Google Glass Is Not a Sex Toy

For those hoping Google Glass might perhaps assist one’s imagination when having a less-than-flawless erotic encounter (not you, of course, but maybe a friend of yours), there’s a bit of a snag. Google is not allowing porn on its apps, the jerks. CNN reports the bad news:

On Monday morning, the first porn app for Google Glass was announced. Unfortunately, the app violated the most recent additions to Google's developer policies for the futuristic eyewear, which ban sexually explicit material.

The pornographic app for Glass was released by MiKandi, an adult app store that has a successful Android app store for adult apps. Using the application, Google Glass wearers could look at photos and watch videos filmed using Google Glass. The company wanted to expand from first-person point of view videos to one-on-one interactions between adults who both have Glass.

Now it seems that business plan will need to be altered.

Google added a new section to its developer policies for Google Glass late last week that prohibits apps from delivering sexually explicit content.

Well, maybe there will be swimsuit magazines and underwear catalogs? Pro wrestling videos? Old episodes of American Gladiators?

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  • Fist of Etiquette||

    They're virtual cock blockers! Don't be evil, dude.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    But I'll bet you didn't get to jerk off while doing it.

  • C. Anacreon||

    Certainly not for $83 an hour.

    But perhaps you have to do something stimulating to someone to get a new Alfa for under $8K. That sounds like its price on the old "Sale of the Century" game show.

  • Lord Humungus||

    aha! more evidence of the disease known as Nicole.

  • Heroic Mulatto||

  • ||

    You can't stop the signal, Google. How long until a competitor comes up with a porn-friendly alternative?

  • Live Free or Diet||

    And until then who wants it?

  • Generic Stranger||

    Isn't this how Android became so damn popular in the first place? Apple keeps a tight rein on what apps are allowed on their phones, and as a result people who wanted more choice went to Android.

    Seems like Google is shooting itself in the foot.

  • PapayaSF||

    That's one reason VHS beat Beta, but I don't think it has anything to do with iOS vs. Android. Most people who buy Android phones aren't even buying them because they're Android, but because they are usually cheaper than iPhones and pushed heavily by phone companies.

    Besides, who needs an app to get porn when there are millions of porn websites? Just use your browser, even on iOS devices.

  • ||

    First they kill Reader, now no porn. Definitely evil.

  • ||

    Have you tried Feedly? I actually like it better than gReader. It's based on the same backbone, although they plan to "seemlessly transition" users to their own server space when they shut down reader.

  • ||

    I've been using The Old Reader, which is pretty close to Google Reader. I couldn't get Feedly configured the way I liked it.

  • ||

    I'm using Feedly, but it's so slick and stupid. I'll probably live with it, or try The Old Reader. Nothing will ever bring back the joys I had as a sharebro, though...

  • Pro Libertate||

    That's odd. Of all entities, Google is the most aware of the principal use its service is put to.

  • Acosmist||

    They actually take (minor) efforts to make it (slightly) harder to get porn on google. For some reason, they're prudes.

  • Killazontherun||

    I can pretty much guess why. Hint, Shikha Dalmia wrote about it recently.

  • Paul.||

    They are, and it's bugging them. Have you noticed a sharp change in their image search policy as of late?

  • Acosmist||

    Yeah, this.

  • ChrisO||

    This will last until the first sales downturn.

    Of course, it's possible this will undermine Google Glass entirely.

  • CE||

    It already has.

  • General Butt Naked||

    This stoopid-ass thing doesn't just ban porn:

    The same section promises harsh penalties for any app featuring child pornography. Google also bans gratuitous violence, hate speech and gambling on Glass.

    This will either change or the device will die on the vine. I have a feeling this thing won't be the hit they hope for even if they did allow for porn. Now if they specially made it for porn, with some interactive apps, it'd sell like hot vaginacakes.

  • ||

    So basically they've just alienated their entire Warty market?

  • CE||

    Infrared and X-Ray vision options would guarantee a best-seller. They could even cross-market with the Superman movie.

