Contributing Editor Greg Beato makes the case for drafting Barbie and waging culture war on Iran.
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Comments to "New at Reason":
Iran isn't "terrified" of Barbie. And the fact that "Talking Barbie" was known to say things like "Math is hard - lets go shopping" then frankly I don't blame them of not wanting to import the dolls.
Jennifer | May 6, 2008, 12:19pm | #
And the fact that "Talking Barbie" was known to say things like "Math is hard - lets go shopping" then frankly I don't blame them of not wanting to import the dolls.And Allah forbid Iranian parents decide for themselves whether or not to buy the dolls for their daughters. No, the Iranian government needs to outlaw the dolls, to save Persian women from this insidious Western plot to make them think math is hard.
Maybe one reason math is so hard over there is, it's really freaking difficult to properly recite multiplication tables when the government is bouncing rocks off your head until you die.
Citizen Nothing | May 6, 2008, 12:23pm | #
"Math is hard - Let's go shopping!"I thought that was Malibu Stacy, who was not only a toy, but fictional.
Ali from Iran | May 6, 2008, 12:30pm | #
Actually, most Iranian women would not consider math to be hard. In fact literacy rates in Iran have dramatically improved since the revolution -- especially for women, who comprise more than 60% of the Iranian university population and are engineers, doctors, etc.So go stuff your Barbies.
Citizen Nothing | May 6, 2008, 12:34pm | #
That sounds like something Chabahar Stacy might say when you pull her string.Jennifer | May 6, 2008, 12:35pm | #
I think the real Barbie once said "math class is tough." Since I am the only girl in all of history who ever thought this, and furthermore I never bothered playing with dolls, the only conclusion to draw from this is that the Mattel corporation is trying to brainwash young females into having thoughts like "if not for math class, I would effortlessly get straight 'A's."I have heard rumors of similar propaganda trying to persuade young boys that taking baths is boring. This is an insidious attempt to lower Western birth rates even more, by making young males (who ordinarily love bathing) all stink so badly that no self-respecting woman would consider mating with them. Except possibly me, because I have no sense of smell, and might be willing to fuck a real stinkpot in exchange for his handling that hard mathy business on my behalf.
Jennifer | May 6, 2008, 12:36pm | #
In fact literacy rates in Iran have dramatically improved since the revolution -- especially for women, who comprise more than 60% of the Iranian university population and are engineers, doctors, etc.Excellent. If I'm going to be executed by the state, I'd like to at least be able to read what my death warrant says.
In Marjane Satrapi's Persepolis, I learned that is it (or was) illegal to execute a virgin in Iran, so when a virgin girl was sentenced to death, she was first "married" to a government official, who would take her virginity before executing her. Then, to make sure her family knew what had happened, the government would send the family a few dollars as a "dowry." But I have been unable to determine the exact calculations used by the government to determine the proper dowry for a teenager executed for opposing the Ayatollah. That's because math is hard.
Tonio | May 6, 2008, 12:45pm | #
Despite Hillary Clinton's penchant for magnificently monochromatic pantsuits that are just a couple epaulets short of colonel status in Michael Jackson's toddler army...Er, that's some turgid prose, Beato. WTF are you trying to say?
J sub D | May 6, 2008, 12:46pm | #
So go stuff your Barbies.Ali from Iran -
You, or anyone for that matter, are certainly welcome to market Sara® dolls here in the US. Given the considerable Islamic presence in this great nation, you might even find a market. So the real question remains, "What is so threatening about an eleven inch plastic fashion doll to the Iranian government"? Are they worried that devout Persian parents will be unable to resist their offspring's requests for the insisious Barbie®?
Unsubstantive Kurt | May 6, 2008, 12:47pm | #
Sweet Jeebus Jennifer!!You, my dear, are on a roll today!!!
Unsubstantive Kurt | May 6, 2008, 12:49pm | #
"What is so threatening about an eleven inch plastic fashion doll to the Iranian government"?Barbie goes out in public while dressing immodestly.
She freely associates with a male she is not related to nor married to (Ken).
I'm sure those who are more devout than I can come up with more reasons Barbie is such a threat.
