Bitten by a Radioactive Community Volunteer

From the Minneapolis/St. Paul City Pages, a thrilling, action-packed feature about self-proclaimed superheroes:

By most observers' reckoning, between 150 and 200 real-life superheroes, or "Reals" as some call themselves, operate in the United States, with another 50 or so donning the cowl internationally. These crusaders range in age from 15 to 50 and patrol cities from Indianapolis to Cambridgeshire, England. They create heroic identities with names like Black Arrow, Green Scorpion, and Mr. Silent, and wear bright Superman spandex or black ninja suits. Almost all share two traits in common: a love of comic books and a desire to improve their communities.

Among the heroes: The Cleanser, who "strolls around picking up trash," and Direction Man, who "helps lost tourists find where they're going." And then there's Master Legend, who relates this tale of crimebusting gone wrong:

One evening when Master Legend was on patrol, he heard a woman scream and ran to investigate. But when he located the damsel in distress, she thought he was attacking her and called the cops. "They wanted to know if I was some kind of insane man, a 41-year-old man running around in a costume," he recounts. "Apparently, they had never heard of me."

Comments

Episiarch | January 17, 2008, 11:42am | #

"Apparently, they had never heard of me."

Awesome. Megalomania in a nice, neat package.

Reinmoose | January 17, 2008, 11:46am | #

It's things like this that make me glad that I got away from that kind of crowd as a child. This and Star Wars conventions.

David | January 17, 2008, 11:49am | #

Do any of them have powers?

Matt J | January 17, 2008, 11:53am | #

Reminds me of Dana Carvey's SNL character Drunk Man. He had no real powers except a sense of invulnerability when drunk.

JW | January 17, 2008, 11:53am | #

Do any of them have powers?

None that *you* can see.

de stijl | January 17, 2008, 11:54am | #

Compare and contrast: Mystery Men vs. The Specials

Personally I give the nod to Mystery Men for the cast (especially William H. Macy and Hank Azaria although Pee Wee had his moments) but Thomas Hayden Church and Paget Brewster were good in The Specials plus I've always liked Judy Greer.

Best line from Mystery Men:

"God's given me a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well."

Episiarch | January 17, 2008, 11:56am | #

People need to realize that Heroes isn't a documentary.

SxCx | January 17, 2008, 11:58am | #

I predict their next adventure will be hip hop.

Jesse Walker | January 17, 2008, 11:59am | #

de stijl: I haven't seen The Specials (love the band, though!) but I was disappointed in Mystery Men. It started out funny, then fell into the trap of taking its "action" plot seriously.

Warren | January 17, 2008, 12:00pm | #

Vishnu, I love this country.

Favorite crime fighting team: The kids from C.A.P.E.R (Civilian Authority for the Protection of Everybody, Regardless)

The Shoveller | January 17, 2008, 12:00pm | #

I shovel well!

Windypundit | January 17, 2008, 12:10pm | #

I believe the proper term is "masked adventurers."

de stijl | January 17, 2008, 12:12pm | #

Neither movie is great shakes, but it makes for a diverting mini-marathon.

Windypundit | January 17, 2008, 12:18pm | #

No, make that "costumed adventurers."

The Democratic Republican | January 17, 2008, 12:24pm | #

I'm so surprised to see not one defender of these activities. It's a great exercise of individual expression, spontaneous order, etc. Am I all alone on this?

However -- please be advised that, while I respect their actions in concept, I don't think I would spend any time with them on a personal level.

Jake Boone | January 17, 2008, 12:26pm | #

The article, scandalously, makes no mention of London's most famous superhero. I give you...

Angle Grinder Man!

Episiarch | January 17, 2008, 12:29pm | #

The article, scandalously, makes no mention of London's most famous superhero.

What about Bicycle Repair Man?

