Matthew Modine: Cars Are Like Cigarettes, They Give You Pep Cancer!

Nick Gillespie | May 27, 2009

How'm I getting home from here? Via the increasingly indispensable Big Hollywood comes a link to a Huffington Post post by actor and self-identified "self-propulsion and self-motivation" zealot Matthew Modine. As much as I admire Modine as an actor (and I do!), what a limousine liberal to the max! Or, more precisely, a limousine cyclist. Snippets:

We must look at the movies and songs that celebrated the automobile with a new consciousness and awareness. We must look at the automobile as a cigarette—a cancer stick—a nail in our collective coffin. The sexy lifestyle that the tobacco industry sold to us contains the same advertising lies and poison which the automobile industry sold and continues to sell to the world. Look at the ads for automobiles and you'll begin to recognize the lies. You'll see open roads with happy smiling drivers. Ask yourself, When was the last time I was NOT stuck in traffic?

Can everyone who started smoking Newports because they thought they'd become Alive with Pleasure! please signal aye via their vocoder box? The last dupes in the tobacco game must have been the folks that Ronald Reagan sent Chesterfields to at Christmas time.

But by all means, let's exhume the corpses of Jack Kerouac and Dinah Shore and Gary Numan (who may not be technically dead in anything other than a career sense) and put them on trial for making cars sexy! Tawny Kitaen, you stand accused of not simply destroying the clearcoat finish on a half-dozen vehicles in that Whitesnake video but of raising demand for automobiles and CO₂ destroying hairspray for a good chunk of the 1980s!

The last time I wasn't stuck in traffic? Uh, that would be this morning, when I drove to my son's high school to talk to a student group about "Free Minds and Free Markets." The school is only about a mile or two away from my house in Oxford, Ohio, but I did drive because I was handing out copies of Reason magazine to a group of idea-hungry kids. And it was a good thing I did, since when I got there the school was in "lockdown" mode as the local police swept through the building with drug-sniffing dogs (they drove there too). So I drove back home and worked until Officers McGruff et al finished their business and I was allowed to enter the school, but that's a different appalling story, for a different time...

The point is, dear Matthew, that not everyone in America lives in Los Angeles where a) you can actually bike year-round without freezing and/or getting caught in the rain (pace Rupert Holmes); and b) traffic is genuinely horrible all the livelong day and night. Some of us rubes still live a good chunk of time in parts of the country where driving and parking is not the horror show it is in the Big Orange or whatever LA is calling itself these days. And by the way, the next time you need an ambulance, call a rickshaw.

Modine goes on to suggest bailing out the Big Three but only if they agree to make "non-combustion engines" and light-rail systems up the wazoo (and those light-rail systems should have bike carriers on them, natch). The post perfectly captures the moralizing smugitude of the leisured class, so if it has been a while since you fully imbibed a head-up-his-ass Hollywood solipsist, read the whole thing here.

And then go watch Birdy or Vision Quest or Weeds (2007 season) but avoid Sex and Lies in Sin City: The Ted Binion Scandal, which is really only for Ted Binion completists.

Belated Hat Tip: Solanum

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|5.27.09 @ 1:47PM|#

Lunatic fringe.
I know you're out there.
You're in hiding,
And you hold your meetings.
We can hear you coming.
We know what you're after.
We're wise to you this time;
We won't let you kill the laughter.

max hats|5.27.09 @ 1:48PM|#

Can everyone who started smoking because they thought they'd become Alive with Pleasure! please signal aye via their vocoder box? The last dupes in the tobacco game must have been the folks that Ronald Reagan sent Chesterfields to at Christmas time.

Apparently, cigarette firms believe in giving charitable donations to the advertising industry, because actual cigarette advertisements stopped working sometime in 1980.

Also, "Big Hollywood" is

increasingly indispensable

I wonder why the writer of this piece forgot to sign their name to it? Pride does strange things, I guess.

max hats|5.27.09 @ 1:49PM|#

correction - name now signed. That was weird. When I commented, it was an unsigned editorial.

Alan Vanneman|5.27.09 @ 1:49PM|#

Just for the record, when Ronnie did those cigarette ads, it was for the cash. He never smoked cigarettes, only a pipe, which he had given up. To put a final nail in the coffin, so to speak, he did those ads before all those wacky cancer stories even started.

