"Two-Timing John McCain's Sizzling Secret Sex Life"!

Matt Welch | March 4, 2008

From the Department of I-paid-the-$3.29-so-you-don't-have-to, I just shelled out precious fiat currency to see what new dirt The Globe has on Sen. McFrontrunner's sexy-time activities. Answer? Bugger-all.

McCain dated strippers and heiresses! Ditched his first wife after she'd been disfigured in a car wreck, and replaced her with a young hottie with a fat bank account! Admitted "the blame was entirely mine"! All these and more you can find ... in McCain's own books. Plus countless interviews he's given.

The best The Globe can do to advance the ball is this quote from "a political insider":

As a young pilot in the early '60s, the house he rented was notorious as a place for raucous sex parties.

OH NOEZ! And then there's this:

Still, one Internet poster rips the presidential candidate, saying, "McCain cheated on his first wife, why wouldn't he cheat on his second?"

That all you got, tabs? I remember back when the supermarket gossip rags at least delivered some goddamned gossip.