Jesse Walker | October 28, 2005
The AP reports from Delaware:
The apparent suicide of a woman found hanging from a tree went unreported for hours because passers-by thought the body was a Halloween decoration, authorities said.
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As a native and former resident of the First State, I can tell you there's something about the notion of "dying in Delaware" that's, well, redundant...
Look on the bright side: the neighborhood kids didn't beat her with sticks expecting candy.
Of course the "authorities" had to take down the body when they found out it was real. Which branch exactly? The fun police? Fascists.
Tragically, it turns out the woman was the daughter of the ill-fated munchkin extra from "The Wizard of Oz."
I'm waiting for the "Strange Candy" parody of Billie Holiday's "Strange Fruit".
Cicero was into hanging woman jokes :
``Ohter witticisms are those that suggest a joke that is not quite
on the surface ; to this group belongs the quip of the Sicilian to
whom a friend was lamenting because, as he told him, his wife had
hanged herself from a fig-tree, and who replied, `Do please let me
have some cuttings from that tree of yours to plant''' - De
Oratore, II, 278
Okay. I'm disappointed that the fun link wasn't to the
President's speech yesterday where he said (paraphrasing - heard it
on the radio) that Libby had sacrificed much for America, and was
now resigning...blah,blah,blah...then said that in this country,
you are innocent until proven guilty, and "everyone" gets a fair
trial under due process.
I almost had an accident I was laughing so hard.
And noone commented on it. Irony truly is dead.
Sad thing, however, was that the victim took this drastic step because she felt that people ignored her and didn't take her seriously...
"I'm disappointed that the fun link wasn't to the President's
speech yesterday where he said (paraphrasing - heard it on the
radio) that Libby had sacrificed much for America, and was now
resigning...blah,blah,blah...then said that in this country, you
are innocent until proven guilty, and 'everyone' gets a fair trial
under due process."
I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed. Anyone got a text
link?
Anyone else find the ad for absinthe next to this item a little creepy in context?
``It's funny until somebody gets their eye poked out. Then it's still funny, but just not around that person.''
matthew hogan,
http://www.cnn.com/2005/POLITICS/10/29/leak.probe/index.html
(about half way down the page)
Cheney had something similar to say as well, though he didn't
explicitly mention due process.
Media, thanks. That get-up works well for getting laid as
well.
That's not funny, Jesse. My brother died that way.
Years ago my sleazeball speed-head neighbor hanged himself in the
back bedroom of the house next door. It was a hot day in July and
he'd been there for several days when his mother finally decided
that she ought to check out the smell coming from his room. I gotta
tell you man, it wasn't funny because my house was downwind and the
cops opened every window in the house.
Good god no wonder they invented embalming and underground burial.
I'm convinced that the smell is why both those cultural traditions
are widespread.
Oh sure, it was everybody's fault but the vic's (the ex-wife, the
cheeseball friends, the dope dealer, the cops, the courts,
yadayadyadayada).
More to the point, it really wasn't funny, it was a relief.
"Sad thing, however, was that the victim took this drastic step
because she felt that people ignored her and didn't take her
seriously..."
No, that's not sad. That just makes it funnier.
Jarod, where did you get that quote from? Each of the first 30
hits on google had the exact same wording. That would be funny
though.
Also, why in the world are they getting quotes from the mayor's
wife on this?
Am I the only one that thinks this is really sad, and not
the least bit funny?
And this isn't the least bit funny either. Jesse, stay after
school and wash the blackboards. Iona, put on your safety badge and
keep an eye on him.
Don't none of you worry, because she's gonna be waiting at the gates of Hell for you to give you your own special guided tour...
Am I the only one that thinks this is really sad, and not
the least bit funny?
It is really sad, but also kind of funny.
Sad is common. Funny is one way some people try to deal with
it.
I'm with the "sad, not funny" crowd. Kinda tasteless.
jdog, you get a couple of days in purgatory for that
non-link.
For an alternative fun link, I nominate this degenerative
art.
Laughing Jesuses for everyone!
Last year there was a girl who leapt from the freeway overpass and survived. She was pissed that the cops tried to help her. Point being: Yes it was sad. It was also hard to explain to the kids.
Ohhhhhhhh, TWC, saw your new pix.
PULEEEEZEEEE, do us. Please, please, please.
All of us at once. We'll make it worth your while.
