Today's Vagina Dialogue

Jane Fonda has just retaliated in the War Between '70s Iconic Actresses--and between ABC and NBC morning shows. Recall that a few weeks ago, Diane Keaton dropped an F bomb on Good Morning America (no doubt, Lady Liberty shed a tear at the vulgarity of it all). Well, today on Today, Jane Fonda dropped the C bomb not once but twice (hmm, making it, I guess, the Hiroshima and Nagasaki of early-morning profanity). The topic of discussion was The Vagina Monologues.

Video clip via Heckler Spray (and thanks to readers in this comment thread):

How will the FCC--which is still a-quivering because of the anti-social, pizza-glomming antics of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fer chrissakes--react to this?

I explained "Why I'm Fonda Hanoi Jane"'s memoir here.

Comments

SugarFree | February 14, 2008, 3:04pm | #

I've always said that if they just renamed them The Cooter Chronicles they'd have better attendance.

Rimfax | February 14, 2008, 3:09pm | #

I actually enjoyed the version of the Vagina Monologues released on video. I am creeped out by Ensler's haircut, though.

SugarFree | February 14, 2008, 3:09pm | #

Eve Ensler looks like the result of Christina Ricci being hit with a truck full of cupcakes.

LT Nixon | February 14, 2008, 3:22pm | #

Man, she poses for photos with the enemy during Vietnam and leads a life of luxury for decades, and now she's going to get taken down by dropping the "C" bomb but not sedition. Where's the justice in that.

Eve Ensler | February 14, 2008, 3:23pm | #

SugarFree bad! Eve SMASH!

Pro Libertate | February 14, 2008, 3:30pm | #

Strange that Peter is finally bigger than she is, with solid performances in Ulee's Gold and The Limey (with General Zod).

Episiarch | February 14, 2008, 3:44pm | #

Eve Ensler is bigger than her too. Way bigger.

Ken Shultz | February 14, 2008, 3:44pm | #

I was thinkin' about this in terms of the carbon tax debate--maybe on the same note they should just tax this stuff. It's kinda the same thing we're talking about--pollution--isn't it?

You drop a "c" word here, an "f" bomb there, you pay a tax. Surely it's better to tax foul language than income and capital gains, etc...

Jamie Kelly | February 14, 2008, 3:45pm | #

"I am a cunt, crevacious and warm. Pee comes out of me, but I'm also quite useful in squeezing dick snot out of schlongs. Fuck me."

If that were the Vagina Monologues, I'd be all on board.
Too bad it's nothing but horseshit male-bashing.

Pro Libertate | February 14, 2008, 3:45pm | #

Reason should talk. Don't see anybody posting nudity here. Why not?

Pinette | February 14, 2008, 3:50pm | #

There oughta be a male genitalia equivalent of the v-monologue. Penis Punditry? Testicle Sermons?

SPD | February 14, 2008, 3:51pm | #

Bravo, SugarFree. I was going to suggest, "Wow, Isabella Rosselini has really gone to pot."

SPD | February 14, 2008, 3:52pm | #

Pinette,

"Cock Tales"?

shecky | February 14, 2008, 3:53pm | #

It just doesn't sound the same as when Don Logan says it.

T | February 14, 2008, 3:55pm | #

Eve Ensler looks like the result of Christina Ricci being hit with a truck full of cupcakes.

I'm fond of the phrase "reverse liposuction", myself.

Urkobold™ | February 14, 2008, 3:56pm | #

THE STIFFIE SOLILOQUIES? OR MAYBE THE SCROTUM SOLILOQUIES?

rana | February 14, 2008, 3:56pm | #

Is that really a woman sitting next to Jane Fonda? Looks like a tranny.

SugarFree | February 14, 2008, 3:56pm | #

Pinette,

May I suggest: Johnson Tries To Get A Word In Edgewise

Shirt | February 14, 2008, 3:58pm | #

Pro Libertate @ 3:45pm: "Reason should talk. Don't see anybody posting nudity here. Why not?"

'Cause some of us reading Reason when we're supposed to be working can get in big trouble with the our company's Cyber Police for visiting sites that have "pornographic" images?

Pro Libertate | February 14, 2008, 4:01pm | #

No, no, Shirt, freedom requires that you make this sacrifice. You, not anyone else.

Episiarch | February 14, 2008, 4:02pm | #

There oughta be a male genitalia equivalent of the v-monologue.

"It's My Turn Because Vagina's Mouth is Full: the Cock Conversations"

Jamie Kelly | February 14, 2008, 4:02pm | #

"My underwear meat has Tourrette's"?