Banjo Bob|5.27.09 @ 1:58PM|#

"Uh, that would be this morning, when I drove to my son's high school to talk to a student group about "Free Minds and Free Markets." The school is only about a mile or two away from my house in Oxford, Ohio, but I did drive because I was handing out copies of Reason magazine to a group of idea-hungry kids."

YOU BASTARD!

Warty|5.27.09 @ 1:59PM|#

and CO2 destroying hairspray

Maybe you mean ozone, but I don't think hairspray destroys that.

Anybody remember the old computer game Blood? You ran around setting zombies on fire with a can of hairspray and a lighter. Good times.

|5.27.09 @ 2:00PM|#

When I commented, it was an unsigned editorial.

A likely story, "max hats", if that is your real name.

|5.27.09 @ 2:01PM|#

Matthew Modine is five-foot-nine. I didn't know they stacked shit that high.

I will never forgive Gross Anatomy for trying to be the medical version of Real Genius and failing, utterly.

JB|5.27.09 @ 2:03PM|#

Wow, actors are stupid.

No surprise really...all they do is regurgitate lines that other people write. They do no original thinking.

Tim Cavanaugh|5.27.09 @ 2:05PM|#

I rode my bike all the time in San Francisco, but would not ride around Hollywood, downtown, South L.A. or any other even vaguely big-cityish part of Los Angeles. There's a reason auto insurance premiums here are triple what they are elsewhere in California (which won't even help in this case, because as LoneWacko will I hope point out, the illegal immigrant who runs you over won't have insurance anyway). I'm surprised Showtime or whoever employs Modine lets him put their investment at risk in this way.

|5.27.09 @ 2:05PM|#

For the youthful or others who didn't see Vision Quest (starring Matthew Modine), Red Rider's "Lunatic Fringe" was played frequently during the film.

Nick,

What about Full Metal Jacket, with Private Joker and Animal "Jayne" Mother?

Episiarch,

I made a gratuitous reference to "Skeet Shootin'" in a comment to an Urkobold post recently. No, it's not Modine, but it is Kilmer. Funny Kilmer.

|5.27.09 @ 2:07PM|#

JB,

Generalize much? Most actors are very bright, and I actually think Modine is as well. But like Gillespie points out, the way he talks about traffic strongly suggests he hasn't been outside a major metro area in awhile.

Zeb|5.27.09 @ 2:09PM|#

"No surprise really...all they do is regurgitate lines that other people write. They do no original thinking."

Really, that's all they do? I guess I'll become an actor too now. Why have I been wasting my time all these years when all I need to do to be a successful actor is to memorize things and then say them.

short, fat bastard|5.27.09 @ 2:10PM|#

We need a new law permitting those within striking distance to beat with a club any actor that attempts to speak on matters of public policy.

Preferrably with a sand wedge.

|5.27.09 @ 2:12PM|#

because as LoneWacko will I hope point out

NO SUMMONING

Vision Quest is the most boring, depressing piece of shit ever. You walk away from that movie wanting to never, ever get nosebleeds. But I guess that's redundant.

Fascitis Necrotizante|5.27.09 @ 2:13PM|#

We need a new law permitting those within striking distance to beat with a club any actor that attempts to speak on matters of public policy.

Now would that include Drew Carey?

Billy!|5.27.09 @ 2:15PM|#

a) Gary Numan's career is doing just fine. I would expect the hipsters at Reason to know this.

b) "not everyone in America lives in Los Angeles where a) you can actually bike year-round without freezing and/or getting caught in the rain"

I bike year round in Chicago. Who knew Libertarians were such pussies?

Warty|5.27.09 @ 2:16PM|#

Drew Carey isn't just an actor, he's a national treasure.

short, fat bastard|5.27.09 @ 2:16PM|#

Now would that include Drew Carey?

Tough Choice

You lose one bright spot, but eliminate Garafalo, Baldwin, Modine, Sarandon, and so on.

Drew will just have to watch his back.

short, fat bastard|5.27.09 @ 2:18PM|#

Besides, Drew stopped acting and is now a game show host . . . so I think that draws an exemption . . . .

Shannon Love|5.27.09 @ 2:18PM|#

I suppose it would be unsporting to point out that the reason that L.A. has such appalling traffic is that they have the lowest road-area/vehicle ratio in the country i.e. the most cars per unit of road. In turn, they have such a bad ratio primarily because of leftist blocking road construction since the 1960s.

The leftist decided that if they made cars inconvenient people would stop driving them. It didn't work.

