Captain America: The First Avenger

A classic Marvel origin story done right.

Few things in real life are more heinous than Nazis. And yet in the realm of fantasy adventure, few things are more useful. As shorthand for unbounded evil, a Nazi is hard to beat. Tack on a frothing obsession with supernatural whatnot, and you have the makings of a great pulp yarn, as was memorably demonstrated by the Indiana Jones movies.

Captain America: The First Avenger is in some ways the best of the Marvel Comics preludes leading up to next year’s superhero jamboree, The Avengers. Like the Indy films, it’s set in the dark years of Hitler’s rise toward world conquest (the mid-1930s in the Jones pictures, the war years of the early ’40s here). In this rich period setting, so unlike our own morally nuanced age, the story’s uncomplicated good-versus-evil structure is unusually stirring.

The movie’s protagonist, unpromising at first, is a classic 98-pound weakling named Steve Rogers (Chris Evans, digitally diminished—an eerie effect). Steve longs to join the army and battle the Huns, but he’s repeatedly rebuffed—this is a kid who was born to be 4F. Then he comes to the attention of a government scientist named Dr. Erskine (Stanley Tucci), who selects him for an experiment involving a top-secret new serum that—in the words of Colonel Chester Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones), head of the “Strategic Scientific Service”—will create “a new breed of cyber soldiers” who will “personally escort Adolf Hitler to the gates of Hell.” Yes!

The serum works, and the suddenly godlike Steve—he’s not only hyper-buff now, but taller, too—is promptly dubbed Captain America. At first, though, he’s stupidly misused, dispatched in a tacky mask-and-tights outfit to front the country’s war-bond drives, with showgirls cavorting around him on a stage. Before long, however, he’s moved up to bigger things, encouraged by a pretty military liaison named Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell), and equipped with an impermeable shield of “vibranium”—“the rarest metal on earth,” according to the man who fashioned it, wealthy weapons contractor Howard Stark (Dominic Cooper, playing the father of the Robert Downey Jr. character we’ve already met in the Iron Man movies). Thus armed, Steve is now ready to meet the enemy.

This would be Johann Schmidt (Hugo Weaving), a fabulously deranged megalomaniac who’s in charge of the Nazis’ “deep science” program, hidden away in an Alpine laboratory. Schmidt is a devotee of the occult, and has laid hands on the Tesseract—an all-powerful “cosmic cube” that was “the jewel of Odin’s treasure room.” Excellent. Aided by this malign artifact, and by his sniveling science stooge, Dr. Zola (Toby Jones), Schmidt has devised a new super-bomb with which he plans to flatten several big American cities. (He’s going to look good doing it, too: When he peels off his prosthetic face, we see the flame-broiled countenance of that venerable Marvel super-villain, Red Skull.) Things are looking bad. Schmidt is on the very verge of launching his transatlantic assault. If it need be said, there’s only one man who can stop him.          

Joe Johnston is an ideal director for this broad comic-book material. Johnston already has an Oscar for his visual-effects work on the first Indiana Jones film, Raiders of the Lost Ark, and here he neatly situates the movie’s many super-doings among its evocative period accoutrements—the requisite vintage cars and clothing—without overbearing emphasis. And his contending military labs—with their “Vita-Ray” machines and black-goggled inhabitants—are stylishly deployed without tipping the story over into complete silliness. Johnston doesn’t overload the picture with big-budget CGI, either; and so one of its set-piece sequences—with the Captain and his cohorts zip-lining down from a snowy mountain onto the top of a speeding train—has the effect, not of yet another digital confection, but of a great old-school stunt.

Chris Evans was a good choice for Captain America, too. Already a veteran of the Marvel universe (he was in both of the lamentable Fantastic Four movies), but now portraying a character with no real superpowers, he plays it straight. Even after Steve Rogers’ serum-induced transformation, Evans’ Captain America remains good-hearted and self-deprecating, his most formidable power an indomitable patriotic bravery. In the movie’s frankly old-fashioned worldview, he’s simply a stalwart, standup guy, and there’s no way to avoid rooting for him.

But the real star of the show, unsurprisingly, is Hugo Weaving’s Red Skull. Already an icon of awfulness as Agent Smith in the Matrix movies, Weaving here secures a preeminent place in the annals of demented menace. His char-grilled Nazi is every bit as monumentally loathsome as the story requires; but subtly, without any semaphored winking, the actor manages to make him funny, too. Not that you’d want to tell Mr. Skull that.

The entire cast is well-served by the script, a distillation of 70 years of Captain America lore by Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeeley (with Joss Whedon stepping in for a polish to line the story up with his forthcoming Avengers movie). The action is clear, and the dialogue rises to every genre requirement. At one point, on the cusp of a terrible triumph, Red Skull announces, “I have seen the future, Captain!” You know what our hero has to say—and, most gratifyingly, he does: “Not my future!”   

Kurt Loder is a writer living in New York. His third book, a collection of film reviews called The Good, the Bad and the Godawful, will be published in November by St. Martin’s Press.


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  • ||

  • Fiscal Meth||

    I've always wondered if the second verse was about global warming.

  • Old Mexican||

    I am going to see it tomorrow!

    Matinee hour, half price. Will smuggle my own popcorn and hotdogs...

    "Full price" is the F-word for me.

  • Joe M||

    Will smuggle my own popcorn and hotdogs...

