The President of Metaphor

John McCain is calling for a "9/11 Commission" to investigate the various bank failures on Wall Street.

"[American workers have] been betrayed by a casino on Wall Street of greedy, corrupt excess -- corruption and excess that has damaged them and their futures," he added. [...]

"We're going to need a '9/11 Commission' to find out what happened and what needs to be fixed," he said. "I warned two years ago that this situation was deteriorating and unacceptable. And the old-boy network and the corruption in Washington is directly involved, and one of the causes of this financial crisis that we're in today. And I know how to fix it, and I know how to get things done."

"Americans are hurting right now, and there's going to be a ripple effect of this financial crisis because of the greed and corruption and excess, and Wall Street treated the American economy like a casino," he continued. "And we can fix it, and we've got to keep people in their homes."

Recall that McCain has also advocated "Surge"-style tactics in high-crime U.S. cities, and said we're in a new "twilight struggle" against radical Islamists. What's next, a Shock and Awe energy policy? Vietnamization of the public school system?

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  • ||

    "We're going to need a '9/11 Commission' to find out what happened and what needs to be fixed...And I know how to fix it, and I know how to get things done."

    Umm...huh?

  • ||

    We're going to need a '9/11 Commission' to find out what happened and what needs to be fixed

    What? So he can ignore this one too?

  • The Extispicator||

    Really not a new thing. McCain didn't invent using military terminology to other policies --war on drugs, war on poverty, etc.

  • ||

    And I know how to fix it, and I know how to get things done.

    I thought a few months ago he said he didn't understand economics.

    Oh yeah, anybody who understood economics would probably admit they don't know how to fix it.

  • ||

    He's a Maverick! Does that make Palin Iceman? Or is she Goose?

  • The Extispicator||

    Sad to see it here, though. As if the Troofers needed another conspiracy to unravel. I'll give it a shot:

    The Gettys, Bilderbergers, the UN, the Pope and (most powerful of all) Oprah last year sat in a smoke filled room on Wall Street and came up with a conspiracy to destroy the American capital markets ...

  • BakedPenguin||

    If he knows how to fix it, why does he need the commission?

  • ||

    "I warned two years ago that this situation was deteriorating and unacceptable. And the old-boy network and the corruption in Washington is directly involved, and one of the causes of this financial crisis that we're in today. And I know how to fix it, and I know how to get things done."

    I hope he appoints Charles Keating to the commission.

    Queeg! Agent of Change!

  • ||

    Stop giving McCain ideas!

  • ||

    I can't wait to see him unveil his plan for the Federal Reserve's Operation Rolling Thunder.

  • Derrick||

    If any of you here were thinking of voting for McCain (you weren't, were you?) this oughta change your mind.

  • atmchairpunter||

    I don't get it. Are you saying you'd rather have a cab driver who intentionally steers toward the ditch of socialism than one who swerves back and forth and may or may not wind up in in that ditch?

  • ||

    Gosh John,
    We just need more and betterer regulations and regulators. Ask joe for the details.

  • Josh||

    What's next??

    It's time to take down the white flag and raise the battle flag and take on the scourge of kindergarten sex education!!!

  • NotThatDavid||

    I'd rather steer toward the ditch of socialism than the telephone pole of war, while also avoiding the highway-crossing deer of tortured metaphor.

  • Sam||

    It's only a matter of time until Track Palin is shot down over Fort Knox, and held captive for 5 years by gay currency speculators.

  • Nigel Watt||

    "Vietnamization of public schools". Awesome.

  • ||

    And I know how to fix it, and I know how to get things done.

    I thought a few months ago he said he didn't understand economics.

    Oh yeah, anybody who understood economics would probably admit they don't know how to fix it.


    Anyone who understood capitalism and public choice theory would probably admit that the government can't fix this, only screw things up worse, and that in fact government interventions and regulation contributed to this mess in the first place.

    And anyone who understood the Constitution and the concept of enumerated powers would know damn well it isn't the job of the president to try and fix this.

    But, yeah, go Team Red!

    /sarcasm

  • ||

    This is just a new and improved name for that old stand by: Blue Ribbon Commission/Report.

  • EJM||

    He's a Maverick! Does that make Palin Iceman? Or is she Goose?

    Or would she be, say, Cheyenne Bodie, Christopher Colt, Bronco Layne, or Tom "Sugarfoot" Brewster?

    (reference explained here)

  • ||

    He's a Maverick! Does that make Palin Iceman? Or is she Goose?

    She's the rural, gun-toting MILF version of the character Meg Ryan played in Top Gun.

  • ||

    Maybe Barney Frank the Red Queen would like to explain how Fannie May constitutes "unfettered" capitalism. I'm sure Mister Greenspan would assist him in deflecting everyone's attention from the root causes of this "hundred year flood" -style event.

  • NotThatDavid||

    Oh, and if McCain is a Maverick, that would mean Obama is X, Biden is Zero, Palin is one (or all) of the X-Hunters, and I am a colossal nerd.

  • Neu Mejican||

    McCain is a Pez dispenser of metaphor.

  • Neu Mejican||

    If McCain is five
    If McCain is five
    If McCain is five
    Then Palin is six

    If Palin is six
    If Palin is six
    If Palin is six

    Then Obama is seven
    Then Obama is seven
    Then Obama is seven

    This countries gone to heaven

  • NM copy editor||

    country's

    fuckitee fuck fuck

  • EJM||

    Or would she be, say, Cheyenne Bodie, Christopher Colt, Bronco Layne, or Tom "Sugarfoot" Brewster?

    Now that I think of it, she would be one of "The Alaskans" (one of the very few late-'50s Warner Bros./ABC Westerns not referred to above).