Frankly, I don't know why anybody listens to actor about anything other than acting. Since when does the ability to fake emotions on cue like a sociopath make one an expert on transportation policy?

Fascitis Necrotizante|5.27.09 @ 2:19PM|#

"Pump your brakes kid, that man's a national treasure."

And I definitely remember Blood. 13 year old hour after 13 year old hour of it.

phalkor|5.27.09 @ 2:19PM|#

I was handing out copies of Reason magazine to a group of idea-hungry kids.

Don't you know reason is the gateway drug to cynicism in our government? As I'm aware, such deep pervasive cynicism is uncurable for the forseeable future. Think of the children!

|5.27.09 @ 2:21PM|#

Given the tons of stupidity that have come out of entertainers over the years, I don't think it's entirely unfair to criticize the intellectual capacity of most actors. Naturally, there are exceptions. My favorites in that group are Dolph Lundgren (Master's in Chemical Engineering and a Fulbright Scholar) and Peter Weller (Master's in Art History and like crazy into the classics).

Episiarch,

I didn't say it was a good movie.

|5.27.09 @ 2:24PM|#

ProL, I must break you.

Warty|5.27.09 @ 2:26PM|#

Dolph Lundgren (Master's in Chemical Engineering and a Fulbright Scholar)

Bullshit. You are a liar. YOU ARE A FUCKING LIAR.

|5.27.09 @ 2:27PM|#

He dated Grace Jones, which may count against his intellect. Or at least his wisdom.

John Tagliaferro|5.27.09 @ 2:28PM|#

And it was a good thing I did, since when I got there the school was in "lockdown" mode as the local police swept through the building with drug-sniffing dogs (they drove there too). So I drove back home and worked until Officers McGruff et al finished their business and I was allowed to enter the school, but that's a different appalling story, for a different time...

I hope this is the only time the authorities greeted you with this reception at your child's school :)

Kalim Kassam|5.27.09 @ 2:28PM|#

This post is evidence that even cosmotarians resent the urban liberal elite.

Lord Jubjub|5.27.09 @ 2:28PM|#

Hair spray didn't kill any CO2, it also didn't kill any ozone. While the Montreal Protocols were passed in the late '80s, the U.S. had banned CFCs from aerosol cans in the late '70s.

|5.27.09 @ 2:29PM|#

Warty,

Isn't it awesome? I couldn't believe it when I first heard it (some years ago), either. Not just any engineering, but one of the hardest kinds. And a master's degree to boot! He dropped out of MIT to make money as an actor! Jesus! Friggin' He-Man!

Courtesy IMDb|5.27.09 @ 2:29PM|#

Dolph Lundgren attended the Royal Institute of Technology in Stockholm, Sweden. He received a master's degree in chemical engineering from the University of Sydney, New South Wales, Australia, in 1982, and the next year was awarded a Fulbright Scholarship to MIT. In New York City, he met drama coach Warren Robertson and decided to try his luck as an actor in action movies. His film The Shooter (1995) was shot mainly in Prague, Czech Republic. Lundgren has a second-degree black belt in karate and is aiming for his third-degree black belt.

Warty|5.27.09 @ 2:29PM|#

As long as she didn't have that staff thing that she was busting skulls with when she was hanging out with Conan, I don't see the problem.

|5.27.09 @ 2:30PM|#

Bullshit. You are a liar. YOU ARE A FUCKING LIAR.

Check it out, dude. Red Scorpion! RED SCORPION!

Hey now, they call him the Joker.

I really don't want to have to trap shoot my copy of Full Metal Jacket and account of the creeping, self-important doofism of Modine.

Maybe if he and R. Lee run into each other in the future, R. Lee can kick his ass, just for old time's sake, for us.

She damaged Roger Moore in those sex scenes, I think. She's also worshiped as a god in France.

|5.27.09 @ 2:31PM|#

Given the tons of stupidity that have come out of entertainers over the years

I don't think actors are dumber on average than any other profession. I'd say the odd terrible quotation from Hollywood stars is a result of 1)the insular and often primadonna-making nature of Hollywood and 2) the soapbox. I could only imagine the stuff I'd say if I were suddenly encouraged to spout off for the good of [insert cause], but I'd still get paid (for making movies), no matter how ill-formed my extracinematic musings.

And on further reflection, the writers and directors (see: Charlie Kaufman, David X. Cohen, Michel Gondry, etc.) often seem to be the really smart ones. Also, there are a lot of smart actors, but a lot of them don't much care for (or need) random press clippings.

