Fat Girl Scouts Hate You

I just bought a late season box of Girl Scout cookies at the liquor store in my neighborhood, thinking I was being virtuous to choose thin mints over gin. Apparently not, according to MeMe Roth, whose organization has proposed a boycott:

"Girl Scout Cookies are high-calorie, high-sugar, high in saturated fat and nearly devoid of nutrition. Using young girls as a front to push millions of cookies onto an already bloated population further exacerbates an alarming crisis, no matter how cute the uniforms are. The Girl Scouts sell up to 200 million boxes yearly -- that's about one box for every overweight American."

And then there's this, also from Ms. Roth:

"I’ve always cringed at young females identifying themselves with baked goods. And I’m not convinced more cookies makes the world a better place."

The New York Times has it right in the lede, though the rest of the article wimps out:

In the grand scheme of the world’s horrors, those Thin Mints, Do-Si-Dos and Tagalongs don’t quite register up there with Al Qaeda, global warming or the cable television coverage of Anna Nicole Smith’s death as clear and present dangers to the general health and welfare.

Comments

jb | February 22, 2007, 11:47am | #

One box per year for every overweight american is a nice statistic, but unlikely to contribute to any particular crisis.

Reformed Republican | February 22, 2007, 11:52am | #

I have some Samoas in my desk here at work. This post has encouraged me to eat a few, right before going to lunch.

VM | February 22, 2007, 11:52am | #

The pisser is that with this health kick is that "Girl Scout" cookies are now made with 80% fewer girl scouts. hrumph.

/kicks pebble

(would Cupcakes be a better offer?)

joe | February 22, 2007, 11:55am | #

So self-respecting overweight American would limit himself to just one box.

MikeP | February 22, 2007, 11:56am | #

One box per year for every overweight american is a nice statistic, but unlikely to contribute to any particular crisis.

I just went to the freezer and pulled out a box of Thin Mints marked 2003. (We store our box-per-person-per-year for a number of years so, when we choose to get fat, we can do it all at once.)

There are 9 servings in the box, each with 80 fat calories and 160 total calories. If I ate the whole box, and all 1500 calories went to my hips, I would gain 7 ounces of weight.

7 ounces!

Oh the humanity.

jimmydageek | February 22, 2007, 11:58am | #

That should be considered a terrorist threat to the nation...

wayne | February 22, 2007, 11:58am | #

what global warming? I have been hot to post this on Reason, so I took the "In the grand scheme of the world’s horrors..." as an opportunity.

"...an article in Newsweek that read "There are ominous signs that the Earth’s weather patterns have begun to change dramatically and that these changes may portend a drastic decline in food production – with serious political implications for just about every nation on Earth. The drop in food output could begin quite soon, perhaps only 10 years from now. The regions destined to feel its impact are the great wheat-producing lands of Canada and the U.S.S.R. in the North, along with a number of marginally self-sufficient tropical areas – parts of India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Indochina and Indonesia – where the growing season is dependent upon the rains brought by the monsoon."

The article says that this is nothing new, but now "The evidence in support of these predictions has now begun to accumulate so massively that meteorologists are hard-pressed to keep up with it."

At first I think, you know, that the food has disappeared because so many people are so damned fat, and they just ate it all! Hahaha! Apparently, nobody is interested in my humorous and glib explanation, and with a sniff of condescension they go on "The central fact is that after three quarters of a century of extraordinarily mild conditions, the earth’s climate seems to be cooling down. Meteorologists disagree about the cause and extent of the cooling trend, as well as over its specific impact on local weather conditions. But they are almost unanimous in the view that the trend will reduce agricultural productivity for the rest of the century."

Of course, this flies in the face of the huge, and hugely popular, "global warming" argument."

Francis | February 22, 2007, 12:02pm | #

Back in business school, we studied the girl scounts of america. Turns out, the whole enterprise is a business venture centered around selling cookies.

I don't remember the exact statistics, but I do know that a huge percentage of the profits from the cookies goes to the national organization, headquartered in a 56 story Manhattan high-rise. Compared to other groups, like the boy scouts, the girls scouts only give a tiny, tiny portion of sales to the local troops.

