The Clown Panic Comes to College
Auburn University has issued a public-safety bulletin about the clown menace. Read it here.
RAIThe Great Clown Panic of '16 began in August, you'll recall, when children at an apartment complex in Greenville, South Carolina, claimed to have spotted some malevolent clowns in the woods, sparking city-wide chatter about clown conspiracies. Before long, the delirium was spreading across the Carolinas. In Winston-Salem, two kids claimed that a clown carrying candy had tried to lure them into the forest; not long after that, in nearby Greensboro, a man called 911 to report a clown, who he then supposedly chased into the woods with a machete. ("Officers responding to the call could not find the clown," the local News & Record reported.)
The meme had marched into Georgia by mid-September, when two Troup County residents claimed to have seen some clowns trying to lure kids into a van, then confessed that they had made it up and were charged with making a false report. Last week a Georgia girl was arrested for bringing a knife to her middle school. She said she needed it to protect her from the clowns. By then the currents of coulrophobia had flooded into Alabama, where Facebook posts about the clown threat prompted schools across the state to go on lockdown, and where yet more hoaxsters were eventually arrested.
Now the Alabama wave has hit the world of higher education. Charles W. Johnson, a Reason contributor, passes along a mass email that the Department of Public Safety and Security sent across the Auburn campus. Here's how it begins:
On Monday evening the university and Auburn Police Division received a few reports of people dressed in clown costumes on campus. There were also several social media posts that suggested the same. We have seen similar reports of clown sightings at other universities and towns across the State of Alabama and the Southeast.
Auburn Police officers were on patrol and immediately responded to the areas reported but were unable to locate anyone. Auburn Police will continue to patrol our campus and investigate any suspicious activity. We are not aware of any danger or threat to our campus community.
We also had a report of students walking around looking for people dressed as clowns. For your safety, we strongly encourage you to leave this job to Auburn Police. Please use good judgment and avoid wearing clown masks, as it could be perceived as a hazard or threat to others.
The bulletin goes on to offer information about emergency numbers, the Night Security Shuttle, and other safety services.
Amid this cascade of hoaxes, pranks, and schoolyard rumors—and possibly, at some point, a sighting of an actual professional Bozo on his way to a birthday party—there have been exactly zero confirmed cases of harlequins plotting to kidnap or molest children. But you knew that already.
Bonus video: This scare may be silly, but I sympathize with anyone who's afraid of clowns in general. When I was little, I'd run screaming from the TV set whenever this film aired on Sesame Street:
Photo Credit: PBS
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What about these clowns in Washington. Am I right?
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+1 Hey-ohhh!
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Yes, you are right.
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What about that Rethugikkkan kkklown kkkar!?
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Where do they come up with this stuff?
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Does this taste funny to you?
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It's like the circus never left town.
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This is all gonna be revealed as some shadow advertising campaign for the shitty remake of Steven King's It that's coming out soon, isn't it??
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Or the next Batman movie?
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I've seen some speculation along those lines, but (a) I kinda doubt that would start in Greenville, and (b) even if it did begin that way, it has clearly taken on a life of its own.
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Speaking as someone from Greenville, most people around here have laughed it off as some stunt. There are a couple soccer moms saying "but the kidzzz!" but even the local newscasters got a chuckle from it.
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Yeah. It would start here in Maine.
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I still bet it's a creepy pasta meme that made its way into the wild.
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If it is advertising-related that could backfire badly. I assume that legitimate advertisers know that.
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Legitimate Advertisers would know that, but they also know that it isn't their job to care it's their job to generate buzz. If this is an advertising campaign, it's an inspired one. As most advertisers are lazy jagoffs, I don't think that's the case nor can I really think of any clown related product that would want to advertise in this way beyond a remake of S.K.'s It.
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Killer Klowns from Outer Space, surely
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I can see the cops shooting up this gathering of freaks (ala Waco).
https://www.ringling.com/clownauditions/ -
It will just turn out to be Juggalos.... which is actually scarier than clowns!
