Strawberry Shortcake: Prostitot?

Various people are deeply upset by the femmed up new version of Strawberry Shortcake. She appears to have lost the paunch, slapped on some fake eyelashes, and dropped the whole Raggedy Ann look:

                             

I leave it to you to decide whether neo-Shortcake is a tool of the patriarchy. And lest you lose your faith in capitalism, please consider that someone is being paid to write and report stories like: "The Shocking Cost: If Strawberry's Shortcake's Makeover was real."

Her makeover goes beyond the work of a stylist, hair iron and tinted contacts, says Scott W. Mosser, MD, a board-certified plastic surgeon in San Francisco, Calif. In fact, Mosser says, Shortcake looks to have had a complete facial reconstruction.

“This is not a rejuvenation. The nose is completely different, her eyes are different shapes,” he says of the old and new dolls. “Most people want a subtle update, not a fundamental change to what they look like.”

Given the eyelid lift, nose job, lip plumping, freckle removal, and various other procedures, Mainstreet.com puts the price at a very reasonable $23,675.19.

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  • Elemenope||

    I leave it to you to decide whether neo-Shortcake is a tool of the patriarchy.

    Please, don't leave it to me. I can't stand it anymore; of all the things people choose to care about, could this perhaps be the most trivial?

  • robc||

  • ||

    Next thing you know she'll be doing porn. That little tramp....

  • Episiarch||

    So she's no longer a lesbian now? Or is it just that she's a lipstick lesbian now?

  • ||

    I blame the Olsen twins.

  • ||

    Given the eyelid lift, nose job, lip plumping, freckle removal, and various other procedures, Mainstreet.com puts the price at a very reasonable $23,675.19.



    Yeah, or people at Playmates Toys realized that they could save money and time by streamlining the character's design, making it more simple to draw while simultaneously updating the character to fit in with the sort of quasi-anime look that is running rampant through current children's programming.

  • Salvius||

    I prefer the Penny Arcade makeover.

  • ||

  • Ken||

    That's not the worst of it. I have it on reliable authority that several of the Care Bears have had themselves manscaped.

  • stephen the goldberger||

    Ugly girls need role models too

  • robc||

    SugarFree,

    You spend WAY too much time over there.

  • ||

    Next thing you know she'll be doing porn. That little tramp....



    Too late.

    ps. Might be NSFW.

  • ||

    robc,

    It's a way to passive-aggressively get back at my wife for having a womyn's studies minor.

  • ||

    Sugarfree wins an unpaid internship as Reason.com's Special Correspondent to Feministing.

  • Abdul||

    They should have changed her name to Strawberry Tart.

    Filthy hussy.

  • ||

    I don't know about the win part...

  • Episiarch||

    Ugly girls need role models too

    That's what Natalie on The Facts of Life was for. Or was that just for fat girls? Because of the overlap, I get confused.

  • ||

    I think the main fashion critique of the makeover lies in the fact she has her pants hiked up to her rib-cage.

    She looks like she's searching for a salad bar to have dinner at 4:30.

  • robc||

    They should have changed her name to Strawberry Tart.

    They already have a Raspberry Tart in the cartoon. I personally think her costume is hotter. YMMV. :)

    Also, Im pretty sure Raspberry Tart is a cockney rhyming slang phrase.

  • Abdul||

    That's what Natalie on The Facts of Life was for. Or was that just for fat girls? Because of the overlap, I get confused.

    By the end of that show's run, all the girls lived above Miss Edna's bakery and even the "hot" girls were fat.

  • ||

    Natalie was for fat girls with alleged sense of humor. The ugly was only a side-effect.

    Blair turned out to be a Kirk Cameron-level Christian nutjob. Jo always was a lesbian; I'm pretty sure I just saw her at the co-op the other day, browsing the recycled tampons and muttering about gluten. Tootie never lived down the fact that her nickname was a synonym for "girl fart," and eventually shot up a Ann Taylor Loft.