If a girl scout troop decides to stop selling cookies and try fund-raising on their own, they are all immediately and permenantly banned from the girl scouts.

Because they don't need to advertise, or pay retailers, or pay most of their employees, the Girl Scouts of America are the single most profitable foods producer in the county.

JasonL | February 22, 2007, 12:05pm | #

You try to take away my annual Thin Mint binge, and you will have a fight on your hands.

They come in convenient single serving sleeves, too.

smacky | February 22, 2007, 12:06pm | #

"I’ve always cringed at young females identifying themselves with baked goods."


Why??? Moreover, who cares? Who even thinks about these things?


Also, where does she get the incorrect notion that Girl Scouts are fat? I'm sure some of them are, but most are not (or were not, at least when I was that age). I mean, where are the statistics that correlate being a Girl Scout (ok, a Girl Scout under the age of 15) with being fat?

jdg | February 22, 2007, 12:16pm | #

Earth to MeMe...it's not the fucking Girl Scout cookies. It's lazy adults who would rather pick up a fast food meal than cook a healthy meal at home. The cookies are just the icing on the cake.

mmmm...cookie covered cake...

step 3 Profit! | February 22, 2007, 12:17pm | #

Francis,

That information is sadly unsurprising.

Out of curiousity, was the organization FOUNDED that way (hey guys, I have this great idea to use cute little girls to shill low quality cookies!) or did it start out as a legit youth organization and mutate into the cookie monster?

In the end it's the same outcome, but I'd keen to know how it got there.

Thanks in advance!

Number 6 | February 22, 2007, 12:19pm | #

Francis: For some reason, that sounds like a South Park episode.

mediageek | February 22, 2007, 12:20pm | #

Kathrine Mangu-Ward:

We thin -mint- gin?

mediageek | February 22, 2007, 12:22pm | #

Wow, MeMe Roth is on record as stating:

“Women commit fraud on their wedding days -- they weigh-in for the walk down the aisle with no expectation of maintaining that weight year after year,”

From her webpage here.

VM | February 22, 2007, 12:24pm | #

Media -

sadly I know a fellow who expresses that expectation to women on first dates. Um. Last dates. Both.

Rick Barton | February 22, 2007, 12:26pm | #

Do they still put trans-fats in em? It's their right to do so but if so, I'm not gonna eat em.

Fatmouse | February 22, 2007, 12:29pm | #

First, they came for our red meat.

Then, they came for out trans fats.

Now, they come for our COOKIES!

Burn in hell, hippie helath nazis!

Pirate Jo | February 22, 2007, 12:31pm | #

"There are 9 servings in the box, each with 80 fat calories and 160 total calories."


WTF!?? A box IS a serving.

duncan | February 22, 2007, 12:32pm | #

Oh, just TRY to take away my Tagalongs. I DARE you.

AC | February 22, 2007, 12:33pm | #

Wow, MeMe Roth is on record as stating:

“Women commit fraud on their wedding days -- they weigh-in for the walk down the aisle with no expectation of maintaining that weight year after year,”

From her webpage here.

Countdown to a comment on her appearance starts now...

fish | February 22, 2007, 12:38pm | #

This one ought to get me banned.......Hey MeMe i've got something low-cal you can wrap your lips around!

smacky | February 22, 2007, 12:40pm | #

It's touching to see that she's devoted her entire life to being able to fit into her wedding gown year after year...

...nitwit.

Countdown to a comment on her appearance starts now...


AC,

It mentions somewhere on that link that she was born into a long family line of obesity. Thus her obsession with self-image. I mean, she looks fine. But she is just one of those people (who are pretty common, actually) who prizes fitness over all other aspects of life. quote:

Refuse to use your life as an excuse for obesity: stress, pregnancy, depression, genetics, metabolism.


...um that's a rather, ahem, large slice of life that one is supposed to discount. Stress, pregnancy, mental health, genetics and metabolism are a considerable slice of an individual's life. It's not a bad idea to try and fight weight gain whenever possible, but at the same time I think people who are obsessed with it are kind of pathetic. And ones who make it their life's mission to pester other people about it are just assholes.