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If yer religion is Juggaloism or clownism, you get chased (by machete-wielding "defenders of the public") into the woods, for wearing your favorite outfit (that somewhat conceals your identity).
If you almost totally conceal your identity behind a burka, and your religion is Islam? Almost all of Government Almighty stands ready to defend yer rights...
WTF?
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It's a hands-off policy for groups that vote Democrat.
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I have yet to see a date-able juggalo, so...
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You're not into flabby trailer chicks with bad hair and neck tattoos?
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Hey, now... some of them are horrifically skinny with bad hair and neck tattoos.
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Not the Juggalettes of southeastern Virginia, homie. Well, aside from the ones who are into meth.
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Two minutes before I read this post, my wife was telling me about some new toys she bought for da churren.
"They have magnets," she said.
"Uh-huh," I said. "And how do they work?"
I ducked fast enough to avoid the hairbrush she threw at my face, but it was
close. -
there have been exactly zero confirmed cases of harlequins plotting to kidnap or molest children
The greasepainted ghost of John Wayne Gacy laughs at you. But, yeah, nothing recent.
I'm wondering if this is a cultural echo of the Gacy kidnappings?
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I'm wondering if this is a cultural echo of the Gacy kidnappings?
I think he played a role in clowns' cultural evolution from "something funny that some people find scary" to "something scary that some people find funny." So in that sense, yeah, I think there's an echo.
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Crazy Joe Davola agrees.
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Not an expert, but I believe that clowns were always vaguely sinister up until the mid-twentieth century.
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Through the British pantomime via the Italian commedia dell'arte, Clown was a chaotic joker playing often harmful pranks on figures of authority. However funny the Three Stooges might seem, in real life when they accidentally crack your skull with an extension ladder, drive a steamroller over your car and flood your house by busting a water pipe it probably ain't so funny.
There might be a sociology paper to be written about how this clown panic is a reflection of the anxiety over an election where you're given a choice of two ludicrously inept candidates and you try desperately to think how funny these jokers are going to screw things up just to keep down the rising horror of realizing one of these morons is seriously going to have access to the full power of the Presidency.
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"Prepare to witness the full might of this fully armed and operational Battle-Desk..."
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Its not. To be a 'cultural echo' it would need to be something that was actually prominent in the culture - and Gacy was not until after he was caught and none his clown shenanigans were involved with his murders.
Until then he was just a run-of-the-mill serial killer 'somewhere on the other side of the country' for tiny percentage of the nation that had heard of these murders in the first place. Remember, his killings not only predate CNN, the predate *cable*.
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Good point.
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The Hi ho Series
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I dressed my dog up as Pugliacci for Halloween once. That was pretty scary.
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I think, by the way, maybe this one hit the sweet spot of just at the start of a school year but not too close to the annual Halloween razor candy kerfuffle.
There needs to be a law about covering your face up with too much makeup. (I'm also talking to you, lady libertarian readers!) Unless there's a veil covering up that face paint or you're supporting the team, BAN IT.
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Let my people go!
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A people cry out for a leader in these dark times...
CRUSTY, LEAD YOUR PEOPLE TO FREEDOM!
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The panic had entered Georgia by mid-September
OR THE CLOWNS DID
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What's going to happen when a clown appears on a college campus with a combover and wearing a Make America Great Again cap?
I think that safe space is going to be very crowded and extra coloring books will be needed.
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No fan of Il Douche, but have to wonder if you are on the Clinton payroll by chance? One of those paid posters [Barrier Breakers] I've heard about?
How did you get that gig, anyway?
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Respond to those ads that show up in the comments every day. 'Last month my sister-in-law's cousin's daughter made $9704 by sitting at a computer'...
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Sounds like too many people thinking that the movie "Killer Klowns from Outer Space" was a documentary.
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Best movie ever.
And it was a documentary.