Most Favored Barbie | May 6, 2008, 12:51pm | #
Barbies are made in China, a country whose residents love beer, pork products and atheism.ChrisO | May 6, 2008, 12:58pm | #
After reading the article, it's clear that Iran and the USA share at least one thing--cultural conservatives with an almost charming level of cornpone naivete.Would it be possible to the put the Concerned Women for America and the mullah fanciers in a little country together, and let the rest of us live in peace?
Stinky Math Nerd | May 6, 2008, 1:20pm | #
Jen-How you doin'?
jtuf | May 6, 2008, 1:49pm | #
The Nuke story is a milestone. Having relationships just happen within a mainstream show is a halmark of acceptance. I remember when I was a teenager at a summer school. An urban resident went on a racial slant because I was dating a "mixed race" Hispanic classmate. It was shortly after the LA riots and Crown Height riots, so I chalked it up to being an urban thing. Today, HGTV has lots of interracial couples on shows. When a nationally broadcasted show about tiling floors can feature an interacial family without blinking, you know the taboo is gone.jtuf | May 6, 2008, 1:57pm | #
ChrisO, I don't think the situation in Iran is a strictly conservative creation. An alliance of athiest socialist and religious fundamentalists created the Iranian revolution to get rid of "decadent Western" influences. Once they ran out of Western people to kill, the religious fundamentalist started going after the irreligious. I suppose there were 50/50 odds of the backstabbing going the other way. Governments built on hate tend to just switch enemies when the exicution rate goes down.ChrisO | May 6, 2008, 2:05pm | #
ChrisO, I don't think the situation in Iran is a strictly conservative creation.True, but that's irrelevant to present-day Iran, since Khomeini managed to deal with his socialist "allies" in a thorough fashion.
The people doing the evil in Iran nowadays don't tend to be secular socialists.
Waiting for Mattel to seize the market niche that Burqah Barbie is begging to fill.
Toy Police | May 6, 2008, 3:30pm | #
"Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell" GI Joseph, Clitorilly-Mutilated Sara, a whole world of posibilities to undermine 'em.And making them out of plastic helps out oil prices.
Mad Max | May 6, 2008, 8:04pm | #
"Iran's 'official doll,' Sara"The CIA should start a rumor that Sara [Sarah?] is Jewish.
Leslie | May 6, 2008, 8:48pm | #
The myth of the executed virgins was long ago exploded, and frankly the rest of the bigotry and ignorance on display by "Jennifer" here makes the Iranians look good in comparison.And hate to break the news to you, but lots of people around the world consider American corporate culture to be destructive.
Oh and incidentally, no one in Iran would mind if Sara was Jewish. The name comes from the Old Testament, which any muslim believes in and there is a long history of Persian culture influencing Judaism. Your assumption that everyone in iran would freak out at the mere thought that Sara is a Jewish name shows you know zilch about Iran or Iranians. Other "Jewish" names that are common in Iran include Shoshana (which means girl from Susa, a historic Persian capital city) and Esther. Susan and Lily are also common too.
Mad Max | May 7, 2008, 2:21am | #
"Your assumption that everyone in iran would freak out at the mere thought that Sara is a Jewish name shows you know zilch about Iran or Iranians . . ."The Iranians I know would be perfectly OK with Jewish people and Jewish dolls. It's the clerical establishment that has a bug up its butt on the issue. Persian culture as a whole is quite civilized, and living under the thumb of the mullahs may well have made them abnormally sympathetic to anything said mullahs denounce.
I am thinking, among other things, of the Holocaust-denial conference Ahmedthenutjob sponsored. Come to think of it, he was elected by the people, but then, the system is skewed to exclude certain less-nutty candidates from the ballot, so how the voters would have responded to a fuller range of choices is unclear.
Windtell | May 7, 2008, 4:27am | #
Speaking as one that's been to Iran, Iranian people as a whole are really apolitical and could care less about what the Mullahs say and decree.It always seemed to be apathy to me, a feeling of, yeah, we have nutjobs in government, but we just ignore them because there are so many checks and balances in the system that none of them can do anything.
Iranian culture is some of the most liberal in all of the mideast countries that I want to, it's a shame about their leaders. Lift the sanctions, let them deal with the world, and you'll get good results in time I think.