Captain Holly | February 22, 2007, 12:41pm | #

Girl Scout Cookies are high-calorie, high-sugar, high in saturated fat and nearly devoid of nutrition.

Uh, yeah. And that's why people like them.

Her life must really suck if she wants people to stop enjoying Girl Scout cookies.

David | February 22, 2007, 12:42pm | #

Countdown to a comment on her appearance starts now...

This might be the one time where it would be appropriate, given Ms. Roth's obsession with appearance.

Rick Barton | February 22, 2007, 12:46pm | #

Burn in hell, hippie helath nazis!

I'm a health libertarian! How about a hippie/punk health libertarian? BTW, check out this musical longing for a melding of hippie and puck ethos.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZl31jL0Q2E

jimmy smith | February 22, 2007, 12:46pm | #

How about eating brownies instead?

Warren | February 22, 2007, 12:47pm | #

MeMe (heh, gotta love that name) is a little too skinny (read, flat) for my taste. But she doesn't look malnourished. From the three pictures I found on google, she looks well groomed and healthy. I have nothing derogatory to say about her appearance.

lunchstealer | February 22, 2007, 12:48pm | #

...thinking I was being virtuous to choose thin mints over gin. Apparently not...

Well, Thin Mints certainly don't go with gin. They also don't go with bourbon. For that you need oreos. Oreos dipped in bourbon are quite good.

I'm thinking that perhaps Kahlua might be the right liqueur to pair with Thin Mints. It is certainly the right pairing with Tim Tams which you can bite off two opposing corners of chocolate coating and then use it as a straw to draw the Kahlua into the cookie, thus creating a Kahlua-saturated Tim Tam. Oh my how it's good.

The more I think about it, the more I think that it should be Bailey's with the Thin Mint. Sortof a do-it-yourself grasshopper (the cocktail, not the Keebler Thin-Mint immitation).

Eric S. | February 22, 2007, 12:49pm | #

Girl Scouts will be fine if they simply follow Eazy E's advice: Don't get high off your own supply!

Rick Barton | February 22, 2007, 12:50pm | #

Check out my comments on the vid. They're posted with my Utube sreen name,"RickeyRamone"

JimmyDaGeek | February 22, 2007, 12:53pm | #

Yes, I was thinking Bailey's as well, lunchstealer.

Warren | February 22, 2007, 12:54pm | #

Oreos dipped in bourbon are quite good.

AHHHHHHHHH. The Horror! The Horror!
Lunchstealer you are one sick sick man.

Bryan | February 22, 2007, 12:56pm | #

Damn. At first I thought Meme was encouraging women to keep their wedding weight after the weddings. Turns out she wants fat brides.

But no fat girl scouts.

just sayin | February 22, 2007, 1:00pm | #

Why is just not eating the damn cookies themselves never enough for these people?

Francis - you got a link for all that? Plausible, but I'd like to read up on it a bit more.

Rick Barton | February 22, 2007, 1:01pm | #

...Shoulda been: "check out this musical longing for a melding of hippie and *punk *ethos."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZl31jL0Q2E

VM | February 22, 2007, 1:03pm | #

Rick - thanks for the vid. Enjoyed your comments, as usual!

cheers,
VM

R C Dean | February 22, 2007, 1:10pm | #

Girl Scout Cookies are high-calorie, high-sugar, high in saturated fat and nearly devoid of nutrition.

I'm sold. Gimme three boxes!

mk | February 22, 2007, 1:24pm | #

To my mind, the only outrageous thing about girl scout cookies is how little profit the Girl Scouts actually get from their sales.

ed | February 22, 2007, 1:31pm | #

I enjoy Girl Scout mommies.

smacky | February 22, 2007, 1:32pm | #

To my mind, the only outrageous thing about girl scout cookies is how little profit the Girl Scouts actually get from their sales.

mk,

It's important to teach girls at a young age the importance of working hard for an unfair or negligible payoff, and to teach them to accept that as their lot in life. This prepares them for marraige, childbearing, wage disparity, and all other good things that come with womanhood.

mediageek | February 22, 2007, 1:38pm | #

Well, Thin Mints certainly don't go with gin.

