The Miami Herald's Dan Le Batard reveals the really tragic outcome of the Tiger Woods sex scandal: It has unleashed Dan Le Batard to write sentences like this:

The rules changed on Tiger Woods in mid-swing, and it had to be every bit as jarring to him as if you'd suddenly placed a football on that tee. Magic Johnson and Michael Jordan could behave like rock stars in private once. That's the world Woods entered 13 years ago, where the intrusions on privacy were merely autograph requests at dinner. But what has happened to politicians and celebrities since has now spilled with force into the playpen for the first time, as The National Enquirer and TMZ suddenly realize how much money there is to be made by disgracing athletes, and the cattle media are forced by a public's insatiable appetite to moo toward the Tiger trough.

Why, it's almost as if we drove that car into the fire hydrant! Here's the kicker:

Dire straits for Tiger, but for the media? Money for nothing, and the chicks are free.

I have no idea what the hell that means, but I do know that if Tiger ever gets the industrial disease, a little penicillin should help out.

Whole Le Batard col here.

Matt Welch votes for the worst sports col ever here.