IMDb|5.27.09 @ 2:32PM|#

First!

John Tagliaferro|5.27.09 @ 2:32PM|#

I bike year round in Chicago. Who knew Libertarians were such pussies?

We are not pussies, you are insane.

BeesInTheBrain|5.27.09 @ 2:33PM|#

Ummmm. Doesn't he realize that bicycles are about to be made illegal due to it's potential to poison our children?

Not really appreciating him poisoning the atmosphere with his lead dust.

|5.27.09 @ 2:34PM|#

Dolph deserves accolades for overcoming such a dufus name.

|5.27.09 @ 2:35PM|#

Courtesy IMDb | May 27, 2009, 2:29pm | #

Poor guy. No ability or options in life :p.

What's great about Dolph is that no one sees it coming. Note that he's got about zero accent today, too, which further indicates his brilliance. He's thinking deeper thoughts than you right now, mocking your inferiority to his Nordic genius.

Kris Kristofferson is a Rhodes Scholar. He's mocking your feeble mind as he picks bugs out of his scraggly beard.

Art-P.O.G.,

From what I've read over the years, a large number of actors ended their education in high school, with some managing to drop out of community colleges. Obviously (looks up), there are exceptions.

I bike year round in Chicago. Who knew Libertarians were such pussies?

That statement comes from a either lying bastard or an insane person with masochistic tendencies. I'm leaning towards the former, but do admit that insane people who have internet access actually exist.

|5.27.09 @ 2:36PM|#

Dolph vs. VAN DAMME.

You decide.

Jeff P|5.27.09 @ 2:37PM|#

Over forty posts about Matthew Modine and not a single Jiminy Glick reference.

Sometimes I'm just ashamed of you people.

|5.27.09 @ 2:38PM|#

He dated Grace Jones, which may count against his intellect. Or at least his wisdom.

So he's into extreme sports...sort of the Travis Pastrana of huge black chicks?

I think I am going to get a CD of Red Barchetta and listen to it in an idling car, over and over.

Dolph, Adolf. Dolph, Adolf. Wonder if Lundgren is the result of some Nazi eugenics program?

About this biking in the tundra business: When I lived in Minnesota (and, to a much lesser degree when I lived in Chicago), some people there would talk about how tough they were, because they'd run around naked or something similarly foolish in -20° weather. I countered with questions about their sanity. Besides, I've seen what happens to them in hot weather. Pussies.

|5.27.09 @ 2:39PM|#

She's also worshiped as a god in France.

So is Jerry Lewis.

|5.27.09 @ 2:40PM|#

From what I've read over the years, a large number of actors ended their education in high school, with some managing to drop out of community colleges. Obviously (looks up), there are exceptions

True, but the same seems to be the case with many (non-classical) musicians, and many of them are sneaky-smart.

Of course, some musicians (and actors) are functionally retarded, I grant you, but you'll meet such people in the general public as well.

But the functionally retarded laity does have less money on average than the functionally retarded of Hollywood.

"It's time to do some Van Damage!"

Dolph is clearly vastly cooler than Jean-Claude. Jean-Claude beat him in Universal Soldier only because the near-Michael-Bay-level-piece-of-shit Roland Emmerich was directing.

Besides, Dolph was in Johnny Mnemonic along with Takeshi Kitano.

|5.27.09 @ 2:43PM|#

Johnny Mnemonic

That's it. You've gone too far. How dare you bring up that dollop of pelican shit in this forum.

|5.27.09 @ 2:45PM|#

Yeah, Van Damme is an idiot.

Art-P.O.G.,

I've known some actors over the years. Not the brightest bulbs. Not to mention that they seem to have a tendency to emotional problems, like insecurity, etc.

|5.27.09 @ 2:48PM|#

I looked up Van Damme in Wikipedia. He apparently has no education whatsoever. Hey, I'm only reporting what I read.

Art-P.O.G.,

Not that I don't think acting is a talent or don't respect some actors for their skill in their profession. Ditto other forms of entertainment, like sports, music, and the fine arts.

I can bring up whatever I want, NutraShit. Besides, the awesome coolness of Takeshi Kitano overwhelms any negativity from mentioning Mnemonic.

Takeshi's Castle...classic.

Johnny Mnemonic

Turn in your decoder ring and membership card by the door as you leave.

|5.27.09 @ 2:49PM|#

Everybody else remember the total bonerkiller of hearing Winona Ryder being interviewed for the first time?