Yes, but evidently Meme believes that eating girl scout cookies goes hand-in-hand with singing sin.

Warren | February 22, 2007, 1:40pm | #

smacky,
You use your tongue fingers better than a $20O whore. Whadda ya say I bestow a few benefits of womanhood on you?

Dan T. | February 22, 2007, 1:42pm | #

I was wondering when it would be time for another H&R “junk food doesn’t make people fat, people make people fat” update.

smacky | February 22, 2007, 1:45pm | #

You use your tongue fingers better than a $20O whore.


Tightening the belt these days, Warren? Understandably so; these times are finanically trying.

smacky | February 22, 2007, 1:47pm | #

I meant financially, of course. My fingers are no better than a $200 whore's, apparently.

ChrisO | February 22, 2007, 1:48pm | #

If I had a daughter, I'd rather that she develop a taste for girl scout cookies than get to know Ana and Mia.

Rick Barton | February 22, 2007, 1:52pm | #

Thanks, VM. I just sorta stumbled on to the vid while I was looking for old school punk stuff on Utube.

NoStar | February 22, 2007, 2:01pm | #

This reminds me of when I got kicked out of Cub Scouts for eating Brownies.

David | February 22, 2007, 2:10pm | #

Tightening the belt these days, Warren? Understandably so; these times are financially trying.

Of course he is. Do you think insurance would cover the expensive surgery to repair the damage from dragging one's balls over broken glass for a sniff of panties?

Thomas Paine's Goiter | February 22, 2007, 2:14pm | #

Trefoils and milk.

*drool*

van | February 22, 2007, 2:31pm | #

Mmm. I anxiously await my order of 1 box samoas, 1 box tagalogs, and 1 box thin mints. They are to arrive in March.

I noticed that the Girl Scouts have removed transfats from their cookies this year. I guess it wasn't enough to satisfy the food grinches.

van | February 22, 2007, 2:33pm | #

Dan T.,

No you weren't.

smacky | February 22, 2007, 2:37pm | #

Over the holidays I learned a recipe for faux-Thin Mints. Melt a bag of mint Hershey's Kisses (available only around the holidays) down in a double-boiler. Then submerge Ritz crackers one at a time into the melted chocolate and let them dry/cool/harden on wax paper. Voila! Fake Thin Mints -- your tastebuds may not notice the difference.

Fight the cookiearchy!

MadTom | February 22, 2007, 2:53pm | #

"I’m not convinced more cookies makes the world a better place."

This woman is insane and needs to be locked up for her own protection.

Pym | February 22, 2007, 3:00pm | #

Y'know what's really good?

Take a Thin Mint and a Peanut Butter Patty & screw them together back-to-back so that the coatings fuse. MMmmm.

Oh, and my wife was "Cookie Mom" for our daughter's GS troop for several years, and they actually do get a pretty good deal. The troop earnings paid for camp fees and most other expenses for the dozen or so girls year after year. The local Council did almost as well, but had problems of its own.

Warren | February 22, 2007, 3:03pm | #

smacky,
Ritz crackers? Are you sure. I would have guessed graham crackers.

smacky | February 22, 2007, 3:10pm | #

Warren,

Positive. Scout's honor.

joe | February 22, 2007, 3:11pm | #

smacky,

Do you still have the uniform?

Number 6 | February 22, 2007, 3:18pm | #

Crap. Does anyone else have a craving for cookies?

smacky | February 22, 2007, 3:27pm | #

joe,

I don't think I ever owned a Brownies uniform, but I can't remember. I doubt that's what you were asking about, anyway (or at least hopefully not), since Brownie jumpers are only for the really, really young kids (IIRC).

The "uniform" for the older girls (the Girl Scouts) is not much to speak of. IIRC, it's like kelley green pants or something gadawful like that. *shudder*

(I don't think most girls wear the uniform. I, for one, didn't.)

