The War on Halloween

Forget the War on Christmas. Nanny State author David Harsanyi has discovered a scarier trend:

The two most devastating words any red-blooded American kid is likely to hear are "Fall Festival."

It can mean only one thing: The War on Halloween is once again upon us....

Recently, Halloween celebrations were banned at Kohl Elementary School in Westminster....Why can't kids celebrate this spooky orgy of fun? Well, as one fourth-grade Kohl teacher puts it - and I paraphrase here - if even one child feels left out because of Halloween, we've all failed.

So you see, it's all about inclusion. Funny, barring 99 percent of a school from celebrating a holiday sounds a lot like a massive exclusion to me. Which is to say that the practice is about as nefarious as ghoulish adults handing out healthy raisins instead of Kit Kats to trick-or-treaters. There is just no call for it.

Jack Chick weighs in here.

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  • ||

    Shilling for Big Satan again?

  • ||

    Jesus Christ, you know the forces of political correctness are out of control when even fabled Kohl Elementary School has changed the name of a celebration.

    I predicted this years ago. I told my wife, "one of these days, even Kohl Elementary School will succumb to the nannies".

    Life is terrible.

  • ||

    They can take my Halloween from me when they pry it from my cold, undead fingers.

  • ||

    Dan T.: You're married? Now that sounds exclusionary.

  • Teutonic Dan T.||

    You know Jesus Christian that the forces of the political correctness from control are, when even Kohl changed fabled, the elementary school for the name of a celebration.

    Forwards I forecast these years. I explained to my wife, "one of these days, even Kohl, the elementary school the child girls succumb."

    The life is terrible.

  • ||

    Ironically, in some locales it is the religious right that has been behind bans on Halloween. Halloween is regarded by many as at best a bit of popish nonsense and at worst an exercise in mass devil worship.

  • jimmydageek||

    Slowly turning kids into little obedient zombies...

  • ||

    Ah, but this opens the door to my planned restoration of the Saturnalia.

    Io, Saturnalia!

    jimmydageek,

    If all kids become zombies, then every day is Halloween!

  • ||

    Muslims hate Christmas, Christians hate Halloween? Give up, throw 'em all in the trash, and start celebrating Freedom Day.

    "Freedom freedom freedom, oi!"

  • jimmydageek||



    If all kids become zombies, then every day is Halloween!



    Yes! Therein lies the fallacy of their ways!

  • ed||

    If it's October, it must be time for Landover Baptist's annual Halloween freakout. Feast!

    http://www.landoverbaptist.org/sermons/halloweenmessage.html

  • ||

    When I was growing up, our parents dressed us in dark clothing, obscured our vision, waited till after dark, and then sent us into the streets to take candy from strangers.

    I remember the year they set up a metal detector at the school for you to get your candy scanned for needles and razor blades. America has never been the same since.

    Such fears are the stuff of urban legends of course. But then there was the Tylenol killer. So they're no longer unreasonable fears.

  • ||

    It's nice to know that, for the time being at least, donning a gory Richard Nixon mask and holding a pentagram high is safe for the common man.

    That's good. I do that at least twice a week.

  • ||

    My favorite Catholic school memory was our school Halloween carnival back in '65, where the kid who won the costume contest came dressed as the devil. Somewhere I have a picture of a smiling nun in full penguin regalia awarding a trophy to Lucifer.

  • Syloson of Samos||

    Pro Libertate,

    Carthage mos orior oriri ortus iterum!

  • ||

    Reason's new motto should be: "As Goes Kohl Elementary School, Goes the Nation"

  • Robert||

    Bannatyne delivers some good news before she goes. Hope.

    "I think Halloween is more popular now than ever before.... And once the adults got into it in the '70s and '80s, it really started to blossom."


    Finally some other commentor remarks about this! I'd been saying to friends that Halloween seems much bigger now than when I was a child (b. 1954), and that it had become popular among adults, which it was not back then, and they seem to have either blotted out their memory or have a different recollection.

  • ||

    Muslims hate Christmas, Christians hate Halloween? Give up, throw 'em all in the trash, and start celebrating Freedom Day.

