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Despite the Recent News, Bounce Houses Are Very Safe—If Set Up Properly

I’d suggest granting “Gold Bouncy Star” ratings for houses secured with particularly long, particularly strong spikes.

BounceMary Katherine Wynn / DreamstimeAnother bounce house has taken to the sky—unfortunately, a 9-year-old boy was in it. He dropped onto the highway and, I am thrilled to say, seems to have sustained only minor injuries. According to NBC:

The San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department said in a statement that the boy fell out of the bounce house after it rolled onto Highway 395 and struck a car. The child suffered minor injuries.

The driver was not hurt but was "shook up from the ordeal," the sheriff's department said.

I'd be shook up if a house landed in front of me, too. But does this mean bounce houses are inherently dangerous and should be grounded by the government?

I say no. Instead, perhaps the people who set them up should be a bit more careful.

In a bouncy house accident in 2014, two boys were seriously injured. Back then, NBC reported:

Police said the man who owned the toy had used spikes to secure it to the ground. The six plastic spikes, each about 6 inches long, were found near the apartment complex, the Post-Star reported.

Six six-inch spikes sound kind of like the bare minimum you would use with a pup tent.

A Consumer Product Safety Commission study of the 13 deaths caused by bouncy houses from 2003 to 2013 found that "the incidents staff reviewed were attributable primarily to improper operation, supervision, and set up."

Thirteen deaths over a decade is, of course, 1.3 deaths a year. Compare that to 3 child death per day as passengers in cars. And yet we have not prohibited parents from driving their kids to the dentist.

Nonetheless, fewer and fewer folks are going to let their kids bound into a bouncy house if all they can picture is the house floating over the trees with their screaming kids trapped inside.

So if I were running the industry, I'd suggest granting "Gold Bouncy Star" ratings for houses secured with particularly long, particularly strong spikes. The more spikes, the more stars. And my guess is that the market for these super safe castles would, you should excuse the expression, soar. While the market for bouncy homes with dinky little spikes barely tapped into the turf would find itself, rightfully, deflated.

Photo Credit: Mary Katherine Wynn / Dreamstime

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  • gaoxiaen||

    Toto, too?

  • Thrackmoor||

    So, the cuckoo's nest flew this time?

  • Radioactive||

    you mean they're not supposed to fly away in a high wind? thought that was a feature...

  • Radioactive||

    can lawn darts be used a substitute spikes? assuming you can find lawn darts...

  • Rich||

    particularly long, particularly strong spikes. The more spikes, the more stars.

    "Child Impaled On Bounce House Spike"

  • lap83||

    Vlad's Crazy Castle Emporium will have to rely on a lot of fake yelp reviews

  • Cynical Asshole||

    Simple solution: Nerf spikes.

  • Jerryskids||

    Those things should come equipped with airbags.

  • Leo Kovalensky II||

    That kid's puffy vest doubles as a safety device.

  • Conchfritters||

    there weren't many bouncy houses back in the late 70s and early 80s when I was growing up. Every kid on my block had a BB gun and a small supply of fireworks. Those were more fun than fancy trampolines.

    Now get off my yard.

  • lap83||

    Sailing through the air in a balloon house sounds pretty badass though

  • Bubba Jones||

    Every bounce house I have seen is attached to a large air compressor. If that detaches the entire thing collapses.

    Are they setting these things up in the highway median?

  • Azathoth!!||

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    THIS

    If the winds are strong enough to blow away the compressor, you should probably be seeking shelter someplace besides a bounce house.

  • markm23||

    It takes minutes for the air to drain out. A strong wind could blow the bounce house hundreds of yards in that time.

  • Harvard||

    Libertarianism.... blow, ass sex, unlimited illegals, and .... bounce houses. Why not just concede and make Shecky editor in Chief now?

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    I guess Albert Einstein was right. Those who live in bounce houses shouldn't throw stones. Also, I see in the photo that Soave got yet another new hairdo. Good for him.

  • Tom Bombadil||

    "He dropped onto the highway and, I am thrilled to say, seems to have sustained only minor injuries. "

    Why don't they make a whole plane out of bouncy bounce?

  • Cynical Asshole||

    And yet we have not prohibited parents from driving their kids to the dentist.

    Yet. You really shouldn't give people ideas.

    It'll be a good way for politicians to do something "for the children" while simultaneously propping up the taxi cartels. You see, only surly Russian and Somalian immigrants with shitty Crown Vics that smell like piss and vomit are qualified to take your kids to the dentist, or anywhere else. Not Uber drivers, certainly not their parents. /sarc

  • Hank Phillips||

    An intellectual spokesman for the United DemoGOP™ has recommended that children at play be responsibly restrained after the fashion of Gulliver by the Lilliputians, with never fewer than three dozen stakes.

  • Hank Phillips||

    An intellectual spokesman for the United DemoGOP™ has recommended that children at play be responsibly restrained after the fashion of Gulliver by the Lilliputians, with never fewer than three dozen stakes.

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    Fill the bouncy house with hydrogen - OH THE HUMANITY!!!!!

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