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Should say: "I go down in every election. Trust me, I know what I'm doing."
The scene features Bree (Marcia Cross) and new boy-toy Orson (Kyle MacLachlan) in bed, with the underwear-clad housewife protesting her partner's attempt to give her oral sex.
"I don't do that," she says. "I'm a Republican."
"I'm a Libertarian," Orson replies. "I believe in minimizing the role of the state and maximizing individual rights. Trust me, I know what I'm doing."
That's a description of the suppressed Youtube Desperate Housewives tongue-n-groove scene, which ABC nixed after an "unauthorized" release of the footage. The House of Mouse claims it never wanted the sequence made public, though it is apparently using it to tease the upcoming DH season. Stephen Gordon says the alphabet net just doesn't want it to become public knowledge that libertarians make better lovers. I say all the cunnilingus in the world won't change one thing: This is the gash scene that made Marcia Cross our national heroine.
|9.1.06 @ 5:40PM|#
I wonder how many liberals believe that Republicans don't have oral sex? How quaint. Of course, I suppose the same number of conservatives think that Democrats all smoke pot and worship Satan. Or is that Libertarians?
|9.1.06 @ 5:55PM|#
Well, my ex-girlfriend was a Republican and SHE hated
cunniglingus... and masturbation... and intercourse...
I think that may be the reason I never got past third base with
her.
|9.1.06 @ 6:03PM|#
This is the gash scene that made Marcia Cross our national
heroine.
Yes! I remember when that was on. That was awesome! Too bad Melrose
Place took a nosedive after that. ("After" that, you say? Yes, well
there's good trash and bad trash. Some of us know the
difference.)
|9.1.06 @ 6:09PM|#
"I wonder how many liberals believe that Republicans don't have
oral sex?"
Oh, we know that they do. It's just amusing how few will admit
it.
|9.1.06 @ 6:11PM|#
Ayn
Growing up in a Catholic family, I was never exactly sure what base
was supposed to be what. All I ever knew that home plate was sex.
What kind of sex was never specified.
|9.1.06 @ 6:12PM|#
Over the years, I've dated women of various political stripes,
and I've never encountered this reticence. In fact, I'd say, if
anything, the A-type personality conservative women have been the
more demanding in that regard--"Service me, boy"--though even
that's just a matter of degree.
I'm constantly amazed at the stereotypes that fly around in the
minds of people out there. I've known my share of sex-crazed
Christian fundamentalists and sexually inhibited liberal atheists.
I daresay that politics, religion, etc. have less to do with sexual
behavior than sex drive and, perhaps, general moral beliefs. Sure,
that means that there's some fornicating hypocrisy out there, but
who ever said the species wasn't a self-rationalizing, hypocritical
breed? In fact, in the Vega Supercluster List of Sapient Beings,
we're number two in Rationalization. Right after the Rodent Things
of Beta Sigma 741.
|9.1.06 @ 6:15PM|#
I always thought that oral sex was third base.
3rd base is considered touching the genitals (under the
undergarments)
Oral sex is more like an inside the park home run, no??? It feels
good but requires more effort and is more tiring???
|9.1.06 @ 6:28PM|#
ChicagoTom,
Oral sex is more like an inside the park home run,
That is just excellent! But I'm more into football. Couldya do one
for football? Just step outa Wrigley�s and come over to Soldiers'
field...
|9.1.06 @ 6:31PM|#
Wow. I was always under this impression that THIS was 3rd
base...
http://users.forthnet.gr/ath/nektar/kma/contents71.htm
I guess i was sheltered or something. Live and learn!
JG
|9.1.06 @ 6:41PM|#
I always thought that oral sex was third base.
3rd base is considered touching the genitals (under the
undergarments)
Of course the real challenge is trying to hit for the cycle...
|9.1.06 @ 6:58PM|#
Everyone knows that the most anti-sex political group are
left-wing feminists. Republicans pretend to be anti-sex, but being
good ol' boys (and girls), they like a good romp in the hay.