    "Freedom freedom freedom, oi!"

    -----

    but what if someone eats a flag? That could create quite the controversy....

  • ||

    if even one child feels left out because of Halloween, we've all failed

    oooh oooh! Nobody's said it yet! ooooooooo!

    IT'S FOR THE CHILDREN!!!!

  • ||

    jimmydageek,

    The added beauty of turning all of the kids into zombies is that consumers won't be overburdened by choices when buying their Halloween supplies. I will illustrate with a vignette:

    [Zombie children approach house and knock on the front door. Door opens.]
    Zombie children: Trrrriiiicccckkkk oooooooorrrrrrrr Treeeeeeeaaaaaatttttttt uuuuuuggghhhh.
    Mr. Hilter: Oh, hi, kids! Want some scrumptious candy?
    Zombie children: [Stare blankly.]
    Mr. Hilter: Or some nice fruit?
    Zombie children: [Stare blankly.]
    Mr. Hilter: Okay, okay, just kidding, kids. [Reaches for bucket behind the door.] Have some brains.

  • ||

    Oh, and Dan T -
    I'll have you know that it's not just this elementary school. There are plenty of others (including a couple near me) that have banned Halloween celebrations.

  • ||

    S of S,

    Ack. Um, Cathage's customs will rise again? My Latin's worse than poor. People called Romanes, they go, the house?

  • ||

    IO Saturnalia!

    Io, Io, Io!

    We celebrated Saturnalia back in my high school latin class every year. Best Holiday Ever.

  • ||

    Robert,
    I've made the same observation. I have reservations about the explosion of adult halloween parties though. IMHO Halloween is for children! ~ Age 3-12. All of you adults who attend halloween parties should be at home, porch light on, lawn/exterior decorated, handing out cavity inducing treats to the neighborhood rug rats. This may sound trite, but I'll always fondly remember a young lad ~ 6-7 years old leaving my door and saying, "Mommy, I like this house. They always give out good stuff!"

    Halloween is for children, let's remember that this year!

  • ||

    J sub D -
    Halloween is for Children... until about 9-9:30, at which point most of them are done trick or treating anyway. That's when the REAL fun begins ;)

  • ||

    Stories like this are the ones that make me think it shouldn't be "nanny staters" but something else.

    It used to be just conservatives, usually some flavor of fundamental Christian (like my church when growing up, Lutheran evangelical, or my cousins which I think was the one associated with Jimmy Swaggart) who opposed Halloween, but now the supposed "liberal" lefters are getting in on it more and more.

    "Nanny" just doesn't cover the fact that both sides get together to steal the fun and freedom these days.

    Mommy (left?) and Daddy (right?) just want to help us.

    Ick.

  • thoreau||

    I vaguely remember a post from a few years ago about some angry Wiccans who were upset by school Halloween celebrations. Apparently these celebrations were mocking their faith.

    I say that we skip the treats and just perform tricks on uptight Wiccans and uptight Christians who try to cancel school Halloween parties.

  • ||

    I finally got to post It's for the children" without sarcasm or anger. Thanks Jesse.

  • rho||

    I remember the year they set up a metal detector at the school for you to get your candy scanned for needles and razor blades. America has never been the same since.

    Yeah. 'Round here it's getting rarer and rarer to actually have kids come to your door. The schools and churches and whatnot have Halloween parties where all the candy and activities can be controlled.

    I'm not opposed to that, really. The kids are safe, much fun is had.

  • ||

    (1) I live in an apartment
    (2) Halloween is my Christmas, Easter, Kwanzaa and Festivus, Bastille Day, Rosh Hoshanna and Hanukkah all in one.
    (3) Buy your kid his own candy damn candy or move to a neighborhood that cares.

  • ||

    Oh, and Dan T -
    I'll have you know that it's not just this elementary school. There are plenty of others (including a couple near me) that have banned Halloween celebrations.


    Thanks a lot. Just when I think it can't get more depressing, you hit me with this?

    The good old days, when intolerance and exclusion were not just allowed in school but strongly encouraged, are clearly over. Now kids are forced to do their candy begging/extortion on their own time.