And then, the sash. This details all of the trivial, menial tasks you completed, in a varying array of badges. (This is also an exercise in preparation for later life, to ready girls for flashing their breasts for worthless plastic beads at Mardi Gras.)

The Wine Commonsewer | February 22, 2007, 3:40pm | #

Do they put real Girl Scouts in those cookies?

The Wine Commonsewer | February 22, 2007, 3:42pm | #

When I was a wee lad my Ma worked for Burry Biscuit Company (now owned by Nabisco), which had the contract to make Girl Scout cookies in So Cal. That was a dream come true.

joe | February 22, 2007, 3:58pm | #

Just let me have my dream, ok?

Warren | February 22, 2007, 4:00pm | #

smacky,
Your irony must be too suBtle for me. I mean you do understand why a GS uniform inflames the male libido don't you? And Mardi Gras beads worthless? Think of them as badges of honor.. Oh right.

smacky | February 22, 2007, 4:02pm | #

I mean you do understand why a GS uniform inflames the male libido don't you?


Actually...no. Do I want to ask why? (Maybe not)

VM | February 22, 2007, 4:03pm | #

How about this:

Wilderness Girls

mk | February 22, 2007, 4:03pm | #

Mmm. I anxiously await my order

You order them? I can't think that far ahead. I usually just wait until they show up with their little table outside the local grocery store. They see me coming and start opening boxes. They will have to pause for a moment this year as I will only buy one box to start. I'm not sure how I feel about this switch from trans fats.

Later in the year I have no problem swatting down boy scouts as they try to sell me their wretched popcorn. Popcorn, HA! get a real snack food you little creeps.

smacky | February 22, 2007, 4:04pm | #

VM,

LOL! hawt

mk | February 22, 2007, 4:04pm | #

I mean you do understand why a GS uniform inflames the male libido don't you?

Is it because you are fucking creepy?

joe | February 22, 2007, 4:36pm | #

smacky,

It only works when the uniform doesn't fit right.

Are we clear?

dhex | February 22, 2007, 4:38pm | #

"I mean you do understand why a GS uniform inflames the male libido don't you? "

i know! my hands start shaking so much it's hard to get the white van started during girl scout cookie season!







to quote the fine people at vice magazine: "they can't even get a tampon in there. that's why there's a law."

joe | February 22, 2007, 4:42pm | #

TWC has deleted more cookies than Internet Explorer.

Rick Barton | February 22, 2007, 4:46pm | #

What would SuicideGirl Scout cookies be like?

Warren | February 22, 2007, 4:59pm | #

smacky (and interested others)

The short answer is; Because our culture (as well as all others) prizes youth and beauty in women. The GS uniform lends the aura of youth.

Deeper psychological answer; Role playing. As I said last week on the porn thread, and as is apparent on this thread, everyone rows their boat with different strokes. But there are some common themes. In my case it works best if a fully grown woman is wearing a perfectly tailored uniform. As you note, no actual GS looks hot in that costume, but a grown curvy woman gives it a totally different look.

Then of course there's the dialog. I imagine her sashaying up to me and saying in a breathy sultry voice "So mister, can I interest you in my cookies?" It's the clash of hot sexual adult, with innocent pre-teen girl that makes it hot. (I hope I'm explaining this right, there is nothing of pedophile here).

Cesar | February 22, 2007, 5:00pm | #

Im gonna buy extra this year just to spite Meme, the CSPI, and all the other "public health" groups.

She says on her website they want to stop "second hand obesity". What the hell is second hand obesity? If I didn't know better, I would think the site is actually a parody of the CSPI website.

lunchstealer | February 22, 2007, 5:05pm | #

VM, I just threw up a little in my mouth.

VM | February 22, 2007, 5:09pm | #

Lunch:

be happy I didn't post what Rick requested :)

David | February 22, 2007, 5:09pm | #

What the hell is second hand obesity?

It's when the french fry grease from a fat person's handshake is absorbed through your palm and causes heart disease.

Rick Barton | February 22, 2007, 5:10pm | #

A better question: What would SuicideGirl Scout cookies be named? Like maybe, Leather Lemon Snaps-or, Punk Peanut Butter...