Libertarians might be the least hung up on sex, but they don't
actually get any... unless they pretend to be Anarchists in order
to hook up with the hot Communist chick with the tatoos.
Newt Gingrich|9.1.06 @ 7:20PM|#
I can never get enough head.
Preferably from colleagues' wives, in the faculty parking
lot.
I don't have to deal with the women's infections that way.
Better still, avoiding intercourse makes it easier to dump them
when they get old and fat like me.
p.s. I head Ayn Rand was a YouTubeSteak addict.
|9.1.06 @ 7:23PM|#
Rick Barton,
You have shown yourself to be no Chicagoan.
It is Wrigley Field and Soldier
Field. Neither name contains a possessive.
Besides that, if you want to watch baseball, you go to Sox Park or
Comiskey Park or the Cell or whatever you want to call it, as long
as it's on the South Side.
|9.1.06 @ 8:01PM|#
found this premier spot...at the end it has Bree saying she
doesn't do it becouse she is a republican...but sans the
libertarian response.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48sOJSgAYXQ
|9.1.06 @ 8:27PM|#
"Kyle MacLachlan? Boy toy? How old is he now?"
Probably about the same age as the old bags on the show.
|9.1.06 @ 8:34PM|#
"That is just excellent! But I'm more into football. Couldya do
one for football?"
Rick Barton,
I like golf, tennis and track and field, so pay no attention to my
attempt, but could oral sex be like a field goal?
smaacky!
|9.1.06 @ 9:24PM|#
highnumber:
You have shown yourself to be no Chicagoan.
It is Wrigley Field and Soldier Field. Neither name contains a
possessive.
Thank you. And Ive been there a number of times so it's my bad. Had
I thought about it, I woulda guessed that Wrigley Field wasn't
possessive and Soldier Field was. I love to visit Chi-town.
|9.1.06 @ 9:59PM|#
martin,
I'm about to hit the sack with the Little Woman, but thanks for
your offer.
smaacky!
|9.1.06 @ 10:02PM|#
Ruthless:
I like golf, tennis and track and field, so pay no attention to
my attempt, but could oral sex be like a field goal?
Yeah, that might well be the best there is for a football
analogy.
Now I know you're a good anarchist, and from your favorite sports,
may we surmise that you're a hard-core individualist as well? I
think I'm picking up a pattern here.
smaacky!
It's only with trepidation that I ask if that refers to our own
smacky cuz I still regret that H&R meet-up thread where I
participated in going on about how cute she was and stuff. It was
all in good fun but for my part, although I didn't consider what I
wrote to be offensive, it kinda came too close. It's the ONLY thing
that I've ever written on H&R that I've regretted. And if
smacky was offended, then I'm very sorry.
(that was my public apology)
|9.1.06 @ 10:07PM|#
Ruthless,
I just saw your other post so I mow know that that "smaacky!"
doesn't refer to our, smacky. Oh well, I needed to get that off my
brain anyway.
|9.1.06 @ 10:26PM|#
biologist,
A safety is gonna have to be something that's unusual, but you're
still glad that it happened-not as glad as a "touchdown" but still
glad.
|9.1.06 @ 10:29PM|#
Sorry Ruthless, smaaaacky! is out on a date.
Or maybe it does refer to our smacky...
Robert-storylink|9.1.06 @ 11:15PM|#
"Trust me, I know what I'm doing."
That Was Sledge Hammer's line.
|9.2.06 @ 1:20AM|#
A useful sex education class would teach women never to scrape
their teeth on a man's penis and teach men not to put their tongues
directly on a woman's clitoris until she is aroused.
I am absolutely certain about the first half of that.
|9.2.06 @ 1:36AM|#
Let's steer clear of basketball analogies. Men might like the
old give-and-go and the lay-up, but I'm not sure we'd all care for
the back door play.