  • ||

    Halloween is the only good holiday, don't ruin it. Halloween is the only holiday where you don't have to talk about Jesus or veterans or patriotism or ecology or strike breakers.

    It's about fun, candy, dressing-up and hanging chopped up mannequin parts from the tree in front of your house. (I also play my 45 rpm 12' single of "Bela Lugosi's Dead" on 33 1/3. That freaks out everyone that stops for treats. And I have premium treats.)

  • ||

    I say that we skip the treats and just perform tricks on uptight Wiccans and uptight Christians who try to cancel school Halloween parties

    A good TPing says more than words can ever express.

  • ||

    Randolph Carter,

    It's sad that Saturnalia is limited to Latin students and college students with serious drug habits. If we simply must lose all our holidays, why can't we revive this one? It's cool, it's Roman, and it has gifts and stuff. Also, the whole role-reversal thing could be interesting.

  • New World Dan||

    J sub D,

    Halloween is for everyone. This year, it falls on a Wednesday. I'll be levaing my child at grandma's house and going to a party on Saturday. Most of my friends are childless and have way too much time on their hands.

  • ||

    @SurgarFree-
    RIGHT ON!!

  • ||

    Lamar, Just one word. SCROOGE!

  • Jesse Walker||

    Halloween is the only good holiday, don't ruin it.

    Let's not get carried away. There's always April Fool's Day.

  • ||

    What exclusion, incidentally? I went to public school K-12, and I'm pretty sure that every single kid who didn't have fanatically religious parents wore costumes, trick-or-treated, and gorged on candy until purging was required. I don't recall schools forcing anyone to participate, either, for that matter.

  • ||

    A brand new 6' fence (with no visible holes) has been put up around someone's yard down the street from me. Half of my Halloween excitement this year will be seeing how many eggs get thrown at it, really. I should just put out a lawn chair across the street and give out candy there. It'll be quite the spectacle.

  • ||

    Kohl Elementary School has not received this much press since Ahmadinejad spoke at Career Day.

  • ||

    I just saw Chick tracts for the first time the other day. That's some krazy shite!

  • The Great Pumpkin||

    I am going to eat the hell out of those Christians for ruining my only holiday. Those sons of bitches.

  • ||

    I've lived in high rise apartments or condos for the last 15 years. This year I bought a house (stupid fucking grass never stops growing grrr) so I have to decide to go the cool neighbor with good treats / costume / decorate route or stay in the basement with all the lights off.

    Or I could just go out.

    Decisions, decisions.

  • ||

    Lucifer
    Beelzebub
    High Fructose Corn Syrup

    The devil goes by many names.

  • Mike Laursen||

    Reason's new motto should be: "As Goes Kohl Elementary School, Goes the Nation"

    reason could do a lot worse. Westminster, Colorado is pretty darned typical suburbia.

  • ||

    Pro Lib,
    Yeah, we could maybe have an intelligent person in the white house for the duration of the celebration. A latin scholar perhaps???

    Also, any wiccan that claims to be upset by halloween is a culturally ignorant fucker, who probably doesn't realize their iteration of "witchcraft" is a hodgepodge of christian superstition and the addled imagination of a British guy from the 50s who believed in fairies.

  • ||

    reason could do a lot worse. Westminster, Colorado is pretty darned typical suburbia.

    Indeed. And the injustices taking place daily in suburbs of America have been ignored by the mainstream media for too long. How many more school festival name changes are we going to have to endure before revolution occurs?

  • ||

    Dan T., you are such an unrepentant twat that I may have to shower you with insults and rat feces. Because if you're going to write a flame war, there's going to be some rat feces in there.

  • stuartl||

    ...who probably doesn't realize their iteration of "witchcraft" is a hodgepodge of christian superstition and the addled imagination of a British guy from the 50s who believed in fairies.

    Most Wiccans are aware of this, but don't think it is a big deal. Once you accept invisible friends and enemies, where your justification comes from doesn't much matter. Everyone else's is silly though.

  • JBinMO||

    What about as Kohls goes, so goes Vermont.

  • ||

    Suburbian injustice? Dan, did someone make you mow your yard? Ye gods.