    Is that what they call it these days?

  • rather||

    OM, theatres are a private business, and offering services for cash -isn't that your libertarian ideal?

  • Old Mexican||

    Re: rather,

    OM, theatres are a private business, and offering services for cash - isn't that your libertarian ideal?


    And I don't have any obligation to exchange my hard-earned cash for their popcorn and hotdogs. That's also the libertarian ideal.

  • rather||

    Wrong.

    The theatres state their policy in the lobby, and even on your ticket:
    Do not bring outside food into the the theatre.

    You are not required to buy their food but why should they clean and dispose of your leftovers and garbage for free?

    Do you believe in slave labor for theatre attendants? It isn't like their doctors!!

  • Old Mexican||

    Re: rather,

    The theatres state their policy in the lobby, and even on your ticket:
    Do not bring outside food into the the theatre.


    Not the theater I go to.

    Ha ha.

    You are not required to buy their food but why should they clean and dispose of your leftovers and garbage for free?


    Who said I left any evidence? I am a very tidy and clean smuggler.

    Do you believe in slave labor for theatre attendants? It isn't like the[y'e]r doctors!!


    Doctors are slaves? Oh, right: Obamacare.

  • Old Mexican||

    "Not the theater I go to."

    Name it because I believe you are lying.

  • The'ir||

    FIFY

  • rather||

    The'ir
    They're

    Name the theatre chain

  • Old Mexican||

    Re: rather,

    Name the theatre chain


    Uh uh, no way! Because then YOU will want to smuggle popcorn and hotdogs in and YOU will get caught.

    No siree - you can waterboard me or make me watch "The American President" 100 times, I will not talk!

  • rather||

    Turn into a joke because you were caught in an obvious contradiction. Everyone knows the score, little boy

  • Neu Mejican||

    caught in an obvious contradiction

    But that's his bread and water.

  • rather||

    It is a genetic defect in males

  • A Serious Man||

    Reminds me of a line from Hot Tub Time Machine:

    Lou: Here's a question. Was it morally wrong for me to exploit my knowledge of the future for personal financial gain? Perhaps. Here's another question. Do I give a fuck?

    I feel the same way about sneaking snacks into a movie. Morally wrong based on libertarian principles? Perhaps. Do I give a fuck? No.

  • rather||

    You just defined what it is to be male

  • iguanodon||

    i believe he just defined pragmatism

  • rather||

    I din't realize pragmatic was a synonym for asshole

  • RADIOACTIVE||

    And you have defined what it is to be a douche.

  • ||

    Given that they charge $6.00 for a container of popcorn that actually costs about $0.50 to make, and $4.00 for a Coke that costs less than that to make, I really don't feel a lot of hypocrisy about circumventing their self-proclaimed injunctions about bringing your own refreshments into the theater. To me it's just another way of consumers trying to reach a realistic equilibrium point in market prices.

  • NeonCat||

    In first run theaters, almost none of the ticket price goes to the theater. Almost all of the money comes from concessions.

  • rather||

    I can't find the same issues in medical treatment. Does that mean you can steal supplies while the doc isn't looking too?

  • ||

    What stealing is involved when people bring their own snacks into a movie theater?

  • A Serious Man||

    Stealing would imply taking something that isn't yours at the expense of the proper owner. Bringing something into a theatre that techincally isn't allowed doesn't cost the theatre anything because I would never spend $10 for a small or medium or whatever the hell they call the smallest container of popcorn and a soda. So if the theatre gets anal about it I wouldn't resist them confiscating my food because I recognize they can, but I sure as hell would reconsider giving them my business again which is why the ushers don't search you when you enter.

    You're comparing appples and cynder blocks in typical rather retarded fashion.

  • rather||

    A Serious Man, change your handle. I suggest I'M AN ASSHOLE

  • ||

    If theaters charged less money for snacks and refreshments, their customers wouldn't feel compelled to sneak their own snacks and refreshments in. Is this morally wrong? Yes. Should theater goers feel bad about it? Hell no! Times are tough, and at a time when movie theaters are forcing 3D on their customers to advance the cause of higher ticket prices, it's hard to sympathize with the multiplexes.

    DISCLAIMER: I tend not to eat/drink anything when I see a movie at a theater. When I do, I'll typically buy my drinks or whatever at the concession stand, because that's the more convenient option for me. I tend not to carry any bags or anything anyway, so the largest thing I could conceal on my body is a candy bar or two. From my experience, women are the biggest offenders when it comes to sneaking snacks and drinks into theaters.

  • RockLibertyWarrior||

    rather your fuckin anal. WHO GIVES A RATS FUCK WHAT YOU SNEAK INTO THE THEATER!? THE ATTENDANTS DON'T CARE, I DON'T CARE! If you don't get caught who gives a fuck?! Oh yeah the fucking theater owners are seriously going to go through the garbage looking for stuff that came from outside the theater, there is no fucking contradiction bringing in your shit, I don't want to pay ridiculous prices for popcorn and soda with my hard earned money, I won't fucking pay it sorry that is libertarian. Screw you, your a smug dumb ass hole, have a nice day:)

  • ||

    Theaters, amusement parks, bowling alleys, arcades, sporting events... these are all attractive compounds designed to keep an audience close to a snack bar where exorbitant prices can be charged for sub-par snackage. The business model is not all that uncommon. Note that the model depends on keeping you around for a couple of hours and maintaining a monopoly on food and beverage.