Minneapolitan | January 17, 2008, 12:35pm | #

We here in Minneapolis also have Galactic Pizza, who deliver eco-friendly pizzas in a tiny electric car while wearing superhero costumes and going by handles such as Luke Pierocker and Captain Pizza.

http://www.galacticpizza.com/3.html
http://www.galacticpizza.com/6.html

smacky | January 17, 2008, 12:39pm | #

From the article:

Master Legend, a chrome-suited 41-year-old from Winter Park, Florida, patrols the streets looking for crimes in progress, and claims his efforts have paid off. "I've dumped garbage cans over crackheads' heads, I slam their heads against the wall, whatever it takes," the Silver Slugger says with bravado. "They try to hit me first, and then it's time for Steel Toe City."

Was anyone else here a little wary of this? How exactly is beating up crackheads helping the community? This guy sounds like he should join the police force instead.

Pro Libertate | January 17, 2008, 12:40pm | #

I'm Batman.

Kolohe | January 17, 2008, 12:44pm | #

I'm so surprised to see not one defender of these activities.

I don't think anyone is against the people in the article; like you they are making fun of them on a personal level.

Kolohe | January 17, 2008, 12:45pm | #

well, excpet for smacky

Tekende | January 17, 2008, 12:46pm | #

"What, are you dense? Are you retarded or something? I'm the goddamn Batman!"

smacky | January 17, 2008, 12:52pm | #

Kolohe,

I'm not against the idea per se; if grown men want to play dress up and do neighborhood watch that's fine with me. I was objecting to the statements that Master Legend made. It sounds like he is aggravating crackheads for fun. Personally, if I were high on crack and I saw some guy dressed in a neon unitard approaching me, I'd probably take a swing at him, too...

David | January 17, 2008, 12:53pm | #

Was anyone else here a little wary of this? How exactly is beating up crackheads helping the community? This guy sounds like he should join the police force instead.

Don't they have enough of that type already? At least this guy will get charged with a crime if he assaults someone.

James | January 17, 2008, 12:53pm | #

What about me...I am heroically spreading Christianity to people who don't know how lost and in-need they are...not sure how this is different.

Legate Damar | January 17, 2008, 12:54pm | #

I like Angle Grinder Man and I wish to subscribe to his newsletter.

Reinmoose | January 17, 2008, 12:56pm | #

Personally, if I were high on crack and I saw some guy dressed in a neon unitard approaching me, I'd probably take a swing at him, too...

I guess they don't call you smacky for nothing then, eh?

NoStar | January 17, 2008, 1:04pm | #

I wonder if "Grinder Girl" on the Letterman show is part of this?

Jim Bob | January 17, 2008, 1:06pm | #

I too will find any excuse I can to wear underwear on the outside of my clothing.

J sub D | January 17, 2008, 1:07pm | #

There is a blurry line between eccentric and insane, odd and whack job nuts. These folks are comfortable living on that line. I've got a stupid grin on my face while typing this and imagining their interactions with "normal" folk.

J sub D | January 17, 2008, 1:09pm | #

I like Angle Grinder Man and I wish to subscribe to his newsletter.

Angle grinder man, bah. Grinder girl, my heroine!

J sub D | January 17, 2008, 1:10pm | #

Damn, NoStar beat me to it!

NoStar | January 17, 2008, 1:13pm | #

J sub D,
I was looking for a picture to link to, but you beat to that.

Click on my name will get you to her web site,
http://grindergirl.com/home.html

R C Dean | January 17, 2008, 1:16pm | #

No, make that "costumed adventurers."

I thought those were the swingers at the local B & D dungeon.

Someone Who Doesn't Want to Lose His Job | January 17, 2008, 1:19pm | #

All of these tales of real-life derring-do make me feel like the little smart kid at the end of Magnolia watching the frogs fall from the sky.

"This happens. This is something that happens."

Jamie Kelly | January 17, 2008, 1:27pm | #

So, if I decided I want to be King Sized Dick Man With Nimble Fingers, would women finally take me seriously?

Jackson Kuhl | January 17, 2008, 1:28pm | #

But when he located the damsel in distress, she thought he was attacking her and called the cops.

So the question is, When they arrived did he have to show ID?

Aresen | January 17, 2008, 1:42pm | #

Looks out at litter filled street.

This looks like a job for Garbageman!

mk | January 17, 2008, 1:46pm | #

I always wanted to be "Comfort of Strangers" Man. My role would be that I would find lost tourists, take them to a strange bar in the middle of the night and tell them a terrible story.