  • ||

    Dan T., you are such an unrepentant twat that I may have to shower you with insults and rat feces. Because if you're going to write a flame war, there's going to be some rat feces in there.

    Mr. Carter, this is a throughly unpleasant message. In fact, it's the second most revolting thing I've read today, behind only the staggering news coming out of Kohl Elementary School.

  • ||

    Suburban injustice is even sillier.

  • ||

    When I was a child (so old my first remembered headline was the death of Marilyn Monroe) we'd grab the pillowcase and hit the streets, literally dragging our loot home. And the stop at the one old lady who gave us cocoa and apples and pop corn balls. Mom wouldn't even take the andy away (ofr our proection, this was hard won loot!), so I divvied the stash wth my little sister who I had to drag along with me, too small to carry her owm damn pillowcase. I was 6 or so, 1st grade, and theur were no parents on the streets. Just little monsters and fairies and ghosts.

    Now, if I have ONE trick or treater each year it would be remarkable.

    I don't mind the adults taking over Halloween, someone has to carry it on.

  • ||

    Um, Cathage's customs will rise again? My Latin's worse than poor.



    Pro Libertate,

    I see my translation skills are needed once more! The phrase "Carthage mos orior oriri ortus iterum!" is Latin for "In Carthage, obladee, obladah, life goes on!"

  • Fluffy||

    Gaijin wins the thread.

    And the simple answer here is, of course, the eradication of the public schools. Then no one has to worry about inclusion or exclusion or freedom of religion or freedom from religion or political correctness or Bong Hits For Jesus or any of it. Problem solved.

  • Mike Laursen||

    How many more school festival name changes are we going to have to endure before revolution occurs?

    It wasn't just a name change. They also committed a mortal sin against Fun by prohibiting costumes. Once again, you didn't read the article, did you?

  • JBinMO||

    ""Nanny" just doesn't cover the fact that both sides get together to steal the fun and freedom these days"

    How about "Big Nanny"?

  • Fluffy||

    Capelza is, of course, correct.

    Walkable neighborhoods with a critical mass of children 5-12 are required for the trick or treating tradition to work, and there just aren't a whole lot of those any more.

    With too small a % of households with pre-teen children, you get a situation where most houses don't have candy and the small handful of kids out trick or treating looks more sad and forlorn than FUN.

  • ||

    Jake,

    Ah. True, the Beatles were such dedicated Classicists. Can you also translate "goo goo g'joob"?

  • ||

    Let's not get carried away. There's always April Fool's Day.



    But Jesse, Dan T. is here every day. Halloween is special.

  • ||

    I just saw Chick tracts for the first time the other day. That's some krazy shite!

    There was a house in my neighborhood that handed out a chick tract an a bag of preztels every year. The first one I got was Hi There! It kind of freaked out my ten-year old self.

  • ||

    Sounds like some of you are saying we need to re-establish public halloween celebrations For The Children!

  • ||

    Any holiday we don't get time off work isn't a REAL holiday. It's just a retail sales promotion gimmick.

  • ||

    Dan, if you're going to troll, you could at least try to be funny.

    You're really grasping at straws today, and the tone's all off.

  • ||

    And the simple answer here is, of course, the eradication of the public schools. Then no one has to worry about inclusion or exclusion or freedom of religion or freedom from religion or political correctness or Bong Hits For Jesus or any of it. Problem solved.

    Excellent point. I was always very much a proponent of public schools until I read the very disturbing news coming out of Kohl Elementary.

    Now I feel as you do, that this kind of atrocity requires drastic measures to be implemented.

    There is never a shortage of good ideas to be found on an H&R thread.

  • Voice over PA System||

    Begin Warm Liquid Goo Phase

  • shecky||

    I'll bet it's simply a politically correct way for superstitious fundy types to have a neutered holiday.

    This isn't exactly a new trend. As the 80s progressed, I recall my younger siblings facing more restrictions on Halloween celebrations. At one point, it was forbidden to dress up as anything "scary".

    Halloween isn't about scary creatures, after all.

  • ||

    Dan, if you're going to troll, you could at least try to be funny.