  • Cytard||

    "Theaters, amusement parks, bowling alleys, arcades, sporting events... these are all attractive compounds designed to keep an audience close to a snack bar "

    Wow, you're an idiot

  • jacksonville roofing||

    good comment broski

  • Neu Mejican||

    Will smuggle my own popcorn and hotdogs...

    Your lack of respect for the property rights of the theatre is appalling.

  • Paul||

    Libertarians are natural smugglers. We can't help it.

    Come a day there won't be room for naughty men like us to slip about at all...

  • Old Mexican||

    Re: Neu Mejican,

    Your lack of respect for the property rights of the theatre is appalling.


    Your concern for the theater owners' property rights is touching. Look, I'm crying already...

  • Paul||

    The shorter version is: Look, libertarians inconsistent on property rights, libtard smuggles snacks into theater!

    All this shouted while driving a bulldozer over the theater to make way for a "Community Reinvestment Act" project and New Urbanist vision which will "broaden the tax base".

    If the choice of violated property rights is a smuggled bag of Razzles or a bulldozer, I'll choose the Razzles every time.

    We already know what the progressives choose.

  • rather||

    Paul, that in a sentence tells us why libertarians, conservatives, and liberals are all the same

  • Neu Mejican||

    If the choice of violated property rights is a smuggled bag of Razzles or a bulldozer, I'll choose the Razzles every time.

    We already know what the progressives choose.

    Are you imagining that I supported New London's view on this one?

  • Fiscal Meth||

    They're right though OM. It's a form of fraud. You agree to their terms and then break them.

  • rather||

    As long as he agrees to making physicians work for slave wages -I'm OK with it ;-)

  • Old Mexican||

    re: Fiscal Meth,

    They're right though OM. It's a form of fraud. You agree to their terms and then break them.


    Would you please stop being such a party pooper and let me have some fun with the self-righteous lefties, please?

  • Neu Mejican||

    I think rather ruined it...by doing a lame serious version of my joke comment via some sort of time machine. There was no response when I posted. I swear.

  • rather||

    Fuck you, my joke was better than yours

  • Neu Mejican||

    You only think that cuz you didn't read it in the bad upper class English lady accent with which it was typed.

  • Fiscal Meth||

    I guess it's not as fraudulent as a lefty pretending to suddenly care about property rights.

  • rather||

    Prove I'm a lefty or anything else mother fucker

  • sign, sign, everywhere a sign||

    Do as I say, not as I do, eh?
    You are saying it is more fraudulent to point out hypocrisy than to be a hypocrite. Interesting view.

  • rather||

    ?

  • Drax the Destroyer||

    If a theater is not going to enforce their own policies, then why should people give a shit about them, especially if said enforced policies are likely to drive people away rather than put more asses in the seats?

  • rather||

    So, if every store does not catch every single shoplifter, five finger discounts are OK too?

  • Drax the Destroyer||

    Apples vs. oranges, Dan Rather. Testicles vs. Ovarian Testicularization. The people who sneak snacks into a theater are also the same types of people who would not buy any of the overpriced theater snacks (it's the theater's choice to charge high prices, I'd do the same) if these policies were actually enforced(I’ve never seen it). In the end, economically, the people who sneak in snacks and the people who don't buy anything (me) are virtually indistinguishable since they have not actually stolen anything. One way to change that is to drag the transgressors out kicking and screaming, embarrassing them publically. Of course this would also involve, potentially, pissing off other nearby theater goers by creating a distraction making them less likely to consider visiting the theater again.

    Theft from the grocery store involves physically taking something that belonged to the grocery store without payment. This “theft” involves bringing something into the theater that is forbidden. By bringing in a snack to a movie theater nothing has been stolen but the potential/fictional purchase of the same product at 4-10 times the cost. If you haven’t noticed, Libertarians have a problem with punishing people for the “failure” to purchase something. It may be the theater’s policy, but when the transgressors are indistinguishable from the innocent in multiple senses, where is the wisdom in the policy?

    The fact is if you want popcorn, you probably can’t sneak it in considering the volume it takes up. Candy and canned bottled/soda, however, can be smuggled in via purse or pocket and virtually the same shit can be bought at nearby grocery stores (not shop-lifted of course) for a much reduced price. The most pragmatic way to fight this kind of smuggling would involve TSA –style gropings/rapings of theater-goers. Something tells me that sitting in a cold theater to watch a potentially shit-tastic movie is not worth having your balls cupped because teenagers might hide gobstoppers in their underwear.

    Here’s a thought, maybe if the theaters could hire teenagers at less than the minimum wage, maybe they could reduce their concession prices to move them closer to parity with nearby grocery stores, pharmacies, etc. Oh, what? They can’t because it’s illegal to pay someone 3 dollars for 3 dollars worth of work? And most of the ticket price goes to Hollywood? Well, I guess they need to sell shit in the lobby at prices people are willing to pay or enforce potentially draconian policies. Or sell tickets that are 1-2 Bucks more expensive but come with a “free” soda and small popcorn. There are other solutions here than enacting a virtually unenforceable policy that lumps cheapskates in with cheapskates with roomy pockets.