Warren | January 17, 2008, 1:48pm | #

No, I am Spartacus

de stijl | January 17, 2008, 1:53pm | #

I'm Rick James, bitch.

Mr. Nice Guy | January 17, 2008, 2:12pm | #

FOOLS! There is only one entity with powers supernatural in origin, and near total in application:

MIGHTY MYSTICAL MARKET MAN AND HIS FRIEDMANITE RING OF POWER!

MMMM can end discrimination, promote the common good at ALL times, effectively promote space travel, build and maintain efficient roads, provide everyone with postal service and police protection in ways both efficient and fair, make nerds more attractive, right wrongs in general, and DEFLECT METEOR SHOWERS AND HARMFUL COSMIC RADIATION!

Free MIGHTY MYSTICAL MARKET MAN now so that he may end the scourge of COLLECTIVISM and foster ALL GOOD THINGS UNQUALIFIEDLY!

Mr. Nice Guy | January 17, 2008, 2:15pm | #

See yonder EVIL POLLUTER? Have no fear, consumer! As we speak MIGHTY MYSTICAL MARKET MAN is channelling his MARKET MECHANISMS power through the mysterious FRIEDMANITE RING OF POWER to end this evil-doer's ways. As the polluter makes a bad name for himself his sales will fall making his profits marginal at best (of course hundreds, perhaps thousands have been made ill by the pollution while waiting for this, but such are trifles!). THUS ENDS ALL TYRANTS EVIL POLLUTER!

Kwix | January 17, 2008, 2:18pm | #

Fuck the Mystery Men! Flaming Carrot is where it's at.

Mr. Nice Guy | January 17, 2008, 2:22pm | #

What? Does our the long-time opponent of GOOD and RIGHT, the dread DEVIOUS DISCRIMINATOR engage in discriminatory hiring or selling of services?

Witness as the MAGICAL MYSTICAL MARKET MAN uses this SMITHIAN INVISIBLE HAND to end such nefarious no-gooding! In discriminating against the less powerful DEVIOUS DISCRIMINATOR'S harmful discrimination is REFLECTED back at him! Watch as he loses a worker who would have increased his productivity by .05%! Applaud as his profits spiral by .03% in turning down the dollar of the victimized minority! Hear the growing rustling of OTHER ENTREPENUERS being generated by the FRIEDMANITE RING OF POWER to come via SELF INTEREST to provide quality goods and efficient services to our hapless victim of discrimination, all the while making IN-ROADS on DEVIOUS DISCRIMINATOR'S market power (of course, in the relevant market such discrimination may be rewarded by the majority populaces agreement with it, but still think of the JUSTICE which has been worked here). WHAM! POW! Another SOCIAL EVIL dispatched by non-agression!

Taktix® | January 17, 2008, 2:22pm | #

Ladies and gentlement, let's all welcome "Obnoxiously Long Comment Man"

Matt J | January 17, 2008, 2:23pm | #

Joe Allen,

You sir are the Muhammad Atta of threadjackers.

Aresen | January 17, 2008, 2:27pm | #

Matt J

Considering the length of his post, I'd say he was the Fidel Castro of threadjackers.

Windypundit | January 17, 2008, 2:31pm | #

Must be compensating for something.

Mr. Nice Guy | January 17, 2008, 2:35pm | #

Here is how the JACKING JOE ALLEN will be dealt with! As we speak, MAGICAL MYSTICAL MARKET MAN is using his HAYEKIAN CLOAK OF SPONTANEOUS ORDER and people, throu no central command, are realizing Joe Allen us a spamming, threadjacking jackass and vowing to ignore him, his site and his dumbass posts.

de stijl | January 17, 2008, 2:37pm | #

MNG,

Pretty simple: it's reason's blog. the can ban him if they wish.

Paul | January 17, 2008, 2:38pm | #

Mr. Silent

I'd vote him for President!

Jesse Walker | January 17, 2008, 2:48pm | #

Joe Allen: It's one thing to post your silly conspiracy theories about Reason's purported plot against Ron Paul in the threads about Ron Paul (as you already have, again and again and again). But please don't gum up these other conversations. Thanks.

