After That, We Start Sentencing Women to Date You

Frontiers in criminal justice:

A judge has ruled that a 24-year-old Canadian man is not allowed to have a girlfriend for the next three years.

The ruling came after Steven Cranley pleaded guilty on Tuesday to several charges stemming from an assault on a former girlfriend....

Doctors say Cranley has difficulty coping with rejection and runs a high risk to re-offend if he becomes involved in another intimate relationship.

Justice Rhys Morgan said Cranley "cannot form a romantic relationship of an intimate nature with a female person."

In other words: Casual dating, loveless sex, and gay marriage are still permitted.

[Via Dazzling Knowledge.]

Comments

Episiarch | June 15, 2007, 9:48am | #

I have long been amazed by the imperious nature of judges, who think they can impose any sort of edict on people. I thought judges could impose fines and jail time. What next--can a judge sentence you to no trans fats because you're too fat?

"Thank you, your honor, for telling me how to live."

VM | June 15, 2007, 9:49am | #

DONT FORGET BATIN!!! BATIN's ALLOWED.

crimethink | June 15, 2007, 9:50am | #

Assuming he abides by the sentence, any speculation as to what's going to happen to the girlfriend he has in three years?

crimethink | June 15, 2007, 9:52am | #

Episiarch,

The scary thing is that there isn't really any legal remedy from the actions of judges, except other judges. Welcome to the Imperial Judiciary.

mediageek | June 15, 2007, 9:56am | #

"Assuming he abides by the sentence, any speculation as to what's going to happen to the girlfriend he has in three years?"

What makes you think he'll have a girlfriend after the sentence is up?

de stijl | June 15, 2007, 10:03am | #

How do you puncture your aorta and live? I kind of thought that would be 100% fatal.

WalterBoswell | June 15, 2007, 10:04am | #

There was a case in May this year in Alabama where a judge order a convicted shoplifter to stand in public for a period of hours with a billboard around her neck proclaiming her crime to the passing traffic.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=453210&in_page_id=1770

mantooth | June 15, 2007, 10:04am | #

Dammit Judge, don't you know this just makes him more appealing to women? "Looking for the ultimate bad boy? I'm forbidden by law!"

Jennifer | June 15, 2007, 10:07am | #

Well, he has to ban the man from dating, because if he does date someone and then abuses her, there are no laws against beating up your girlfriend so the cops won't be able to do squat.

D.A. Ridgely | June 15, 2007, 10:09am | #

Would the judge make an exception in the case of Janet Reno?

Isaac Bartram | June 15, 2007, 10:09am | #

How do you puncture your aorta and live? I kind of thought that would be 100% fatal.

It takes some pretty spectacular intervention. I'm not sure why anyone would bother but cops and EMT's are trained to render lifesaving first aid even if they think the victim is a dirtbag.

Even so this guy's pretty luck.

de stijl | June 15, 2007, 10:09am | #

There was a case in May this year in Alabama where a judge order a convicted shoplifter to stand in public for a period of hours with a billboard around her neck proclaiming her crime to the passing traffic.

Dude was a Mr. Show With Bob and David fan.

crimethink | June 15, 2007, 10:15am | #

What makes you think he'll have a girlfriend after the sentence is up?

Obviously, that's not guaranteed. I'm just skeptical of the idea that forced celibacy for three years is going to improve the way he treats women.

And, if he's going to have a hard time getting a girlfriend, why bother with this sentence? Isn't that something that the market will take care of, as we're fond of saying in these parts?

VM | June 15, 2007, 10:18am | #

Steven Cranley...

(rearranges letters..

Ly Steven Crane.

"Ly" is obviously Upper Mogumbian for "Mr.". Therefore, we have found the whereabouts of the elusive Mr. Steven Crane.

To be played by John Rhys Davies (who, as many of the gentle readers know, starred in "Tainted Love")

It all makes sense now.

thoreau | June 15, 2007, 10:19am | #

In other words: Casual dating, loveless sex, and gay marriage are still permitted.

Supporting this sort of snark is why I pay my subscription fees.

Ken | June 15, 2007, 10:20am | #

When people bitch about the inflexibility of sentencing reforms like mandatory minimums they should think of this kind os silliness. On goal of determinate sentencing is to get away from this kind of discretionary power which can be exercised in such an arbitrary way. Note that I am not saying I support the draconian nature of much of determinate sentences, just the philosophy of limiting judicial discretion.

Episiarch | June 15, 2007, 10:24am | #

I think another judge should sentence this judge to "no judging" for three years. And AA, for shits and giggles.

lunchstealer | June 15, 2007, 10:32am | #

Justice Rhys Morgan said Cranley "cannot form a romantic relationship of an intimate nature with a female person."

Shew! For a second there I thought the judge was describing my mid-twenties.

John | June 15, 2007, 10:32am | #

Given the story that came out today about the woman that ripped off one of a guy's nards, tried to swallow it, and then claimed she was a really good person and wasn't trying to harm him, REALLY, this guy might want to think about voluntarily extending his sentence.

Warren | June 15, 2007, 10:32am | #

"Aw gee, I'm sorry babe. The judge says I can't meet your mother."

Janet Reno | June 15, 2007, 10:33am | #

"Would the judge make an exception in the case of Janet Reno?"

