Friday Fun Link: Top 20 Comic Book Weapons

Brian Doherty | March 9, 2007

A surprisingly (and sometimes inappropriately) snark-free ranking of comic book weaponry. He waaaay overrates the Wrecker's crowbar, by the way--while wisely keeping weapons of infinite power like the Cosmic Cube out of contention.

Comments

mediageek|3.9.07 @ 10:57AM|#

Brian, thanks for this link.

Fun article, great design, and it looks like there's a bunch of other good stuff there, too.

Bookmarked.

|3.9.07 @ 10:58AM|#

I really wish we could post images, because I would definitely post a picture of Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds now.

|3.9.07 @ 11:01AM|#

I figured Mjolnir and Green Lantern's ring would be at the top of list list, but was surprised to see Jesse Custer's mouth left off.

VM|3.9.07 @ 11:11AM|#

Echo the Media Guru's sentiment! Thank you for the fun link!

|3.9.07 @ 11:15AM|#

Un-fricking believable. I may know next to nothing about superheros. But I do know that Wonder Woman has the best gear. If the bracelets and tiara don't do it for you, you still got to give it up for the magic lasso.

|3.9.07 @ 11:24AM|#

Click on the home page and then scroll down to find a cartoon that, in the words of the artist:

…it's meant to represent the convergence of Hayek's defense of liberal democracy and free market capitalism against socialist/collectivist thought, with Kant's bridging of the Rationalist and Empiricist philosophical traditions through freedom from the dictates of external authority. Pretty obvious, I know, but…

|3.9.07 @ 11:24AM|#

Great link. Wonderful list.

But they missed...

http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article59.htm

|3.9.07 @ 11:32AM|#

"The Shoveler's" shovel.

"God's given me a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well."

Guy Montag|3.9.07 @ 11:33AM|#

Saddened that none of Batman's weaponry made it, only the weapons of his foes.

Then again, his foes made it in there a bunch and he still kicks their butt every time!

|3.9.07 @ 11:35AM|#

you still got to give it up for the magic lasso

In fact, you don't have any choice on the matter.

|3.9.07 @ 11:40AM|#

I have to agree with Warren on this one. In terms of sheer usefulness, WWs gear should have beat out Dung at least.

Also, do web-shooters count as weapons?

|3.9.07 @ 11:44AM|#

This list is useless without Sandman.

|3.9.07 @ 11:46AM|#

Ummm,,
Wonder Woman had bracelets? and a tiara? and a lasso?

mediageek|3.9.07 @ 11:54AM|#

"In fact, you don't have any choice on the matter."

Which leads me to believe that Warren's been hogtied with the thing on more than one occasion while posting here.

|3.9.07 @ 12:11PM|#

And here I thought my honesty was due to strength of character.

you can stop laughing

|3.9.07 @ 12:38PM|#

The lasso might count as a weapon - don't know about Wonder Woman's other gear. Batman's bottomless, well-branded arsenal should have shown up for sure.

Otherwise, pretty good list. Usually those sorts of thing make fanboys like me go "How could they list X and not Y?!?!?"

|3.9.07 @ 12:56PM|#

Batman's bottomless, well-branded arsenal

I missed the Clooney Batman movie. I heard it catered to a gay crowd, but I had no idea it was that kinky.

|3.9.07 @ 1:11PM|#

Are we talking about leather chaps again?

|3.9.07 @ 1:38PM|#

Are we talking about leather chaps again?

#21 on the list.

|3.9.07 @ 1:40PM|#

I really want one of them bowel disrupters.

|3.9.07 @ 1:41PM|#

"LEATHER CHAPS" from the folks that brought you the "easy-open can"

|3.9.07 @ 1:50PM|#

bartman,
X-Prep is cheaper, and it does the trick.

WARNING: Do not combine with Batman's bottomless chaps!

|3.9.07 @ 1:53PM|#

I missed the Clooney Batman movie. I heard it catered to a gay crowd, but I had no idea it was that kinky.

Sorry, I just had to pick myself up off my desk.

Tou-fuckin'-che. :D

Robert|3.9.07 @ 4:41PM|#

I like the Guided Muscle from the animated Beany & Cecil.

|3.9.07 @ 4:45PM|#

Ever since i heard about cap dying, i've been wondering what would happen if mjolnir was used against his shield. it's probably been dome before, but i haveno way of finding out.

|3.9.07 @ 5:37PM|#

It's The Friday Gratuitous New Wave Link...

!Bow Wow Wow!

"I Want Candy"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgZ3KbLNz50

|3.9.07 @ 5:40PM|#

Can anyone think of a New Wave-comic book connection?

|3.9.07 @ 6:00PM|#

Well, 2000AD had a series of stories in the early 80s that were based off songs. The Jam's "Going Underground" specifically inspired the first Nemesis story, which vaguely inspired and provided the name for the song "Nemesis" by Shriekback. (A dancing Nemesis shows up in the video.) Not entirely sure either count as New Wave, though.

I blank on anything else; it's been that sort of day.

|3.9.07 @ 6:08PM|#

Well, 2000AD had a series of stories in the early 80s that were based off songs. The Jam's "Going Underground" specifically inspired the first Nemesis story, which vaguely inspired and provided the name for the song "Nemesis" by Shriekback.

What?! I must have this!

|3.9.07 @ 6:20PM|#

I don't have that run (I have very little in the way of 2000AD, sadly).

