Manly Pursuits

In which our man in Washington considers the challenges facing plumbers, wrestlers, and truck drivers.

Michael W. Lynch from the November 1999 issue

Date: Fri, Aug 20, 1999 12:30 PM EDT
From: [e-mail]
Subj: Poop Scoop

I'm starting to get a bit worried about the $150 I have bet on Al Gore's promotion. His chief pollster, Mark Penn, moved a crew into the office next door a couple months back, and the floor's bathrooms became disaster areas. It could be a case of poor upbringing. Or it could stem from the stress of poring over Gore's numbers.

At any rate, the mess got so bad that the building's general manager posted a memo complaining of "numerous reports of papers in an untidy fashion, toilets remaining unflushed, sinks clogged with paper, etc."

My first reaction was to blame the new tenants, since all was fine until they arrived. Then it occurred to me that summer interns could be at fault. But a little investigation turned up numerous eyewitness accounts of the surveyors' malfeasance.

"There's been documented evidence of them coming out of the throne and leaving [unmentionable debris]," says one second-floor tenant, who complained to the building manager. Another reports that at 5:30 one evening this week he discovered both sit-downs filled to the brim.

"It all started happening when they moved in," the second source adds, a claim bolstered by building staff who not only use the second-floor restrooms but also clean them periodically throughout the day. "They don't flush the toilets. They leave towels strewn everywhere. It's disgusting."

Perhaps the reluctance to flush is an attempt to make up for 97 million gallons of water Gore wasted on his photo-op canoeing trip on the Connecticut River earlier this year.

Date: Wed, Aug 11, 1999 1:30 PM EDT
From: [e-mail]
Subj: Pinned

Forget women's soccer, with its sports-bra-celebrating stars, in-the-buff Nike ads, and down-to-the-wire shootouts. What about men's wrestling? It, too, offers stripped-down athletes and excitement. Yet instead of being celebrated, it's under assault, according to members of the National Wrestling Coaches Association, which is in town this week for a convention. Some coaches took time to stop by Capitol Hill and brief a handful of congressional staffers on the plight of wrestling and other men's collegiate sports.

The issue is Title IX of the 1972 Education Amendments Act, which prohibits sex or race discrimination in educational programs. Under Department of Education regulations, to avoid expensive lawsuits, a school's gender breakdown of athletes must match that of its overall student body.

It's a basic parity test, or quota, which the less inhibited freely admit. Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif.) enthused at a 1997 subcommittee hearing: "It's the biggest quota you have ever seen. It is 50/50. It is a quota--a big round quota."

To get to parity, schools can add women's sports, cut men's, or blend a little of both. Since 1992, just 5,800 female spots have been added, while 20,000 male collegiate athletic opportunities have been lost, according to the Independent Women's Forum, which sponsored the Capitol Hill event.

The morning's presenters had the look of retired warriors, solid with chiseled features. They were deliberate and methodical, with the plodding assurance one might expect from coaches. They prepared handouts. They spoke in historical terms. Wrestling, said incoming NWCA president Roger Reina, who coaches at the University of Pennsylvania, "is woven into the fabric of civilizations worldwide."

The emphasis wasn't solely on wrestling--the problem extends to every male sport except basketball. Sure, 45 wrestling teams have been cut in the last five years. But the feminist battle-axe has also killed 91 track and field programs, 53 golf programs, and 39 tennis programs, all male, since 1993.

It is both a good and bad time for the wrestlers to make their case on the Hill. House Speaker Dennis Hastert, after all, is not only a former teacher but a former wrestling coach. Surely he cares. And Hastert isn't the only man in power who knows the joys of struggling mightily on a padded floor with another man. There's a possibility for a bicameral, bipartisan coalition. Sen. Paul Wellstone (D-Minn.) also wrestled.

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