  • General Butt Naked||

    They could totally do nightvision, which would be fucking awesome.

    Naturally they won't do it.

    They'll probably come up with some dumbass facebood app and think they're the shit. Fuck those guys.

  • Tman||

    Can anyone tell me the big deal with Google glass?

    It looks ridiculous and I can't see any reasonable use for it at this time that a smart phone can't provide a thousand times better.

  • General Butt Naked||

    I don't think there really is a big deal.

    I think that google and the press keep putting it in the news but nobody seems to care.

  • Barry Zuckerkorn||

    Ya got me.

  • Paul.||

    Hipsters with pork-pie hats.

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    Can anyone tell me the big deal with Google glass?

    I came of age when cyberpunk was the huge thing in sci-fi. I want a Google Glass with the passion of 1,000 burning suns. (Except I want the glass to be mirrored and the frames to be black...of course.)

  • ||

    I think I'm more excited about windshield HUDs at this point. Essentially the same technology, but less invasive.

  • Ska||

    Who will be the first to set up AROs properly?

  • CE||

    There are a lot of potentially great uses, but Google is banning them all for some reason.

    They won't allow facial recognition apps, which would be the most valuable use -- walk up to anyone at a party or industry conference and know exactly who they are and how much they can help you or your company, for instance.

  • ||

    I think they're going for augmented reality. Using a phone in your hand to do it is a pain in the neck, because you have to hold your phone in front of your face. It gets tiring. If the screen is in your glasses, you can do it hands-free. If you don't mind looking like a huge geek, and pointing a camera at everyone you encounter.

  • Tman||

    Using a phone in your hand to do it is a pain in the neck, because you have to hold your phone in front of your face.

    I get what you're saying but it just sounds so ridiculous.

  • Hugh Akston||

    Brian has trouble jerking off while holding his iPhone.

  • ||

    "Brian has trouble jerking off while holding his iPhone." I know I do.

  • ||

    Ingress

    Augmented reality gaming. I like to think of it as Urban LARP.

  • Agammamon||

    Unfortunately most of "AR" is going to be ads popping up everywhere you look.

    Yeah we've got this great historical places guide - take a walk around and have your glasses show you the history of our city - HEY THERE"S A QUIZNOS A BLOCK AWAY WOULD YOU LIKE DIRECTIONS PRESS YES/NO TO MAKE THIS AD GO AWAY SO YOU CAN SEE WHERE YOU'RE GOING.

  • Sevo||

    I'd rather not google it; WIH does glass do, outside of record everything you look at?

  • Generic Stranger||

    They have a transparent LCD screen that can act as a heads-up display. It's a somewhat neat concept, but these restrictions are gonna kill it, or at least put them at a competitive disadvantage when someone else comes up with a less restricted version.

  • Agammamon||

    Especially the restrictions on the stuff it *would* be really useful for - no facial recognition apps are allowed. I would love me some of this as there's a bajillion people who know me who I haven't the slightest idea where I met them.

  • Sevo||

    "no facial recognition apps are allowed."

    I'm sure someone will come up with a work-around on that, and I'm also sure you're going to regret asking for that.

  • califernian||

    in the near future, hats makeup and masks will become more fashionable.

  • Scruffy Nerfherder||

    The ultimate small talk assistant. Imagine being able to search any topic while holding down a conversation.

  • Sevo||

    Generic Stranger| 6.4.13 @ 7:54PM |#
    "They have a transparent LCD screen that can act as a heads-up display."

    OK, and what is on that screen? And how do you manipulate it?

  • Generic Stranger||

    Never played with one and haven't really looked into it, so I have no idea. My SWAG is that they use hand gestures to control it similar to Microsoft's Kinect system. I have no idea how good the screen is, so it could be anything from text and simple graphics to HD video.

    Given that they're banning porn, I'd guess closer to the HD video than to the text.

  • Agammamon||

    Its controlled by voice.

    And as for what's on the screen, you can display a movie, video phone conversations, documents - like data and images from a tech manual while your working on something.