    You're really grasping at straws today, and the tone's all off.


    Come on - some threads merit a certain amount of serious discussion. Other threads, like this one, deserve nothing more than mockery and scorn

  • Fluffy||

    The existence of the institution of public education is an abomination against liberty, Dan.

    In exactly the same way and to pretty much the same extent as a state church would be.

    The fact that getting rid of them would get rid of a lot of tedious arguing is just a fringe benefit.

  • ||

    Yeah, but mockery implies that what you're writing is actually funny.

    Which it isn't.

    Odd that I actually have to point this out to you.

  • Fluffy||

    Why doesn't it deserve serious discussion?

    When you create an institution which performs the function of establishing state orthodoxy in history, science, civic ideology, and culture, you should expect that people will take an interest in even its most trivial pronouncements.

  • ||

    Why doesn't it deserve serious discussion?



    Because our lord and savior, Dan T. has decreed it to be unworthy of discussion, and worthy only of (exceedingly poor) mockery.

  • ||

    Halloween is regarded by many as ... at worst an exercise in mass devil worship.

    Would you like flies with that?

  • ||

    Can you also translate "goo goo g'joob"?



    Well, it's somewhat anticlimactic to admit, but that was just the name of the walrus. "I am the walrus, Googoo Gajoob" was simply the equivalent of saying, "I am the plumber, Ned Anderson."

    Of course, with the combination of oddly-shaped palate and mouth-dominating tusks, it is extraordinarily difficult for the walrus (of mixed Italian and Moroccan ancestry -- therein lies a tale!) to pronounce his own name. What the Beatles were attempting to convey with that immortal line was the memorable way the walrus would try (and fail) to pronounce the sentence, "I am the walrus, Giorgio Khajaab."

  • ||

    I could be the Walrus, and I'd still have to bum rides off people.

  • ||

    When you create an institution which performs the function of establishing state orthodoxy in history, science, civic ideology, and culture, you should expect that people will take an interest in even its most trivial pronouncements.

    I do expect it...of people totally lacking in perspective.

  • Jesse Walker||

    Dan, if you're going to troll, you could at least try to be funny.

    Actually, some of his comments here have been pretty amusing. He may have missed the point of the post, but whatever; "As Goes Kohl Elementary School, So Goes the Nation" was funny.

  • ||

    "Come on - some threads merit a certain amount of serious discussion. Other threads, like this one, deserve nothing more than mockery and scorn"

    I'm sorry, did you hear anyone call for revolution over this? We are constrained not to talk about small interferences of the nanny state just so you can feel Serious?

  • ||

    Jesse Walker has always been the best writer at reason. I've been saying that for years.

  • Fluffy||

    "I do expect it...of people totally lacking in perspective."

    I think the principle that any aspect of our culture that is not universally agreed to by all is evil and exclusionary is not a trivial principle at all, Dan. Are the people complaining lacking in perspective, or are you lacking in the ability to take the broad view?

  • ||

    Fun facts:

    Hallowe'en is a corruption of Hallows' eve, Or rather All Hallows or All Saints Eve.

    All Saints Day, for Roman Catholics, is holy day of obligation, observed on November 1. It was originally placed there to help suppress the observance of Samhain, the Celtic New Year's Eve. (Hallowe'en in Irish is still Oiche Samhna, Samhain Night.)

    In other words, the very name Hallowe'en is a relic of an early battle on the War on Hallowe'en. The Wars on Hallowe'en and on CHristmas has been going on a long time--and Hallowe'en and Christmas always win in the end.

    The Irish invented the "modern" Hallowe'en, Irish Hallowe'ens are still the best. We even have Hallowe'en cake. Candy, hell! I'd kill for some bairin brack!

  • ||

    The two most devastating words any red-blooded American kid is likely to hear are "Fall Festival."

    When Kohl Elementary School suffers a rash of student suicides, we won't be able to say we weren't warned.

    At least we'll know that the kids who survive are not red-blooded. They can be sent to a camp where they'll be taught to conform with American noncomformity.

  • ||

    Not to mention that at my Catholic school in Ireland we got the day after Hallowe'en, which was All Saints Day, off!

