.22.09 @ 6:43PM|#
Not being Catholic, I'm not clear on the process for blessing water and making it holy. I assume blessing the water in, say, a person's blood won't work because of Original Sin. So we couldn't get vampires by blessing the blood in a bunch of potential victims. However, what about clouds? Could we have a holy rain storm? Or a holy fog?
db|6.22.09 @ 6:57PM|#
Hey, speaking of, what's worse than a zombie?
A _Nazi_ Zombie!
Hey, speaking of, what's worse than a zombie?
A _Nazi_ Zombie!
Oh, Christ, someone Godwin'd a zombie thread. I'm pretty sure
that's the end of the Internet.
Brian Lockwood|6.22.09 @ 7:11PM|#
Shit has water content. Could we have holy shit?
If we are using shit to fight the vampire apocalypse, I'm not sure
I want to survive it. The clean up afterwards would be
horrible.
|6.22.09 @ 7:53PM|#
If we are using shit to fight the vampire apocalypse, I'm
not sure I want to survive it. The clean up afterwards would be
horrible.
Not if it happens in the next 11 years or so. Obama would create a
new Agency and the government would take care of it.
Mr. Chartreuse|6.22.09 @ 10:02PM|#
Not being Catholic, I'm not clear on the process for
blessing water and making it holy. I assume blessing the water in,
say, a person's blood won't work because of Original Sin. So we
couldn't get vampires by blessing the blood in a bunch of potential
victims. However, what about clouds? Could we have a holy rain
storm? Or a holy fog?
As a Catholic I didn't know either, don't hate me Mad Max!, but
here you (and I guess me as well) go: holy water
I think at the point where you really have vampires, zombies, and
werewolves (oh my!) existing, priests would end up becoming RPG
clerics and the holy water rain storm would be one of the higher
level spells/prayers.
Mr. Chartreuse|6.22.09 @ 10:10PM|#
On zombies movies being stories of progressive heroism, I think
the original author may have gotten things mixed up.
The protagonists have their own individual desires, needs, and
goals, while the zombies are a classless nameless horde who
collectively share, without any hierarchical pecking order, in the
eating of human flesh. If anything, it isn't the survivors who are
progressive collectivists, but it is the zombies themselves. The
zombies usually win, so it could be seen as a triumph of the
collective over the individual, just not in a way the author of the
article intended.
perilisk|6.22.09 @ 10:10PM|#
I'm pretty sure the main point of the zombie movie is this:
"people are meat". It's the truth that governs zombie-human
interactions, and it's vividly expressed through gore and the utter
uselessness of morality, amorality, rationality, faith, hope, luck,
or planning. Brains are only good for two things in zombie movies:
animating meat, and being eaten.
Everyone dies eventually -- zombie movies just drive the point home
by making it all happen at once, and right in front of your eyes.
They're a celebration of materialism and entropy.
|6.22.09 @ 10:11PM|#
Romero's Zombie flicks are vaguely leftish. Mostly Dawn of the
Dead, with the zombies wandering around a shopping mall.
On the other hand, I loved it because it's everyone's favorite
shopping mall fantasy. You know, the one where you get to live in
the shopping mall and have everything in the stores for
yourself.
I wouldn't say Zombie flicks in general are leftish though. Can't
really see any political subtext in Shaun of the Dead.
|6.22.09 @ 11:07PM|#
From what Wikipedia had to say about making holy water, it
doesn't sound like there's any limit to the amount that can be
blessed (though there are some rules about how much unblessed water
can be added to the blessed and still have "holy water"). So a
bunch of priests could make vampires' lives very difficult by some
strategic blessings.
This leaves unaddressed, of course, my plan for a holy water
laser.
jtuf|6.23.09 @ 12:28AM|#
They come to understand that if they're going to get out of this with their brains kept securely housed in their skulls and not travelling down some zombie's gullet, they've got to act as though they're all in it together. Surviving the tide of zombies requires community and mutual responsibility. What could be more progressive than that?
Agreed. Creating social unitity by pointing to an out group and
then declaring members of that out group subhuman and dangerous
is standard for progressives. In this case, the zombies
are the out group.
Brett Stevens|6.23.09 @ 9:37AM|#
I laughed out loud at this one.
If you're in entertainment, you have to be a leftist.
But zombie movies reflect the kind of politics we see in Apocalypse
Now:
Most people are useless idiots, democracy fails completely, and the
drama of individuals prevents them from being effective when
needed.
Might as well put a swastika on the whole horror movie genre.
|6.23.09 @ 1:33PM|#
GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS GRABIN PILLS
Seabear70|6.23.09 @ 2:24PM|#
This whole article seemed to be insane until I read the first
Comment.
Yep, liberal solutions and everybody dies.
That ties it all together.
Kyle|6.24.09 @ 10:36PM|#
I await the follow up about the Marx Brothers movies reflecting the politics of their brother Karl. I am dumber having read this.
Site comments/questions:
Media Inquiries and Reprint Permissions:
(310) 367-6109
Editorial & Production Offices:
3415 S. Sepulveda Blvd.
Suite 400
Los Angeles, CA 90034
(310) 391-2245