SugarFree | February 14, 2008, 4:02pm | #

Ah, posted too quick. I forgot to credit one of my student workers for that one.

I hate to abandon this thread, but I have to take my beautiful and terrifying wife out to dinner and must leave early. (No, we're not eating a 4pm, we're not 60.)

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody.

Jamie Kelly | February 14, 2008, 4:04pm | #

"One Night Stand: the Ejaculate Sessions"?

T | February 14, 2008, 4:05pm | #

In this day and age, why is anybody shocked at foul language? Isn't the Vagina Monologues whole appeal based on using shocking words to convey not really shocking ideas? If Eve Ensler had left out the profanity, would anyone have cared? And didn't Karen Finley do this better (and funnier) first?

Jamie Kelly | February 14, 2008, 4:05pm | #

"Stroke Me and I'll Talk: Confessions of a Big Dick"?

Episiarch | February 14, 2008, 4:05pm | #

Ha ha, SugarFree is sucker whose wife gives a shit about St. Hallmark's Valentine's Day.

ed | February 14, 2008, 4:07pm | #

I find the subject matter distasteful.

Isaac Bartram | February 14, 2008, 4:09pm | #

Jane Fonda is a not to bad actress that has been the beneficiary of rhe attention of a somewhat sycophantic media (for reasons I'm not quite sure of).

Ba-ba Wawa naming her as one of the hundred greatest women of the 20th century took the cake though (of course most lists of this ilk are suspect anyway). Godammit, I'll warrant that if you picked a hundred ordinary female family practice MDs at random you would find women who had contributed more to humanity than at least half the women on Ba-ba's list. And the same would be true if you picked women from any number of other professions.

Jamie Kelly | February 14, 2008, 4:11pm | #

"I Saw the Best Pussy of My Generation: The Rise of Beat-Dick Poetry"?

Urkobold™ | February 14, 2008, 4:11pm | #

THE URKOBOLD DID ONCE ATTEND AN AVANT-GARDE PLAY CALLED THE MAMMARY MASTICATIONS, BUT PERHAPS THAT'S NOT RELEVANT TO THIS DISCUSSION.

Isaac Bartram | February 14, 2008, 4:12pm | #

Of course, "my favorite one hundred female celebrities" would not have had quite the same cache, would it?

Nick | February 14, 2008, 4:13pm | #

Dick Johnsons' new Album, the Pecker Record! Featuring such Hard Cock hits as,

Standing Tall, Balls to the Wall

Spelunking (with One Eye Open)

Harry Putter and the Sorceror's Bone

Stroke and Mirrors

Paint the Tree, Bitch

and everyone's favorite:

Prostate? No, I'm a Libertarian!

Sara | February 14, 2008, 4:16pm | #

If they called the show something else, it would be better. There's a monologue about the "coochie snorcher" and I think that could be used in the title for a broader appeal.

Also the show complained about trimming up the fur. What's wrong with that? Nobody likes a mountain man beaver dam.

Nick | February 14, 2008, 4:24pm | #

Sara,

I think they already have Broad appeal. (rimshot). Thanks, I'll be here all weak.

t. j. | February 14, 2008, 4:28pm | #

i like jane fonda. i like all the fondas. i like peter and jane but their was an even better actor in some great movies and his children have done some good work too. i don't take jane fonda seriously about her politics or activism and anything else and she seems a bit flaky but i think she's probably a nice person all around which is more then you can say for barbara streisand (the other other old liberal actress the right loves to hate) she looks good for her age and i like her in some of her movies like "they shoot horses don't they" and some others and that's about all you can except from an actress.

t. j. | February 14, 2008, 4:29pm | #

*i like peter and jane but their father was an even better actor i think in some great movies....

T | February 14, 2008, 4:29pm | #

Also the show complained about trimming up the fur. What's wrong with that? Nobody likes a mountain man beaver dam.

I think it's because we supposed to appreciate natural beauty without artifice or something. There's practical concerns involved, but that takes a backseat to ideology.

Jamie Kelly | February 14, 2008, 4:29pm | #

Also the show complained about trimming up the fur. What's wrong with that? Nobody likes a mountain man beaver dam.

No shit about that. Anything I have to go hair-snorkeling through to get to the creamy center is definitely not for dinner.

David | February 14, 2008, 4:31pm | #

The Life and Times of Wang

Urkobold™ | February 14, 2008, 4:34pm | #

SAW A DOUBLE-FEATURE RECENTLY: CUNNING LINGUISTICS AND THE FELL HORATIOS.

Warren | February 14, 2008, 4:35pm | #

WHY O WHY isn't Barbra Walters homeless as her talents warrant.