  • ||

    Remember the good old days when the only Halloween worry was the Islamofascist threat against kids?

  • ||

    "Slowly turning kids into little obedient zombies..."

    This morning, on MSNBC, there was a story about random breathalyzer testing of students at the Carmel*-on-the-Corn High School homecoming football game. Positives were turned over to The Authorities, apparently; next stop, re-education camp, one supposes.
    Compliant, complacent, obediant little zombies, indeed.

    *Indiana

  • ||

    Halloween is regarded by many as at best a bit of popish nonsense

    Huh?

    Is there any sane person who does not see it as popish nonsense?

    What, you think hundreds of millions of americans actually think of Halloween as a serious holiday?

    We calibrate it because it is a popish holiday.

  • ed||

    I'm confident that Halloween this year will be celebrated in the usual way in at least 95% of America's communities and that many of those celebrants will attend church the following Sunday without the least little hint of irony. Most of America is blissfully if not ignorantly unaware of the little tempests that are featured here daily.

  • C. Brown||

    All I got was a bag of rocks

  • ||

    This is a good catch - there actually ARE people waging war on Halloween, trying to stop people from celebrating it, etc. Churches holding anti-halloween events and denouncing the display of Halloween symbols - all the stuff that is supposedly being done by secular liberals in the "War on Christmas," but isn't.

    Politics of projection again, I guess.

  • ||

    The beauty of Halloween is that it teaches our kiddies that extortion, done properly, is not only right but good. They can grow to be "good citizens", voting tax increases, worshiping at the welfare/war state altar and hoping that someone else is doing Dobbin's work. I'm glad I'm old.

  • ||

    I love calibrating Halloween, personally.

  • Satan||

    Churches holding anti-halloween events and denouncing the display of Halloween symbols - all the stuff that is supposedly being done by secular liberals in the "War on Christmas"...

    Deliciously ironic, no?

    Bow to me!

  • ||

    Screw the kids!

    Halloween is becoming an adult holiday. I read an article last year (St. Pete Times, I think) that Halloween is second only to New Years as an adult party day.

  • ||

    All Saints Day, for Roman Catholics, is holy day of obligation... It was originally placed there to help suppress the observance of Samhain...

    Didn't work. You can see them right here.

  • ||

    The importamt moral question about Halloween is "Have you ever snuck (stolen) treats from your children's hard earned Halloween loot?" C'mom, all you parents out there, 'fess up!

  • ||

    You guys don't get how Christians would see a difference between "the war on Christmas" and "the war on Halloween"? To them, one is good and one is evil. And it's good to fight evil, I guess.

  • ||

    J sub D -
    My parents didn't have to sneak candy from my loot because my mom would just sit there and eat all the candy she was supposed to be giving out. Eventually she learned to buy additional bags for herself, also to tap into before Halloween (come on, we all know we open the candy before Halloween and sneak "just 1 piece.")

  • ||

    The importamt moral question about Halloween is "Have you ever snuck (stolen) treats from your children's hard earned Halloween loot?" C'mom, all you parents out there, 'fess up!

    Nope. Don't have any kids.

    So I go out Halloween night and steal loot from other peoples' kids.

  • ||

    Besides. Your kids get back at you later when they raid your liquor cabinet. So there's no moral infraction in taking their candy.

  • ||

    J sub D,

    I would be remiss as a parent if I let my daughter eat all that junk herself.

    Sure I steal her candy. It's for the children.

  • miche||

    My birthday is the 28th and since I celebrate it for a week, Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. I dress up for door duty. Little Bit, at 16, still dresses up and trick or treats. Of course, she and friends will take along somebody's little brother or sister so they don't look like total dorks.

  • Franklin Harris||

    Halloween is the only good holiday, don't ruin it.

    Let's not get carried away. There's always April Fool's Day.



    But now every day is April Fool's Day.

  • ||

    joe,

    Candy looter!

  • VM||

    tra la la la la lala
    traaaaaa laaa laaa LAAAAAAAAA
    nyert nyert.

  • ||

    "[All Saints'] was originally placed [where it is] to help suppress the observance of Samhain..."

