A Tour de Force I Can't Endorse

Jesse Walker | January 7, 2005

The Texas District and County Attorneys Association has named the "best/worst dissent of 2004":

In ruling that Pennsylvania's drunk-driving laws can't be enforced on people on horseback, the state Supreme Court had only one dissenting judge, Michael Eakin, who phrased his dissent in a poem inspired by the "Mister Ed" theme song:

"A horse is a horse, of course, of course, but the Vehicle Code does not divorce its application from, perforce, a steed as my colleagues said. 'It's not vague,' I'll say until I'm hoarse, and whether a car, a truck or horse this law applies with equal force, and I'd reverse instead."

Comments

|1.7.05 @ 5:29PM|#

Even if I disagree with it, I can respect a ruling like that.

...And without knowing all the pertinent facts, I do disagree. If the legislature wants to license horses, or if they want to make riding horses under the influence illegal, then they can do that.

|1.7.05 @ 5:44PM|#

Could be worse. The dissent could have been written by Maya Angelou.

|1.7.05 @ 5:50PM|#

At least it didn't include a picture of Mickey Rooney's ass.

|1.7.05 @ 6:02PM|#

I don't know if this is an official Friday fun link, but it was good enough for a few chuckles, speaking for myself.

Thanks.

|1.7.05 @ 6:02PM|#

You drive a vehicle, but you can only ride a horse. Big distinction.

Jesse Walker|1.7.05 @ 6:07PM|#

You drive a vehicle, but you can only ride a horse.

So can the horse drink? And if it gets drunk, do you arrest the horse?

|1.7.05 @ 6:12PM|#

Neigh!

Ruthless|1.7.05 @ 8:15PM|#

As a society, we were making excellent progress, and then police were introduced. It was probably a make-work program for those Irish Catholic whining about 'tators, or some such. (The rise of police happened to coincide with the rise of Irish Catholic here.)
Whatever. Shortly after discovering they needed to justify their existence, they began arresting occupants of horse-powered vehicles.
Historians here can back me up. Some celebrities were given tickets.

"Eakin" is Irish, right? To be more specific: Catholic Irish?

The only thing Catholic Irish have in common with us Protestant Irish is a fondness for getting under the influence.

Ruthless|1.7.05 @ 8:37PM|#

After having done a little Googling, it appears Eakin may be Protestant Irish, but that still doesn't mean I have to like him.
He will hereafter have to live with the shame of having a name suggesting passing gas on the QT.

Fart proudly!
Wasn't it Ben Franklin backing me up on that?

|1.7.05 @ 8:46PM|#

Sadly, Bicycling Under the Influence seems to have become a serious crime in my Northern California town. All traffic rules apply equally to bicycles, so why not to horses on the road?

|1.7.05 @ 8:59PM|#

One also "rides" a motorcycle, so is it alright to install a beer dispenser on my beemer?

|1.7.05 @ 9:05PM|#

"Bicycling Under the Influence" can be a self-curing phenomenon. At least, it was for me. Don't bicycle drunk. On a pothole-ridden road. In the dark. Hilarity (and injury) ensues.

Oh, those college memories...

|1.7.05 @ 10:42PM|#

In days gone by, a fellow who had a few too many could depend on ol' Dobbin to know the way home. It was sorta the pre-IC engine version of GPS or OnStar. It worked better when your pony was pulling a buggy or wagon, it being harder to fall off a seat than a saddle. It was not unusual for a teamster to be collared for driving drunk. Before cars supplanted the horse, being run down by a team that the driver had lost control of was a real danger in a big city. Arresting, jailing or fining someone for being drunk behind the reins wouldn't shock anyone. Still, if the legislature wants to make "riding drunk" an offense, they should amend the current statutes.

Ruthless, can the ranting about Catholics, will you? Your "Scots-Irish"/Ulster Scots pride loses its charm when it leaves off praising hillbillies and takes up slagging bogtrotters. In the Spirit of `98, let's all be "United Irishmen."

Kevin
(ex-Catholic, but still suspect to some, I suppose)

|1.8.05 @ 2:55AM|#

This reminds me of Judge Alex Kozinski's (U.S. Court of Appeals/9th Circuit) opinion written for "The U.S. Versus Syufy" in which he made numerous references to movie titles...

http://notabug.com/kozinski/syufy

|1.8.05 @ 3:14AM|#

Any truth to the rumor that Barrier To Entry is the new Steven Seagal flick? :)

Kevin

|1.8.05 @ 4:35AM|#

"The only thing Catholic Irish have in common with us Protestant Irish is a fondness for getting under the influence"

Mmm, you forgot to mention making absurd claims, bandying about ethnic slurs and blowing up busloads of nuns. Oh, and we Catholic Irish (read: the REAL Irish) can drink any Queen-loving starched-collar uptight Orangeman under the table and day of the week and thrice on Sunday (because we just have to miss work too).

digamma|1.8.05 @ 1:44PM|#

That reminds me of Justice Breyer's concurring opinion in Lawrence v. Texas, the sodomy case.

|1.8.05 @ 2:48PM|#

I think my favorite drunk "driver" was a man I used to see in Lakemore, Ohio, who used to leave his invalid's home in a power wheelchair, wheel to the neighboring minimall, purchase liquor, drink it, and then weave his way through the 1/8 mile parking lot back to the home. Driving through the parking lot in a car made for a fun game of "dodge the drunk cripple".

|1.8.05 @ 3:17PM|#

Better be careful how many "lawnmower beers" you have, too.

http://www.goofball.com/news/20020421001

Kevin

|1.8.05 @ 3:59PM|#

Now that it's Saturday afternoon, I feel more like a "United Irishman."
But Friday night will roll around again!

Has anybody ever lost any teeth in cyberspace?

|1.9.05 @ 8:22PM|#

Ruthless, you can't blame police on the Catholic Irish. Who had government police before anyone in the British Empire did? The French.

(I hope the above statement is accurate. It's based on my memory of a taped lecture by David D. Friedman.)

|1.10.05 @ 9:20AM|#

Stevo Darkly,
We'll get a good fight going here one way or another, eh?

|1.10.05 @ 12:32PM|#

Ruthless: Aye!

My favorite Irish pub (here in St. Louis) has all kinds of pockmarks and scars on the walls. When the current owners took over and renovated, they just removed the old fixtures from the walls and painted over the walls without filling in the scars. It looks like several fights took place there (including gunfights). This adds a lot to its charm. I like it.

|1.10.05 @ 5:24PM|#

Police were invented in London and Paris in the 1820s, in the same year.

When a city gets too big the informal socal restraints break down, and formal substitutes have to be instituted (courts, police, etc.)

When New York developed a municipal police force, the Democrats "gave" the Irish immigrants police work as a form of patronage.

|1.10.05 @ 10:18PM|#

"When a city gets too big the informal socal restraints break down, and formal substitutes have to be instituted (courts, police, etc.)"

Oh yeah?
Do you know where you're posting, buddy?
Care to step outside?

|1.13.05 @ 9:56PM|#

In Florida, wheelchairing while drunk has escaped the law's disfavor.

http://www.theledger.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20050104/NEWS/501040337/1003/NEWS01

Spotted at theagitator.com

Kevin