I've seen the Yakov Smirnoff paintings before, and actually they
didn't kitsch me out at all, not even the "America's heart" one.
And there should be more portaits of Jesus laughing his ass off,
IMO. Hell, the Guy is entitled after all he went through.
That applies to both Jesus and and Smirnoff. I mean, he used to
live in the Soviet Union. (Smirnoff, that is.) You can't really
fault him for maybe going a little overboard with his love for the
USA.
I mean, suppose you knew a guy who for years lived in an abusive
relationship with a repulsive hag who beat him up, threw stuff at
him, insulted him, slept around on him, and stole his money. Then
he finally breaks up with her, and hooks up with this kinda cute,
rather nice chick. You wouldn't rag on him for loving his new
girlfriend to death, would you?
Although I did like this suggestion for a new Smirnoff painting in
the comments section of the AV Club site:
Ronald Reagan dressed in a navy blue suit with a red &
white striped tie, holding a pitchfork... His wife Nancy at his
side in her (trademark) red dress. They're standing in front of
"low cost housing" in Harlem. They're smiling. They know: "In
former Soviet Union, James Brolin movie watch YOU."
You wouldn't rag on him for loving his new girlfriend to
death, would you?
No, but if he starts making paintings of her, I would warn him that
he's going to scare her off...
jdog,
I get it, people with class wear safety badges. Good stuff. Anyway,
here's some more jokes for this forum:
A guy in a car accident.
Oh, how about this one, a woman gets cancer.
Of course, to make it funny, you have to add another element.
How about:
Woman dies of a stroke, no one notices because she rarely leaves
the house anyway.
A man gets shot to death, no one notices because in his country
that's not very unusual.
Iona, that's some funny shit! I spewed coffee into my
keyboard!
Wasn't there an incident some years back of a carnival funhouse
"corpse" that actually turned out to be a corpse?
"A guy in a car accident."
That can be funny. If it was the guy who strapped a jet engine to
his car and flattened himself on the side of a mountain, yes, that
would be funny.
"Oh, how about this one, a woman gets cancer."
That would depend on the kind of cancer. For example, cancer of the
pooper is kind of funny. Saturday Night Live recently had a funny
skit about a "Butt Cancer" clinic.
"Woman dies of a stroke, no one notices because she rarely leaves
the house anyway."
No, that still needs something. How about, when she died she was
dressed as Peter Pan and had her hand stuck in an olive jar?
"A man gets shot to death, no one notices because in his country
that's not very unusual."
Yes. Now you've got it. That one is extremely funny. There's hope
for you yet, lona.
Media, thanks. That get-up works well for getting laid as
well.
Duly noted. :)
On the upside of things, I found that there are a couple advantages
to going dressed as a George Romero-style zombie:
1) You can put the costume together in about an hour.
2) The slurred speech, loss of motor function, and blank stare that
comes with heavy alcohol consumption only adds to the realism of
the costume.
2) The slurred speech, loss of motor function, and blank
stare that comes with heavy alcohol consumption only adds to the
realism of the costume.
I've heard that the drug equiavalent of this phenom is the Torgo
costume from the now legendary character from Manos:Hands Of
Fate
THREADJACK
Speaking of Halloween and humor, I just ran across something. I was
lurking over at freerepublic.com -- yes, I do that sometimes; I was
looking for something to print out and read during my impending
visit to the Tiled Chamber of Contemplations.
Anyway, I thought the thread at
www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1512433/posts was actually pretty
funny. Even though one poster had no sense of humor and refused to
play along with the joke. (I think at least one other took a while
to catch on that it was a joke.) Someone even threw together
this image for versimilitude.
OK, hold on, it gets much better. There was a link to another
thread at www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/560413/posts which
answers the allohistorical question, "What if a bunch of Freepers
had been online on the the evening of October 30, 1938, while
listening to the radio?"
My favorite is "Post # 20":
------------------------------------
... THIS MAY BE THE LAST BROADCAST ... MARTIAN CYLINDERS
LANDING IN BUFFALO, CHICAGO, ST LOUIS. ... THIS IS THE END NOW
...
Demoralizing, defeatist, pro-Martian slanted reporting. Just
another typical day at CBS.
20 posted on 10/30/38 5:34 PM Pacific by Kaltenborn Again
------------------------------------
I liked "Post # 28" also.
Not a Bama,
lol!
Ok, aside from that comment, I'm in the "that's not funny" camp.
RIP
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