The Shriekback CD Oil and Gold, on the other hand, is pretty damn awesome up to "Nemesis", then simmers down to "really good".

|3.9.07 @ 7:51PM|#

Rick B.:

XTC: Sgt. Rock (Is Going To Help Me) Also, they namechecked the Justice League in Melt The Guns. Plus, they did That's Really Super, Supergirl! and Braniac's Daughter. Andy Partridge must have been a stone DC fanboy, but he also loves Marvel, as evinced by Stange Tales

Larry Rodman discusses the overall rock/comics intersection in this article from The Comics Journal.

The Ramones covered the Spider-Man cartoon theme on a tribute disc of Saturday Morning TV themes.

Lori Anderson: O, Superman

Shrapnel was featured in The Amazing Spider-Man Annual #14, playing a show at CBGB. Peter Parker has been shown to be an Elvis Costello fan, natch.

Eclipse Comics had a short-lived superhero team called The New Wave.

Then there was the trend satirized in the Everett True panel in The Buyer's Guide To Comics Fandom as "Teenage Ninja Turtles with Mohawks", that inspired those Turtles.

The best New Wave connection was Maggie, Hope, Penny Century and the rest of the gang in Love and Rockets. "We had the name first!"

This may be too recent for pure New Wave, but Pop Will Eat Itself's Can U Dig It? declared that "Alan Moore knows the score," among other comics references.

I tossed in my 12¢ worth on the Greatest Weapons in the Monocle's comments section.

Kevin

|3.9.07 @ 7:55PM|#

Again, not really New Wave, but Naked Raygun's "Coldbringer" was based on Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns.


Kevin,
Riffs, yeah!

|3.9.07 @ 7:58PM|#

"Teenage Ninja Turtles with Mohawks" should have read "Teenage Mutant Ninjas with Mohawks." Oops.

highnumber, is your habdle a reference to "The Who"?

Kevin

|3.9.07 @ 8:16PM|#

Ding ding ding!
The Who and mod culture in general.

Nobody Important|3.9.07 @ 8:54PM|#

brotherben | March 9, 2007, 11:46am
Ummm,,
Wonder Woman had bracelets? and a tiara? and a lasso?

Don't forget her pair of 38 Specials.

OK, I'm not sure if they're 38, but they are special.

Nobody Important|3.9.07 @ 8:57PM|#

>3 - The Bowel Disruptor - Transmetropolitan
Spider Jerusalem's weapon of choice, even beating out a good old-fashioned boot to the groin. The Bowel Disruptor does pretty much exactly what it sounds like it would

I think he got that from Shomer-Tec.

Nobody Important|3.9.07 @ 8:58PM|#

Eric the .5b | March 9, 2007, 12:38pm
The lasso might count as a weapon - don't know about Wonder Woman's other gear. Batman's bottomless, well-branded arsenal should have shown up for sure.

Batman had the coolest power of them all:

Unlimited funding!

|3.9.07 @ 9:59PM|#

I think the distinction they are trying to follow is that each of these weapons be defining and essential to the characters that wield them.

Therefore, Diana's lasso, tiara, etc, can be eliminated without substantially weakening Wonder Woman's overall power or iconic status.

Same holds true for Catwoman's claws. They're cool, and very handy, but not really something she relies on in every combat situation.

Captain Marvel's nega-bands, on the other hand, are indispensible to his hero's status.
They were probably excluded from the list because they violated the "limitless power" criteria...

Liberal Man|3.9.07 @ 10:20PM|#

What about the media bias that favors Liberal Man?

|3.10.07 @ 7:56AM|#

Diana's lasso, tiara, etc, can be eliminated without substantially weakening Wonder Woman's overall power or iconic status. - spazmo

There's one part of the etc. that can't be ditched: the Amazonian bracelets of submission. No, seriously, that's what they are called. Aphrodite commanded that all the Amazon's wear them as a reminder that Evil Men, led by Herakles, tricked them into slavery. The bracelets are what remained after the Amazons prayed to the goddess for aid, and she came to their rescue, snapping their chains. This may no longer be in continuity, but for the longest time, when an Amazon had her bracelets struck off, she went batshit insane. If a man chained them back together, she became as weak as any woman from "Man's World."

Others have worn the WW uniform, or challenged Diana for the right to do so. The winner got the tiara, lasso and all the other doo-dads, but as sister Amazons they already had the wrist hardware.

Mar-Vell's Nega-Bands are not his defining attribute. He didn't have them until Roy Thomas revamped the character, adding Rick Jones to the mix. His Cosmic Awareness, not a weapon but a "superpower" was the key, once Starlin jumped on board, and his alien Kree nature, from the start. If you are referring to his kid, I haven't read those issues.

The Big Red Cheese is the real Captain Marvel, anyway, and he doesn't need any weapons.

Kevin

edna|3.10.07 @ 8:10AM|#

without the true might of a bfg9000, you're all pussies.

|3.11.07 @ 6:15PM|#

The article said that nobody but Thor could lift the hammer, but I recall the Hulk doing it once (I think it was the "Contest of Chaampions" series).

|3.12.07 @ 12:25PM|#

kevrob,

Thanks for all that interesting info.

|3.12.07 @ 4:35PM|#

No prob, Rick.

As for who can wield Mjølnir:

Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor. - Stan Lee

Others have lifted the hammer, in both regular Marvel continuity and alternate earth or "What If?" stories. Doing so is a pretty big deal, though.

Kevin