9/11 X 10 Imminent
Skip the orange alert; go right to red. Stock up on canned goods, flashlights, duct tape, and Hefty bags. Make sure the car is gassed up and you've got directions to a deep-rural hideaway. Prepare your mech suit, Hazmat gear, metal diving suit, and a beekeeper outfit just to be on the safe side. Expect a massive terrorist assault on America's soil in the month of August.
How do I know? The September issue of The Atlantic announces:
We Win.
DECLARING VICTORY
The United States is succeeding in its struggle against terrorism. The time has come to declare the war on terror over, so that an even more effective military and diplomatic campaign can begin.
by James Fallows
Not since The Atlantic jinxed our nation with its October 2001 cover Peace Is Hell has disaster been so imminent.