Jennifer | May 7, 2008, 3:09pm | #
The myth of the executed virgins was long ago exploded, and frankly the rest of the bigotry and ignorance on display by "Jennifer" here makes the Iranians look good in comparison.Then tell Iranian expat Marjane Satrapi that her story of life under the Ayatollahs was a lie. Funny thing is, she never once complained about "the Iranians" -- she's one herself and proud of her heritage -- but she surely does complain against "the theocrats in power in Iran."
That said, I'm an American, and almost all of my friends are Americans too, and among our entire group you won't find even ONE person who's ever waterboarded anyone, nor defended the practice. This proves those stories you hear about the American government waterboarding people is bullshit, I gather.
A Random Muslim | May 9, 2008, 2:42am | #
Jennifer,That said, I'm an American, and almost all of my friends are Americans too, and among our entire group you won't find even ONE person who's ever waterboarded anyone, nor defended the practice.
And yet, somehow I think those actual waterboarders would absolutely LOVE to recite your "Cautionary Fable of the 72 Virgins" poem as they proceed to torture other Muslims... you know, those people you are so obviously fond of. Yeah, you're not a bigot - but thanks for giving actual bigots something to bond over.
I know, I know, its freedom of speech, yes yes. Well, what can I say - I like to exercise my freedom of speech but posting links to "The official site of Theodore Herzl, founder of Zionism", in which we jest about what an oven would look like if Intel expanded into Germany, what with the "Jew Inside" logo and all.
But its freedom of speech you see! Of course, you 'civilized westerners' could talk about it instead of repeatedly insulting us - all of us - with pictures of Mohammad with a turban-bomb.
The West draws such pictures, and some of us go ape-shit and throw a couple molotov cocktails at an embassy or two.
But if we draw a map without Israel on it, you lob tomahawks and a couple infantry divisions at us.
Yet we are the violent ones. haha! Oh man, this beats Comedy Central.
But thats ok. In a world where you have your boots on our necks, that is a world where you can expect us to have a bomb in our turbans.
And umm... Im forgetting something...gosh darn it... Oh yeah! Death to Israel.
Good day to you madam. :-)
Marian Kechlibar | May 9, 2008, 5:32am | #
"But if we draw a map without Israel on it, you lob tomahawks and a couple infantry divisions at us."I do not think that any of the military conflicts in the Middle East was ever caused by or justified with printing of some maps.
Jennifer | May 9, 2008, 9:26am | #
And yet, somehow I think those actual waterboarders would absolutely LOVE to recite your "Cautionary Fable of the 72 Virgins" poem as they proceed to torture other Muslims... you know, those people you are so obviously fond of. Yeah, you're not a bigot - but thanks for giving actual bigots something to bond over.If the waterboarders' reading comprehension is as abysmal as yours apparently is, I suppose it would. I write a piece in which Muslim terrorists are denounced as doing the work of Satan rather than God, and you view this as an anti-Muslim piece? Uh-huh. . . and when I write a similar piece saying Fred "God Hates Fags" Phelps is inspired by Satan rather than Jesus, equally dense Christians can complain that I've insulted their religion as well.
The way to respect a religion, I take it, is to point to the most heinous atrocities done in its name and say "Hell, YES! That's EXACTLY what they stand for!" As on this thread, where we learn that proper Muslim governments go bugshit with terror at the thought of their oppressed citizens getting access to a plastic doll.
Zac in Virginia | May 9, 2008, 12:05pm | #
Through the cunning use of anagrams, I have determined that A Random Muslim's user name can be rearranged to spell "Troll".Trust me. It works.
Oh, and I agree that cartography is rarely the reason for Western aggression.
Western saber-rattling, sure. But our governments don't go to war just because some country's president says something that could be construed as "Israel shouldn't exist".
We don't go to war just because people living in contested territory would just as soon redraw the border lines to suit themselves better than their neighbors.
Also: who in the hell cares if someone makes an anti-Semitic pun involving the Intel Co. company slogan? Sure, it'd make for an offensive bumper sticker, but there's a difference between saying things on the internet and actually trying to hurt anybody.
Here in the West, we usually understand that difference, and are far less likely to use force when we feel insulted.
