Suicide Note of Disgraced Senate Aide Indicates Childhood Sexual Abuse

Arrested for possession of child pornography


His apparent suicide note has been posted online by his family. Its audience should be as wide as the one exposed to his crime. Here's an excerpt:

I've hurt every single human being I've ever known and the details of my shame are preserved on the internet for all time. There is no escape. My family has been wounded beyond description. My former boss and colleagues had their trust broken and their names dragged through the mud for no reason other than association. Friends' question whether they ever really knew me.

Everyone wants to know why.

… The first time I saw child pornography was during a search for music on a peer-to-peer network. I wasn't seeking it but I didn't turn away when I saw it. Until that moment, the only place I'd seen these sorts of images was in my mind. I found myself drawn to videos that matched my own childhood abuse. It's painful and humiliating to admit to myself, let alone the whole world, but I pictured myself as a child in the image or video. The more an image mirrored some element of my memories and took me back, the more I felt a connection.