  • Drax the Destroyer||

    Following up on that last paragraph, maybe just maybe, the theaters turn a profit despite all the smuggling and don't care about systematically curbing it.

  • rather||

    Despite your ideas, I believe it is libertarian for the owner of the business to set his prices, and determine business practices. Tell me Drax, what is the difference between you and the government enforcing rules on a business?

  • Drax the Destroyer||

    Despite your assertion, and as I said in that poorly proofread treatise, I think they should set their prices as well--I was just offering up suggestions. They just shouldn't be surprised when people find ways around them especially since said circumvention does not involve waving guns in peoples faces nor covertly absconding with ill-gotten merchandise. I mean look at the music industry. They are reaping what they have sown. You can't charge $20 for a mediocre Alanis Morrisette album in the 90s (which is like $400 today) and expect them to do the same when cheaper avenues manifest. For the record(har har), I buy CDs and download albums from Amazon. But then again, I don't listen to shit that most sane people would not want to pay for. And take a look at Borders for chrissake. They had to hand out 40% off coupons just to MATCH online retailer prices. No wonder those dumbasses are doomed. Charge want you must, and if it is not enough, than you are doing something wrong (which includes not enforcing your own policies).

    Tell me Drax, what is the difference between you and the government enforcing rules on a business?

    I don't like to threaten people with violence, nor do I have a penchant for putting people in the shank-rape-death hole that is the U.S. prison system. If I don't like how you run your business, I simply don't patronize your services.

  • rather ||

    It was not a question about you. The difference would be none for the theatre owner.

  • Drax the Destroyer||

    Umm...well the theater owner could resist "my trangression" by throwing me out since I am but one person or change their policy to mitigate the effect of smugglers. However, the theater owner would find himself out of business if not jailed if he tried to resist some mandate from a government agency. So there is a difference there: losing a customer guilty of smuggling vs. anal rape.

  • Neu Mejican||

    Drax the D,

    If I don't like how you run your business, I simply don't patronize your services.

    That's not what is at issue here. You are saying that if I don't like the way you run your business, I will ignore your property rights and find a work-around that allows me to break the rules you have set for conduct while on your property.

    Much different.

  • Drax the Destroyer||

    That was general boilerplate since I was talking about Borders, music, etc.

    Regarding theaters, you are right they are different scenarios. Which means that the onus is on the theaters to enforce their policies (just like the onus is on the government to throw us in prison for doing drugs). If its impossible to enforce and no one is blatantly getting robbed at gun-point, then maybe something else is amiss in the business model. Frankly, I don't buy snacks at theaters because they cost too much and my incoming type 2 diabetes will just be strengthened by ingesting such food whether it is bought in or outside of the theater.

  • Neu Mejican||

    If its impossible to enforce... then maybe something else is amiss in the business model.

    This gets, tangentially, to the core issue around property rights of business owners, it seems to me. As an example: the "right to refuse service to anyone" idea. In order to know that you are the class of person I don't want to serve, there needs to be some easily identifiable marker, or the rule is unenforceable in the same sense as candy bar smuggling. When the decision is being made based on skin color, it is easy to identify those that you are discriminating against. When it is based on behavior, it can be tougher (but not always, e.g., smoking, yelling, fighting). When it is based on belief, pretty much impossible.

    So the basic principle resulted in racial discrimination being enforced by business owners, and their right to enforce that was (until this changed) backed up by force by the government - because it was easy.

    You could (and can) sneak in your friend who is of the dis-preferred religion or belief into the business, but it would be hard to sneak in your friend with the dis-preferred skin color. Similar to how it is easy to ignore the business owner's property rights when you bring in a candy bar, but tough to get that 3 lbs of popcorn into the theater.

    When the law changed, the easily identifiable nature of skin color allowed the government force to work to protect the civil rights of the costumer against the business owner. It seems to me that those who are saying I have a right to ignore the property owners wishes...and anyway it is unenforceable...are essentially supporting the underlying principle that led to civil rights protections. Saying that your individual liberty trumps the property owners property rights unless your actions cause measurable harm. So sneaking in candy bars is okay, but stealing isn't.

    Tangential, like I said, but...

    But those that are saying that the person circumventing the property owners rules are in the right because it is unenforceable are saying that property rights are only enforceable when violations are easily detectable.

  • CE||

    The fact is if you want popcorn, you probably can’t sneak it in considering the volume it takes up.

    When I was a kid, not only did we smuggle extra kids into the drive-in hidden in the trunk or under a blanket, but we smuggled in several brown paper grocery bags full of popcorn. We were the sort of people who would drive across the state line to get the GOOD fireworks, too.

  • sign, sign, everywhere a sign||

    Nearly every dime of your ticket price goes to cover the cost of the film rental from the distributor. All the money made by the business is from refreshments. Asses in seats don't matter it they ain't holding a drink and/or popcorn.

  • ||

    At what point does a moviegoer agree to the theater's demand not to bring one's own refreshments into the theater? I don't find any such term on the ticket that represents my contractual privilege to enter the theater.

  • rather||

    Theatres have the rules posted in the ticket purchasing area, and often on the ticket. Claiming ignorance, while hiding the food is tantamount to acknowledgement

  • ||

    In many restaurants, you will find a sign (usually posted up above the cash register stand next to the entrance) that says something like, "This establishment reserves the right to refuse to serve anyone." As you undoubtedly know, since such signs were once used as a code to express a racially discriminatory intent, such signs are totally discriminatory under the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

    So just posting a prominent sign that announces some condition is not any compelling legal authority of any kind. Its value lies in the willingness of people to obey instructions. See Milgram's experiment for more on peoples' willingness to obey instructions from those who claim to be in positions of authority.

