Who Will Kate Moss Kill Next?

Kerry Howley | November 3, 2006

We all know that the skeletal Kate Moss enjoys a fat line of cocaine. What you may not know, unless you've been listening to the Colombian government lately, is that she also enjoys murder:

“When she snorted a line of cocaine, she put land mines in Colombia, she killed people in Colombia, she displaced people in Colombia, she helped finance kidnapping,” said [Colombian Vice President Francisco Santos Calderón], who himself spent time as a hostage of the Medellin drug cartel. “That’s the message that we want to put out.”

Santos said earlier this week he’d never heard Moss say she was
sorry.

So let's get this straight: The world's most powerful supermodel gives a free endorsement to his country's number one export, and Colombia's V.P. is upset. If that's not proof the drug war is screwed, I don't know what is.

As an Agent Provocateur fan, I like to believe every piece of lingerie I purchase helps Kate buy a little more blow.

Comments

|11.3.06 @ 4:14PM|#

I like to believe every piece of lingerie I purchase helps Kate buy a little more blow.

Also, every Libertines or Primal Scream CD you buy will hasten the day in which she is found dead in a hotel room.

|11.3.06 @ 4:16PM|#

WOH!!! I must have bombed at least 30,000 Colombians last year, probably 25,000 on New Year's eve alone. And once the party really started going it probably only took me an hour and a half to do it. Heads up Bogota, the bachelor party is coming on strong next week, I think it would be advisable to take a sick day Friday November 10th, you don't get a pat on the back if you don't use em'.

Daydreamer|11.3.06 @ 4:17PM|#

Of course the part that the Vice President misses is the fact that it is the prohibition rather than the simple consumption of narcotics that is the cause for most of the lawlessness in his country.

As an Agent Provocateur fan, I like to believe every piece of lingerie I purchase helps Kate buy a little more blow.

Yet another Kerry innuendo leading to productivity destroying fantasizing. Damn you seductress!

|11.3.06 @ 4:31PM|#

Yet another Kerry innuendo leading to productivity destroying fantasizing. Damn you seductress!

Yeah, I used to think "Christ, Howley must be completely skeeved at what H&R posters write about her." Now, it's pretty clear that's what she's going for in the first place. At least, that's my opinion as a regular purchaser of Trojan Magnum XL condoms.

|11.3.06 @ 4:32PM|#

As an Agent Provocateur fan, I like to believe every piece of lingerie I purchase helps Kate buy a little more blow.

Type slower.

|11.3.06 @ 4:52PM|#

Sadly, such a causal connection is still better than, the "your pot purchase bought the 9/11 hijackers flying lessons" ads.

thoreau|11.3.06 @ 4:58PM|#

Kerry, you're just begging Warren to show up, aren't you?

|11.3.06 @ 5:12PM|#

That my horny geek liberitarian friends is your friday fun link.

|11.3.06 @ 5:25PM|#

Wow, I didn't even realize Kerry was a girl until I clicked on her Reason staff bio.

I also thought that my wife was pretty much the only attractive girl with sensible politics left in the world.

Wrong twice in one day. Oh well, it's not like I'm not used to be proven wrong...

wingnutx|11.3.06 @ 5:29PM|#

Any fan of 'Agent Provocateur' needs to find the video of Kylie Minogue wearing their product while riding a mechanical bull.

|11.3.06 @ 5:32PM|#

I thought Kerry was a dude, too, until I read this thread.

BTW -- does anybody over the age of 35 write for Reason?

|11.3.06 @ 5:36PM|#

Like everybody but Howley, Mangu-Ward, Weigel, and Balko.

|11.3.06 @ 5:45PM|#

Thanks. That's good to know.

|11.3.06 @ 5:45PM|#

Oh, I really didn't need to hear about Kerry Howley buying lingerie from Agent Provocateur. Now I'm going to have one of those you-know-whats that last for four or more hours again. This is very dangerous!!!

|11.3.06 @ 5:58PM|#

Also, every Libertines or Primal Scream CD you buy will hasten the day in which she is found dead in a hotel room.

I'll bet you that Pete is the one who ends up dead. It seems like she still has people who care about her, even if it's because she's still a viable brand. Babyshambles? Yeah, right. Who gives a shit anymore? Not Pete. Fucking crackhead junkie motherfucker.
Poor Carl.

|11.3.06 @ 6:09PM|#

I never realized Kate Moss was such a multitasking villain. I wonder if she has evil overlord ambitions?

thoreau|11.3.06 @ 6:13PM|#

So, depending on where I shop for my wife's Christmas gifts, I might be helping Kate Moss kill people?

Christmas is getting to be so complicated!

Xmas|11.4.06 @ 8:48AM|#

"INFINITE REGRESS"?

wingnutx|11.4.06 @ 2:34PM|#

I like to buy GE products specifically because it supports the corporate war machine's slaughter of brown babies around the globe.

I might as well hedge my bets with a little cocaine and lingerie.

|11.5.06 @ 7:56AM|#

It's none of my business.

dagny|11.6.06 @ 10:13AM|#

I thought you had to take up space to displace anyone? Family Guy clearly taught us that Kate Moss is, in fact, two-dimensional.

ChrisO|11.6.06 @ 12:29PM|#

What do I have to do to help Kate buy a chicken-fried steak or two?