I gotta hand it to you, ARM: you are one fine troll.
Mindy | May 9, 2008, 11:52pm | #
I cannot believe some of the completely ignorant comments people like Jennifer and Zac are making. Hey, why don't you stop believing every freaking thing the media feeds to you, and actually go read about Persian culture. That would be too hard thought right, actually taking the time to exit the shallow, narcissistic confines of your existence, and look at some of the other 6 billion humans inhabiting the planet.Seriously, you people probably vote too--that's what is wrong with society.
A Random Muslim | May 10, 2008, 1:08am | #
Jennifer,If the waterboarders' reading comprehension is as abysmal as yours apparently is, I suppose it would. I write a piece in which Muslim terrorists are denounced as doing the work of Satan rather than God, and you view this as an anti-Muslim piece?
I know, right? How annoying it is to misconstrue someone eh? I know exactly how you feel - We keep saying Israel has no right to exist on our lands, and you keep accusing us to being virulent anti-semites. I guess we're in good company with this whole you-cant-understand-simple-statements thing! ;)
hahaha!
As on this thread, where we learn that proper Muslim governments go bugshit with terror at the thought of their oppressed citizens getting access to a plastic doll.
Yeah, children all across the Muslim world have dolls, but since this one particular Iranian government bans them it must mean its a 'proper' Muslim government as you say. Nevermind that maybe they take this position as more of an anti-western stance based on Western aggression of the past, oh, what, 100 years to be conservative.
Does 100 years mean anything to you? I mean, look - I believe the universe was created in a Big Bang 13 billion years ago somewhere in the Andromeda galaxy. You also believe the universe was created with a big bang I am sure, only in your version it happened in New York City on Sep 10th 2001.
Here in the West, we usually understand that difference, and are far less likely to use force when we feel insulted.
Yeah, only we Muslims havent bombed the shit out of you, imported a boat load of European Jews, pissed in a circle around California and said 'This is Jewish land now', and tried to topple your governments just because they tried to nationalize a national resource under your feet.
When that happens, and a Muslim comes up to you and draws a picture of barbaric Americans with a bomb in their hearts, then lets see what your propensities to violence are then.
Heh. Man, this is too easy.
The Democratic Republican | May 12, 2008, 10:29am | #
Tonio | May 6, 2008, 12:45pm | #Despite Hillary Clinton's penchant for magnificently monochromatic pantsuits that are just a couple epaulets short of colonel status in Michael Jackson's toddler army...
Er, that's some turgid prose, Beato. WTF are you trying to say?
Agreed: I have no idea WTF the article was supposed to be about. Comparing some goobers in Tulepo, Mississippi to the official policy of a large middle eastern country? Look, yes, fundamentalisms all function similarly, but what point is being made? Is he REALLY saying that Barbie is going to topple the Iranian government?
The Democratic Republican | May 12, 2008, 10:32am | #
Just to complete the threadjack started by "A Random Muslim":Look -- When Palestine became a British protectorate after WWI, it had not been an independent territory for quite some time. It had been part of the Ottoman Empire and I reject the bullshit argument that since that empire was ostensibly Muslim that it was more just for it to have control of Palestine than for Britain to have it.
And anyway, Jews had started to migrate peacefully to Palestine well before this time. So the situation is a little more complicated than your propagandistic history would lead you to believe.
The Democratic Republican | May 12, 2008, 10:39am | #
After reading some more of "A Random Muslim"'s whining, it makes me laugh to hear about Western "oppression." Look, I would LOVE for the USA to be forever out of the Middle East, but only because it is in our national interest to do so. If it was in the interests of the USA to be there for 100 years, I would keep the boot on the throat of some of those regimes without a second thought.I do believe that there are moderate Muslims, but most of them, coincidentally, seem to reside in the West. There isn't one FUNDAMENTALIST Muslim that has the right to complain about "oppression" when that person supports fundamentalist regimes that oppress their own citizens and swear allegiance to a so-called "prophet" that committed every human rights atrocity in the book. The only reason most fundamentalists are whining about oppression is because they are on the losing end of the stick. Just sit back, read a history book, and enjoy that 1000 years when the caliphate was kicking European ass.