Fat Girl Scouts Hate You

I just bought a late season box of Girl Scout cookies at the liquor store in my neighborhood, thinking I was being virtuous to choose thin mints over gin. Apparently not, according to MeMe Roth, whose organization has proposed a boycott:

"Girl Scout Cookies are high-calorie, high-sugar, high in saturated fat and nearly devoid of nutrition. Using young girls as a front to push millions of cookies onto an already bloated population further exacerbates an alarming crisis, no matter how cute the uniforms are. The Girl Scouts sell up to 200 million boxes yearly -- that's about one box for every overweight American."

And then there's this, also from Ms. Roth:

"I’ve always cringed at young females identifying themselves with baked goods. And I’m not convinced more cookies makes the world a better place."

The New York Times has it right in the lede, though the rest of the article wimps out:

In the grand scheme of the world’s horrors, those Thin Mints, Do-Si-Dos and Tagalongs don’t quite register up there with Al Qaeda, global warming or the cable television coverage of Anna Nicole Smith’s death as clear and present dangers to the general health and welfare.

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  • ||

    One box per year for every overweight american is a nice statistic, but unlikely to contribute to any particular crisis.

  • ||

    Yes that may seem true, however one box is enough to make you want more. And even if those people choose not to buy more Shout cookies, they probably will buy more sweets because the cookies tempted them and made them think they need more.

  • ||

    I have some Samoas in my desk here at work. This post has encouraged me to eat a few, right before going to lunch.

  • VM||

    The pisser is that with this health kick is that "Girl Scout" cookies are now made with 80% fewer girl scouts. hrumph.

    /kicks pebble

    (would Cupcakes be a better offer?)

  • ||

    So self-respecting overweight American would limit himself to just one box.

  • ||

    One box per year for every overweight american is a nice statistic, but unlikely to contribute to any particular crisis.

    I just went to the freezer and pulled out a box of Thin Mints marked 2003. (We store our box-per-person-per-year for a number of years so, when we choose to get fat, we can do it all at once.)

    There are 9 servings in the box, each with 80 fat calories and 160 total calories. If I ate the whole box, and all 1500 calories went to my hips, I would gain 7 ounces of weight.

    7 ounces!

    Oh the humanity.

  • jimmydageek||

    That should be considered a terrorist threat to the nation...

  • wayne||

    what global warming? I have been hot to post this on Reason, so I took the "In the grand scheme of the world's horrors..." as an opportunity.

    "...an article in Newsweek that read "There are ominous signs that the Earth's weather patterns have begun to change dramatically and that these changes may portend a drastic decline in food production - with serious political implications for just about every nation on Earth. The drop in food output could begin quite soon, perhaps only 10 years from now. The regions destined to feel its impact are the great wheat-producing lands of Canada and the U.S.S.R. in the North, along with a number of marginally self-sufficient tropical areas - parts of India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Indochina and Indonesia - where the growing season is dependent upon the rains brought by the monsoon."

    The article says that this is nothing new, but now "The evidence in support of these predictions has now begun to accumulate so massively that meteorologists are hard-pressed to keep up with it."

    At first I think, you know, that the food has disappeared because so many people are so damned fat, and they just ate it all! Hahaha! Apparently, nobody is interested in my humorous and glib explanation, and with a sniff of condescension they go on "The central fact is that after three quarters of a century of extraordinarily mild conditions, the earth's climate seems to be cooling down. Meteorologists disagree about the cause and extent of the cooling trend, as well as over its specific impact on local weather conditions. But they are almost unanimous in the view that the trend will reduce agricultural productivity for the rest of the century."

    Of course, this flies in the face of the huge, and hugely popular, "global warming" argument."

  • ||

    Back in business school, we studied the girl scounts of america. Turns out, the whole enterprise is a business venture centered around selling cookies.

    I don't remember the exact statistics, but I do know that a huge percentage of the profits from the cookies goes to the national organization, headquartered in a 56 story Manhattan high-rise. Compared to other groups, like the boy scouts, the girls scouts only give a tiny, tiny portion of sales to the local troops.

    If a girl scout troop decides to stop selling cookies and try fund-raising on their own, they are all immediately and permenantly banned from the girl scouts.

