Blogs for an Alien Audience

Melanie Colburn | July 22, 2005

Ever wish your blog got more traffic? Now, thanks to MindComet's new gratis commercial satellite service, you can beam your ordinary earthling online diary directly into space!

Sorry, though, Reason fans: If you're considering a ride on the X Prize winner don't get your hopes up on keeping up in touch. Hit & Run is unlikely to meet MindComet's diction decency standards. According to MindComet CEO Ted Murphy:

We strongly urge our users to refrain from language or content designed to provoke our alien neighbors. We hope that our bloggers understand the importance of keeping our message positive.

The free service is meant to give a glimpse of ordinary life on Earth to alien audiences but, as The Inquirer points out, all our blog beams won't attract any extraterrestrial tourists if we seem boring.

Try your luck at livening up the ether at BloginSpace.com. Never mind that, assuming that there's intelligent life elsewhere in the galaxy, even at the speed of light it would take 25 thousand years (an optimistic estimate) for your blog to reach an ET.

Comments

|7.22.05 @ 2:16PM|#

The aliens are our friends. They haven't forgotten about the children and they love America. You benefit from their gifts each and every day.

Jacqueline|7.22.05 @ 3:29PM|#

That is so very awesome. I submitted my feed.

|7.22.05 @ 4:03PM|#

You've got to be shitting me. Why the fuck wouldn't this fucking blog pass their decency tests? That's some fucking bullshit, right there... Motherfuckers.



Seriously, I'd be wary of who we get to represent us to the aliens. I mean, Michelle Malkin has her own blog...

James Anderson Merritt|7.22.05 @ 6:18PM|#

Let's not forget that Klingons already have their own tourism and history pages, at Deutsche Welle's website. I, for one, welcome our new Klingon overlords. They have to be better than the Democrats and Republicans.

|7.22.05 @ 6:25PM|#

Matt, could it be that your carpet-humping techniques offend their delicate alien sensibilities?

|7.22.05 @ 9:12PM|#

"Sorry, though, Reason fans: If you're considering a ride on the X Prize winner don't get your hopes up on keeping up in touch. Hit & Run is unlikely to meet MindComet's diction decency standards."

ET,

Down here on Earth, I'm a commenter on this site called Hit & Run. Now, I don't know who you've been talkin' to, but you may have heard some other people call us "contentious" or some such. Well I just wanna tell you that plain isn't true. We just like to discuss issues that are important to libertarians.

...Of course, we're not perfect.

There are some idiot bastards among us who think the Nazis were worse than the Communists as well as some cultural imperialists who are too dumb to understand modern reverence for the Confederate battle flag. There are some among us who think we should broaden our appeal and take a pragmatic approach--not be so ideologically rigid. Who says we have to agree on everything? Well I agree with those sentiments wholeheartedly; and if you don't, well then you can go fuck yourself! There's also an open debate about whether the conservatives and libertarians should split. I say we should stay together, except for the ones that disagree with me--I think we should kick their asses out into the street!

...Oh, and we like to talk about popular culture.

Now I'll admit, some of us like to pick on posters like Charles and Michael, and some of us like to pick on commenters like Shannon and Mona. Hell, I'd admit to sometimes watchin' joe and RC Dean argue about whether Clinton was worse than Bush Jr. myself, but none of that means we're "contentious" per se.

Anyway, if you're in the neighborhood and feel like droppin' in, most of us 'd think that'd be great--most of us are closer to the open borders, type I think. ...We just ask that you embrace isolationism once you get here. ...Otherwise, we'll call you a bunch of f'n nazis!

P.S. Arrrgghh!

|7.23.05 @ 12:41AM|#

The Reasonoids of Zarflox 3, as evidenced by their recently received transmissions, are bilaterally symmetric, lumpy, oily creatures with hairless summits. Their primary activity consists of thrusting their midsections into flat arrays of fibers.

Sounds like a good planet with which to test out the newest version of our Fine-Structure-Constant-Disruptor, doesn't it? Hehh.....

|7.23.05 @ 12:56AM|#

We strongly urge our users to refrain from language or content designed to provoke our alien neighbors. We hope that our bloggers understand the importance of keeping our message positive.

Any alien civilization advanced enough to be able to receive and decode our pathetically weak transmission, will hardly be more innocent than our own. I mean, look at all the porn that's but a click away on our own feeble intraplanetary communications network.

A really advanced planet would have a network loaded with relativistic porn, where the actors and actresses travel at 0.99c in order to maximize the effects of time dilation and length contraction. Not to mention mass dilation (slurp).

Not that I'm into that sort of thing, but