My Safe Goat

Matt Welch | June 23, 2005

Long Beach and Newark Harbors, among other huge industrial port complexes, may still be vulnerable to terrorist attacks, but you'll be relieved to know that Kentucky's goats are safe. (Link via Sploid.)

Comments

|6.23.05 @ 5:51PM|#

No they're not.

This is Kentucky, after all.

|6.23.05 @ 6:06PM|#

Happy Jack

Are you trying to say "they don't call it KY fur nuthin'"?

|6.23.05 @ 6:07PM|#

The article reads like something from "The Onion"....

|6.23.05 @ 6:18PM|#

barmy- no, the purpose of KY is nuttin fur.

|6.23.05 @ 6:25PM|#

"The same policies and procedures that our operation centers are practicing ... can be used in flooding, tornadoes (or) earthquakes"

Earthquakes? In Kentucky? Yeah, let's prepare for those one in 10,000 year events.

|6.23.05 @ 6:43PM|#

Increased security at seaports = increased costs for Walmart.

You do the math.

|6.23.05 @ 7:25PM|#

Sure, you mock us now, but when the terrorists wipe out a goat show in *your* state, we in Kentucky will be having the last laugh!

|6.23.05 @ 7:54PM|#

Gotta love an early friday fun link

|6.23.05 @ 9:14PM|#

Earthquakes? In Kentucky? Yeah, let's prepare for those one in 10,000 year events.

Earthquakes are much more likely than al Qaeda attacking goat shows. One of the most powerful earthquakes in the continental US was centered in New Madrid, Missouri, just a few miles from the KY border.

In the past 20 years, scientists have learned that strong earthquakes in the central Mississippi Valley are not freak events but have occurred repeatedly in the geologic past. The area of major earthquake activity also has frequent minor shocks and is known as the New Madrid Seismic Zone.

Earthquakes in the central or eastern United States effect much larger areas than earthquakes of similar magnitude in the western United States. For example, the San Francisco, California, earthquake of 1906 (magnitude 7.8) was felt 350 miles away in the middle of Nevada, whereas the New Madrid earthquake of December 1811 (magnitude 8.0) rang church bells in Boston, Massachusetts, 1,000 miles away. Differences in geology east and west of the Rocky Mountains cause this strong contrast.

The structural engineering common to KY is not likely to fare well in the next big earthquake.

|6.23.05 @ 9:24PM|#

Kentucky is so great they named a lubricant after it.

|6.24.05 @ 11:37AM|#

Twba,
I know there's geological activity in the Central US, but what is the frequency of it? When geologists say "occurred repeatedly" it can mean once every 1,000-10,000 years. In a geology class, I remember learning that there's an earthquake expected to hit New England in the "near future," which the professor said was within about 10,000 years. He also said this would sink 2/3 of Boston.

|6.24.05 @ 12:24PM|#

Nobody knows when the next big one will hit, but small ones occur often every year. Four days ago a little 3.6 quake was recorded at Blandville, Kentucky. It probably only rattled a couple NASCAR collectible plates. If the Ford Maverick don't fall off its cement blocks and crush Billy Bob's favorite bluetic coondog, it ain't nothin' to worry 'bout.

|6.24.05 @ 12:29PM|#

But what about the fainting goats? Has anyone accounted for them yet? And what exactly is meant by a "Premium" fainting goat?

I think this is all just a big conspiracy between the government and the Kentucky Fried Satanists that are trying to preserve their sacrifical goats.

|6.24.05 @ 12:42PM|#

The miniature goats make wonderful companion creatures.

keith|6.24.05 @ 12:44PM|#

At last I know if New York ever feels too dangerous to me, I can return to my home state and pet goats with complete peace of mind.

|6.24.05 @ 12:47PM|#

Awww! I want Marvin the miniature goat for a pet. My apartment complex has a no pets policy, but they won't mind. I'll just knit little woolen socks for his hoovies.

|6.24.05 @ 3:03PM|#

smacky, that Web site for the International Fainting Goat Association is pretty fascinating.

And what exactly is meant by a "Premium" fainting goat?

The website says that when they are startled, their legs stiffen but they don't actually fall over. I'm not sure why that counts as "premium," though. If I had a fainting goat, I'd prefer one that actually falls over, not one that just stiffens. Maybe that's what you meant.

Interesting that the condition that goats have, myotonia, leads to increased muscle mass. I guess all that tensing is like an isometric exercise. Too bad I can't arrange to get myotonia temporarily. Then I'd sit in front of the TV and watch lousy horror movies with lots of "startling" moments. A few weeks of that and I'd be muscled like Schwarzenegger and ripped like Jesus.

PS: Hey, those miniature goats are kinda cute. Did you watch the video clip? They're like kittens that eat hay.

|6.24.05 @ 3:06PM|#

Sigh. Errata:

The website says that when [premium fainting goats] are startled, their legs stiffen but they don't actually fall over [like regular fainting goats do]. ...

Interesting that the condition that [fainting] goats have, myotonia...

|6.24.05 @ 3:37PM|#

Stevo,

I know there are many other things to discuss on the libertarian news front, but clearly this is the most important issue at hand. Where on the fainting goats site does it say that "premium" = stiffening (but not falling over). This is what I found:

1. PREMIUM: Goats that readily faint. Bucks require a full down photo. Does require a down photo or one showing obvious stiffness (ready to go down).

I think actually the opposite of what you said is true: those that faint (to the ground) more readily are "premium". I was just being facetious by posing this question. I appreciate your attempt at an answer, though (even if it was wrong). I won't hold it against you (this time).

|6.24.05 @ 3:38PM|#

addendum:

They're like kittens that eat hay.

I haven't seen the video, but that is the cutest thought that has graced my head all day.

|6.24.05 @ 6:31PM|#

smacky, I found the definition of "premium" fainting goats in the FAQ. However, I just now realized I misread it and got the definitions reversed:

What is meant by a "Premium" fainting goat?

Fainting Goats are registered in two categories, Premium & Regular.

1. PREMIUM �Goats that readily faint. Bucks require a full down photo. Does require a down photo or one showing obvious stiffness (ready to go down).

2. REGULAR �Goats that are wooden legged but don�t fall over. Does only

[Note: By "does" I think they mean females. I thought female goats were called "nanny goats" vs. "billy goats" for males, but maybe they're also called "does" and "bucks." Then what do you get when you have 50 female pigs and 50 male goats? "One-hundred-sows-and-bucks"! Har! More ancient jokes follow.]

[And I will forebear comment on "require a down photo or one showing obvious stiffness (ready to go down)."]

For what it's worth, I think we both want the same thing: We both value a fainting goat that actually falls down more than one that merely stiffens.

I think actually the opposite of what you said is true: those that faint (to the ground) more readily are "premium".

I think you are correct, as noted above.

I was just being facetious by posing this question. I appreciate your attempt at an answer, though (even if it was wrong). I won't hold it against you (this time).

Thanks, and I will forego the opportunity to make a lecherous remark about what you should "hold against me" (this time).