    Because they don't need to advertise, or pay retailers, or pay most of their employees, the Girl Scouts of America are the single most profitable foods producer in the county.

  • ||

    You try to take away my annual Thin Mint binge, and you will have a fight on your hands.

    They come in convenient single serving sleeves, too.

  • ||

    "I've always cringed at young females identifying themselves with baked goods."


    Why??? Moreover, who cares? Who even thinks about these things?


    Also, where does she get the incorrect notion that Girl Scouts are fat? I'm sure some of them are, but most are not (or were not, at least when I was that age). I mean, where are the statistics that correlate being a Girl Scout (ok, a Girl Scout under the age of 15) with being fat?

  • Dave W.||

    Seeing as the cookies have sugar, rather than HFCS, you are probably better off with the cookies than with a cola.

    Cookies and gin all 'round!

  • jdg||

    Earth to MeMe...it's not the fucking Girl Scout cookies. It's lazy adults who would rather pick up a fast food meal than cook a healthy meal at home. The cookies are just the icing on the cake.

    mmmm...cookie covered cake...

  • step 3 Profit!||

    Francis,

    That information is sadly unsurprising.

    Out of curiousity, was the organization FOUNDED that way (hey guys, I have this great idea to use cute little girls to shill low quality cookies!) or did it start out as a legit youth organization and mutate into the cookie monster?

    In the end it's the same outcome, but I'd keen to know how it got there.

    Thanks in advance!

  • ||

    Francis: For some reason, that sounds like a South Park episode.

  • mediageek||

    Kathrine Mangu-Ward:

    We thin -mint- gin?

  • mediageek||

    Wow, MeMe Roth is on record as stating:

    "Women commit fraud on their wedding days -- they weigh-in for the walk down the aisle with no expectation of maintaining that weight year after year,"

    From her webpage here.

  • VM||

    Media -

    sadly I know a fellow who expresses that expectation to women on first dates. Um. Last dates. Both.

  • ||

    Do they still put trans-fats in em? It's their right to do so but if so, I'm not gonna eat em.

  • ||

    First, they came for our red meat.

    Then, they came for out trans fats.

    Now, they come for our COOKIES!

    Burn in hell, hippie helath nazis!

  • ||

    "There are 9 servings in the box, each with 80 fat calories and 160 total calories."


    WTF!?? A box IS a serving.

  • ||

    Oh, just TRY to take away my Tagalongs. I DARE you.

  • ||

    Wow, MeMe Roth is on record as stating:

    "Women commit fraud on their wedding days -- they weigh-in for the walk down the aisle with no expectation of maintaining that weight year after year,"

    From her webpage here.


    Countdown to a comment on her appearance starts now...

  • ||

    This one ought to get me banned.......Hey MeMe i've got something low-cal you can wrap your lips around!

  • ||

    It's touching to see that she's devoted her entire life to being able to fit into her wedding gown year after year...

    ...nitwit.

    Countdown to a comment on her appearance starts now...


    AC,

    It mentions somewhere on that link that she was born into a long family line of obesity. Thus her obsession with self-image. I mean, she looks fine. But she is just one of those people (who are pretty common, actually) who prizes fitness over all other aspects of life. quote:

    Refuse to use your life as an excuse for obesity: stress, pregnancy, depression, genetics, metabolism.


    ...um that's a rather, ahem, large slice of life that one is supposed to discount. Stress, pregnancy, mental health, genetics and metabolism are a considerable slice of an individual's life. It's not a bad idea to try and fight weight gain whenever possible, but at the same time I think people who are obsessed with it are kind of pathetic. And ones who make it their life's mission to pester other people about it are just assholes.

  • ||

    Girl Scout Cookies are high-calorie, high-sugar, high in saturated fat and nearly devoid of nutrition.

    Uh, yeah. And that's why people like them.

    Her life must really suck if she wants people to stop enjoying Girl Scout cookies.

  • ||

    Countdown to a comment on her appearance starts now...

    This might be the one time where it would be appropriate, given Ms. Roth's obsession with appearance.

  • ||

    Burn in hell, hippie helath nazis!

    I'm a health libertarian! How about a hippie/punk health libertarian? BTW, check out this musical longing for a melding of hippie and puck ethos.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZl31jL0Q2E

  • ||

    How about eating brownies instead?