    In fact, the only one with any sort of career is the girl with cerebral palsy who was a regular on Deadwood. And Cloony, of course, the man who's seen more desperate pussy than a no-kill animal shelter.

  • Arthur||

    At least she doesn't look like those trashy slut Bratz dolls.

  • ||

    Strawberry Shortcake: Prostitot?


    Yes. Her original outfit was much cuter, anyway -- although you could see her undapants underneath her pinafore, which is arguably prostitot.


    Next question.

  • Tom Walls||

    I always thought the old SS was ugly and only appealed to old ladies over the age of 72 (that was 20 some years ago). It was, however, memorable.

    The new one is not memorable or distinguishable from other popular childrens' illustrations today.

    Y'all should look up the Florida Orange Cutie, an androgynous, anthropomorphic orange nightlight with big eyelashes. Probably from the sixties.

  • Urkobold™||

    HAVING JUST ATTENDED AN EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE MEETING OF THE PATRIARCHY, THE URKOBOLD CAN AUTHORITATIVELY REFUTE ANY ACCUSATIONS THAT THIS IS OUR WORK. REALLY, DO YOU THINK THE PATRIARCHY WOULD PRODUCE SUCH AN IMAGE WITHOUT GIANT, GRAVITY-DEFYING BREASTS? OF COURSE NOT.

  • ||

    I wholeheartedly approve.

  • ||

    So, people are looking at a cartoon of a little girl and see it as something 'sexy?' I'd say they are the ones with the problem.

  • KyleG||

    Yeah... but how much would it cost to transform her into a dolphin ala Gerald Broflovski?

  • ||

    Uh, mediageek, phrases like "running rampant" might not be the most appropriate for a story about a cartoon of a little girl.

  • First Little Pig as Barenaked ||

    We prefer "anime babes who make me think the wrong thing"

  • ||

    Speaking as an artist and animator, I have to commend the new design for its simplicity and ease of drawing and re-drawing. For God's sake, won't someone think of the animators?

  • ||

    freckle removal

    WTF?!?!

    That is it i am now boycotting Strawberry Shortcake products.

  • Elemenope||

    ps. Might be NSFW.

    Might be?

    *Might be*?!

    Dude, I wanna know what it would take for you to remove all doubt.

  • ||

    I'd pee in her eyes.

  • ed||

    You might even say Strawberry Shortcake looks good enough to eat.

  • Urkobold™||

    ELEMENOPE, YOU FOOL, NSFW PURELY DEPENDS ON WHERE ONE WORKS. IN THE SEX TRADE, THAT PHOTO WOULD GET YOU FIRED FOR BEING TOO CONSERVATIVE.

  • robc||

    lmnop,

    My first reaction was the same as yours. Then again, I have worked places (and not just my current job - owning has its advantages) where that wouldnt be NSFW.

  • 00==============D||

    All for you, Shortcakes!!! xxooxoxox

  • Eliot Spitzer||

    It was "safe for work" for employees in my administration.

  • lunchstealer||

    Wait, the is new one is tarted up, or the old one?

    The old one clearly displays her undergarments, with a skirt that barely comes down to her hips, much less her knees. The new design, by contrast, has a reasonable and sensible pair of pants on.

    Or are they pissed about the fact that she's showing so much arm-skin?

  • ||

    Elemenope,

    I work in the oilfield. Not only is that image SFW, it's PIUFTGOTDF*. The rule of thumb in the mudlogging units is, if the guy on the previous shift clears his browsing history before the end of the shift, he's probably been looking at gay porn or Cute Overload.

    *PIUFTGOTDF = Print It Up For The Guys On The Drilling Floor

  • The Wine Commonsewer||

    I blame the Bratz dolls

  • ||

    Uh, mediageek, phrases like "running rampant" might not be the most appropriate for a story about a cartoon of a little girl.



    Is there some kind of etymological thing that I'm not aware of here?

    Not trying to be obtuse, just kind of confused.