  • ||

    I meant to say such signs are totally unenforcable, not totally discriminatory. Please ignore the error.

  • sign, sign, everywhere a sign||

    Rarely been to a theater where it wasn't posted.

  • ||

    It's posted in most, if not all, theaters, true. But it's not a rule in any realistic sense. It may be a condition of entry to the theater and that MAY justify the policy of most theaters of claiming to be entitled to oust the person who is found to bring in his own food. But I'm still at a loss to see where there's any consent by the consumer to the restriction, which is, I think, why, in most theaters, if they kick you out they have to give you your money for the ticket purchase back.

  • ||

    Come to think of it, I wonder if such a restriction wouldn't be an illegal "tying arrangement" by theaters that violates antitrust statutes?

  • Neu Mejican||

    [sigh] - let's change that sign:

    No guns allowed in the bar.

    Do you think that is an unenforceable rule? Should the bar be able to kick you out when the find you hiding your pistol? How is this different?

    NO breastfeeding in the lobby.

    Again, enforceable or not? Why or why not?

  • ||

    Your last example fails due to municipality level laws requiring acceptance of breastfeeding.

    Not that I'm complaining. As a parent I'm fully aware that you need to feed the kid when and where the kid needs feeding. And as a dude, I'm not ever going to oppose the display of breasts. Unless they belong to my daughter - in which case everyone in the vicinity is getting an ass kicking. Parents don't have to be logically consistent.

  • Neu Mejican||

    Your last example fails due to municipality level laws requiring acceptance of breastfeeding.

    So, these laws are acceptable to you? The government restriction on property rights is appropriate in this case?

  • Drax the Destroyer||

    Metal detectors can somewhat painlessly detect the possibility of a gun, and yes they should kick you out or ask you to put it in your car and then come back through the metal detector ---if that is their policy. If you don't like it don't go there. Or lose your shit, shoot up the place, and eventually end up the victim of 4000 bullet wounds.

    Currently, nothing short of x-rays and pedophile hands will find food-based contraband in a theater. Tell me, would you go to a theater that operated like the TSA?

  • Neu Mejican||

    To be clear, the position being put forth is that if the property owner is going to have a hard time enforcing his property rights, then the person violating them is in the right?

    Am I following the reasoning?

  • ||

    It's not that the property is going to have trouble enforcing his stricture (although the trouble he has to take enforcing it ought to come into the profit-loss thinking of the business), it's that some strictures are just routinely ignored for entirely understandable, and sometimes justifiable, reasons.

  • DK||

    Tell me, would you go to a theater that operated like the TSA?

    A similar question can be asked about the guns. Would you go to a theater that required metal detectors to enter and treated all of its potential customers as criminals?

  • Drax the Destroyer||

    No? Is this a trick question?

  • ||

    Firearms are widely acknowledged to be dangerous and therefore subject to reasonable regulation, unlike food, which may be fattening but isn't generally thought to be dangerous.

    Women exposing their breasts to feed their babies in public is often perceived as in extremely bad taste. In most jurisdictions it would be seen as criminal behavior, indecent exposure.

    Bringing food into a theater that posts signs saying the theater doesn't want you to do that, the obvious motivation therefore being that you will buy their ridiculously overpriced junk doesn't quite rise to the same level of misbehavior as guns and breast-feeding.

  • CE||

    What we have on display here is a snapshot of the different worldviews of libertarians and authoritarians.

    Libertarians will gladly violate written rules and the property rights of owners they defend philosophically, if they can justify it to themselves that no real harm is done.

    Authoritarians respect the property rights of the theater owners not one whit, but they are shocked, shocked I tell you, at the audacity of someone who wouldn't follow the rules.

  • Kurt Loder||

    What do you mean, you're going? I wrote the plot of the entire film in the review so you wouldn't have to.

  • rather||

    lol

  • Quetzalcoatl||

    Yeah, that probably does more damage to the studio/theater than food-piracy.

  • rather||

  • Old Mexican||

    Re: Kurt Loder,

    What do you mean, you're going? I wrote the plot of the entire film in the review so you wouldn't have to.


    Dude, I got kids: I stopped bothering with plots 3 years ago. Just how much of a plot do you think there is in Wall-E? And I have watched that thing 5 times already.

  • ||

    Forget Wall-E; that one actually contains emotional moments that one can identify with; how about Avatar?

  • A Serious Man||

    I'm going to assume that entertaining movies like this will become rarer and rarer as the studios run the superhero genre into the ground.

  • Au H20||

    Hey, I'm holding out for a Squirrel Girl movie.

  • P B||

    I'm waiting for a Lobster Girl movie, myself.

  • alan||

    A Crrrrt to that, brother. Ditko wrote the story where she kicked Dr. Doom's ass, so it's canon!

  • Au H20||

    Not just Dr. Doom: Squirrel Girl has beaten Thanos and Galactus, both off screen. In fact, I'm pretty sure she's taken down every big bad in the Marvel universe.

    Shit, they don't need the avengers-just call in Squirrel Girl and jump cut to her and her army of squirrels sitting on the villians body.

