Brickbat: A Bunch of Duds

Three fourth graders at Idaho's Central Canyon Elementary School have been suspended for the rest of the school year for bringing empty cans, empty magic markers, and scraps of paper to school. School officials said they planned to make fireworks with the items. It isn't exactly clear how those items could be used to make fireworks. Nor is it clear how the students planned to ignite them, since none brought matches. But Superintendent Pat Charlton insists officials broke up a potentially dangerous situation.

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  • ||

    It isn't exactly clear how those items could be used to make fireworks.

    That's easy. Think like a fourth grader. Or a public school official.

  • db||

    We made computers out of cardboard boxes and construction paper when I was in 4th grade. Today, apparently, I would be fined by OSHA for not ensuring my employees had adequate access to proper PPE to protect.against the hazards of scissors and glue sticks.

  • Bardas Phocas||

    I remember making robots and swords from cardboard boxes and scrap wood.
    Awesom-0 Lives!
    That would precipitate a LOCKDOWN! and a Sweep-and-Destroy operation these days.

  • $park¥ has had enough||

    Were your workspaces ergonomically designed you monster?

  • gaijin||

    We made f@rt machines out of rubber bands and hangar wire. The tormented our 4th grade teacher while she faced the chalk board.

  • Rev Match||

    But Superintendent Pat Charlton insists officials broke up a potentially dangerous situation.

    Cans, markers, and paper, OH MY!

    But, in all seriousness, this shit is beyond parody.

  • SlV||

    none brought matches

    It was a dry run.

  • Rich||

    The three students said they wanted to get out of school early for summer vacation so they planned to "make some fireworks" that they would set off around the school.

    I'm sure kicking these kids out of school will nip their potential terrorism *right* in the ol' bud.

  • UnCivilServant||

    "Well, our whole paper idea is a bust, lets use black powder instead!"

  • SusanM||

    Charlton said the students involved are not allowed to come back to the school for the remainder of the school year. They will be home schooled.

    Their plan seems to have worked.

  • Robert||

    Of course. They had no plan to make fireworks, they just said that's what they were doing.

  • Night Elf Mohawk||

    As I told my high school principal: "I don't want to be here. You're expelling me and requiring that I not be here. Oh. No. Please. Don't."

    "You won't graduate."

    "I'll get a GED the morning I turn 18."

    "..."

  • $park¥ has had enough||

    It's been proven many times that all you need is something that looks like something dangerous to shut down a school. All they needed to do is wrap the paper around the empty tubes and draw fireworksy labels.

  • UnCivilServant||

    But the markers were empty! They couldn't draw the labels.

  • $park¥ has had enough||

    Come on, schools come stocked with crayons. The empty markers would be little fireworks tubes and the cans would be big ones.

  • UnCivilServant||

    You clearly went to a better stocked school than I did. If we didn't bring our own writing utensils, we were out of luck.

  • $park¥ has had enough||

    Pretty much every classroom had a bucket of random busted crayon pieces.

  • ||

    Supernintendo Pat Charlton is a hero!

  • anon||

    But Superintendent Pat Charlton insists officials broke up a potentially dangerous situation.

    He sure did; he got those kids away from fucking retarded government educators.

  • UnCivilServant||

    But what about the rest of the students?!

  • The Late P Brooks||

    Just a little while ago, the people on Bloombrg were talking about building support for science education in the schools. They even mentioned the (awesome) movie October Sky. Yeah. A bunch of nerds building missiles. In a school. What could possibly go wrong?

  • UnCivilServant||

    A bunch of nerds building missiles. In a school. What could possibly go wrong?

    They could hit london.

  • The Late P Brooks||

    They could hit london.

    Dream big, little rocketeer; the gps coordinates for the Capitol are readily available.

  • ||

    When I was in the fourth grade all the boys made functioning spitball guns from bic pens and dowel rods. The teacher finally got tired of little pops interrupting her lessons and from picking spitballs out of her hair so she confiscated them all and that was the end of it. Today 4th grade boys doing that would be imprisoned.

    Beyond parody indeed.

  • gaijin||

    It was 5th grade, but we used straight pins, sewing thread and plastic straws to make blow dart guns. They stung when they stuck. After getting hit by one, we mostly threatened to use them rather than actually using them. Except the one kid...he was fearless. He's probably a cop now.

  • some guy||

    By 6th grade we were rubbing empty ball-point pens on things to heat up the tips, then burning each other with them. I'm surprised the prank hasn't caused ball-point pens to be banned from schools nationwide.

  • The Late P Brooks||

    The teacher finally got tired of little pops interrupting her lessons and from picking spitballs out of her hair so she confiscated them all and that was the end of it.

    But it went on your Permanent Record, didn't it?

  • sarcasmic||

    I don't remember what grade I was in when we used pen tips and surgical tubing to make water weenies. That was fun. Probably get jail time doing that today.

  • some guy||

    You'd be on a sex offender registry too.

  • ||

    If a kid can't figure out a way to make explosives out of empty cans, magic markers, and paper scraps, our educational system has failed.

  • gaijin||

    Exactly. They call them 'magic' markers for a reason

  • Kitty_T||

    When I was in the 7th grade, a friend and I spent our time in social studies class sitting in the back row designing car bombs. (The teacher had taken it upon herself to spend a couple weeks enlightening us all about the noble deeds of the "freedom fighters" of the IRA; you can't say we didn't pay attention in class, or that we never learned anything in social studies.) We came up with a few general designs that, it turns out, had actually been used in car bombs (though not by the IRA, I recall).

    There is no way I would ever get through high school un-expelled these days. I don't see how any kid with any basic intelligence and curiosity, or even a sense of humor, does.

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