    Pretty much anything a smartphone can do right not - just (mostly) hands-free.

    Mostly its used to make recordings of and playback inane conversations and look for directions to the nearest overpriced coffee shop.

  • Generic Stranger||

    Ah, voice makes much more sense than gestures. That's why they call it a stupid wild assed guess...

  • Entropy Void||

    This WILL get hacked ... pron will find a way ...

  • ||

    Actually there are already privacy concerns because a rooted Glass could record without the record indicator light on. If Glass is even roughly based on Android, side-loading apps from APK should be pretty easy, often without rooting.

  • Agammamon||

    I wouldn't exactly call it a privacy *concern* considering that if your in public anyone can record you already and if you're in private, don't take you clothes off and get freaky in front of the guy wearing the damn thing.

  • PapayaSF||

    It's largely an etiquette concern, but privacy, too: Do you want to stand at a urinal next to a guy wearing one?

  • ||

    Probably not a first generation problem. People aren't going to turn their head completely to stare because they'd get immediately punched in the nose, but once they get something that tracks eye movement and can do decent peripheral vision, it might be a concern.

  • Sevo||

    Wish I could remember the title and author; an SF story or maybe a novelette regarding a time-travel device. Yawn! Well, maybe not.
    The conflict revolves around a freedom-loving 'hero' trying to advance the device and a character who is also cast as someone thoroughly wedded to freedom in a libertarian form but who is doing his best to make the time-travel device not work.
    The denouement is a meeting of the two; the 'hero' asks why the 'villain' is doing what he is.
    The 'villain' shows the 'hero' a recording of his recent (15 minutes ago) tryst with his lover; time-travel is anything that happened as I type this.

  • An0nB0t||

    I suspect that the barrier-free urinal is going to die a necessary death in the next generation for this reason. Maybe communal bathhouses as well--just too easy for Warties to get their Warty on with increasingly tiny or subtle recording devices.

    Or maybe we just lose all sense of propriety and body consciousness and stop wearing clothes altogether next century. Might help the obesity epidemic.

  • Agammamon||

    Well, get used to it - ubiquitous surveillance is right around the corner and in a decade you won't even have something as large as Glass to cue you in on the presence of a camera.

  • CE||

    My spy bow tie already does that.

  • Agammamon||

    "Google Glass Is Not a Sex Toy"

    Yeah, who cares - let's talk about something important.

    Why would Adult Swim advertise the ability to watch episodes of their show online and then only show a single 6 minute clip from it?

    I guess its off to the torrent to download "What Color Is Your Speedsuit?"

  • seguin||

    Totally Worth Watching.

  • Generic Stranger||

    Why would Adult Swim advertise the ability to watch episodes of their show online and then only show a single 6 minute clip from it?

    Because they're jerkasses?

    Actually, I think it was originally supposed to run sequential six minute videos on continuous play, going through the entire episode that way. At least, that's how it worked when you could actually watch the entire episode. But it's been busted for years now, and I don't know if it was busted on purpose or if they just don't realize it/are too incompetent to fix it.

  • Scott S.||

    It's working just fine for me.

    [Nelson Muntz laugh]

  • Generic Stranger||

    What browser are you using?

  • Scott S.||

    Chrome

  • Agammamon||

    If I watch it on the main page I only get 6 minutes before it starts another episode (and no full-screen) if I click through I get full-screen, an ad, and then it stops.

    So I just ripped it.

    And yes it was totally awesome! It looks like season 5 might be as good as season 2.

  • WomSom||

    lol, I guess it wont be long before someone "roots" it to do what they want!

    www.WorldPrivacy.tk

  • Archduke Pantsfan||

    Gawker.com, the U.S. website that raised more than $200,000 to buy a video apparently showing Mayor Rob Ford smoking crack cocaine, is reporting that the video might be gone.
    An intermediary who initially contacted Gawker about the cellphone video now says its owner went underground after the story attracted worldwide media attention, John Cook, Gawker’s editor in chief, wrote Tuesday.