  • ||

    Plastic Man; I'm waiting for Plastic Man.

  • Almanian||

    Ah, I see the sausage/dork fest has already begun.

    Won't see it. You kids enjoy your comix, mmm'kay!

  • CE||

    Don't worry, we will. Your loss -- it was a great movie.

  • ||

    On Friday, officers with the Waterloo Police Department's Violent Crimes Apprehension Team received information as to the location of 20-year-old Joshua Jermaine Douglas.

    Officers determined Douglas was staying in Room 245 at the Econolodge, 3350 University Ave. Douglas eventually came to the door and gave up. Douglas was taken into custody on multiple arrest warrants related to a shooting that occurred in the area of Linn and Adams streets on July 6.

    Douglas was booked at the Black Hawk County Jail on warrants for going armed with intent, intimidation with a dangerous weapon, carrying weapons and possession of marijuana.

    Nothing else happened.

    http://wcfcourier.com/news/loc.....03286.html

  • Warty||

    Post a fucking Pixies link while you're at it, you fucking idiot.

  • ||

    Do we actually fucking have a dipshit troll whose purpose is to link to police actions where the police don't go overboard?!?

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Oh, the desperation of the trolls is beyond delicious. Who can top this?

  • Warty||

    Think it's dunphy? The use of punctuation argues against it.

  • ||

    Nah, it has that desperate "pay attention to me" feel of the regular trolls. It's satisfyingly pathetic.

  • ||

    The irony that this turd feels it *must* post such things is lost on it, I'm sure.

  • ||

    Stupid and pathetic. What a combo.

  • ||

    it is NOT me.

  • Old Mexican||

    Re: Episiarch,

    Do we actually fucking have a dipshit troll whose purpose is to link to police actions where the police don't go overboard?!?


    Look, I have to give it to him [or her, whatever]: It is a very difficult - nay, herculean - and time-consuming task to find such links where police do not go overboard.

  • Hercule Saviour Triathalete||

    Did someone say [HERCULEAN]?

  • BakedPenguin||

  • ||

    that's called selection bias.

    newspapers fall under "if it bleeds, it leads"

    they don't report (generally speaking) the VAST majority of arrests that go down w/o a hitch or ouchie.

    duh

    i've literally tackled two people with knives in the last year

    one had threatened her domestic partner and cut herself with it

    the other had grabbed it and threatened to cut his mother if she tried to prevent him from running away (16 yoa).

    neither made the newspapers.

    duh

    if i had shot either person w/a knife, it would

    this is really not a difficult concept but reasonoids fail to grasp it - stuff that is not "newsworthy" doesn't make... the news. that doesn't mean it doesn't happen

    the VAST majority of cop arrests are not newsworthy because the subject of the arrest is not famous, the crime is not infamous, and/or nobody gets hurt.

    however, the VAST majority of arrests fall under these criteria.

    heroic, selfless acts by cops also rarely make the newspaper because they aren't seen as newsworthy

  • kinnath||

    Nothing else happens in Iowa, ever.

  • Paul||

    Douglas was booked at the Black Hawk County Jail on warrants for going armed with intent, intimidation with a dangerous weapon, carrying weapons and possession of marijuana.

    Nothing else happened.

    So if nothing else happened, the question that comes to my mind is, what are these officers doing wrong? Where are the dead dogs or innocent family members sleeping in other rooms? We are told by police officers everywhere that these actions are justified and even warrant medals. So if that's not happening in these situations, clearly, something is amiss.

  • Warty||

    I bet you can count on one hand the number of faces you've punched. PWND

  • Bill||

    In one of his last articles here, the bald guy (Balko? How soon we forget), mentioned that the number of incidents of police malfeasance is dereasing, particularly as a percentage. So, of course, there are many, many more incidents of cops not being dicks or doing illegal things.
    It does not hurt to keep that in mind, no matter how infuriating the stories are when they do abuse their power. It is their job to enforce the F*^**'d up drug laws and they are told it is a war.

    We hear about most of these incidents even if they happened 1,000's of miles away. Just like some people think that molesters/killers are waiting for their children if they let them outside because we now hear about almost every single incident that occurs from all over the world.

  • Joe M||

    Chris Evans was a good choice for Captain America, too. Already a veteran of the Marvel universe (he was in both of the lamentable Fantastic Four movies)

    Noooo! Broken canon, rip in the space-time continuum, dogs and cats living together!

  • Au H20||

    In episode 2F09 when Itchy plays Scratchy’s skeleton like a xylophone, he strikes the same rib in succession, yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we to believe? That this is some sort of a magic xylophone or something? Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that one.

  • Sudden||

    This esoteric and entirely appropriate reference puts you into H&R Hall of Fame. Now prepare to be sodomized by Warty while Sugarfree masturbates in the corner.

  • ||

    NutraSweet does not masturbate. He flagellates, furiously, until he finally achieves the sweet release of detumescence.

  • Sudden||

    Its hard to tell the difference with all the tears and whatnot.

  • Zuo||

    I've never been interested in comic book shit, but can somebody tell me real quick why they universally wear ridiculous faggy costumes?

  • rather||

    I assumed the granny underwear was to hide the bulge

  • Au H20||

    To hide their identities so that family members don't get. I mean, Aunt May can only get shot by snipers so many times.