Jamie Kelly | February 14, 2008, 4:35pm | #

I've stared down the barrel end of too many patchouli-doused, thick-bearded snatches to not appreciate a well-trimmed, perfumed work of art.
I mean fuck, if I wanted to wade through 10 pounds of fur just to get a taste, I'd date Grizzly Adams and put a fish in his mouth.

Randi | February 14, 2008, 4:36pm | #

I loved the Saturday Night Live (I think?) Send-up of the Black version of The Vagina Momologues -- "Talkin' 'Bout 'Ginas!"

Dick | February 14, 2008, 4:37pm | #

"There oughta be a male genitalia equivalent of the v-monologue."

OO=====D

Butch | February 14, 2008, 4:38pm | #

Johnny Talk?

stephen the goldberger | February 14, 2008, 4:39pm | #

There oughta be a male genitalia equivalent of the v-monologue. Penis Punditry? Testicle Sermons?

The closest thing is probably this show called "The Puppetry of the Penis" where two guys would get on stage and make various shapes and forms with their genitals. Its juvenile tone is a fitting counter to the Vagina Monologues' seriousness.

http://www.puppetryofthepenis.com/
Probably not safe for work.

Jamie Kelly | February 14, 2008, 4:40pm | #

Dick,
8 is better than 00

Burst | February 14, 2008, 4:42pm | #

"Also the show complained about trimming up the fur. What's wrong with that? Nobody likes a mountain man beaver dam."

Actually AT Kingdom has some awesome hairy chicks!

R C Dean | February 14, 2008, 4:47pm | #

Dammit, stephen the g! I was going there!

Oh, and not a goddam thing will happen to Hanoi Jane over this. [Insert your favorite double standard here.]

penxv | February 14, 2008, 4:48pm | #

You drop a "c" word here, an "f" bomb there, you pay a tax. Surely it's better to tax foul language than income and capital gains, etc...

I have to watch Demolition Man again. A foul language tax is sure to be better than the three shells.

Stallone is such a nuanced actor.

Michael Pack | February 14, 2008, 4:51pm | #

I'm amazed that people that are held in such high regard can't control their words.I'm not an angel and have used such words in the past,mostly on the golf course.When at the store,out to dinner or at work I try to be civil.

Jamie Kelly | February 14, 2008, 4:55pm | #

I agree, Michael Pack. People should try to be more civil when communicating in public.
So fuck that cunt twat bitch slit.

Warren | February 14, 2008, 5:05pm | #

I for one lament the passing of the hairy bush.

Blather II | February 14, 2008, 5:12pm | #

"I for one lament the passing of the hairy bush."

The president' uncle died? How sad.

gaijin | February 14, 2008, 5:16pm | #

You drop a "c" word here, an "f" bomb there, you pay a tax. Surely it's better to tax foul language than income and capital gains, etc...

That was the idea behind the 'swear jar' my mom used to have...I suspect we paid for our own Christmas presents through this device...

GILMORE | February 14, 2008, 5:16pm | #

I am dissapointed H&R would stoop so low as to draw unwanted attention to minor malaprops by commie-loving traitor aerobics whores. We should attempt to maintain a more enlightened and civilized public debate.

Syd | February 14, 2008, 5:20pm | #

There are some parts of the body which are not meant to speak. Although the title "The Vagina Monologues" makes me think of the movie "Chatterbox" with its talking vagina. (Never seen it, though.)

e | February 14, 2008, 5:21pm | #

Yon thread delivereth!

dina osullivan | February 14, 2008, 5:38pm | #

Word, word, word, I'm so sick of words. Grow up.
It's only words. I't not like she's shaving her head, not wrearing underwear or snorting coke.

chiron82 | February 14, 2008, 5:49pm | #

Eve Ensler looks like a Romulan.

J sub D | February 14, 2008, 5:58pm | #

I am dissapointed H&R would stoop so low as to draw unwanted attention to minor malaprops by commie-loving traitor aerobics whores.

GILMORE, You forgot anorexic.

T | February 14, 2008, 6:05pm | #

I't not like she's shaving her head, not wrearing underwear or snorting coke.

Why, are those bad?

J sub D | February 14, 2008, 6:08pm | #

Eve Ensler looks like a Romulan.

She looks like Cate Blanchett as the evil commie in the new Indiana Jones flick.

TWC | February 14, 2008, 6:08pm | #

Where's the justice in that.

That is perfect justice.

See You Next Tuesday, Jane.

