Mr. President, Can I Have A Hall Pass?

These poll questions, via Chris Bowers, simply rule:

Q21. Which of the presidential candidates would...

A) Make the best high school principal?
Clinton: 20%
Giuliani: 16%
Obama: 14%
McCain: 9%
Gore: 8%
Edwards: 6%
Gingrich: 4%
Romney: 2%
Biden: 1%
Huckabee: 1%
Other / Unsure: 19%

B) Be the best contestant on dancing with the stars:
Clinton: 19%
Obama: 18%
Edwards: 9%
Giuliani: 9%
Gore: 6%
Romney: 2%
Gingrich: 2%
McCain: 1%
Biden: 1%
Other / Unsure: 31%

C) You trust the most to babysit your children or children you know:
Clinton: 21%
Edwards: 12%
McCain: 9%
Obama: 8%
Giuliani: 7%
Gore: 6%
Romney: 6%
Gingrich: 3%
Brownback: 1%
Other / Unsure: 28%

As Bowers points out, people seem to want to watch Obama dance but won't let him near their kids. Hey, he is black!

The true answers to these questions are:

Best high school principal: Ron Paul. Show up in class, don't get pregnant, and otherwise do your thing. Will the security guards stop you from toking up in the boys' room? Of course not - the Constitution doesn't allow for security guards!

Best contender on Dancing With the Stars: It's a contest where you need to change styles and pretend that you're an expert at every one? Obviously, Mitt Romney.

Best babysitter: Obama'll have the best bedtime stories, but Giuliani will be the best disciplinarian. Two words: toilet plungers.

Comments

VM | March 30, 2007, 3:48pm | #

.. and you trust Teddy K to drive them home. You take them to Natalie Wood's swimming school. They take driving lessons from Jessica Savitch.

The Manson Family fun center is for recreation.

(who, after the accident, looked much better on the radio... and the steering wheel. the dashboard...)

kevrob | March 30, 2007, 3:48pm | #

Best high school principal: Ron Paul

What are you talking about? Homeschooled kids don't have a "high school principal."

It makes a difference if we are talking publik skoools or private ones. Hillary would have made an excellent Mother Superior at a Catholic H.S., IMNSHO.

Kevin

de stijl | March 30, 2007, 3:50pm | #

Yeah, but if Clinton was the pricipal, you'd also get the whole village thrown in for free. That'd help out a ton!

Cab | March 30, 2007, 3:51pm | #

A) Make the best high school principal?

I'll buy Clinton, if it is Bill. Otherwise, Rudy.

B) Be the best contestant on dancing with the stars?

Edwards. C'mon, the guy is cute as a button.

C) You trust the most to babysit your children or children you know?

This has to be Romney. Mormons always have like a dozen kids. There is nothing he hasn't seen.

Pro Libertate | March 30, 2007, 3:55pm | #

I wouldn't let a danged politician within 1,000 yards of my kids. In fact, I'm going to go get a restraining order against all of them.

Lost_In_Translation | March 30, 2007, 3:58pm | #

Best high school principal?

I think the people polled assumed the pollster was asking about Bill Clinton.

After all, he'd be the one in the bathroom toking up.

John | March 30, 2007, 4:02pm | #

Edwards is the clear choice for dancing with the stars. He would get to poof his hair, bat his eyes, wear makeup, some glitzy rhinstone encrusted outfit, he would be perfect for it.

Hilary would be the principal from hell. Can you imagine anyone more joyless than her? Guiliani would make a good principal, as long as it was a school for delinquents, otherwise no thanks. Gingrich would be a good principal for some magnet school for geeks. Obama would probably make the best principal for your typical suburban school.

Ethan | March 30, 2007, 4:03pm | #

You trust the most to babysit your children or children you know:
Clinton: 21%

How interesting. That number matches exactly the percentage of people who don't have a daughter over 15 years of age.

John | March 30, 2007, 4:10pm | #

I think everyone running for President ought to have to paricipate in like a six month long reality show where each of them have to go out and earn a living at some mundane job like being a high school principal or selling clothes at Macy's and the like and actually live on their salary. You could have them all share a house, like The Real World, and then put cameras everywhere. Then at the end of six months, they all could go back to their real lives an start campaigning.

Lamar | March 30, 2007, 4:14pm | #

I know I'm a Rudy defender, but do the people who voted in the survey know that you're not allowed to shoot unarmed students?

Warren | March 30, 2007, 4:14pm | #

John,
That is the most flipping brilliant idea I've read on H&R this year.

D.A. Ridgely | March 30, 2007, 4:15pm | #

Actually, Gingrich would make the best principal for purposes of instilling some sense of the love of ideas in students, but if we're talking your typical high school, McCain knows the most about concentration camps.

Pro Libertate | March 30, 2007, 4:17pm | #

If a reality series is to become part of the campaign process, I want them to use the one where you have to eat live worms and stuff.

Warren | March 30, 2007, 4:22pm | #

HS Principal: Gingrich
The principal is just the cruise ship captain. Newt can lay down the jovial BS to parents, teachers, their union, and the school board, while screwing them all.

Dancing with the stars contestant: Obama
Hey he is black.

Babysitter: Gore
He'll spent the whole time (harmlessly) reading "The Lorax" in monotone. Your kids will ignore him and amuse themselves, but you can still count on him to put out fires and rush to hospital if there's a real emergency.

Jennifer | March 30, 2007, 4:28pm | #

Two words: toilet plungers.

Oh, that is crass. Kudos, Mr. Weigel.