Besides, Dolph was in Johnny Mnemonic along with Takeshi Kitano

That movie sucked weirdly. I mean, William Gibson's story is cool, but I don't know if the director failed or just Keanu or...?

admit that insane people who have internet access actually exist.

...too...many directions...to go with this...one...

|5.27.09 @ 2:50PM|#

Kitano goes a long way, but even he cannot atone for ruining Gibson.

|5.27.09 @ 2:52PM|#

Everybody else remember the total bonerkiller of hearing Winona Ryder being interviewed for the first time?

No, but I do remember her being the winning choice on an episode of Howard Stern's skit "Who's the Jew?" with Fred as Kurt Waldheim.

Bikes are great for students in sunny climates.

But they are not feasible for people with REAL JOBS.

Specifically, jobs which require you to dress and look decent, attend numerous meetings all over town (where again, you are expected to look like a sane person and not an escapee from the asylum)and to which you must haul numerous materials/laptops/suitcases full of bribery money.

Basically, bikes are for people with very simple lives.

(If Mr Modine ever gets a decent film, I'll be watching to see if he turns down a studio financed car and instead, bikes out to Burbank everyday in the 100 degree heat. Highly unlikely.)

James Hong was a civil engineer. But his total supremacy in coolness was established when he gave the world David Lo Pan.

Natalie Portman is a Harvard graduate.

Michael|5.27.09 @ 2:55PM|#

That statement comes from a either lying bastard or an insane person with masochistic tendencies. I'm leaning towards the former, but do admit that insane people who have internet access actually exist.

I do the same here in Chicago. I'm neither lying nor insane. I admit that the occasional sub-zero cold and accompanying wind chill suck royally, but snow riding on an otherwise mild day can be riotous fun for anyone experienced enough to do it.

|5.27.09 @ 2:58PM|#

I bike year round in Chicago.

The stationary bike at the health club doesn't count.

My room-mate is from Minnesota. She talked all kinds of shit about pansy-ass Chicagoans and the pitiful excuse for a winter we have here... and then the thermometer cracked sixty for the first time, and she started whining about how it was too god-damned hot, and how can people live here?

So I agree with ProL - I've never met someone who was a hard-ass at both twenty-below and a hundred and twenty. (Or even zero and ninety-five.)

|5.27.09 @ 2:59PM|#

Not to mention that they seem to have a tendency to emotional problems, like insecurity, etc.

Oh, yeah. But models are the worst.
Van Damme not being well-educated doesn't surprise me for some reason.

May as well come clean. I always wanted to be a weird sort of character actor like Forrest Whitaker or Danny Trejo. But of course, I have no training or ability (except as a graphic artist).

Mercifully, no. I imagine in her case she was too busy pulling fat stacks of Tim Burton cash to go to high school. She's still hot but she does strike me as a WTF.

|5.27.09 @ 3:02PM|#

Mercifully, no.

It was a horrible moment when I realized she just talked like that, it wasn't a role she was playing.

Broke my penis' heart, it did.

anon|5.27.09 @ 3:02PM|#

Nick - when you're speaking to highschool students, do you start off with sex, drugs, or rockm'roll? Which topic gets their attention the fastest - or are they already aware of the libertarian pitch?

John Tagliaferro|5.27.09 @ 3:04PM|#

MD,

Specifically, jobs which require you to dress and look decent, attend numerous meetings all over town (where again, you are expected to look like a sane person and not an escapee from the asylum)and to which you must haul numerous materials/laptops/suitcases full of bribery money.

Amy Alkon wrote about this recently, in the comments here.

|5.27.09 @ 3:05PM|#

Art-P.O.G.,

I just skimmed his entry, but it didn't say he wasn't well educated. It didn't refer to education at all. Maybe he dropped out of pre-school?

|5.27.09 @ 3:07PM|#

James Hong was a civil engineer. But his total supremacy in coolness was established when he gave the world David Lo Pan.

Bonus points for the "Big Trouble in Little China" reference!

John Tagliaferro|5.27.09 @ 3:07PM|#

p,

So I agree with ProL - I've never met someone who was a hard-ass at both twenty-below and a hundred and twenty. (Or even zero and ninety-five.)

Well, you haven't met me.

For cold, I wear more clothes. For hot I drink more water.

