"Well I, for One, Believe in the Ladder to Heaven/ Oh Yeah, Yeah, Yeah… 9/11."
Maybe it's pundit's bias, but this seems like the funniest Onion story in a long, long while.
At a well-attended rally in front of his new Ground Zero headquarters Monday, former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani officially announced his plan to run for president of 9/11.
"My fellow citizens of 9/11, today I will make you a promise," said Giuliani during his 18-minute announcement speech in front of a charred and torn American flag. "As president of 9/11, I will usher in a bold new 9/11 for all."
If elected, Giuliani would inherit the duties of current 9/11 President George W. Bush, including making grim facial expressions, seeing the world's conflicts in terms of good and evil, and carrying a bullhorn at all state functions.
There might be more to say about why Giuliani is considered a legitimate candidate for president… but I can't think of it.
Tim Cavanaugh's immortal take on Rudy is here.