Watch it, smart guy, or you might just find yourself standing in the middle of a house fire.

jimmydageek | June 15, 2007, 10:33am | #

Justice Rhys Morgan said Cranley "cannot form a romantic relationship of an intimate nature with a female person."

In other words: Casual dating, loveless sex, and gay marriage are still permitted.

Also permitted: intimate relations with blow up dolls (VM) and animals...

/runs...

Chucklehead | June 15, 2007, 10:39am | #

It's Canada, who cares?

[ducks]

Warren | June 15, 2007, 10:45am | #

When people bitch about the inflexibility of sentencing reforms like mandatory minimums they should think of this kind os silliness.

Frankly, I don't find this offensively silly. The man served 146 days pre-trial. It isn't clear if the judge also ordered him to get counseling.

This seems silly because it's impossible to enforce. However, if he shows up again for hitting his girlfriend, perhaps that might be considered a parole violation.

I don't have much hope that he, and more importantly the rest of us (i.e. society), will benefit from the judges orders. But I have some hope, and I am convinced it's less harmful (to everyone) than a prison sentence.

Just Jokes | June 15, 2007, 10:49am | #

This must be the second sentence like this. Weigel got the same sentence right before college started.

Syd | June 15, 2007, 10:56am | #

But what if he's bisexual? Won't anyone think of the boyfriends?

DADIODADDY | June 15, 2007, 11:00am | #

no tongue...unless it's a sport fuck

Dan T. | June 15, 2007, 11:00am | #

Frankly, I don't find this offensively silly. The man served 146 days pre-trial. It isn't clear if the judge also ordered him to get counseling.

This seems silly because it's impossible to enforce. However, if he shows up again for hitting his girlfriend, perhaps that might be considered a parole violation.


Right - the news story doesn't tell us much, but this strikes me more as a "here are conditions for your release" kind of a thing.

Reinmoose | June 15, 2007, 11:01am | #

What if this ruling leads him to men? Wouldn't that be a terrible tragedy for society, having condemned a man to eternity in hell?*

*Note the HEAVY use of sarcasm

Keith | June 15, 2007, 11:06am | #

Rapist coming through. Don't get raped.

Keith's my name, sales is my game. Raping was another one of my games, but I had to give that up

Gimme Back My Dog | June 15, 2007, 11:21am | #

So he can have sex, but he can't have a relationship? Shouldn't they try punishing this guy instead?

R C Dean | June 15, 2007, 11:41am | #

24-year-old Canadian man is not allowed to have a girlfriend for the next three years

Seeing as this guy is Canadian, this is probably like a sentence not allowing me to bang hot Hollywood starlets for three years. It sounds bad, sure, but really, what difference is it going to make?

And I can hardly wait for the testimony when he violates the sentence.

"Your honor, it was just meaningless sex!"

"He said he loved me!"

PPV Gold.

mk | June 15, 2007, 11:47am | #

I need to take this opportunity to make it clear that, although I seem to be serving a similar sentence, I am not under a court order to not have a girlfriend.

c | June 15, 2007, 11:57am | #

"Steve, we've been sleeping together for months, but you never refer to me as your girlfriend."

"Sorry, court order."

Chucklehead | June 15, 2007, 12:55pm | #

I think Gimme has won.

Cambion | June 15, 2007, 2:35pm | #

I saw the full version of the article on digg. This guy suffers from a dependent personality disorder, he's seeking treatment in conjunction with his sentence, which i believed was given on the advice of a mental health professional, as of now, it reads like he's not capable of having an adult relationship and making rational decisions. I'm going to have to side with the judge on this one

Jennifer | June 15, 2007, 2:39pm | #

If he's that dangerous then he should have been given more jailtime for his initial offense.

SPD | June 15, 2007, 5:53pm | #

Cambion,

OK, fine, but if you agree with the conditions that prompted this ruling then why only cockblock him for three years? What's going to happen between now and then?

Pregnant Lesbian Sex | June 15, 2007, 6:47pm | #

In one of those supreme ironic twists that occur in life, I think the fact that he's court-ordered to not have a relationship will make him more attractive to women seeking a relationship.

New York Post:
"Jailhouse Romeo & Juliet"

Woman who's love affair caused her partner of 3 weeks to be thrown in jail says, "We did it for love. There is no greater law than Love." She then sighed longingly.

jh | June 15, 2007, 7:55pm | #

"Justice Rhys Morgan said Cranley 'cannot form a romantic relationship of an intimate nature with a female person.'"

So, if he beats a female person, wouldn't that be unromantic ... and thus allow him to have sex with her?

Or, hell, just refuses to ever buy her flowers?

And how about if he's batin each time to pictures of the same woman ... is that violating the court order?

Shemales OK?

Seems like any competent defense attorney could have a field day with that phrasing.

Massge parlor patois expert | June 15, 2007, 11:05pm | #

this strikes me more as a "here are conditions for your release" kind of a thing

In both senses of "release".

M | June 15, 2007, 11:10pm | #

She: So you what do you do?
He: Actually, I don't have a job; I just got out of jail.
She: Why were you in jail?
He: I murdered my wife.
She: Then you're single?

J Golden Rockwell | June 16, 2007, 5:50am | #

In other words: Casual dating, loveless sex, and gay marriage are still permitted.

Okay, so how is this different from the normal North American romance culture?

. . .and some people wonder why I date Filipinas and don't date American women . . .