  • CE||

    Because the creators of Superman based his costume on a circus strongman. Everyone else copied that.

  • Au H20||

    I always thought that Cap's shield was made of adamantium, like Wolverine's claws?

  • l0b0t||

    From the Wiki - "Captain America uses several shields throughout his history, the most prevalent of which is a nigh-indestructible disc-shaped shield made from an experimental alloy of steel and the fictional vibranium. The shield was cast by American metallurgist Dr. Myron MacLain, who was contracted by the U.S. government, from orders of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, to create an impenetrable substance to use for tanks during World War II. This alloy was created by accident and never duplicated, although efforts to reverse-engineer it resulted in the discovery of adamantium."

  • Au H20||

    Ah, that explains the confusion.

  • Sudden||

    Is wonder woman's lasso made with fallopium?

  • ||

    Because Hank Rearden wouldn't sell his precious metal to the government.

  • Sudden||

    It was going to be made with unobtainium, but Captain America has too much respect for the Navi.

  • Warty||

  • Au H20||

    Also, will we get any allusions to the black soldiers that they experimented on first, creating Black Captain America?

  • ||

    They were all killed by White (Power) Skull.

  • ||

    Critics are bashing it, so I'm going to assume it's because it's supposed to be a highly pro-American movie.

  • Au H20||

    It's got a 71% on Rotten Tomatoes so far. But I think some will pan it because it seems that a lot of critics are uncomfortable with the nerd takeover of Hollywood- just as some were uncomfortable with the sci-fi takeover when it first started in the late 70s.

  • NotSure||

    Well he is called Captain America, not Captain Canada.

  • Ted S.||

    If you want to see the Canadians fighting the Nazis movie, I can strongly recommend 49th Parallel, although Laurence Olivier's Quebecois accent is something to behold.

  • Jeffersonian||

    "The Devil's Brigade" is another good one.

  • ||

    That usually means I'll buy the DVD, whether I see it or not. Just to stick a finger into the eye of the self-appointed Illuminati.

  • affenkopf||

    Which critics? All I've read liked it.

  • ||

    This actually sounds like it might be good. Loder's track record on this type of movie has been pretty good so far (I think), unlike comedies, so I might just have to go check it out.

  • ||

    I think I'll catch this one too. I was pretty meh about it at first, but it's growing on me (Get it off! Get it off!).

    The boy is pretty hot to see Cowboys and Aliens, as am I, but it looks like it may be a bit much for the 11-year old pysche.

  • moe.||

    Captain Captain America said you gotta be like me
    Or you're gonna wind up dead last
    At the end of your rope
    Flat broke
    Down and tired
    You sleepy head
    Won't you go to bed
    Let me run your life
    Lies

    Clark Kent ran for president
    No one knew about the secrets locked in his head
    Friends tried to take his life
    Accusations flew
    Flew like Kryptonite
    Clark still looking good
    What you gonna say
    To make everything alright
    Lies

    May be right
    May be wrong
    I'm in the middle anyway
    May be right
    May be wrong
    I'm in the middle anyway
    Stuck in the middle anyway

    Buckshot shooter
    Had a realm of fun
    With a smoking gun
    Heard around the world
    What a War of the Worlds
    What a wonderful way to wage
    Suicide
    Lies!
    Pay your fine
    Do your time
    Let me run your life
    Lies

    May be right
    May be wrong
    I'm in the middle anyway
    May be right
    May be wrong
    I'm in the middle anyway
    Stuck in the middle anyway
    Right in the middle
    Dead in the middle anyway

    Captive America read I gotta be like you
    With a bubble in your bed
    Buzzin' your telephone
    Like you're not at home
    Home on the range
    Bread and corn fed
    Won't you got to bed
    Let me run your life
    Lies

    May be right
    May be wrong
    I'm in the middle anyway
    May be right
    May be wrong
    I'm in the middle anyway
    May be right
    May be wrong
    I'm in the middle anyway
    May be right
    May be wrong
    I'm in the middle anyway
    Stuck in the middle
    Right in the middle
    Dead in the middle anyway

  • Fartnoise||

    "... an experiment involving a top-secret new serum that—in the words of Colonel Chester Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones), head of the 'Strategic Scientific Service”—will create 'a new breed of cyber soldiers'"

    I wasn't aware that the word "cyber" was at all in usage back in the '30s... (and yes, THAT's where my suspension of disbelief is interrupted).

  • l0b0t||

    IIRC, it was first used in 1948 by Norbert Wiener in his book Cybernetics or Control and Communication in the Animal and the Machine

  • l0b0t||

    It may also be a misquote by the author or a misspeaking on the part of Jones as the serum was known in the comics as the Super Soldier Serum.
    I'm reminded of the poetic license taken by Sam Jackson in Pulp Fiction where he constantly refers to his Colt 1911 chambered in .45 ACP as "Mr. 9mm".

  • Combaticus||

    If you actually listen to the trailer, you'll hear that he says "a new breed of SUPER soldiers."

  • Mint Berry Crunch||

    Figures, by the time I see the comments all the fictional metal "[word] + ium" jokes have been made.

    Anyway, who else will admit that, prior to reading this review, they thought the skinny pre-transformation Captain America was played by a different actor than the bulked-up version?

