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Elmo Knows Your Name...and Where You Live
It should be said at the outset that Elmo utters his murder threat very sweetly, with a lilt at the end that makes it sound like a question: "Kill James?" Still, one can imagine that a toddler's parents would find it disconcerting. I myself am a bit puzzled as to how it could happen at all. James Bowman's parents said the doll, which is designed to incorporate its owner's name into various undoubtedly adorable phrases, started suggesting the boy's slaughter after they changed its batteries. But why would the word kill be in Elmo's vocabulary to begin with?
The incident reminds me of two pull-string dolls my sisters had when I was a boy: Matty Matel and his Sister Belle. They could not learn your name, and they came loaded with just a few fixed phrases, including "let's play cowboy," "it's time to eat," "let's play house," "I'm glad we're friends," and "I love you." Somehow (possibly through my rough handling), those phrases got mixed up, so that Sister Belle (if I recall correctly) started to say, "I'm glad we're house," while Matty Matel would say, "It's time to eat you," which was at least as disturbing as homicidal Elmo but easier to explain.
[via The Freedom Files]
Episiarch|2.28.08 @ 12:57PM|#
Finally, Elmo does something that isn't nauseatingly sweet and nice. I, for one, welcome the new, dark Elmo.
highnumber|2.28.08 @ 12:58PM|#
OMZ!
This made it worthwhile to get out of bed today.
Both the Elmo and Matty Matel.
|2.28.08 @ 12:58PM|#
Is this at all like that teletubbie that sounded like he was saying "big cock" when he was supposed to be saying "big hug?"
tarran|2.28.08 @ 1:02PM|#
It sounds to me like the sound file for "Tickle James?" has
gotten corrupted so it actually says "'kle James?"
My understanding is that this is easy to fix - simply overwrite the
dolls memory and restore it to factory defaults by hooking it up to
the same PC which was used to teach it to call its owner
"James".
Someone wants her 15 minutes of fame.
Anon|2.28.08 @ 1:13PM|#
It says the doll hooks up to a computer to learn phrases. Does the kid have brothers or sisters? Or did someone program a word that, through the program that converts words to speech, could have come out like "kill"?
|2.28.08 @ 1:16PM|#
Sesame Street is so insidious, with its Communist propaganda and support of Islamic terrorists. No wonder Michael Eisner killed Jim Henson!
jj|2.28.08 @ 1:16PM|#
For those of you who didn't get the see the Aimee Allen music
video "Civil Constitution," you can now check it out on
youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pMYlyxI_44&eurl=http://www.lewrockwell.com/blog/
Or click on my name above. You're in for a treat!
tarran|2.28.08 @ 1:17PM|#
No, evil Bert is actively working for Osama Bin Laden now. If he
were behind this, millions of children would be strapping on little
suicide bomber vests and trooping off to blow up various places,
egged on by an army of little monsters crooning "Kill all humans
"
I don't know what Evil Bert has been up to lately. I strongly
suspect it involves an army of pigeons carrying zip-guns fashioned
out of paperclips that will stom New York any day now.
So highnumber, is that fun enough for you? :?
|2.28.08 @ 1:24PM|#
tarran,
No, not pigeons. Two hundred sixty-six trained and deadly whooping
cranes. But they have a flaw.
|2.28.08 @ 1:28PM|#
I salute you, some dude, for using an Icelandic character
(Thorn) to made your superior emoticon. Superior, except for the
missing nose, that is.
Thus,
:-þ
GILMORE|2.28.08 @ 1:31PM|#
Philip K Dick once wrote about this in a wonderful short story,
"The Little Movement"
A toy soldier purchased for a child (which is in fact a disguised
member of an invading alien army) begins brainwashing the kid to
murder his parents so that they will have no resistance to their
takeover.
The soldier has nearly 'turned' the kid when he hears reports from
a colleague (in what else - a toy airplane) of unexpected
resistance from some hidden group that had "gotten there before
them".
As the soldier considers this issue alone, the teddy bears in the
room suddenly surround him. End of story. Pretty good stuff. I
always liked his short fiction the most.
Neoncat|2.28.08 @ 1:34PM|#
Wow, I thought I was the only person geeky enough to use thorn Þ
as a tongue sticking out. Nice to know I'm not.
As for poor Elmo, unless you are a big Grover fan I've never
understood the hate for the little guy. Granted, I'm a big Grover
fan, but I still don't hate Elmo. Even if he does harbor homicidal
tendencies. Maybe Elmo is just experiencing the same distaste for
children talked about in H&R a day or two ago.
|2.28.08 @ 1:34PM|#
What would have been really disturbing is if the toddler looked even more like Telly Savalas.