Warren | March 30, 2007, 4:35pm | #

Oh, that is crass. Kudos, Mr. Weigel.

Kudos, Mr. Weigel!? KUDOS!!?? WTF Jennifer. How come David gets a pass?

de stijl | March 30, 2007, 4:39pm | #

A better question would be:

Run the most profitable Long John Silver's franchise? (Vote for that person.)

I also endorse John's idea, but would use the Big Brother format rather than the Real World format.

de stijl | March 30, 2007, 4:40pm | #

Two words: toilet plungers.

Weigal is shilling for Big Sphincter.

Jennifer | March 30, 2007, 4:47pm | #

How come David gets a pass?

Innuendo, Warren. You can be as raunchy as hell and still qualify as a gentleman if you use innuendo.

kevrob | March 30, 2007, 4:49pm | #

Huckabee could be the head counselor at Fat Camp.

Kevin

Warren | March 30, 2007, 4:54pm | #

Jennifer,
I see. In point of fact I do use innuendo. My subtly implied meaning is actually far more repugnant than the plain language ;)

Aresen | March 30, 2007, 5:00pm | #

I really like John's idea at 4:10 PM.

I'd like to see Edwards trying to get by on a Walmart greeter's wage.

Obama would probably survive best on a working stiff's wage.

joe | March 30, 2007, 5:12pm | #

The categories are education, dancing/performance, and child care.

And the only woman in the poll won all three. Thoughts?

Let me go first. Hillary Clinton is not generally described as a particularly nurturing person, nor as a graceful person, nor as an entertaining figure.

de stijl | March 30, 2007, 5:12pm | #

Edwards would do fine. Every year he takes Elizabeth to Arby's for the anniversary (where they had their first date). How cute is that?

Every night would be like their anniversary. It's totally adorable.

Piggy Piggy Piggy Moose | March 30, 2007, 5:17pm | #

"And the only woman in the poll won all three. Thoughts?"

cuz, like, snort snort, she's hawt?

Pro Libertate | March 30, 2007, 5:24pm | #

joe,

Hillary's staff took a break from planning dirty tricks against Obama to vote many, many times. Heck, I don't think Chelsea would vote for her mom in any of those categories.

de stijl,

If he gets a Beef 'N' Cheddar, potato cakes, and a shake, I'll vote for him. No variations allowed, however. He has to eat the sandwich with excessive amounts of Horsey and BBQ sauce, too.

Dieter | March 30, 2007, 5:24pm | #

Now's the time at Reason when we dance!

joe | March 30, 2007, 5:29pm | #

"cuz, like, snort snort, she's hawt?" Let's put Moose's theory in the Maybe pile. Maybe people really do think of Hillary Clinton as the naughty teacher type, want to see her in a skimpy dancing outfit, or think she looks like a teenager. But I remain unconvinced.

Pro Lib, I'd buy that if it was a internet poll, but Reason doesn't run that stuff as headlines.

kevrob | March 30, 2007, 5:46pm | #

Hill would lose on DWtS. She'd keep trying to lead.

Kevin

crimethink | March 30, 2007, 5:55pm | #

What I love about this is that in two out of three categories, the leading candidate was still beaten handily by "Not Sure". Or were those just Idiocracy fans?

Larry Edelstein | March 30, 2007, 6:06pm | #

Whenever I am canvassed about a political candidate, the first question I always ask is: "has ever held a real job?" I then go on to explain that I mean a job where the main goal was profit, where they had to adhere to deadlines, hew to a budget. Not a research gig, not public administration. Working for oneself is fine as long as they were actually supporting themselves with it.

Pro Libertate | March 30, 2007, 6:09pm | #

I vote based on whether I think the candidate as ever killed anyone before.

Okay, I'm just kidding, but it's been such a serious Friday so far.

Eric the .5b | March 30, 2007, 7:11pm | #

Whenever I am canvassed about a political candidate, the first question I always ask is: "has ever held a real job?"

What, you have a problem with people who devote their adult lives to seeking power public service?

brotherben | March 30, 2007, 7:18pm | #

Wouldn't "Skating with the stars" have been a better choice?

Luigi E Mario | March 30, 2007, 8:42pm | #

innuendo

And what better place for a plunger?

D.A. Ridgely | March 30, 2007, 9:17pm | #

innuendo

And what better place for a plunger?

To paraphrase Chico Marx, romance runs out the door when the plunger comes innuendo.

Guy Montag | March 30, 2007, 10:00pm | #

What? A post by Mr. Weigel about the presidential race without any Fred Thompson hysteria?

Apparently happy hour began at lunch :)

Mr. F. Le Mur | March 31, 2007, 9:44am | #

These poll questions, via Chris Bowers, simply rule:

Actually they're very silly 'n' pointless questions unless you think U.S. citizens should be treated like children.

A far better question would be "To whom would you loan money?"

LarryA | March 31, 2007, 10:16am | #

I think the people polled assumed the pollster was asking about Bill Clinton.

I think Hillary Clinton would make the best possible principal for Stepford High School.

Isaac Bartram | March 31, 2007, 7:47pm | #

I think the people polled assumed the pollster was asking about Bill Clinton.

I'm not sure how the cheerleaders would feel about that.

Peter F. | April 1, 2007, 11:30am | #

"Mr. Huckabee" sounds alot like "Mr. Weatherbee".

Thus, he will keep Archie, Jughead, Reggie, Betty, Veronica, Moose and Big Ethel in line.

And he won't sexually harass Miss Grundy.