  • ||

    Insta-stiff.
    I'm glad we have a shower stall here at work. You can masturbate in privacy.

  • ||

    My blood runs cold
    My memories have just been sold
    My Angel Shortcake is a centerfold
    My Angel Shortcake is a centerfold

  • ||

    Hm. Yeah. I'm going to have to go ahead and have a seat over there...

    (kidding)
    (as far as you know, anyways)

  • Elemenope||

    Yeah, Mister DNA, but are you normally surfing and commenting on H&R while out in the fields?

    I get that it's safe for work in some places, but the NSFW designation is meant to cover those places wherein one might actually be looking at a friggin' computer screen.

  • Yeah.||

    My cäke is less short now.

  • ||

    Is there some kind of etymological thing that I'm not aware of here?

    I've seen it used as a synonym for, ahem, "erect."

  • ||

    Elemenope,

    I'm at home right now, but Mud Logging units at oil rigs have an internet connection. During the normal course of work, I have time to do a little browsing, but no posting. When they're changing the drill bit or running casing, that usually means 1-3 days of fuckoff time for the Mud Logging unit. When you're stuck on rig in Loving County, TX, there's not much to do but try to find the most ridiculous personal ad on Craigslist or look up the definition of "Cincinnati Bowtie" on the Urban Dictionary. Some of the nicer units use 19" flat-panels, so we can watch DVDs, too.

    Most offshore rigs have Internet, but the few times I've been offshore, the grunt workers' web access is heavily filtered.

  • ||

    oil rigs have an internet connection

    Oh shit! Daniel Plainview!

  • ||

    There Will Be Blogs

  • ||

    Oh shit! Daniel Plainview!



    heh. I just watched that movie yesterday. Great stuff.

  • ||

    Damn,
    And Art-P.O.G. wins the tread with something so entirely OT that I am lost for words.

  • ||

    I've seen it used as a synonym for, ahem, "erect."



    Oh.

    I must live under a rock. I've never seen the phrase used that way.

  • ||

    Thanks, Kwix. I don't think I've ever before won a thread in my life. But back on topic, who gets freckle removal? I dislike self-hating people, even self-hating gingers.

  • ||

    Holy crap, I just realized what 'ginger' anagrams out to!

  • ||

    When I was little, I used to rip apart my sister's Strawberry Shortcake dolls while simultaneously sniffing them, so I'm the first to be surprised that I actually give a shit about the makeover.

    I'm not happy.

    When will the soulless homogenization stop? Why must every toy company drain its properties of humanity, distinctiveness, idiosyncrasy and anything else that might bestow happiness on its owners?

    Look what happened to Holly Hobbie, another of my sister's favorites:

    Before:
    http://parents.agkidzone.com/hhclassic.html

    After:
    http://www.agkidzone.com/hollyhobbie.action

  • ||

    Eh, that slick, as mediageek put it, "quasi-anime" style is ubiquitous because it's clean and simple. It does have its charms and it is a contrast to the old Western European style, but I'm guessing a new school will arise out of the confluence of aesthetics.

    See conceptart.org for some avant-garde American design.*


    *disclaimer: I don't work for them and am not shilling. It's just a really good site.

  • wizard of oz books||

    With many new announcement about the wizard of oz movies in the news, you might want to consider starting to obtain Wizard of Oz book series either as collectible or investment at RareOzBooks.com.

  • sathi2000||

    I feel strongly about information and love learning more on this. If possible, as you gain expertise, It is extremely helpful for me.
    http://www.mirei.com

  • ||

    I don't think I've ever before won a thread in my life. But back on topic, who gets freckle removal? I dislike self-hating people, even self-hating gingers.
    San Antonio Roofing Contractor

GET REASON MAGAZINE

Get Reason's print or digital edition before it’s posted online

  • Video Game Nation: How gaming is making America freer – and more fun.
  • Matt Welch: How the left turned against free speech.
  • Nothing Left to Cut? Congress can’t live within their means.
  • And much more.

SUBSCRIBE

advertisement