Brickbat: You're It

In Vancouver, officials at Coghlan Fundamental Elementary School have banned kindergarten students from touching each other That means no holding hands and no games of tag. School officials say they are trying to reduce injuries to their students.

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  • Snark Plissken||

    Let me guess....zero tolerance?

    It reads, in part: “We have unfortunately had to ban all forms of hands-on play for the immediate future ... we will have a zero-tolerance policy.”

    Penalties for making physical contact with a schoolmate include being grounded during play time and/or a trip to the office “for those who are unable to follow the rules.”

    *ding* *ding* *ding*

    The day can't come soon enough when these idiots are replaced by robots.

  • Juice||

    Robots with a zero tolerance policy?

  • Live Free or Diet||

    Gezuzfugginkreist.
    All four of my precious little snowflakes made it through just fine in spite of split lips, chipped baby teeth and all sorts of bumps and bruises.
    Then again, maybe it's just my kids are too tough to be Canadians.

  • Snark Plissken||

    Canadians have to be more careful since their entire head is hinged at the jaw.

  • Agile Cyborg||

    It's not just Canadians, dude. Story after story exists with American schools doing the same thing. Matter of fact my small country public school (which one would think should be far more commonsense-centric than that your run-of-the-mill suburban box) has a 'no running' policy at inside gym recess for kids in the lower grades. And, until this year bikes were banned on school property even tho bike racks for years stood gleaming in the sun at the entrance of the school.

    Spineless rabble run the public school system. Is it any wonder most Americans are simple-minded dipshits only capable of thinking a single inch deep?

  • ||

    Who's gonna be the one to start the "unwanted touching/bullying violates the NAP" argument and turn this into a 400 post discussion?

  • Snark Plissken||

    Tulpa mostly comes out at night...mostly.

  • ||

    I was actually counting on Bo Cara (who I'm not sure isn't actually Tulpa. I've never seen them in the same room together. Just sayin). John might take it up if he's feeling ornery.

  • Snark Plissken||

    To see Bo and Tulpa argue warms the cockles of my heart, but it wouldn't shock me if they were the same person.

  • ||

    Perhaps one is the other's Tyler Durden.

  • Snark Plissken||

    The first rule of Argue Club, always shift the goalposts in Argue Club.

  • Swiss Servator, Original Gnome||

    *applause*

  • Ted S.||

    "If you don't stop, I'm going to turn this school around and go home!"

  • Fatty Bolger||

    You know where else they have a rule against touching?

  • Radioactive||

    This can only be an understandable reaction to the wave of tragic, hideous and unfortunate hand holding and tag related accidents, affecting the 4-8 year old demographic, currently sweeping the nation

  • Ted S.||

  • Seamus||

    Also doesn't have a rule against touching: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6c-GePyIGQ

  • Generic Stranger||

    How else do you expect the school to stem the terrible scourge of cooties?

  • ||

    If only the FDA would approve more circle and dot manufacturers

  • AlmightyJB||

    All your needs come from the state. No human contact is necessary. Therefore it is FORBOTTEN! Like Vancouver needs to be making more psychopaths.

  • ||

    All your needs come from the state. No human contact is necessary.

    Admittedly, I've been fucked more vigorously and more frequently by the state than by other human beings...

  • some guy||

    This is just in response to the recent enrollment of Warty Jr.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    Can they go around saying, "ilm not touching you"?

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    Im

  • Doctor Whom||

    Why can't educrats find a happy medium? When I was in school (back when arthropods were first toying with the idea of living on land), they reflexively blamed the victim in every case of assault. Now they do this.

  • Rich||

    "we will have a zero-tolerance policy.”

    Including, no doubt, grounding and trips to the office for kids who draw pictures of people touching or who make "touching gestures".

    These clowns are insane.

  • Swiss Servator, Original Gnome||

    He nibbled a Pop Tart into a finger-shape!1!1 It could have touched someone!!!1 SUSPENSION

  • Rich||

    IIRC, the University of Maryland prohibited "suggestive eating".

  • Andrew S.||

    Now this

    “I don’t know how anyone would be against this,” Bourke said. “They’re trying to make it safe for everybody.

    is the sign of a true government employee.

  • Seamus||

    You have to understand that the good intentions of the educrats renders the blinding stupidity of their actions irrelevant.

  • Bryan C||

    If I Were King, anyone in a position of authority who said things like "I don’t know how anyone would be against this" would be rewarded with automatic dismissal.

  • Rich||

    Next: Rules against kids giving each other "funny looks".

  • Andrew S.||

    My daughter hugs her friends every morning when we walk into her preschool class. Apparently she's a monster.

  • Rich||

    Well, a *potential* monster.

  • AlmightyJB||

    She needs to get with the pogram.

  • ||

    pogram

    I see what you did there.

    And Andrew's daughter is clearly a protoslut.

  • Agile Cyborg||

    Unionized education needs to experience its own backlash of zero tolerance. The slightest blip in the labor system brings despair to the average union coward while these same fuckwits think nothing of imposing draconian rulings on anyone they are allowed to dominate.

  • anon||

    Prevent kids from normal social interactions.

    What could possibly go wrong?

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