  • ||

    Guys, fucking gold: a league of a diverse group of Eurofags raged on TeamSpeak about the fact that there's even a Captain America movie because America is evil and there shouldn't be any pro-American movies (not a joke) that play poker with us reached a whole new dimension of Full Retard (tm). I brought it up and baited them, and damn it, did it work like a charm.

  • l0b0t||

    So how do they feel about Alpha Flight's Major Mapleleaf or Excalibur's Captain Britain?

  • ||

    Wow. If they ever bring the WWII Major Mapleleaf -- the one who was suspected of beating his son who also later became Major Mapleleaf -- into modern era movies, he must be played by Paul Gross. Fans of "Due South" would howl, and it could probably never happen anyway, but there is no question that Gross was born to play that role.

  • ||

    The Captain Britain of Earth-616 started off in his own series, but they had to tone it down a little (he's British). Excalibur was quite a bit later. Some bloke named Alan Moore did the writing for a while, before buggering off to waste his time on niche work like "V for Vendetta" and "Watchmen".

    Captain Britain (and Psylocke) are from Maldon-616 Essex-616, location of the battle of Maldon, setting for the Old English poem of that name.

    "Hi willað eow to gafole garas syllan,
    ættrynne ord and ealde swurd,
    þa heregeatu þe eow æt hilde ne deah.", which in modern English roughly translates to "Molon Labe".

    Canadian superheroes had to emigrate to make the big leagues.

  • Jeffersonian||

    Swatting the hives is a favorite pastime of mine, too. Ahhh, the sweet hum of hate!

  • ||

    "Captain World" just didn't have that proper ring to it.

  • Bobarian||

    What about "Captain Planet"?

    The mullet was his greatest power.

  • Aqua Buddha||

    My new mission in life is to have the last comment in every thread.

  • rather||

    Congrats!

  • steve||

    fail

  • Fatty Bolger||

    Nice that they did a good job with Red Skull. He scared the shit out of me when I was a little kid watching the cartoon. Not sure why, I don't remember a lot of details about it. Just that it seriously creeped me out.

  • rather||

    The state of Texas executed convicted murderer Mark Stroman on Wednesday after rejecting the last move in a campaign to spare his life by a survivor of the former meth addict’s Sept. 11-inspired shooting spree.

    Stroman was given a lethal injection of drugs and pronounced dead at 8:53 p.m. local time, Michelle Lyons, a Texas Department of Criminal Justice spokesman, said.

    Nothing else happened.

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43.....nd_courts/

  • rather||

    WTF?

  • ||

    My only problem with Captain America is that I can't hear the title without thinking of the Jimmy Buffett song.

    Captain America, we love you
    Captain America, you're grand
    Ol' Spiro Agnew eat your heart out
    Captain America's our man

  • redefiler||

    The next Jimmy Buffet song I want to hear is his screaming, as he's covered in fire ants and buried alive next to Frank Zappa.

    Only this and the lawsuit money from intestinal damage after eating once at his restaurant, will finally bring me some piece of mind.

  • ||

    I never even thought about it like that before. WOw.

    www.net-privacy.us.tc

  • ||

    I'll go and see it, but I'm saving most of my free movie passes to watch the movie version of "The BlackHawks" when it comes out. The prop-era (P-51's, IIRC) version not the Super-Sabre (F-100) version please.

  • ||

    "Hawk-aaaa!"

  • Cytotoxic||

    I saw it and didn't like it. Just didn't draw me in. Felt no investment.

  • redefiler||

    Apathy is a treatable condition, maybe try backing off the meds and get more exercise?

  • movies DD||

    I’m really looking forward to seeing this when it opens shortly in the UK after what – I think we would all agree -has generally been a lacklustre summer season of superhero movies.

    And Sky Captain was………..fun!! I think it qualifies as a guilty pleasure, particularly to those (such as me) who are old enough to remember the Saturday morning kids matinees at the local cinema, when they would screen old Hollywood black & white serials from the 30′s and 40′s.

  • ||

    I saw Captain America yesterday. I thought it was fun. A popcorn extravaganza. The audience was encouraged to wait through the credits to see the promise of an Avengers movie next summer, with Thor, Cap, Iron Man, etc. They showed a preview of a Columbia movie on Spider Man; evidently they're making another Origin of Spidey movie.

    Nick Fury even made an appearance.

    I also liked Sky Captain.

  • ||

    It was entertainting to see the actor who played Lt. Buck Compton in Band of Brothers playing Cpl. Dum Dum Dogan, bowler hat, muttonchops and all.

  • genesis||

    In this rich period setting, so unlike our own morally nuanced age, the story’s uncomplicated good-versus-evil structure is unusually stirring.

    I'll assume this is irony

  • CE||

    I watched Captain America a few days ago. It is a great movie, but not really a superhero movie. It's more like a World War 2 movie where the main character gets some moderately super powers, and the main villain has some (for then) futuristic weapons.

    A commenter elsewhere (IMDB?) had an excellent insight -- he said it wasn't really a movie set in the 1940's, it was more like a 1940's movie, as it might have been made back then. The music is from the 40's, the good vs. evil theme is from the 40's, the romance is strongly portrayed but never goes beyond a kiss, and there's plenty of violence, but no gore.

    The ending scene was great, and really captured how Captain America would have felt in those circumstances.

  • nike running shoes||

    is good

  • قبلة الوداع||

    thank u

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