We Did Get You, CC

Jesse Walker | November 5, 2008

The Onion reports:

WASHINGTON--African-American man Barack Obama, 47, was given the least-desirable job in the entire country Tuesday when he was elected president of the United States of America. In his new high-stress, low-reward position, Obama will be charged with such tasks as completely overhauling the nation's broken-down economy, repairing the crumbling infrastructure, and generally having to please more than 300 million Americans and cater to their every whim on a daily basis. As part of his duties, the black man will have to spend four to eight years cleaning up the messes other people left behind. The job comes with such intense scrutiny and so certain a guarantee of failure that only one other person even bothered applying for it. Said scholar and activist Mark L. Denton, "It just goes to show you that, in this country, a black man still can't catch a break."

Comments

NP|11.5.08 @ 11:09AM|#

You gotta be half brain-dead to find The Onion terribly funny. What I don't like about the O staff is that they seem to be shooting for both intelligent satire and actual comedy, but can pull off either only to a limited degree. Dudes/dudettes, I do love ya, but just stick to one thing if you wanna rank high on the amusement scale.

The Onion|11.5.08 @ 11:13AM|#

So, NP, what's your annual revenue from prose?

nice try|11.5.08 @ 11:22AM|#

lame. onion can and does much better.

|11.5.08 @ 11:35AM|#

Not nearly as good as their "Black Man Asks America for Change."

economist|11.5.08 @ 11:37AM|#

I don't know, I enjoyed their website's "War for the Whitehouse" segment. Especially the part about the election of DRE700.

|11.5.08 @ 11:37AM|#

The job comes with such intense scrutiny and so certain a guarantee of failure that only one other person even bothered applying for it.

Huh? What were Barr, Baldwin, Nader, etc.? Chopped liver?

|11.5.08 @ 11:39AM|#

Not to mention all the other people who "applied" in the primaries for both parties.

|11.5.08 @ 11:41AM|#

You know, they call it the White House, but that's a temporary condition, you dig, CC?

Turtles|11.5.08 @ 11:42AM|#

Stocks tumble.

|11.5.08 @ 11:47AM|#

The laborius work of lowering expectations... leave The Onion alone, everyone is expected to pitch it.

|11.5.08 @ 11:50AM|#

Eh, not too good. But still decent compared to the last episode of Family Guy I saw. OMG...

|11.5.08 @ 11:57AM|#

I wonder if Obama is going to feel like the Joe in this video in a few months.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkGCwgWW3_U

if so this onion article will be even funnier.

|11.5.08 @ 12:01PM|#

You know, they call it the White House, but that's a temporary condition, you dig, CC?

Clinton--George, that is--was correct!

|11.5.08 @ 12:01PM|#

I'd love to hear what you guys think of this discussion between Lew Rockwell and Naomi Wolf.


http://www.lewrockwell.com/podcast/?p=episode&name=2008-10-30_058_americas_slow_motion_fascist_coup.mp3

Lefiti|11.5.08 @ 12:05PM|#

Notice how the stairical media have completely ignored Barr? It's all part of a corporatist-state conspiracy to undermine the liberarian cause. I mean, liberetarians keep putting up the most ludicrous, mockable, fuck-face candidates and get zip coverage on late-night comedy or anywhere else. It's not fair.

jtuf|11.5.08 @ 12:11PM|#

Seamus | November 5, 2008, 11:37am | #

The job comes with such intense scrutiny and so certain a guarantee of failure that only one other person even bothered applying for it.

Huh? What were Barr, Baldwin, Nader, etc.? Chopped liver?

jtuf|11.5.08 @ 12:12PM|#

Lefiti, how do you fuck a face? I mean, I understand the recreational value of a mouth, but I don't think it has any roll in procreation.

|11.5.08 @ 12:30PM|#

If Lefiti's next comment has a link to a video, don't click it.

|11.5.08 @ 12:33PM|#

If Lefiti's next comment has a link to a video, don't click it.

joe, I'm sure he'd warn us with a NSFW tag. He's not a complete assho...oops.

|11.5.08 @ 12:58PM|#

I don't know. I think you jumped the gun on The Onion link. I prefer Nation Finally Shitty Enough to Make Social Progress, even if it is sadly wrong about the gay marriage issue.

Anon

piperTom|11.5.08 @ 1:18PM|#

We can all be thankful that "overhauling the ... economy" is way outside the (any) president's power. The most he can do is wreck it -- and blame capitalism and/or greed for all the problems.

/likely

|11.5.08 @ 1:37PM|#

JB, Ike, and Richard gone.
Still got Ali, Steve, and Aretha.
I suspect Michelle will object to Aretha's position though.

Jesse Walker|11.5.08 @ 1:59PM|#

Rev. Ike is still around, Zevatron.

TallDave|11.5.08 @ 2:26PM|#

We can all be thankful that "overhauling the ... economy" is way outside the (any) president's power. The most he can do is wreck it --

Don't worry, the stock market already priced that in.

Just hang in there a couple years till the Chicago Way gets him impeached.

*|11.5.08 @ 3:45PM|#

TallDave - denial, anger, sadness...which stage are you in?

|11.5.08 @ 5:32PM|#

Gabe asks I'd love to hear what you guys think of this discussion between Lew Rockwell and Naomi Wolf.

Gabe, I'm thinking I'd rather run my dick through a meat-grinder.

economist|11.5.08 @ 6:03PM|#

jtug,
I'm sure Lefiti likes to pretend he's f***ing face.

|11.5.08 @ 6:11PM|#

*
denial, anger, sadness...which stage are you in

Oh little asterisk, just you wait . . .

|11.6.08 @ 1:26PM|#

Just hang in there a couple years till the Chicago Way gets him impeached.

You asshats couldn't even get your stories straight about what Obama was supposed to have done for Tony Rezko, but we're supposed to believe he's so corrupt he's going to be impeached?

I'm going to practice saying "Whitewater" with a Chicago accent.