    Didn't work.


    That was precisely my point, BakedPenguin.

    I love calibrating Halloween, personally.

    Oh, so do I. Nothing so scary on Hallowe'en night as an engineer from beyond the grave. :)

  • ||

    Pro Libertate,

    I live as a parasite on her labor, and say it's for her own good.

    Bwah hah ha ha haaaaaaaa!!!

  • ||

    I am the Ellsworth Toohey of Halloween.

  • ||

    Ottawa: Did you click the link? See, there's this band named Samhain, and if you click on the link, you can observe them.

    It was a joke. A Joooooke.

    maple suckin' puck slapper

  • ||

    From each according to his ability to con people out of candy, to each according to his sweet tooth.

  • ||

    Nope. Don't have any kids.
    So I go out Halloween night and steal loot from other peoples' kids


    Aresen, I admire your solution to a difficult prob;em!

    I would be remiss as a parent if I let my daughter eat all that junk herself.
    Sure I steal her candy. It's for the children.


    joe, Flawless reasoning. First time for everything, huh? ;-)

  • ||

    I am the Howard Roark of Halloween. Every year I build a gigantic temple of candy and blow it to smithereens. Or eat it to smithereens.

  • ||

    Where is Smithereens, anyway?

  • EW||

    I am the Eddie Willers of Halloween. I didn't get any candy. Such is life.

  • ||

    Go ahead and take Halloween away from the kiddies. Wandering around trick-or-treating isn't safe. Playing pranks is annoying. And all that candy isn't good for them.

    As long as grown-up women can still dress up as sexy witches and sexy cats, and go to grown-up parties and get drunk, that is perfectly fine with me.

  • ||

    Ottawa: Did you click the link? See, there's this band named Samhain, and if you click on the link, you can observe them.

    You got me...no I didn't. I can't watch youtube at work (no sound on my work machine).

    It's been a long week. ^_^;

  • ||

    They can take my Halloween from me when they pry it from my cold, undead fingers.



    cold? wouldn't you just be at room temperature?

  • ||

    Ottawa Reader - I completely understand. Anyway, it's not that great of a song, so you didn't miss much.

  • Paul||

    Well, as one fourth-grade Kohl teacher puts it - and I paraphrase here - if even one child feels left out because of Halloween, we've all failed.

    Most unintentionally funny statement of the month!

    If you ban Halloween, haven't you then left out all the children?

  • Ska||

    Screw the kids!

    Halloween is becoming an adult holiday. I read an article last year (St. Pete Times, I think) that Halloween is second only to New Years as an adult party day.




    Seriously. Halloween is the only holiday where every woman from age 18 - 45 dresses like a complete whore and drinks themself retarded. And since they're in costume, they're not really themselves, so they don't have to obey their usual moral standards.

    Dress Like A Whore And Behave Like One With No Repurcussions Day!!

  • Paul||

    Holy crap, ed, you aren't kidding:

    Freehold, Iowa - Friends, it is about that time again when the Devil throws his annual costume party to celebrate gay marriage and other satanic mischief.

  • Paul||

    I am the Ellsworth Toohey of Halloween.

    So, what, you're gonna take both sides of the debate?

  • VM||

  • ||

    tim,

    Colder than body temperature. Well, colder than non-undead body temperature.

  • ||

    VM, Stevo,

    If I know the Hooded Binturong (and I think I know the Hooded Binturong), he's just decided that he's in the market for a sidekick.

  • ||

    J sub D

    I have to choose my targets carefully. Some of those kids are mean little devils.

  • Jeremy||

    I would imagine that by the time Halloween rolls around the children have already determined who to exclude.

  • ||

    Where is Smithereens, anyway?

    He was right beside Burns until Burns handed tossed him the package.

  • VM||

    Earth below us
    drifting falling
    floating weightless
    calling calling...


    hay giant grizzly bear. Zagnut?

  • atrevete||

    If we celebrate it as "Dia de los Muertos" - Day of the Dead, we can say it's to teach the children "diversity". Quite politically correct.

  • ||

    I have to choose my targets carefully. Some of those kids are mean little devils

    If you take it from orphans, they'll learn what having parents is like. They will thank you later.