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there have been exactly zero confirmed cases of harlequins plotting to kidnap or molest children
That zero is just the tip of an iceberg. Does jesse not realize how many clown-rapes go unreported?
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One in four clowns rape someone. That's the facts!
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One in four clowns rape someone.
Every twenty minutes!
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Your facts are misleading. The fact is that most clown-rapes involve 4 clowns. Who stalk their pray riding a single tricycle.
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Prey for deliverance.
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Spelling-Nazis are worse than clowns.
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I'm deplorable.
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Do you come in a basket?
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Another masturbation euphemism?
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Troup County.
You're kidding me?
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A group of clowns is known as an "Alley"
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Thanks Captain Bring Down.
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That's "Principal Director"-Bringdown
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*Gulp; kowtows & withdraws*
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Maybe the Hillary campaign has hired an army of clowns to distract attention from her next scandal? If my timing is right, that will be any minute now.
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She's definitely got at least a platoon of clowns running her social media presence.
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200 Clinton donors appointed positions in the State Department. She straight-up sold the SD for personal profit. If that didn't sink her, what could?
Related: I see the Trump foundation is being investigated and they announced this morning '...he could have...', '...might have...' etc but no actual examples of wrongdoing. Cankles' foundation very clearly is a money laundering operation, is still operating as such, and there are many clear cut examples of law breaking...and she gets to skate.
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200 Clinton donors appointed positions in the State Department.
please! that's a ridiculous exaggeration and completely inconsistent with the facts. this is exactly how fake-scandals get spread. It makes perfect sense in a "clowns" thread!
it was *194*, and they were only placed on advisory boards. Which afaik are unpaid positions (of influence) which allow greater plausible deniability as to their 'official' role. so nyah.
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Yeah, Dawn McCall was most decidedly NOT only on an advisory board.
(BTW, the current leadership in this bureau has also renovated the already-renovated office space)
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ugh. my point was that the "200" number was being misconstrued.
this (from 2013) seems a richer primary source on that particular character. Not that i don't trust the trump-campaign website (har), its just that they write like he talks.
i find job titles like, "principle(sp) deputy coordinator" suspicious in and of themselves.
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I know - just wanted to point out that the gazette article was wrongzo.
I worked under McCall. I saw exactly what she did and how she acted. Her successors are far, far, far, far worse. But they came directly from the White House (I hear rumors that they were "gotten rid of" by moving them here), so there will be no IG report.
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I worked under McCall. I saw exactly what she did and how she acted. Her successors are far, far, far, far worse
huh.
from what i gathered from the Examiner piece, the entire office seems to me a bit of a 'make-work' operation.
I've always thought that Government PR-efforts were ridiculous wastes of resources for agencies which hold monopoly authority;
e.g. they were touting the growth of "likes" for the State Dept on Facebook.
Which is bizarre; why measure the impressions of people you aren't actually servicing? I'd think metrics like "number of visa applications processed" and "speed/efficiency" of turnaround, or "number of travelers abroad aided" or something would be a more tangible measure of 'performance'.
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Her successors have, like I said, re-renovated the renovated offices.
In addition: they've put all their eggs in the basket of "campaigns" (shit like one-off blogs and brochure web sites on climate change and diversity and all that crap).
The support for the U.S. Embassy web sites, in the meantime, is dying a very painful death. There won't be any technical/development resources to deal with redesigns or bug fixes. The Embassies are the backbone of U.S. PR efforts overseas - the goal in this bureau was always to support them in their public diplomacy. These new people have centralized public diplomacy in DC, and provide no support at all to "the field". In fact, they kept a retiring manager on board as a consultant for a few months when they first came here, and proceeded to do the opposite of everything this person recommended (this is a person who would have been just as successful and well-regarded in private industry and it was a terrible time for them to retire). The new people also took (expensive, taxpayer-funded) trips all over the world to get an idea of what the Embassies wanted and needed, then also proceeded to do the opposite. They're the definition of millennial no-dues-paying babies who got where they are because of their connections.