Meanwhile hockey has "the slot", the "5-hole" and a penalty
box.
Kevin
|9.2.06 @ 2:17AM|#
Again, I thought that:
1st base = making out
2nd base = getting underneath the bra/panties
3rd base = oral
I think these are good definitions.
|9.2.06 @ 3:38AM|#
Oral sex, performed on men, is like juggling
My guess is that no particular political group is any more uptight
about particular sex acts than other groups in this day and age but
Republicans are probably less likely to be promiscuous or favor
pre-marital sex (or at least make that claim).
|9.2.06 @ 6:28AM|#
Kyle MacLachlan?
I think I've only seen Kyly MacLachlan in one thing:
"Alia keeps pace with the storm."
"Stilgar do we have worm sign?"
"LONG LIVE THE FIGHTERS!"
"Arrakis.... Dune... Desert Planet..."
|9.2.06 @ 8:47AM|#
Ayn, you are still slightly off:
1st base = making out
2nd base = getting underneath the bra/panties
3rd base = hand/finger job to completion
Home = any orifiice entry
I'm just here to help.
|9.2.06 @ 10:35AM|#
Akira - Dune is goofy fune, but you should check out Kyle in Blue Velvet and Twin Peaks.
|9.2.06 @ 10:44AM|#
Akira,
I guess you never saw Twin Peaks, or The Hidden,
which also had Claudia Christian (Ivanova from Babylon
5.)
|9.2.06 @ 2:54PM|#
Ruthless,
So whatcha whatcha whatcha want?
Rick Barton,
There's no need for talk like that. I didn't take offense. I am
flattered by your polite abashedness.
(You had the right idea, anyway...somebody *should* spoil the heck
out of me! ^_- )
Smart Torontonian|9.2.06 @ 2:56PM|#
Does this mean that LewRockwell ans Reason will proclaim that Disparate Whorewives is a libertarian Anti-State show that we all must watch to tick off Dubya?
|9.2.06 @ 4:35PM|#
How does one know that Democrats are better at sex? Have you ever heard anyone speak of a good piece of elephant?
|9.2.06 @ 4:59PM|#
what would a touchback or safety be?
A safety is oral on a first date. A touchback is when the test
comes back negative.
|9.2.06 @ 6:31PM|#
[i]Kyle MacLachlan?
I think I've only seen Kyly MacLachlan in one thing:
"Alia keeps pace with the storm."
"Stilgar do we have worm sign?"
"LONG LIVE THE FIGHTERS!"
"Arrakis.... Dune... Desert Planet..."
Comment by: Akira MacKenzie at September 2, 2006 06:28 [/i]
Geez Akira, at least get some lines that got the
double-entendres...
Gurney Halleck: The slow blade penetrates the shield.
Gurney Halleck: It's time for your daily lesson.
Paul: Not today Gurney, I'm not in the mood.
Feyd-Rautha: Who is the little one, a pet perhaps? Will she deserve
my special attentions?
Paul: Don't try your powers on me, witch! Try looking into that
place where you dare not look. You'll find me there, staring back
at you!
:)
|9.2.06 @ 7:05PM|#
"Ruthless,
So whatcha whatcha whatcha want?"
smacky,
It's just that I think you should be present to "ground" us... like
Darla did for Spanky and Alfalfa whenever their thoughts turned to
the opposite sex.
(I'm aware this could easily become a full-time job for you.)
|9.2.06 @ 7:24PM|#
"I'm a Libertarian," Orson replies. "I believe in minimizing
the role of the state and maximizing individual rights. Trust me, I
know what I'm doing."
All the objectivists better hope whoever wrote that line is also
working on the Atlas Shrugged movie; (s)he's got the Ayn Rand
writing style down to a T.
And come to think of it, wasn't there cunnilingus in both Blue
Velvet and the Twin Peaks movie? Damn straight Mr. MacLachlan knows
what he's doing...
