Another Strike for the Chosen One!

Jesse Walker | December 19, 2007

Time's new Person of the Year is an iconic figure. Literally.

The Bolshaya Elnya village in the Nizhny Novgorod Region is home to the "Rus' Resurrecting" sect, a group of local residents who believe that President Putin was both the Apostle Paul and King Solomon in previous lives....

"We didn't choose Putin," Mother Fontinya told the Moskovsky Komsomolets paper, expounding on the first time she laid eyes on the "holy one."

"It was when Yeltsin was naming him as his successor [during a live New Year's Eve TV broadcast in 1999]. My soul exploded with joy! 'An ubermensch! God himself has chosen him!'" I cried.

"Yeltsin was the destroyer, and God replaced him with his creation," claimed Fontinya.

The sect possesses a President Putin icon that Fontinya claims miraculously appeared one day.

"He has given us everything," she said, pointing to the sky.

Comments

Abdul|12.19.07 @ 10:29AM|#

Wow, imagine what Huckabee could do with such a credulous constituency.

Huck for Tsar in 2012!

|12.19.07 @ 10:31AM|#

I remember that New Year's Eve announcement by Yeltsin. It was like a hostage tape.

You don't often see political leaders begging forgiveness in their farewell speeches.

Episiarch|12.19.07 @ 10:35AM|#

It's an FSB Potemkin Cult. You gotta look at all the angles, people!

|12.19.07 @ 10:35AM|#

here's the reason for the sleazin

http://moderntribalist.blogspot.com/2005/11/russian-alcoholism-and-mongoloid-gene.html

|12.19.07 @ 10:36AM|#

Putin and Hillary must have the same PR firm.

|12.19.07 @ 10:41AM|#

I feel the same way about John Roberts.

|12.19.07 @ 10:45AM|#

The Romanovs probably have some Viking (Rus') blood.
The Libertates have some Viking blood.
Therefore, I am the heir to the Romanov throne. Tsar Libertate!

My reign will be a liberal one, where I will allow the serfs to have as many as five rights! And where I will grant them up to fifty square feet of land!

|12.19.07 @ 10:55AM|#

So, Yeltsin is the fucking Gawd Himself?

...like I need any more reasons to be a Satanist.

VM|12.19.07 @ 10:56AM|#

This Chosen One is much more fun.

And ProGLib is right. We're related. Hope that clears stuff up for the rest of you!!

ha!

Jozef|12.19.07 @ 10:59AM|#

My reign will be a liberal one, where I will allow the serfs to have as many as five rights!

But but but... Five rights make an ...erm... right. I would only grant them three rights if I were you; that makes a left.

|12.19.07 @ 11:00AM|#

The Irish were invaded by Vikings as well, so...

Hello brothers!

|12.19.07 @ 11:04AM|#

Yeah I thought this was going to be about Hillary

|12.19.07 @ 11:07AM|#

Viking Moose, Patriarch. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Or would you prefer to be the Duke of Latvia? Not that the Libertate family has any territorial ambitions. . .beyond those that God Himself has ordained, anyway.

Taktix®, Lord of Vodka and Trademarks! I am liberal with my bestowments.

I shall name the Technoviking as my heir until I have a male one of my own.

kwais,

Hillary has no Viking blood that I know of, so she's not eligible to rule Russia.

|12.19.07 @ 11:09AM|#

"It was when Yeltsin was naming him as his successor [during a live New Year's Eve TV broadcast in 1999]. My soul exploded with joy! 'An ubermensch! God himself has chosen him!'" I cried.

"Yeltsin was the destroyer, and God replaced him with his creation," claimed Fontinya.

Since when do Russians talk about Übermenschen?

VM|12.19.07 @ 11:09AM|#

"Hillary has no Viking blood that I know of, so she's not eligible to rule Russia."

*shudders with that thoughts*

she has Gaulish blood, no doubt.

|12.19.07 @ 11:10AM|#

PL

Last time around, you were claiming descent from Clovis and by derivation, the throne of France.

Now you only need descent from the Ceasars, Mohammed and the Yellow Emperor to complete your rule of Eurasia and Africa.

VM|12.19.07 @ 11:12AM|#

Aresen-

ProGLib certainly is the KEEPER OF THE WOMBY VAULTAGE, as you probably remember...

|12.19.07 @ 11:15AM|#

Aresen,

Those of us anointed by God are few and mostly related.

I also claim the Grand Duchy of Canuckery!

VM|12.19.07 @ 11:19AM|#

Don't forget your tyrannical, loving, peaceful, neck-stump leadership of Grønland...

|12.19.07 @ 11:20AM|#

VM,

That's different. That was a gift from the Urkobold.

|12.19.07 @ 11:26AM|#

Taktix®, Lord of Vodka and Trademarks! I am liberal with my bestowments.

As my first decree:

WHEREAS, all Vodka filtered three or more times shall be reserved for females meeting a series of height, weight, and measurement sizes.

These criteria shall be determined, by me, at a later time, after extensive research.

WHEREAS, all lesser Vodka will be shipped to the U.S., because those fuckers will drink anything.

WHEREAS, all new terms will be trademarked by me and subject to royalty fees and surcharges. Any unauthorized term-coining will be punished severely.

Wow, I could get used to this "power" stuff...

|12.19.07 @ 11:30AM|#

Taktix®,

Ah, I see. Your life in Russia will be one long, great beer commercial. Except with vodka.

As General Zod said, the only true liberty is the liberty of the tyrant to do whatever he wants. And for his henchmen to do virtually everything they want.

|12.19.07 @ 12:40PM|#

I call cargo cult. Sorry, it's every bit as logical as Methodism, Catholicism, Hinduism, etc. IOW, nothing to get too shook up over. If they were ghost dancers though ...

Jesse Walker|12.19.07 @ 1:19PM|#

I don't think it's a proper cargo cult. By definition, don't cargo cults draw their inspiration from something outside the native society?

Paul|12.19.07 @ 1:39PM|#

"He has given us everything," she said, pointing to the sky.

Oh yes he will. Yes he will...