David Lo Pan|5.27.09 @ 3:09PM|#

Shut up, Mr. Burton! You are not brought upon this world to get it!

|5.27.09 @ 3:09PM|#

I guess that's one, then. (I'm a salamander, myself - it isn't spring until the temps hit eighty, or summer until they hit a hundred, and the hotter the better any time of the year.)

|5.27.09 @ 3:11PM|#

I adapted to the cold pretty quickly--going straight from Florida, where I was raised, to Minneapolis. In the late fall. Frankly, I think it has a lot more to do with the genes than it does with where you're from.

Also, as I age, I find the heat down here to be more bothersome.

alittlesense|5.27.09 @ 3:14PM|#

I don't think actors are any more stupid than the general populace. When they get famous they are surrounded by toadies who tell them every word they utter is a pearl of wisdom. Pretty soon, unless they have some way of grounding themselves, they start to believe it. The really sad cases are people like Margaret Cho and Roseanne Barr.

|5.27.09 @ 3:17PM|#

Oh, and there's Danica McKellar, who has a degree in mathematics. I don't know much about her as an actress (not having watched The Wonder Years), but I've seen her book on math at the bookstore.

|5.27.09 @ 3:20PM|#

It didn't refer to education at all. Maybe he dropped out of pre-school?

You hear that Van Damme? Close that lacuna! Inquiring minds want to know if you went to school at all!

|5.27.09 @ 3:22PM|#

Close that lacuna!

I love it when you break out the dirty talk.

Joel|5.27.09 @ 3:22PM|#

J sub D | May 27, 2009, 2:35pm | #
I bike year round in Chicago. Who knew Libertarians were such pussies?

That statement comes from a either lying bastard or an insane person with masochistic tendencies.

Or he just lost his driver's license.

please signal aye via their vocoder box?

Um...I have no vocoder box. Curse you, Reason! When do I get to be in the H&R Inner Circle, with its decoder rings and its vocoder boxes and its black leather jackets and it's ever-so-cool cynical snarkiness? Curse you!

|5.27.09 @ 3:28PM|#

Natalie Portman is a Harvard graduate.

It only means that she is well-educated. It doesn't mean that she is smart.

Frank Martin|5.27.09 @ 3:28PM|#

So, when he flies on a private Learjet, thats like what, a big cigar? a cross the ocean flight on a 747 is an afternoon on a "hookah"? Partying at Cannes on a yacht is like a visit to a chinese opium den?

|5.27.09 @ 3:29PM|#

I love it when you break out the dirty talk.

:D Well, I just don't want to see Van Damme's lacuna. Winona Ryder's I could deal with, though...

|5.27.09 @ 3:31PM|#

It only means that she is well-educated. It doesn't mean that she is smart.

Read some quotes from her sometime. She isn't smart. Plus, I knew a dude who was a childhood friend of Hayden Christensen's, and according to him she is a clingy drunk moron.

JW,

Agreed. I know some well-educated idiots, too. However, it's not an indication that she's stupid, either.

Her degree is in psychology, which may negate what I said above.

|5.27.09 @ 3:32PM|#

Oh, and there's Danica McKellar, who has a degree in mathematics. I don't know much about her as an actress (not having watched The Wonder Years), but I've seen her book on math at the bookstore.

You just like it when she talks about multiplying or reproducing the results.

I saw her recently on some Science Channel show (NERRRRRRD!) and she comes off as smart as she still is hot. She was at least smarter than the host.

|5.27.09 @ 3:35PM|#

Hayden Christensen? No education beyond high school, unless we're counting the Actor's Studio.

I thought with that name, he'd hold a PhD or something.

|5.27.09 @ 3:36PM|#

Read some quotes from her sometime. She isn't smart.

It's OK, she doesn't have to be smart. Just put on the Senator Amedala white jogging suit for me.

Plus, I knew a dude who was a childhood friend of Hayden Christensen's, and according to him she is a clingy drunk moron.

Wait, you're quoting 3rd hand from the shitty actor/douchebag of Christensen? Dear god Epi, don't sink so low like that.

Russ 2000|5.27.09 @ 3:37PM|#

I admit that the occasional sub-zero cold and accompanying wind chill suck royally,

The cold and wind chill are not that big of a deal.

It's the piles of plowed snow, the slush and spray, the ice, and the swerving cars that make bike riding anywhere but along the lake a life-threatening experience in a Chicago winter.

|5.27.09 @ 3:39PM|#

Agreed. I know some well-educated idiots, too.

Is it me, or do they tend to almost always be leftists or lawyers?