  • srjenkins||

    prolefeed, can you explain how you can believe that this would not occur in your hypothetical free market and how Great Depression style market corrections are really a good thing for everyone? I'd love to hear more about this most intriquing theory.

  • Dagny T.||

    NM,

    The immortal wisdom of the Pixies. Nice.

    McCain's mixing his metaphors a little. Do we have a "greedy" casino to investigate, or a terrorist attack? Or (*gasp*), both? His rhetoric is even more vomit-inducing than Obama's on this one. Full. Retard.

  • ||

    "And I know how to fix it, and I know how to get things done."

    You can't do it, my friend.

  • libertarian democrat||

    I don't know why some libertarians support McCain as the lesser of the two evils. He doesn't even get the good republican things right.

  • ||

    What's next, a Shock and Awe energy policy? Vietnamization of the public school system?

    I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure his plan would involve some sort of tactical nuclear first-strike against Wall Street.

  • duster||

    man, what a whiner!

  • PC||

    Methinks this will just cause another surge in money supply.

  • Dello||

    "Vietnamization of the public school system?"

    I thought we were already dealing with the illegals...

  • JKP||

    Perhaps we could start with de-Welchification of REASON?

  • ||

    What? So he can ignore this one too?

    I believe that would be far from the worst outcome.

    Of course, real reform (privatizing risk, and compartmentalizing it via re-institution of Glass-Steagal style restrictions) doesn't seem to be on anyone's radar.

    Another reform that I could get behind, even though it interferes with freedom of contract, is to require all bonuses, etc. paid to financial firm executives to be escrowed for, say, two years. If the firm is still solvent after two years, the bonus gets paid.

  • ||

    Maybe Barney Frank the Red Queen would like to explain how Fannie May constitutes "unfettered" capitalism.

    Umm, its unfettered from risk?

  • ||

    "Americans are hurting right now, and there's going to be a ripple effect of this financial crisis because of the greed and corruption and excess, and Wall Street treated the American economy like a casino, and played the American people like a harmonica."

    There fixed it for Senator McCain.

    If only these people were drug tested, then everything would be OK, stock market at 14,000, and a 158 year old financial institution would still be standing.

    When people lie about the costs of drug use on the job, I can point to the alcohol swilling pin stripped bandits who actually did some real damage to our nation. MBA carrying, lying, greedy, bastards are a way bigger threat to our country than anyone smoking cannabis.

  • bill||

    Isn't his wife like a billionaire of something? Don' they own like7 houses? Talk about lipstick on a pig.

  • ||

    Maybe Barney Frank the Red Queen would like to explain how Fannie May constitutes "unfettered" capitalism.

    Uh huh. Deregulation of the financial industry didn't fail, because TRUE DEREGULATION has never been tried.

    For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glore now and forever amen.

  • Mr. Duyet||

    "Recall that McCain has also advocated "Surge"-style tactics in high-crime U.S. cities, and said we're in a new "twilight struggle" against radical Islamists. What's next, a Shock and Awe energy policy? Vietnamization of the public school system?"

    Don't I know you Mr. Welch? You look familiar.

  • ||

    Speaking of Barney Frank, remember when Dick Cheney tried to rally Wall Street before the 2006 elections by invoking him?

    "If the Democrats take Congress, Barney Frank will be the Chairman of the Financial Services Committee. And you know what kind of regulations he'd put in place."

    Um, ones that would have kept this shit from happening?

  • ||

    "God I love the smell of napalm in the morning...too bad mom packed me lunch today."

  • Kolohe||


    "If the Democrats take Congress, Barney Frank will be the Chairman of the Financial Services Committee. And you know what kind of regulations he'd put in place."

    Um, ones that would have kept this shit from happening?


    That reminds me. Most Honorable Representative of Team Blue, what exactly *have* the democrats accomplished since Jan '07?

  • GG||

    "If the Democrats take Congress, Barney Frank will be the Chairman of the Financial Services Committee. And you know what kind of regulations he'd put in place."



    Um, ones that would have kept this shit from happening?

    Sit your partisan ass DOWN, Mr. joe P. Boyle!

    Um, what is it they say about good intentions again?

  • Amakudari||

    Um, ones that would have kept this shit from happening?

    First of all, Frank never tried to seriously reform Fannie or Freddie, and he never indicated an aversion to the risks of low-income borrowers. Really, even during the worst scandals, almost every politician worked for no more than window-dressing (okay, cough). Secondly, real estate values had peaked by 2006 in most of the affected markets, and it was that initial wave of losses that caused banks to unwind leveraged positions at losses and fail to instill the confidence necessary to keep their funding costs down.

    Uh huh. Deregulation of the financial industry didn't fail, because TRUE DEREGULATION has never been tried.

    Quite frankly, the combination of regulation and deregulation was horrible, though. As someone who works at a large bank, I can go into every single detail if you want.

    I'd rather just point out that the US government rapidly expands credit, massively subsidizes housing, backs $5 trillion in MBS through now-nationalized GSEs, provides cheap mortgage financing through the FHLB network (think LIBOR-flat for illiquid mortgage collateral versus the market's 200-600 bps premia for unsecured), and bails out i-banks too smart for their own good. Profitability from originating conforming mortgages hinges on volume, which relaxes lending standards in an easy money environment and creates an incentive for "innovation." Heck, even the mortgage interest deduction decreases the appeal of paying down principal.

    For otherwise deregulated entities, those actions do encourage risky behavior, and I have ample reason to believe that in the absence of such huge market distortions the financial environment would be stronger. Likewise, keeping Glass-Steagall's bank separation provisions intact and mandating low-risk mortgage lending would have prevented the mortgage crisis, even if it only diverted our credit expansion to other bubbles.

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