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It is rounding, not exaggerating.
She sold the office. That is not a fake scandal. Name one R who could have gotten away with this. Remember Ed Meese?
The whole thing is beyond the pale.
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Sorry Gilmore I think I missed the sarcasm.
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We all forget the /sarc sometimes
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I heard part of Willy's interview on NPR. The part regarding the foundation was mind-blowing. Accepting foreign donations as SOS was copacetic because the POTUS had final say so and, now that Hillary might be POTUS, they're stopping because it might be seen as an impropriety. The people running the foundation are professionals who know the rules and everybody should just relax because they'd never knowingly do anything illegal.
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The dumbing down of America is complete. They know they can do anything they want as long as they can keep handing out the free shit.
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The enclownening of America.
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"Beclowning" is the more normative term.
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cis-harlequinist!
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It's a regular clownspiracy.
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The people running the foundation are professionals
Yes, I'd say they are.
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The world's oldest profession.
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Maybe the Hillary campaign has hired an army of clowns
This voter is 51% convinced that she's hired Trump to get her into office.
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I'm about 50% convinced of that theory. I'm also 50% convinced that Trump hired her to get HIM into office.
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"We also had a report of students walking around looking for people dressed as clowns. For your safety, we strongly encourage you to leave this job to Auburn Police."
Okay, I'm going to bed now. There's no way I'm reading anything funnier than that the rest of the day.
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Clown Lives Matter!
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Okay, I'm going to bed now. There's no way I'm reading anything funnier than that the rest of the day.
Almost, immediately after saying "We looked around and couldn't find anybody." too!
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Auburn police did later find several students boxing the clown
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On Monday evening the university and Auburn Police Division received a few reports of people dressed in clown costumes on campus. There were also several social media posts that suggested the same. We have seen similar reports of clown sightings at other universities and towns across the State of Alabama and the Southeast.
Auburn Police officers were on patrolI think that last bit explains the whole thing.
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coulrophobia
Why is it always a phobia? I get the distinct impression that the guy chasing a clown off his property with a machete wasn't filled with an overwhelming fear of clowns.
Also, how does one psychologically disentangle the irrational fear of clowns from the perfectly rational hatred of mimes?
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Mimes are French. Duh.
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What do you have against Stan Laurel?
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+1 Crazy Joe Davola.
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+1 kibosh
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Interesting video. I guess it shows the application of the clown makeup, played backwards. But if that wasn't explained when the video ran, I can see how it would scare children. Not the clown face, the way its components were "put into" those tubes.
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This has to be the stupidest panic in the history of panics. Clowns are deserving of scorn and hatred but not fear, except for Ronald McDonald who may be partially responsible for more deaths than Hitler.
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Certainly responsible for gassing far more people.
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*slow clap*
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Hi Jesse! Great article with some really nice writing.
"coulrophobia" and "harlequins" - Finally, a chance to use that "trivial pursuit" answer about "fear of clowns" in the real world!
I really appreciated reading that. After all, how many times can you use the exact same word in one article? 6 "clowns" in the first paragraph. That had to more difficult to write than it would appear at first blush.
"Amid this cascade of hoaxes, pranks, and schoolyard rumors" - nice turn of phrase.
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They're already here......
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I don't want to be callous, but what is the downside here? Less people dress like clowns? Sounds like a win to me.
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*Fewer* people dress like clowns.
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No. People that dress like clowns are always "lesser."
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Relax, lay down and don't be pedantic.
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*cups hand to ear*
*nods emphatically*
*thumbs up*
*winks*
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My youngest sister never wanted anything to do with clowns( or Santa Claus for that matter). Not because she feared clowns, but quite rationally in my opinion, was uncomfortable around an adult who would dress up and act like that.
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Same goes for ostensibly grown "men" who excel at roller skating and hang around rinks full of children performing enticing pirouettes all day.
Saw some of those at my last themed birthday party of one of my daughters. They are truly more sinister than clowns.
