“I’ve killed about 250 people, and I cut many of them into pieces. But I don’t know exactly how many. Only psychopaths count their kills.”  

—Jhon Velásquez, an enforcer for Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar, on his murderous career, Der Spiegel, February 22

“Because of sequester, they cut my tails. My joke writers have been placed on furlough…There is one thing in Washington that didn’t get cut: the length of this dinner. Yet more proof that the sequester makes no sense.”  

—President Barack Obama to members of the press at the annual white-tie Gridiron Dinner, The Washington Post, March 9

“The Gridiron Dinner used to be known as the night the media and the administration set aside their differences—back in the days when they had some.”  

—Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal (R) at the Gridiron Dinner, The Washington Post, March 9