  • ||

    MeMe (heh, gotta love that name) is a little too skinny (read, flat) for my taste. But she doesn't look malnourished. From the three pictures I found on google, she looks well groomed and healthy. I have nothing derogatory to say about her appearance.

  • lunchstealer||

    ...thinking I was being virtuous to choose thin mints over gin. Apparently not...

    Well, Thin Mints certainly don't go with gin. They also don't go with bourbon. For that you need oreos. Oreos dipped in bourbon are quite good.

    I'm thinking that perhaps Kahlua might be the right liqueur to pair with Thin Mints. It is certainly the right pairing with Tim Tams which you can bite off two opposing corners of chocolate coating and then use it as a straw to draw the Kahlua into the cookie, thus creating a Kahlua-saturated Tim Tam. Oh my how it's good.

    The more I think about it, the more I think that it should be Bailey's with the Thin Mint. Sortof a do-it-yourself grasshopper (the cocktail, not the Keebler Thin-Mint immitation).

  • ||

    Girl Scouts will be fine if they simply follow Eazy E's advice: Don't get high off your own supply!

  • ||

    Check out my comments on the vid. They're posted with my Utube sreen name,"RickeyRamone"

  • JimmyDaGeek||

    Yes, I was thinking Bailey's as well, lunchstealer.

  • ||

    Oreos dipped in bourbon are quite good.

    AHHHHHHHHH. The Horror! The Horror!
    Lunchstealer you are one sick sick man.

  • Bryan||

    Damn. At first I thought Meme was encouraging women to keep their wedding weight after the weddings. Turns out she wants fat brides.

    But no fat girl scouts.

  • ||

    Why is just not eating the damn cookies themselves never enough for these people?

    Francis - you got a link for all that? Plausible, but I'd like to read up on it a bit more.

  • ||

    ...Shoulda been: "check out this musical longing for a melding of hippie and *punk *ethos."

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZl31jL0Q2E

  • VM||

    Rick - thanks for the vid. Enjoyed your comments, as usual!

    cheers,
    VM

  • ||

    Girl Scout Cookies are high-calorie, high-sugar, high in saturated fat and nearly devoid of nutrition.

    I'm sold. Gimme three boxes!

  • ||

    To my mind, the only outrageous thing about girl scout cookies is how little profit the Girl Scouts actually get from their sales.

  • ed||

    I enjoy Girl Scout mommies.

  • ||

    To my mind, the only outrageous thing about girl scout cookies is how little profit the Girl Scouts actually get from their sales.

    mk,

    It's important to teach girls at a young age the importance of working hard for an unfair or negligible payoff, and to teach them to accept that as their lot in life. This prepares them for marraige, childbearing, wage disparity, and all other good things that come with womanhood.

  • mediageek||

    Well, Thin Mints certainly don't go with gin.

    Yes, but evidently Meme believes that eating girl scout cookies goes hand-in-hand with singing sin.

  • ||

    smacky,
    You use your tongue fingers better than a $20O whore. Whadda ya say I bestow a few benefits of womanhood on you?

  • Dan T.||

    I was wondering when it would be time for another H&R "junk food doesn't make people fat, people make people fat" update.

  • ||

    You use your tongue fingers better than a $20O whore.


    Tightening the belt these days, Warren? Understandably so; these times are finanically trying.

  • ||

    I meant financially, of course. My fingers are no better than a $200 whore's, apparently.

  • ||

    If I had a daughter, I'd rather that she develop a taste for girl scout cookies than get to know Ana and Mia.

  • ||

    Thanks, VM. I just sorta stumbled on to the vid while I was looking for old school punk stuff on Utube.

  • ||

    This reminds me of when I got kicked out of Cub Scouts for eating Brownies.

  • ||

    Tightening the belt these days, Warren? Understandably so; these times are financially trying.

    Of course he is. Do you think insurance would cover the expensive surgery to repair the damage from dragging one's balls over broken glass for a sniff of panties?

  • Thomas Paine\'s Goiter||

    Trefoils and milk.

    *drool*

  • ||

    Mmm. I anxiously await my order of 1 box samoas, 1 box tagalogs, and 1 box thin mints. They are to arrive in March.

    I noticed that the Girl Scouts have removed transfats from their cookies this year. I guess it wasn't enough to satisfy the food grinches.