MattXIV | January 17, 2008, 3:02pm | #

MNG,

Flamebait works a lot better if you don't include random caps, which intarnets for "Don't pay attention to me because I'm crazy." Not that people should pay attention to you, but just FYI.

Kolohe | January 17, 2008, 3:03pm | #

I must say MNG, you pretty good in this thread.

Stevo Darkly | January 17, 2008, 3:17pm | #

Joe Allen: It's one thing to post your silly conspiracy theories about Reason's purported plot against Ron Paul in the threads about Ron Paul (as you already have, again and again and again). But please don't gum up these other conversations. Thanks.

Help us, Lengthy-Spam Deletion Man! Help us!

Stevo Darkly | January 17, 2008, 3:18pm | #

MEANWHILE ...

Beware the Hooded Binturong!!!

Windypundit | January 17, 2008, 3:37pm | #

Come on, am I really the only one who thought of Watchmen?

Someone Who Doesn't Want to Lose His Job | January 17, 2008, 3:41pm | #

Stevo Darkly:

Help us, Lengthy-Spam Deletion Man! Help us!

You're really Greg Proops aren't you?

Someone Who Doesn't Want to Lose His Job | January 17, 2008, 3:44pm | #

I'm just on Cloud 9 today...I've made comics related posts in three different threads.

Windy: I didn't in reference to this thread but I was recently thumbing through it again.

The Atomic Fruitbat | January 17, 2008, 4:16pm | #

The Hooded Binturong?! Where?!

Al | January 17, 2008, 4:37pm | #

Why do some people think the comments section is their personal forum for posting whole articles?

Get your own freakin' website.

Ayatollah Usoe | January 17, 2008, 4:42pm | #

Well, I have a superhero alter-ego persona, only a mis-understood one. People think my persona does evil, rather than making the world better for mankind. I need to hide behind my mask.

Minion of URKOBOLD | January 17, 2008, 5:11pm | #

BRING IT ON, THUNDERCHICKEN!!!!

BRING IT ON, BIATSCH.

T | January 17, 2008, 5:17pm | #

My superpower is turning beer into urine.

Man, that joke is older than dirt but it still cracks me up. I have no idea what the costume or pseudonym would be, though.

Lamar | January 17, 2008, 5:27pm | #

Here are some real superheroes:

http://www.newsbreakers.org/

See, especially, Invisible Suit (link opens vid).

R C Dean | January 17, 2008, 5:32pm | #

I have no idea what the costume or pseudonym would be, though.

Frat Boy?

The Hooded Binturong | January 17, 2008, 5:59pm | #

* lurks in shadows, makes evil plans *

Someone Who Doesn't Want to Lose His Job | January 17, 2008, 6:01pm | #

My superpower is turning beer into urine.

My superpower is turning coffee into theorems.

Also an old joke but only funny to a small subset of the population.

Paul | January 17, 2008, 6:17pm | #

and Direction Man, who "helps lost tourists find where they're going."

He's just trying to meet women...men never ask for directions.

Xboy | January 17, 2008, 6:42pm | #

Here's a list of real people with incredible (and for the most part useless) powers:

http://www.oddee.com/item_91848.aspx

And lest we forget:
"It's Really Deep Man! He's really deep, man."

Iron Man | January 17, 2008, 7:42pm | #

What I want to know is why haven't these costumed vigilantes registered with the government.

bob mologna | January 17, 2008, 8:58pm | #

What? no one mentions Gatsoman? He's my favourite.

http://www.snooperuk.com/news/get_gatsoman/index.html

Robert | January 18, 2008, 12:46am | #

Heard of Captain Tolerance, Andy Breckman's not-so-secret identity? He says he'll spit on the intolerant, and run away.

joseph | January 18, 2008, 12:09pm | #

So, they are the individualist version of Guardian Angles or Scouts.

kevrob | January 18, 2008, 12:32pm | #

Y'know, MMMM sounds like a rip-off of The Invisible Hand!

Also, The Flaming Carrot was a member of The Mysterymen, though he wasn't in the movie.

Kevin