EJM|2.28.08 @ 1:37PM|#
If only Elmo's voice sounded like June Foray's...
(Reference
explained here, although MikeP sort of beat me to it.)
|2.28.08 @ 1:39PM|#
smacky,
You forgot to include "+ Evil chip" in your equation.
Neoncat,
There is nothing geeky about Iceland or Icelandic.
Norm N. Klacher|2.28.08 @ 1:41PM|#
"Aimee Allen" Who the fuck would butcher the name "Amy" like that? Must be a bitch.
|2.28.08 @ 1:42PM|#
No! Not 'the craw'! The craw!
I remember yanking on the string of my talking G.I. Joe doll in the
middle of a phrase in order to make him say stuff completely
different. Ditto with the sisters' See-and_Say toys.
|2.28.08 @ 1:43PM|#
¬! The negation symbol! Is there nothing some dude cannot do? I stand in awe of his artistic ability in the ASCII medium.
Episiarch|2.28.08 @ 1:43PM|#
Grover + frontal lobotomy + Jim Henson's death and the takeover of Sesame Street by PC lunatics who change Cookie Monster's name = Elmo
|2.28.08 @ 1:47PM|#
They changed Cookie Monster's name? Do I even want to know what they changed it to? Don't tell me: Tofu Goblin.
Hal|2.28.08 @ 1:49PM|#
I stand in awe of his artistic ability in the ASCII
medium.
....................................................................
..................../´¯/)..................
.................,/¯../.....................
................/..../.......................
........./``/´¯/'---'/´¯¯`·¸.............
......../'/.../..../......./¨¯\........
.......('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')......
........\.................'...../......
.........''...\.......... _.·´..........
...........\..............(............
.............\.............\...............
....................................................................
|2.28.08 @ 1:54PM|#
Episiarch and smacky,
The wiki entry on the Cookie Monster says the name change is a
myth. However, he apparently has been forced to repudiate an
exclusive diet of cookies.
Hal,
Yes, there's more that can be done in ASCII. I was thinking more
within the emoticon realm.
Episiarch|2.28.08 @ 1:58PM|#
The wiki entry on the Cookie Monster says the name change is
a myth. However, he apparently has been forced to repudiate an
exclusive diet of cookies.
Well, at least he won't be so constipated.
|2.28.08 @ 2:06PM|#
I'm surprised they haven't changed it to Diabetic Monster and
cut off his toes.
They're probably too busy trying to convince kids to learn Spanish
and making sure the actors are a perfect ratio of races to match
the last census...
Wow, I really hated Sesame Street.
Tym|2.28.08 @ 2:10PM|#
Shoot me up elmo:
http://www.fugly.com/media/IMAGES/Funny/shoot_me_up_elmo_funny.jpg
http://mechapixel.com/slags/329/_o329PQvN.jpg
RSDavis|2.28.08 @ 2:11PM|#
I would totally keep that doll, myself. I mean, how many people have homicidal muppets?
M|2.28.08 @ 2:17PM|#
why would the word kill be in Elmo's vocabulary to begin with?
It's a Dutch place-name suffix (Catskill, Peekskill), with, gosh,
many, many conceivable uses in various undoubtedly adorable
phrases. I'm sure you can think of many, many.
|2.28.08 @ 2:52PM|#
This should put an end to the "engineers have no sense of humor" stereotype. BTW, how many f'in Elmo toys does one kid need? Mix in some sunshine and US-American humans lady!
Russ 2000|2.28.08 @ 4:04PM|#
Ditto with the sisters' See-and_Say toys.
I was 4 when I figured that out. Getting the thing to go "A cow
goes quack quack" was pretty damned easy. I can't believe there are
adults who DON'T know this.
T|2.28.08 @ 4:12PM|#
I'm still waiting for "Tickle Me Until I Shit My Pants
Elmo."
Your fetishes are showing, and they're not pretty.
|2.28.08 @ 5:12PM|#
OK, since somebody mentioned Grover, I feel obligated to post
this:
http://zeroboutique.com/grover/index.htm
Toy Manufacturer|2.28.08 @ 7:21PM|#
Wait, if I put the death-threat chip in the Tickle Me Elmo doll, then what message did I implant in the Dalek doll? And why are picketers from the Legion of Decency congregating outside our headquarters?
|2.28.08 @ 8:06PM|#
"I tell ya that doll is EVIL!! EEEEVVVVIIIIL"
You said that about all the toys, Grandpa.
|2.28.08 @ 10:15PM|#
Jesus Sullum,
I just lost about a half hour I'll never get back. Turns out there
are a lot of people on the old Youtube who have it in for Elmo!
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