Tim Cavanaugh|9.2.06 @ 7:41PM|#
I don't know whether this makes a lick of difference, but Kyle MacLachlan is the actor friends and family have said should play me in the Reason movie. I'd rather be portrayed by Elizabeth Berkeley, but that's the vote...
|9.2.06 @ 7:43PM|#
If you're going to use a football analogy, a field goal isn't so
good (since it precludes the possibility of a touchdown on the same
drive). Yard lines would be a better choice, such as
Touchdown: obvious
Inside the 20: oral sex ("the red zone")
Inside the 40: frottage ("field goal range")
Between the 40s: hand under clothes
Out past the 20: making out
Behind the 20: sensual touching
...and of course you could add as many shades of gray as you want
at each yard line. As for a safety, since it not only involves a
score for the other team, but loss of possession, I'm not sure what
that would be equivalent to. But whatever it is, it would be funny
to watch it happen to someone else.
|9.2.06 @ 11:17PM|#
Shawn:
No, didn't see those. Though I hear the young Claudia goes topless
in The Hidden.
However, I did see her Playboy spread back in the 90s.
|9.3.06 @ 3:30AM|#
smacky,
Thank you! That was so nice of you. Wow, I really had a bad case of
"commenter's remorse" about that thread. I was really worried that
you might have taken offense at the over the top way I expressed my
admiration. Thanks to your kind comment, I shan't sweat that
anymore.
You're a scholar and a gentlelady.
|9.3.06 @ 7:21PM|#
Blue Velvet is one of the best movies ever, thanks to one Dennis
Hopper.
"It's Daddy, shithead! and where's my bourbon!"
"Mommy, Mommy! Baby wants to fuck!"
|9.4.06 @ 5:22AM|#
Col DuBois:
Young ladies could start carrying yellow hankies, and flag the
young gents for "illegal use of hands."
5 or 15-yards, depending on how flagrant. :)
Kevin
|9.4.06 @ 11:33AM|#
Or else illegal procedure.
I assume both penalties would be subject to review.
Also, feminists are not opposed to sex. Trust me on this one.
|9.4.06 @ 3:20PM|#
I think that in this context "face mask" would have a whole
different connotation.
And god help the dude guilty of pass intereference.
|9.4.06 @ 3:30PM|#
I lifted this from an adult joke site:
Birds and Bees
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her
daughter walks in.
�Mother, where do babies come from?�
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, �Well dear, Mommy and
Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their
bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.�
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, �That means the
daddy puts his penis in the mommy�s vagina. That�s how you get a
baby, honey.� The child seems to comprehend.
�Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had
daddy�s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do
that?�
�Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.�
Robert|9.4.06 @ 5:42PM|#
"I guess you never saw Twin Peaks, or The Hidden"
Not that that was directed at me, but not only have I seen both, I
made a compilation video that combines them into a single
narrative. My friend the late David Lindelof called it "A Tale of 2
Bobs", because I'm a Bob too.
What you have to assume is the events of The Hidden taking
place after those of Twin Peaks. The bad guy entity known
as Bob in Twin Peaks still infests the Kyle McLachlan
character in The Hidden and is then the good guy
character. When he says, "The one who killed my partner also killed
my little girl", he's talking about...himself! And by "his little
girl", he means Laura Palmer; at least she was his to kill!
This satisfies my sense of drama & humor because I think the
real world is a complex place in which one can alternate between
being a super-villain and a super-hero, or as much of those as the
real world will admit.
|9.4.06 @ 10:17PM|#
Also, feminists are not opposed to sex. Trust me on this
one.
Just male-on-female sex.
Okay, I exaggerate.
|9.5.06 @ 3:00PM|#
Robert, you ass! I still have a whole bunch of David Lynch
repertoire I am trying to get through. Thanks for the spoilers,
jerk! Hopefully, I shielded my eyes in time to avoid ruining one or
more of David Lynch's works for myself.
(Just kidding about those insults...mostly.)
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