  • Irish||

    So it was claimed that this guy smoked crack and that there was a video of it. Once someone raises enough money for the video, the owner decides he doesn't want to go public and the video disappears.

    It sounds like someone tried to slander Rob Ford and no video ever existed.

  • Archduke Pantsfan||

    I found a video of you, Irish

  • Irish||

    In my defense, Davy Joyce shouldn't have cried like a huge child.

    I also understand he's a junkie bastard.

    Those are about the only words I understood in that whole thing.

  • ||

    Well, I've heard the recording of a person's voice doesn't sound quite how they hear themselves when they speak, so it doesn't surprise me that you can't understand yourself.

    If you really want to understand, press the closed captioning button ("cc") under the video.

  • Irish||

    I like that in H&R canon I'm no longer just a drunk Irishmen who came here when the blight took my potato crop. Now I'm an Irish Traveler bare knuckle boxer.

    At this rate, you guys will be claiming that I'm the reincarnation of Cu Chulainn by the end of the month.

  • ||

    And Cu Chulainn caught [the gae bolga] in the fork of his foot and launched it at Fer Diad and it went through the double-thick apron of double-smelted iron and broke in three the sheet rock the size of a millstone and entered the rear portal of Fer Diad's body to fill every nook and cranny of him with its barbs.

    --The Tain p 151 (as translated by Ciaran Carson)

  • Irish||

    Jesse...is that a story about Cu Chulainn butt raping somebody with his spear? That seems like that's what's happening there.

  • ||

    What country would be crazy enough to have their national mythic hero butt rape his best friend to death with his powerful "spear" and fill all of his "nooks and crannies" with "tiny barbs" that came from his "spear"?

    We're talking Ireland here, not Sodom and Gomorrah!

  • ant1sthenes||

    Morrowind?

  • A Secret Band of Robbers||

    Come on over for dinner, Irish. We're serving dog.

  • ||

    That really wouldn't surprise me Irish. You of all people know how much I realize your people's strong desire for conquest, and the covert ways you try to bring this about (the U.N., the Federal Reserve, Bilderberg, every government in the world, etc.). Probably because of the massive Irish surveillance program that's been targeting me since I learned the truth.

  • ||

    And yes, Irish, even the blind sheeple here at Reason are waking up to your desire for power and control. It's only a matter of time until we throw off the yoke of Irish oppression.

  • ||

    Someone needs to carve a potato into a pacifier to stop that caterwauling.

  • General Butt Naked||

    Okay, so that video sent me on a youtube journey that ended up at this documentary.

  • Archduke Pantsfan||

    Alex Rodriguez and Ryan Braun are among 20 players facing possible suspensions by MLB for their connection to a Miami-area clinic at the heart of an ongoing PED scandal.

  • Sevo||

    FWIW, the FBI is searching the office of a CA politico. He's a DEM, amazingly enough:
    "FBI raids office of Calif. state lawmaker"
    http://www.sfgate.com/news/cri.....577287.php
    Maybe he's running a poker game for seniors?

  • An0nB0t||

    Had eleven rounds in his fifteen-round G19 magazine.

  • John Galt||

    Porn free. Sounds useless.

  • Tman||

    So here's my new summer reading material.

    The Food Police: A Well-Fed Manifesto About the Politics of Your Plate

    It sounds like kryptonite to my anti-GMO friends. Looking forward to it.

  • ||

    Seems pretty reasonable except for this:

    "Farm policies aren't making us fat."

    Huge subsidies for corn, soy, etc combined with government and organisations like AHA, ADA, propoganda pushing heart-healthy-whole-grains crap for years most definitely has contributed to making people fat. Along with making meat less healthy by subsidizing the feeding of animals grains instead of grass.

  • GroundTruth||

    Once again, technology follows science fiction, and again we turn to "Caprica".... see how V-world became a place of sex and violence. Google is kidding themselves, they need to license the adult version too and just accept that they're going to be even more successful.

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