  • ||

    Dan T.,

    No you weren't.

  • ||

    Over the holidays I learned a recipe for faux-Thin Mints. Melt a bag of mint Hershey's Kisses (available only around the holidays) down in a double-boiler. Then submerge Ritz crackers one at a time into the melted chocolate and let them dry/cool/harden on wax paper. Voila! Fake Thin Mints -- your tastebuds may not notice the difference.

    Fight the cookiearchy!

  • ||

    "I'm not convinced more cookies makes the world a better place."

    This woman is insane and needs to be locked up for her own protection.

  • Pym||

    Y'know what's really good?

    Take a Thin Mint and a Peanut Butter Patty & screw them together back-to-back so that the coatings fuse. MMmmm.

    Oh, and my wife was "Cookie Mom" for our daughter's GS troop for several years, and they actually do get a pretty good deal. The troop earnings paid for camp fees and most other expenses for the dozen or so girls year after year. The local Council did almost as well, but had problems of its own.

  • ||

    smacky,
    Ritz crackers? Are you sure. I would have guessed graham crackers.

  • ||

    Warren,

    Positive. Scout's honor.

  • ||

    smacky,

    Do you still have the uniform?

  • ||

    Crap. Does anyone else have a craving for cookies?

  • ||

    joe,

    I don't think I ever owned a Brownies uniform, but I can't remember. I doubt that's what you were asking about, anyway (or at least hopefully not), since Brownie jumpers are only for the really, really young kids (IIRC).

    The "uniform" for the older girls (the Girl Scouts) is not much to speak of. IIRC, it's like kelley green pants or something gadawful like that. *shudder*

    (I don't think most girls wear the uniform. I, for one, didn't.)

    And then, the sash. This details all of the trivial, menial tasks you completed, in a varying array of badges. (This is also an exercise in preparation for later life, to ready girls for flashing their breasts for worthless plastic beads at Mardi Gras.)

  • The Wine Commonsewer||

    Do they put real Girl Scouts in those cookies?

  • The Wine Commonsewer||

    When I was a wee lad my Ma worked for Burry Biscuit Company (now owned by Nabisco), which had the contract to make Girl Scout cookies in So Cal. That was a dream come true.

  • ||

    Just let me have my dream, ok?

  • ||

    smacky,
    Your irony must be too suBtle for me. I mean you do understand why a GS uniform inflames the male libido don't you? And Mardi Gras beads worthless? Think of them as badges of honor.. Oh right.

  • ||

    I mean you do understand why a GS uniform inflames the male libido don't you?


    Actually...no. Do I want to ask why? (Maybe not)

  • VM||

    How about this:

    Wilderness Girls

  • ||

    Mmm. I anxiously await my order

    You order them? I can't think that far ahead. I usually just wait until they show up with their little table outside the local grocery store. They see me coming and start opening boxes. They will have to pause for a moment this year as I will only buy one box to start. I'm not sure how I feel about this switch from trans fats.

    Later in the year I have no problem swatting down boy scouts as they try to sell me their wretched popcorn. Popcorn, HA! get a real snack food you little creeps.

  • ||

    VM,

    LOL! hawt

  • ||

    I mean you do understand why a GS uniform inflames the male libido don't you?

    Is it because you are fucking creepy?

  • ||

    smacky,

    It only works when the uniform doesn't fit right.

    Are we clear?

  • dhex||

    "I mean you do understand why a GS uniform inflames the male libido don't you? "

    i know! my hands start shaking so much it's hard to get the white van started during girl scout cookie season!







    to quote the fine people at vice magazine: "they can't even get a tampon in there. that's why there's a law."

  • ||

    TWC has deleted more cookies than Internet Explorer.

  • ||

    What would SuicideGirl Scout cookies be like?

  • ||

    smacky (and interested others)

    The short answer is; Because our culture (as well as all others) prizes youth and beauty in women. The GS uniform lends the aura of youth.

    Deeper psychological answer; Role playing. As I said last week on the porn thread, and as is apparent on this thread, everyone rows their boat with different strokes. But there are some common themes. In my case it works best if a fully grown woman is wearing a perfectly tailored uniform. As you note, no actual GS looks hot in that costume, but a grown curvy woman gives it a totally different look.

