German Chancellor Misses Chance To Party With a Wasted, Underwear-Clad Bodybuilder

Reason 24/7ReasonGermany's Chancellor Angela Merkel was, much to her chagrin, you can assume, hundreds of miles away, attending a Wagner performance (In Germany? You don't say?) when a half-naked man looking for a good time invaded her official airplane. I think it's a safe bet that "Der fliegende Holländer" can't hold a candle to a frisky fitness buff with a head full of ecstasy.

Really. I'm not kidding.

From CNBC:

Germany is probing how a man, high on drugs and wearing only underpants, was able to board German Chancellor Angela Merkel's government jet.

The man, clutching a bag full of marijuana and ecstasy pills, danced on a wing, sprayed extinguisher foam around the plane and pushed buttons in the cockpit before finally arrested by police, according to a report by Spiegel Online.

Not Angela MerkelRocky Horror Picture ShowChancellor Merkel was said to be having a fine time at the Bayreuth festival in Bavaria while all of this went on. Or was she?

According to reports, "the intruder is thought to be a bodybuilder of Turkish descent who had had a row with his girlfriend before climbing over the airport's security fence and entering the plane through an open cockpit door." It took authorities, including "police, private security guards and members of the Bundeswehr army" four hours to get the bodybuilder off the plane. Well, that was probably a pretty big bag he was carrying.

In the United States, this would never happen. The Secret Service would certainly have subdued the suspect before partaking of his party supplies. And hiring a few friends to join them.

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  • Eduard van Haalen||

    If that guy wants to do this stuff legally, why doesn't he joinanescortservice, lol?

    privateandconfidentialdrugtakingescorts.com

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    Alternate joke: That flying Dutchman wasn't the only one who was high, lol!

    Alternate alternate joke: Looks like that flying bodybuilder, like the Flying Dutchman, hasn't found true love yet, lol!

  • ant1sthenes||

    You're the worst character ever, Towelie.

  • eyeroller||

    At first I thought the article was a review of the Wagner performance.

  • Hugh Akston||

    Has anyone heard from Warty lately?

  • Dweebston||

    The only bodybuilding Warty does involves stacks of limbs.

  • SugarFree||

    It wan't him. He just hasn't been on the board much lately because he refuses to communicate except via pen and paper, hand-delivered by a chain of couriers from his most trusted inner-circle of long-time acolytes. As soon as I get them, I decode them from a one-time pad in a sound-proof bunker near the Earth's core. When I'm finished I log into my "Warty" account and bestow upon you heathens His Word.

  • ||

    I just love NutraSweet's delusions of grandeur. Just because Warty has deigned to allow him to tell his story via the Warty Hugeman series, now he thinks Warty is confiding only in him.

    Sorry to break it to you, NutraSweet, but Warty just texted me and he's not on the board right now because he's at a Sizzler's eating the entire buffet bar.

    Not everything is about you, you know.

  • Sudden||

    Did Sizzler just start serving human flesh or have they been doing that all these years unbeknownst to us proles because of bemonocled deregulation?

  • SugarFree||

    Yes. You got a text from Warty. Warty sent you a text is what you are trying to tell us? HA. HA. HA. Funny joke, funny man. Hilarious. Everyone who knows anything about Warty knows that he hasn't sent a text since 2011. No mere phone can withstand his mighty thumbs. You are a fool, Episiarch, a relic of days gone by when you were someone that could be trusted.

    You sicken me.

  • ||

    It's sad watching someone descend into denial and madness. Well, it's sad when it's not NutraSweet.

    That's just what he told you when he decided he was sick of you sexting him all day. He sold you the thumb story to get you to shut up. And I know that deep down you know this, which is why the denial and delusion and stories about how he only communicates with you.

    Wait, have you stopped taking you meds? You know how you get when you do that! I know you hate them because you don't get the highs along with the lows, but you need them to even you out.

  • SugarFree||

    GUARDS! SEIZE HIM!

  • Hugh Akston||

    Look you guys, I'm pretty sure it was Warty. All the pieces fit:

    1) He wanted to party with Angel Merkel.
    2) He was able to break into a military installation in nothing but his underwear.
    3) It would have taken Warty at least four hours to rape/eat his way through three agencies on a tiny little plane like that.

  • ||

    Nobody cares about your wacky conspiracy theories, Hugh. This is about NutraSweet's deteriorating mental condition and his coprophilia. That's how you know he went off his meds; you just smell his breath.

    I told you, Warty's been at Sizzler all day.

  • SugarFree||

    Warty would never go to Sizzler! How dare you defame Sir Hugeman the Large!

  • ||

    (smells shit on NutraSweet's breath)

    Yup. Whatever you say. I'm going to call the orderlies now, OK?

  • SweatingGin||

    I thought he just got sentence to like 1000 years for the whole "rape dungeon" thing.

  • Archduke Trousersenthusiast||

    It was Warty's german cousin

  • Dweebston||

    In the United States, this would never happen. The Secret Service would certainly have subdued the suspect before partaking of his party supplies. And hiring a few friends to join them.

    No, Officer Dunphy and his posse would have shot the naked gentleman off the wing within minutes of arriving.

  • ||

    Yeah. I read these stories from other countries, and when it ends without the person being shot and killed I'm amazed. Like, they actually just tried various non-violent things until they got him off the plane. Amazing. Civilized.

  • Dweebston||

    Or waited it out. Or outwitting rather than outgunning the criminal. Yeah, we don't expect nuance or subtlety from our boys in blue.

  • Spiny Norman||

    That's a phrase that needs to be updated. These days they're our boys in black kevlar.

  • Dweebston||

    Noted. I like.