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Oh yeah? How about the middle aged and plus men who hand around alone in book stores? Ever notice that they hold up books and pretend to read while they peek around the book? They are usually looking at young girls between trips to the bathroom to give each other blow jobs.
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I have seen women who were moderately attractive and had strong mothering instincts, i.e. loved children, who were clowns for kids parties. They were ok.
Anyone else, not so much.
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OT: We need tougher Anthony Weiner control.
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Link. Hillary and her advisors have terrible taste in men. Also, lonely men get lonely, but goodness.
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Anthony Weiner carried on a months-long online sexual relationship with a troubled 15-year-old girl telling her she made him 'hard,' asking her to dress up in 'school-girl' outfits and pressing her to engage in 'rape fantasies'
Too bad Tony Weiner isn't a cop, because a bunch of commenters on here would defend him to their last breath against the accusations of that little whore.
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Dunphy has a posse?
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Apparently we're unreasonable cop-haters for not seeing the nuance in a group of cops carrying on sexual relationships with an underage girl while threatening to send her to jail if she didn't comply.
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So...."one guy" (Brochettaward) .... is "a bunch"...
Brochettaward|9.8.16 @ 3:28PM| block | mute | #
Looking at it, my post definitely invites criticism. The use of the term 'broad' and the definitive nature of it were pretty strong ways to put it. I didn't put much thought into it at the time. It wasn't even meant to be a shot at ENB. It was just an off-handed remark on a story that barely even interests me.And I suppose that was his "last breath"
serious business.
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Because is hasn't happened on other threads about her...
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Your peculiar passion for defending her honor is noted.
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And you can pretend that he didn't write 20 posts arguing his original point before writing the one you posted.
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C'mon SugarFree, I just got scolded for rounding 194 up to 200.
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Get these clowns outta here...
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Do I amuse you? Funny how? The way I talk?
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Prediction: there will be more clowns this Halloween as a result of this pants shitting.
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When facing down a group of clowns, always go for the juggler.
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Swiss !
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*narrows gaze*
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A hobo in a dress is a clown.
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What are you going to do? Tickle his balls?
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What's the toughest thing about being a child molester?
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Sitting next to Bill on the plane ride to the island?
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Coming up with a game plan to stop Vinny Testaverde?
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Nice.
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What's the best part about fucking 28 year-olds?
There's twenty of them. /rimshot
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Speaking of clowns, I cream-pied my gf's face the other day.
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Pics
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Speaking of John Wayne Gacy the killer clown. They botched his lethal injection. It was a fiasco. He stayed conscious and struggled for 20 minutes before he died.
So the joke going around was Getting rid of Gacy - good idea, poor execution.
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*retroactively narrows gaze*
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Got me a narrowed gaze, Not like beating Fist on the links, or gettin' a hat tip, but still. (fist pump) Awright!
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Of those three, one never happens, and the other happsn by a fluke of timing. So having switzy squint at you is the most achievable achievement on H&R.
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For real. Getting a narrow gaze from Swiss is only slightly more difficult than naming a thing that almost everybody likes and having UCS say "I don't like that."
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You ever hear that Chicago punk band The Mentally Ill song 'Gacy's Place' from the early 80's?
What a kick-ass tune.
Easily found on YouTube.
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Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
They taste funny.
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It must be because they stopped using lead face paint.
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Street theater, commenting on the current presidential race.
(or maybe candidates not of the ruling parties?)
Nothing to see here, keep moving. -
So... an entire post to deny the Evilness of Clowns..
OK Mr Walker, how long have you been party to this Klown Konspiracy!!
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Jesse Walker is in the oversized pocket of Big Clown.
No, not that oversized pocket, the other one.
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The Great Clown Panic
There's my album title.
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Alternatively, The Great Clown Panic could be the title of my unauthorized biography of Trump.
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Insane Clown Posse, the Rise of Trump and the Alt Right
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This Halloween is gonna be clown-excellent.
