Reason Weekly Contest: Scare Los Angeles
Last week's winners revealed.
Welcome back to the Reason Weekly Contest! This week's question is:
Los Angeles public schools were closed on Tuesday in response to a threat that was identical to one that New York received and did not consider credible. What threat would shake Los Angeles but not New York?
How to enter: Submissions should be e-mailed to email@example.com. Please include your name, city, and state. This week, kindly type "LA THREAT" in the subject line. Entries are due by 11 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday, Dec. 21. Winners will appear Dec. 25, a Christmas present to our readers, right here at Reason.com.
In the case of identical or similar entries, the first one received gets credit. First prize is a one-year digital subscription to Reason magazine, plus bragging rights. While we appreciate kibbitzing in the comments below, you must email your answer to enter the contest. Feel free to enter more than once, and good luck!
And now for the results of last week's contest: With students on campuses mulling whether "God bless you!" after a sneeze constitutes a microaggression—the jury seems to be out—we asked you to come up with the next phrase to be outlawed on campus.
"See you later!" Microaggression toward blind people.
"Yeah, I hear ya." Same toward the deaf.—Billy, Morro Bay, CA
"Master's Degree"—Ed Perovic, Winnetka, IL
"Trigger warning" Mocks those with a fear of firearms.—Jim Noble, Boulder Creek, CA
"How are you doing?" This phrase is ableist in that it assumes the askee is capable of doing things, and it also assumes that not doing things is negative. Especially offensive to people in vegetative states and the coma community.—Jeff Seidman, North Hollywood, CA
"Excuse me" implicitly demands that someone must accept my privilege and forgive me.
"Oh, brother" forces patriarchal gender norms by excluding non-brother-conforming individuals, naturally implying a shared experience unattainable by sisters, mothers, daughters, or womyn of any relational description.—Abel G., Juneau, AK
"University administrators have announced that the word 'freedom' should no longer be used on campus, because the term 'dom' may be triggering to those who have escaped abusive BDSM relationships."—Jay Cornell, San Francisco, CA
"Good job!" and "Nice work" are both examples of "workism"—the assumption that anyone can do well if they just try hard enough. —Christopher P. Brown, Idlewylde, MD
New Campus Rules:
To protect students from microaggressions, students are no long allowed to say which state they are from, as some state histories may cause others to trigger.
Spades, Euchre, Rook, and many other trick-taking games are banned, since some of them use a "Trump." The reasons for this are obvious.—SimonJester
PCU will be discontinuing the use of the term "Undergraduate." We've found that this term marginalizes persons of shorter stature, and implies a lesser worth for students who have not yet graduated.—Chuck G., Santa Clarita, CA
"Get bent you servile, fascist, life-hating, Stalin-fellating dogfuckers. And Merry Christmas."—Colin Blake, Boston, MA
"I think."—Eugene Spagnuolo, NY
"Freshman"—J Jenkins, Olsburg, KS
"Thank you for your service." Service is a sexual term and unacceptable.—Lawrence Lebin, Mill Hall, PA
AND FROM THE COMMENTS:
The "good" in good morning is a subjective term. The recipient may, in fact, not be having positive feelings about the moment. Additionally, it is not the speaker's place to instruct recipients on his or her or [insert acceptable pronoun here] feelings about the time of day. Speakers should refrain from greetings including good.
Wait, commentariat… greeting people is unacceptable. Why are you forcing an interaction with someone, maybe they just want to be left alone. You think you have a right to their attention. These acts of violence must stop.