  • Goldwin Smith||

    Those other countries has socialized medicine and hate speech laws. /Tony

  • Raven Nation||

    And +1 on the alt text

  • Sudden||

    On a completely unrelated side note: Von Miller did not appear for practice at the Denver Broncos facility today.

  • BakedPenguin||

    Isn't he out all season? I thought his injury was pretty bad.

  • Sudden||

    No injury. He was suspended for six games for testing positive for weed and exstacy

  • BakedPenguin||

    Ah, I was thinking of someone else. Too bad for the Broncs, he's a huge player for their D.

  • Ted S.||

    So not PEDs.

    Fucking drug policy. And I don't even like the Broncos.

  • Nazdrakke||

    Next Ricky Williams?

  • CatoTheElder||

    "Chancellor Merkel was said to be having a fine time at the Bayreuth festival in Bavaria while all of this went on."

    Any other German Chancellors who enjoyed a fine time at Bayreuth?

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    Bismarck?

  • Sevo||

    "Any other German Chancellors who enjoyed a fine time at Bayreuth?"

    A "fine time" listening to Wagner? Not on your life.

  • Flatulent Monkey||

    At least it wasn't the butt numbing 26 hour monstrosity that is "Der Ring des Nibelungen."

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    And that's the *abridged* version. Before his editors got to him, Wagner was going to have Siegfried sing in the shower for four hours.

  • Flatulent Monkey||

    Ha!

    Two things about Germans I will never understand, Wagner and Scheisse Porno.

  • BakedPenguin||

    "Wagner's music isn't as bad as it sounds" - Mark Twain.

    There's also Mahler, although I'll cop to liking his 5th Symphony.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    Any other German Chancellors were OK with underwear-clad bodybuilders until around 1934?

  • Acosmist||

    Rohm wasn't Chancellor...

  • Goldwin Smith||

    Hitler was okay with Roehm until he had him killed.

  • Goldwin Smith||

    By the way do her opponents oppose the bailouts or do they want to hand out more?

  • Nazdrakke||

  • Goldwin Smith||

    Doesn't really answer my question.

  • RBS||

    The center-left Social Democrats recently sought to turn the topic of aid for Greece into a campaign issue, with chancellor candidate Peer Steinbrück questioning whether Merkel is being honest with German voters. SPD budget expert Carsten Schneider likewise accused Merkel of "breaking a taboo" and said that Schäuble has "let the cat out of the bag."

    Not surprisingly, however, the most energetic attack came from Gerhard Schröder, the former chancellor who has hit the campaign trail in support of Steinbrück. He is widely considered to be Germany's best campaigner -- and he didn't disappoint on Tuesday. "You can't win the trust of the electorate with deception and obfuscation," he said. "Only with truth." He then went on to accuse Merkel of promulgating "a great lie" when it comes to the costs associated with the euro crisis.
  • Goldwin Smith||

    They're questioning her honesty not the bailouts.

  • RBS||

    They're questioning her honesty about the costs of the bailouts.

  • Goldwin Smith||

    That's not saying very much.

  • RBS||

    He tried to give you a link to answer your question. If it's not what you are looking for then do your own fucking research.

  • Nazdrakke||

    Guess we'll just keep trying:

    Partly it has to do with the Greens and the Social Democrats, two opposition parties struggling to differentiate their euro policies from Merkel's government, a coalition of her conservatives and the business friendly Free Democrats (FDP). Both the Greens and the SPD have supported all major euro rescue measures thus far. Even the Left Party, a stronger critic of the government, recently confirmed its overall commitment to the common currency. There is currently no anti-euro party in Germany parliament, with newcomers such as the euro-skeptic Alternative for Germany, media attention notwithstanding, yet to demonstrate their potential at the ballot box.

    Basically they're going to do the same shit she would and austerity is teh evul.

  • Sevo||

    "Basically they're going to do the same shit she would and austerity is teh evul."

    The Euros really don't have a 'free' third (or forth or fifth) party; they keep tending further left of what we find the left.
    So they get Obama to Krugman to Warren to further whackyness.

  • Goldwin Smith||

    The Euros really don't have a 'free' third (or forth or fifth) party; they keep tending further left of what we find the left.
    So they get Obama to Krugman to Warren to further whackyness.

    Well we are talking about the modern left that hates Corporations, Corporate Bailouts, Bankruptcy and Corporations/people making too much money all at the same time.

  • Goldwin Smith||

    Basically they're going to do the same shit she would and austerity is teh evul.

    I guess that answers it. Once you go down the "austerity is the evul" route I'm not sure there is much of an alternative to bailouts.

  • Goldwin Smith||

    Also I wonder what the views of the Greens and the Left are?

  • Sevo||

    So has anyone seen Starchild recently?

  • Goldwin Smith||

    Also why do you say "From CNBC" when it is a link to reason 24/7?

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    Reason needs its cut, see? You got a problem with that?

  • Acosmist||

    They just want to wet their beak.

  • ||

    "I wouldn't say I'm missing it, J.D."

  • Paul.||

    Germany is probing how a man, high on drugs and wearing only underpants, was able to board German Chancellor Angela Merkel's government jet.

    "probing"... nice...

    but seriously, it's almost like German officials have never stumbled across German porn. Wouldn't this be called 'Wednesday' in Germany?

  • Mr Whipple||

    It took authorities, including "police, private security guards and members of the Bundeswehr army" four hours to get the bodybuilder off the plane.

    That's because they were little girly men.

  • danny-66||

    James. even though Jamie`s report is impossible... on monday I got themselves a Chevrolet Corvette after having made $5129 this past month and even more than ten k this past-munth. it's certainly the easiest job Ive had. I actually started 7-months ago and straight away began to bring home more than $86 per/hr. I follow the details on this straightforward website, http://www.jobs76.com

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