Joe Biden, Keeping Things Simple for the Kids

Katherine Mangu-Ward | May 19, 2009

Wake Forest University wanted Tim Russert as a commencement speaker. Russert kicked the bucket and so yesterday, the graduates of 2009 found themselves staring into the flapping jaws of Vice President Joe Biden, a man clearly still reeling from Bunkergate.

Read (or listen to!) the whole thing to enjoy the confused delivery, mixed metaphors ("Imagine a country that lifts up windows of opportunity"), abuse of the word "literally," and bizarre platitudes ("I believe so strongly, as you may recall when I was here in October, not in you particularly but your generation, that I don’t have a single doubt in my mind we’re on the cusp not only of a new century but a new day for this country and the world.") After Biden finished warning parents not to encourage their kids to go to graduate school, he offers up this analysis of the financial future of America:

"Just imagine. Imagine a country brought together by powerful ideas, not torn apart by petty ideologies. Imagine a country built on innovation and efficiency, not on credit default swaps and complex securities."

Hope you're taking notes grads, especially those of you who majored in econ.

On the upside, as The Christian Science Monitor points out, Biden did not reveal nuclear launch codes at any point during his talk.