In case (like me) you don't follow football, the House Committee on Golden Showers House Committee on Government Reform used the National Football League as its second professional patsy last week, revealing along the way that our nation's money-thieving scolds lawmakers, led by John "Who Else?" McCain, are drafting one-size-fits-all drug-testing legislation.

[E]very major professional sport and college athletic association would be subject to a uniform testing policy, with the nation's drug czar overseeing the list of banned substances.

My question -- Why stop at "major"? You think Badminton players aren't on the juice? You think anybody on this team hasn't enjoyed a "reefer"?... Though I suppose in this case sarcasm just gives these power-intoxicated legislators even more terrible ideas. Consider that this mentality is spending your tax money, and "reforming" your government:

Asked by reporters why there was a need for a uniform, government-authored policy, [Reform Committee Chairman] Davis [R-Va.] said that, for starters, steroid policy would no longer be negotiated as part of labor agreements.

In addition, Davis said, such a law would "send a message to amateur and professional sports: 'These (drugs) are illegal. It won't be tolerated.' It just gets rid of this issue."

Davis predicted that three or four bipartisan bills would be introduced. "I don't know how the public feels about this," he said. "But I think members (of Congress) are pretty united on this: It's a huge issue and it needs to be taken care of."

Just think how many "issues" we could "just get rid of" through the magic of putting the feds in everyone's bathroom! I hear this book has many useful suggestions! Of course, state lawmakers are having their fun, too:

[New Jersey State Senator Nicholas] Sacco has introduced a bill in the state Legislature that would allow all schools to randomly test student athletes.

Lawmakers in New York, Connecticut and Michigan, meanwhile, are also proposing steroid testing programs for high school athletes. [...]

"We need to show students while in high school that drug abuse can have some very serious consequences."

Why stop at high school? Oh, nevermind.