Rick Barton | February 22, 2007, 5:13pm | #

Tagalong Spankalongs

David | February 22, 2007, 5:16pm | #

What the hell is second hand obesity?

Or the suffering caused by "Your mama's so fat..." jokes.

wsdave | February 22, 2007, 5:19pm | #

"Using young girls as a front to push millions of cookies onto an already bloated population further exacerbates an alarming crisis, no matter how cute the uniforms are."

My wife enlarged the girl scout uniform she wore as a kid, and now wears it for me. She even made some new badges for the sash. Was anyone else in pack 69?

It's quite the hit at parties,too; especially when she brings a box of cookies...

wsdave | February 22, 2007, 5:20pm | #

"What the hell is second hand obesity?"

That's when you are so fat that I can't get on the elevator.

wsdave | February 22, 2007, 5:21pm | #

"What the hell is second hand obesity?"

Or maybe when you are so fat that it takes both hands to pull up your belly to pee.

Rick Barton | February 22, 2007, 5:22pm | #

I can just imagine the legal battles that would ensue between the Girl Scouts and the SuicideGirl Scouts.

VM | February 22, 2007, 5:32pm | #

Rick - Siouxsie Sioux Snaps, of course :)

But the fight wouldn't be ...pretty...

Happy Jack | February 22, 2007, 5:43pm | #

smacky,

Do you still have the uniform?

What do you think this is, Japan?

Rick Barton | February 22, 2007, 5:44pm | #

Note that I said legal battles and not physical battles, cuz the SuicideGirl Scouts would all be over 18 and the Girl Scouts are just little kids. A physical battle would be as unfair as if, say, our government's military attacked some little country that posed no threat to us and....

Rick Barton | February 22, 2007, 5:54pm | #

VM,

Whoa! That scared the bjesus outa me. Now I'm not even gonna answer the front door when they come hawking their trans-fat laden treats. BTW, do they all still contain trans-fats?

VM | February 22, 2007, 6:04pm | #

:)
It's as in the soviet union:

In Soviet Russia, fats trans you.

Rick Barton | February 22, 2007, 6:23pm | #

Siouxsie Sioux Snaps

That's good! Here are the pictures for the box.

http://www.vamp.org/Siouxsie/Images/gizmo95.jpg

http://www.vamp.org/Siouxsie/Images/siouxsie6-tb.jpg

Stevo Darkly | February 22, 2007, 6:38pm | #

What would SuicideGirl Scout cookies be named?

Pierce-alongs?

Blonde-on-Blonde Peanut Butter Sandwich Cookies?

Rick Barton | February 22, 2007, 7:00pm | #

BTW, this brief conversation with Siouxsie before Siouxsie and the Banshees acquired fame, from this vid about the early punk scene in London, is very likely her very first TV interview.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLomh6HUbNk

van | February 22, 2007, 7:26pm | #

>BTW, do they all still contain trans-fats?

no, they took them out and still they're getting shafted.

mk | February 22, 2007, 8:28pm | #

BTW, do they all still contain trans-fats?

Girl scout cookies just aren't the same without trans-fats in much the same way that John Waters' films just aren't the same without the fat trannies.

Nekked? | February 22, 2007, 8:45pm | #

I don't think most girls wear the uniform. I, for one, didn't.

Pictures. We want pictures, please.

Take physic, pomp, and call me in the morning | February 22, 2007, 8:49pm | #

What the hell is second hand obesity?

Measurable girth-expansion in a sixtieth of a minute?

smacky | February 22, 2007, 11:34pm | #

Sorry everyone, but mk wins the thread:

Girl scout cookies just aren't the same without trans-fats in much the same way that John Waters' films just aren't the same without the fat trannies.

Warren | February 22, 2007, 11:41pm | #

Sorry everyone, but mk wins the thread:

Awww Man, no fair

/kicks pebble

The Wine Commonsewer | February 23, 2007, 2:03am | #

VM, you funny.

Rick Barton, you funny.

Joe, you funny, I'm so old I can't delete cookies anymore. Or maybe, I just, well, never mind.