    Then of course there's the dialog. I imagine her sashaying up to me and saying in a breathy sultry voice "So mister, can I interest you in my cookies?" It's the clash of hot sexual adult, with innocent pre-teen girl that makes it hot. (I hope I'm explaining this right, there is nothing of pedophile here).

  • Cesar||

    Im gonna buy extra this year just to spite Meme, the CSPI, and all the other "public health" groups.

    She says on her website they want to stop "second hand obesity". What the hell is second hand obesity? If I didn't know better, I would think the site is actually a parody of the CSPI website.

  • lunchstealer||

    VM, I just threw up a little in my mouth.

  • VM||

    Lunch:

    be happy I didn't post what Rick requested :)

  • ||

    What the hell is second hand obesity?

    It's when the french fry grease from a fat person's handshake is absorbed through your palm and causes heart disease.

  • ||

    A better question: What would SuicideGirl Scout cookies be named? Like maybe, Leather Lemon Snaps-or, Punk Peanut Butter...

  • ||

    Tagalong Spankalongs

  • ||

    What the hell is second hand obesity?

    Or the suffering caused by "Your mama's so fat..." jokes.

  • ||

    "Using young girls as a front to push millions of cookies onto an already bloated population further exacerbates an alarming crisis, no matter how cute the uniforms are."

    My wife enlarged the girl scout uniform she wore as a kid, and now wears it for me. She even made some new badges for the sash. Was anyone else in pack 69?

    It's quite the hit at parties,too; especially when she brings a box of cookies...

  • ||

    "What the hell is second hand obesity?"

    That's when you are so fat that I can't get on the elevator.

  • ||

    "What the hell is second hand obesity?"

    Or maybe when you are so fat that it takes both hands to pull up your belly to pee.

  • ||

    I can just imagine the legal battles that would ensue between the Girl Scouts and the SuicideGirl Scouts.

  • VM||

    Rick - Siouxsie Sioux Snaps, of course :)

    But the fight wouldn't be ...pretty...

  • ||

    smacky,

    Do you still have the uniform?


    What do you think this is, Japan?

  • ||

    Note that I said legal battles and not physical battles, cuz the SuicideGirl Scouts would all be over 18 and the Girl Scouts are just little kids. A physical battle would be as unfair as if, say, our government's military attacked some little country that posed no threat to us and....

  • ||

    VM,

    Whoa! That scared the bjesus outa me. Now I'm not even gonna answer the front door when they come hawking their trans-fat laden treats. BTW, do they all still contain trans-fats?

  • VM||

    :)
    It's as in the soviet union:

    In Soviet Russia, fats trans you.

  • ||

    Siouxsie Sioux Snaps

    That's good! Here are the pictures for the box.

    http://www.vamp.org/Siouxsie/Images/gizmo95.jpg

    http://www.vamp.org/Siouxsie/Images/siouxsie6-tb.jpg

  • ||

    What would SuicideGirl Scout cookies be named?

    Pierce-alongs?

    Blonde-on-Blonde Peanut Butter Sandwich Cookies?

  • ||

    BTW, this brief conversation with Siouxsie before Siouxsie and the Banshees acquired fame, from this vid about the early punk scene in London, is very likely her very first TV interview.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLomh6HUbNk

  • ||

    >BTW, do they all still contain trans-fats?

    no, they took them out and still they're getting shafted.

  • ||

    BTW, do they all still contain trans-fats?

    Girl scout cookies just aren't the same without trans-fats in much the same way that John Waters' films just aren't the same without the fat trannies.

  • Nekked?||

    I don't think most girls wear the uniform. I, for one, didn't.

    Pictures. We want pictures, please.

  • Take physic, pomp, and call me||

    What the hell is second hand obesity?

    Measurable girth-expansion in a sixtieth of a minute?

  • ||

    Sorry everyone, but mk wins the thread:

    Girl scout cookies just aren't the same without trans-fats in much the same way that John Waters' films just aren't the same without the fat trannies.

  • ||

    Sorry everyone, but mk wins the thread:

    Awww Man, no fair

    /kicks pebble

  • The Wine Commonsewer||

    VM, you funny.

    Rick Barton, you funny.

    Joe, you funny, I'm so old I can't delete cookies anymore. Or maybe, I just, well, never mind.

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