They're the most intolerable of idiots: obviously smart, but completely misguided and yet so presumptuously arrogant and cock-sure that you just want to pimp-slap them most of the time.

|5.27.09 @ 3:40PM|#

Wait, you're quoting 3rd hand from the shitty actor/douchebag of Christensen? Dear god Epi, don't sink so low like that.

I'm talking to you, aren't I? How much lower could I sink?

Besides, we all know struggling shitty actors in Manhattan always tell the truth.

|5.27.09 @ 3:45PM|#

I'm talking to you, aren't I? How much lower could I sink?

Pretty tough talk from a guy with a queefing problem.

|5.27.09 @ 3:46PM|#

"For the youthful or others who didn't see Vision Quest (starring Matthew Modine), Red Rider's "Lunatic Fringe" was played frequently during the film."

...and Tom Cochrane of Red Rider also wrote/sang "Life is a Highway" analogizing living with driving on the open road. Hmmmm.

|5.27.09 @ 3:48PM|#

Besides, we all know struggling shitty actors in Manhattan always tell the truth.

Besides, that's just anecdotal evidence. Perhaps Christensen's padawan caught her on a bad day.

|5.27.09 @ 3:53PM|#

Christensen isn't smart enough to spot an idiot.

alan|5.27.09 @ 3:57PM|#

Can everyone who started smoking Newports because they thought they'd become Alive with Pleasure! please signal aye via their vocoder box? The last dupes in the tobacco game must have been the folks that Ronald Reagan sent Chesterfields to at Christmas time.

I don't know if this PSA has made it nationwide or not, but around here, she is known as the sexy little redhead with the extra hole:

alan|5.27.09 @ 4:02PM|#

Damn it, I'll try to link it again.

|5.27.09 @ 4:12PM|#

alan,

I wonder what it would sound like to fuck her in the throat while she's using the artificial larynx.

|5.27.09 @ 4:15PM|#

I wonder what it would sound like to fuck her in the throat while she's using the artificial larynx.

I'll be in my bunk.

|5.27.09 @ 4:20PM|#

SugarFree wrote:

I wonder what it would sound like to fuck her in the throat while she's using the artificial larynx.

Also, I guess it would make swallowing more like spitting.

twee|5.27.09 @ 4:24PM|#

Nick, you so funny.

I can't believe someone dredged up the lyrics to Lunatic Fringe. I remember when I LOVED that song.

|5.27.09 @ 4:24PM|#

Agreed. I know some well-educated idiots, too.

Hey!

Is it me, or do they tend to almost always be leftists or lawyers?

Goddammit!

hmm|5.27.09 @ 4:32PM|#

Ohio? Now I know why you are so militant. The lack of sunlight has gotten to you.

alan|5.27.09 @ 5:27PM|#

I wonder what it would sound like to fuck her in the throat while she's using the artificial larynx.

I wonder what it would feel like.

She can sing 'Beast of Burden' while you are pumping away, and when she hits the last choral refrain, in your best Ray Charles impression, yell out,

"You hit the right note, baby!'

Take that Liz Phair.

alan|5.27.09 @ 5:30PM|#

Also, I guess it would make swallowing more like spitting.

FTW!

Urkobold™|5.27.09 @ 6:41PM|#

THE URKOBOLD IS DISGUSTED BY THIS THREAD. HIS FAVORITE DISABILITY, GIGANTOMASTIA, INVOLVES NO EXCESSIVE HOLING OF WOMEN.

WON'T YOU GIVE?

Ned|5.27.09 @ 8:01PM|#

I wonder what it would sound like to fuck her in the throat while she's using the artificial larynx.

"It's coming right for us!"

JB|5.27.09 @ 9:57PM|#

Really, that's all they do?

Well, they also suck a lot of cock to get the part.

So you have to be good at regurgitating and sucking cock.

Paul|5.28.09 @ 2:58AM|#

And it was a good thing I did, since when I got there the school was in "lockdown" mode as the local police swept through the building with drug-sniffing dogs (they drove there too).

So... they knew you were comin'?

Solanum|5.28.09 @ 12:16PM|#

Belated Hat Tip: Solanum

Thank you sir.

|5.28.09 @ 2:02PM|#

A small point - people who have had their larynxes removed due to cancer would not be talking through a vocoder box. They'd be using an artificial larynx (or electrolarynx), or if they were "lucky," a tracheo-esophageal valve.

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