  • ||

    I am the Ellsworth Toohey of Halloween.



    WIN.

  • Mike Laursen||

    I would imagine that by the time Halloween rolls around the children have already determined who to exclude.

    You win the thread.

  • Mike Laursen||

    Alright, I guess joe won the thread with his "Ellsworth Toohey" remark. Jeremy lost a point for getting his "who"/"whom" grammar wrong when making fun of a teacher.

  • ||

    About who/whom. I'd like to split the difference and propose a new word that will serve both functions: "whon".

    For whon does the bell toll? Whon the heck cares?

  • ||

    Well since it's a Halloween thread I guess it's time to start taking suggestions for this year's "Most Offensive Halloween Costume." Every year we try to come up with the most offensive, yet topical, costume based on the past year's events - something sure to shock and offend most people at your typical silly adult Halloween party. Any ideas?

  • ||

    Brian Courts -
    HRC

  • ||

    Oh, you said most people

    HRC eating a corn dog erotically

  • Urkobold™||

    REINMOOSE, YOU UNSUCCORED FOOL, THERE IS NO EROTIC EATING OF A CORN DOG! EATING INVOLVES BITING.

    THE URKOBOLD FINDS IT NECESSARY TO SIT DOWN ONCE AGAIN.

  • ||

    FINE
    revision for the Urkobold's benefit:

    HRC felating a corn dog

  • Urkobold™||

    THE URKOBOLD FEELS REFRESHED, LIKE ZOD AFTER GETTING RID OF SOME PESKY KRYPTONITE. ONCE AGAIN, THE WEIBSKOBOLD MAY OFFER TO THE URKOBOLD SUCCOR.

  • ||

    Brian Courts | October 5, 2007, 3:34pm | #

    Well since it's a Halloween thread I guess it's time to start taking suggestions for this year's "Most Offensive Halloween Costume."

    Michael Richards/Kramer is what I first thought of, but the kid from the V-Tech shootings is more offensive I guess

  • ||

    Black Gandalf
    Japanese Viking
    many other options are available

  • ||

    "HRC eating a corn dog erotically"

    How about zombie* HRC erotically eating a brain, preferably Rudy's?

    * redundant, I know
    and the notion of HRC doing anything erotic is pretty far-fetched

  • Franklin Harris||

    Halloween is becoming an adult holiday. I read an article last year (St. Pete Times, I think) that Halloween is second only to New Years as an adult party day.



    Halloween is the new Christmas.

  • ||

    ...and the notion of HRC doing anything erotic is pretty far-fetched

    Tell me about it.

  • Robert||

    I give out samples of my invention -- http://users.bestweb.net/~robgood/lather.html . A consumable kids use for fun, but has no calories or tooth rot associated with it, can't be poisoned or have sharps embedded, and is "good for them" in the way it gets used.

    Anyone else have creative treats?

  • And what am I...?||

    Halloween is the only holiday where every woman from age 18 - 45 dresses like a complete whore and drinks themself retarded. And since they're in costume, they're not really themselves, so they don't have to obey their usual moral standards.

    Dress Like A Whore And Behave Like One With No Repurcussions Day!!


    ...chopped liver?

  • ed||

    the notion of HRC doing anything erotic is pretty far-fetched

    Perhaps, but I'm firmly behind her, holding her hair like reins and digging in the spurs. Giddyup!

  • Peter||

    We have taken the war to Jack. It's 9 short films! Adapted from the actual Chick Tracts!
    "Bewitched?" "Angels?" "Party Girl" "Doom Town" "Wounded Children" "Titanic" "Cleo" "Somebody Goofed" "The Thief" "The Little Princess" "One Way" "This Was Your Life"
    www.316now.com
    You must check it out!!!!

  • Peter||

    9 short film!
    Adapted from the actual Chick Tracts!
    "Bewitched?" "Angels?" "Party Girl" "Doom Town" "Wounded Children" "Titanic" "Cleo" "Somebody Goofed" "The Thief" "The Little Princess" "One Way" "This Was Your Life"
    www.316now.com
    You must check it out!!!!

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