After a train bombing in Madrid, the Transportation Security Administration created teams with the Bond villain-ish name of VIPR (Visible Intermodal Prevention and Response) to keep us safe from doers of bad deeds as we travel the nation's ... umm ... everything, since the TSA claims jurisdiction over "all modes of transportation nationwide." Last week, VIPR agents wielding hand-held nuclear-detection devices picked up the unmistakable traces of a nuclear threat emanating from ... Jerry Jones, a lawyer who had just had a nuclear stress test. Quick as a flash, crack VIPR agents confronted the guy sitting next to Jones, at which point Jones raised his hand to help the agents of VIPR in their targeting efforts. And to explain about the wonders of modern medical technology.

From CBS Chicago:

The special security team must have picked up on him as he entered the station and walked up the stairs, Jones says. Little did he know a nuclear stress test he had at a hospital earlier in the day had set off silent alarms and sent security scurrying.

The TSA team passed by him several times before ending up on his train car. Finally, he got a clue when an agent questioned the man right next to him and asked, ‘Sir, do you have an explanation as to why I am getting a high isotope reading on your bag?’”

“The fellow’s jaw dropped,” Jones said.

Once the agent said the word “isotope,” Jones says he realized he was the one they were looking for. He raised his hand to say he had a nuclear stress test.

In next week's episode, VIPR agents taser a farmer carrying a bag of fertilizer and eating a poppyseed bagel.

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