Barack Obama

My Economy the Car

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You may have heard the president's car story:

"And yet, after driving our economy into the ditch, they decided to stand on the side of the road and watch us while we pulled it out of the ditch," Obama said at the Los Angeles event for Sen. Barbara Boxer of California. "They asked, 'Why haven't you pulled it out fast enough?' 'I noticed there's, like, a little scratch there in the fender. Why didn't you do something about that?'"

Now Ricky Sprague extends the metaphor. And when I say he "extends the metaphor," I mean he beats it to death, cuts it into pieces, builds a monster, lets it escape, gathers a mob of peasants, chases it to the old mill, burns the building down, and brings the monster back to life for a series of sequels, some of which also feature Dracula and the Wolf Man. I don't know if it's possible to do justice to this shaggy-dog editorial by just quoting a few excerpts, but I'll try:

More '70s nostalgia

It's as if the economy is one of those "economy" cars that you sometimes get stuck with when you don't pay close attention at the rental agency. And the rental agency is run by the American people. They say to the renters, "Here is your car, the 2010 American Economica, please take care of it."

Then the renters (politicians) say, "Okay, I won't do anything to mess it up."

And then when they take the keys, they wink….

The more responsible people who aren't necessarily affiliated with either of the "major" political parties say things like, "You guys better get the insurance, and don't drive too fast, and take off that blindfold when you're driving." So the democrats and republicans beat those people with a crowbar, and throw them in the trunk of the car.

Then they take turns driving.

They drive the car wherever they feel like it. Open roads. Back roads. Highways. They drive the wrong way down one-way streets. They make left turns on red. When they bother to stop at stoplights, they pull all the way out into the cross walk, so that when you're out running you have to run all the way out into oncoming traffic to get around the front of their car….When the gas gauge indicates "E," if they notice it at all, they laugh and say, "This car's got another good 10,000 miles in it, easy!"

Then they all get drunk for awhile….

Finally they decide they need to get gas. But while the gas tank was half full, they passed a bunch of regulations concerning the locations of gas stations. They didn't want a bunch of gas stations to mar the scenery while they were driving around. So now there aren't any around when they really, really need one. So then they start campaigning against the gas stations. They're too greedy, they say. Gas station companies aren't building in locations that are convenient for people. Gas stations are hoarding their money. Also, they're not hiring fast enough. So they pass more regulations about where gas stations can be built, and then they mandate that at least 30 new gas stations have to be built before the car needs to stop for gas again. And they want to oversee how those stations are built, so, without even stopping the car, they take their hands off the wheel and start sending text messages to regulators….

Oh, just read the whole thing. He even managed to put a mosque in it.