The Oppresive Patriarchy | February 14, 2008, 6:18pm | #

Freedom is just another word
for saying cunt on TV

TWC | February 14, 2008, 6:22pm | #

Sorry Monologue Fans:

To paraphrase Gerald Early, when they study American civilization 2,000 years from now, nobody will give a shit about the Vagina Monologues. There will only be three things that Americans will be known for: the constitution, baseball, and jazz.

bigbigslacker | February 14, 2008, 6:25pm | #

TWC, you forgot the corn dog.

The Wine Commonsewer | February 14, 2008, 6:40pm | #

Strange that Peter is finally bigger than she is, with solid performances in Ulee's Gold and The Limey (with General Zod).

He was quite good in 3:10 To Yuma as well....and Ghost Riders [looks furtively over his shoulder].

you forgot the corn dog

[grins]

and Keith Black's blown fuel Chrysler Hemis.

J sub D | February 14, 2008, 6:47pm | #

TWC, You think this will be forgotten?

Jonathan Hohensee | February 14, 2008, 6:49pm | #

At my college me and a couple of friends are going to present "The Vagina Monologues..In Space!" on the free speech lawn, in which I read the vagina monologues while my friends dressed up like astronauts act out the action behind me, treating the word "vagina" as if I where referring to an alien.

I've stared down the barrel end of too many patchouli-doused, thick-bearded snatches to not appreciate a well-trimmed, perfumed work of art.
I mean fuck, if I wanted to wade through 10 pounds of fur just to get a taste, I'd date Grizzly Adams and put a fish in his mouth.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPH6LzlED6I
"Those bastards expect my genitals to be clean! Fascists!"

Jennifer | February 14, 2008, 7:03pm | #

At my college me and a couple of friends are going to present "The Vagina Monologues..In Space!"

I think "the Breast Monologues" would work better in space because the anti-gravity could only help.

Breasts
Boobs
I've got two of 'em
Like Frick and Frack
Stalin and Trotsky
Eisenhower and MacArthur
Boobity boobity boob
Yep, there they are
one, two
and damned useful too
these sweaters of mine won't
fill themselves, you know
Don't laugh, you patriarchal assholes
the twins funded
my education.

Jennifer | February 14, 2008, 7:08pm | #

Scooby booby boob.

I feel so empowered.

Bingo | February 14, 2008, 7:31pm | #

At my college me and a couple of friends are going to present "The Vagina Monologues..In Space!" on the free speech lawn, in which I read the vagina monologues while my friends dressed up like astronauts act out the action behind me, treating the word "vagina" as if I where referring to an alien.

This is glorious. Please make the vaginal version of these cheerful fellows!

Jonathan Hohensee | February 14, 2008, 9:09pm | #

We have limited supplies. It's basically a cardboard box cut up with egg-shell padding glued on it for teeth.

Sam Grove | February 14, 2008, 9:50pm | #

The Greasemand (radio jock/story teller) among other interesting tales, told of a fantasy:
He a dentist.
Jane Fonda arrives at his office for dental work.
Said dental work requires sedation.
Afterwards, as she's leaving, she expresses satisfaction with the work.
Greaseman: That's alright Ms Fonda, you have the nicest set of teeth I've ever come across.

some beach, somewhere | February 14, 2008, 10:59pm | #

Don't laugh, you patriarchal assholes
the twins funded
my education.


I would have thought it was the boobs that funded it - and I'm not talking about the ones on your chest. ;-)

jonathan Hohensee | February 14, 2008, 11:21pm | #

the re actions over at pandagon are a joke;
http://pandagon.blogsome.com/2008/02/14/6738/

The Wine Commonsewer | February 15, 2008, 2:18am | #

TWC, You think this will be forgotten?

Hell no. In fact, Jim came with me to my 18th birthday party, which happened to be on New Years Eve, as it is every year. We had a great time. Nearly blew all the fingers off my left hand cuz I hung onto those M-80's a bit too long. Missed out on a roll in the hay with a hot red head (and her sister) and finally ended up in the back yard with Lynette's Samoyd licking barf offa my face. Yeah, Jim Beam is The Man.

John-David | February 15, 2008, 9:48am | #

Strangely, I didn't see much to argue with re: the pandagon reactions. And that group of broads is the biggest collection of cunts I've ever seen.

Shirt | February 15, 2008, 2:33pm | #

Mmmmmm ... Bourbon.

Recently discovered that Evan Williams is surprisingly good considering how cheap it is.

Jim Walsh | February 15, 2008, 10:16pm | #

Eve Ensler looks like the result of Christina Ricci being hit with a truck full of cupcakes.

Naw...she looks like a fifty year-old version of the Uma Thurman character from Pulp Fiction...