If You Drop Your Meth Pipe While Driving, Don't Pick It Up Until You Get to a Stoplight
Jacob Sullum | February 27, 2006, 11:07am
The federal government recently unveiled eight new anti-meth TV ads created by J. Walter Thompson. Three of the ads unintentionally indict the war on drugs by showing how prohibition leads to clandestine, unprofessional drug production that poses risks to consumers (impurities in meth) and bystanders (ammonia fumes). An ad that compares a meth user's heart to a racing engine that eventually breaks down is pretty good propaganda, although the logic of the comparison suggests that the real hazard comes from chronic, long-term use, since car engines don't usually blow the first few times you overwork them.
By contrast, an ad featuring a 911 call from a frantic woman whose meth-using boyfriend has just put his fist through a window is probably too over the top to be credible to anyone who has observed people on meth who are not freaking out. Even more misleading is a caption claiming "law enforcement officials report that meth is their #1 drug problem," which is true only if you don't count alcohol and talk only to cops in areas where meth use is especially common. In Washington, D.C., and New York, for example, law enforcement officials would not say meth is anywhere near their No. 1 drug problem.
Two other spots are a bit puzzling. One shows a girl meticulously plucking one of her eyebrows for about 20 seconds, after which a female voice-over says, "It's amazing what you can accomplish when you're on meth." Since girls have been known to pluck their eyebrows to improve their appearance, and since at the end of the ad it's not clear this girl is doing a bad job of it, I'm not sure what the point is. Are we to assume the girl, under the influence of meth, will continue plucking until she has no eyebrows left? Or is the message that speed freaks (like the pot smokers that populate the government's anti-marijuana ads) do pointless things, instead of putting their time to productive use?
The other head scratcher shows a guy who gets into a crash because he's reaching for his meth pipe on the floor of his car. This is meant metaphorically: As he crashes, we see people nowhere near the scene being knocked around and injured, and at the end the narrator says, "Your meth habit isn't just hurting you. It's hurting your family, your friends, everyone." The wrecked car is your life on drugs, as it were. The metaphor is less laughable than a fried egg but a little too complicated, I think, for a brief anti-drug ad. On the face of it, the government seems to be saying that smoking meth is about as risky as changing CDs, eating a sandwich in the car, or driving with squabbling kids in the back seat.
[Thanks to Bill Piper at the Drug Policy Alliance for the tip.]
Jamie Kelly | February 27, 2006, 2:19pm | #
I live in Montana. Here is a newspaper column I wrote about the Montana Meth Project:
Kids, meth is bad for you.
Meth. That’s short for methamphetamine. Some people know it as the poor man’s cocaine. I call it trailer blow, and sometimes Jacob’s Comet.
Meth, meth, meth, meth, meth.
You’re hearing a lot about meth these days from the Montana Meth Project. The Montana Meth Project is airing all those meth commercials on radio and TV. Those commercials remind you that meth, or methamphetamine as it were, is horrible stuff.
It’s a stunningly gruesome body of anti-meth work. Of all the anti-meth ads that our society has been subjected to over the years, these are without question or hesitation the most recent.
So professionally done are the Montana Meth Project ads that several of them actually made the AdCritic.com Top 20 list. You know you’re doing good anti-meth stuff when your ads are right up there with Levi’s “Ice Cream Van” and Miller High Life’s “Girl on the Moon.”
Yes, anti-meth ads and pro-beer ads, working together for a better America.
Makes you pluck out your eyebrows, this meth stuff, according to the commercials. Maybe we should call meth users “tweezers” instead of “tweakers.” As in, “Dude, I’m totally tweezin’ on this here meth stuff. You got a pair of needle-nose pliers? I’m going to pluck the hair off my back.”
Personally, I’ve heard meth, or methamphetamine, makes you gnaw your teeth down to a smooth shine, scrub your toilet at 4 in the morning with pipe cleaners and mow your lawn in the winter. And why? Because you’re on meth and people on meth are real energetic.
Hyper meth-heads.
Don’t meth with a meth-head! Get it? Meth and mess? Get it now? Pretty methin’ funny, don’t you meth, I mean, think? Methinks so! I mean, meth-inks so!
But seriously, meth. Don’t do meth. Unless it’s the right kind of meth. The right kind of meth is the meth a psychiatrist gives to your kid. It’s called methylphenidate, aka Ritalin. Comes in a bottle and is chemically a cousin of cocaine, unlike the street meth. So it’s good meth. The RIGHT meth. The WRONG meth is the street meth because it’s the bad meth and it is evil like Satan’s hell. Those meth commercials ought to sell you on that idea. That guy freaking out in the Laundromat in his goth robe? He was on meth.
Did you see his face? Looked like it went through a thresher. Meth face. Modern variant of the gin blossom. If you see your friend break out in a case of meth face, be sure to tell him, “Whoa. Dude. You got meth face. Maybe you should get some Strident. And quit using meth.”
You do meth, and you’ll become a meth addict, just like Laundromat boy. You even LOOK at meth and you’ll be trying to squish the spiders crawling all over your body while you’re in rehab. Meth rehab. That’s the worst sort of rehab because meth is so bad! And then maybe you’d star in your own meth commercial. You’d play the part of a person on meth. You may or may not have developed meth face.
How bad is meth? Meth is Nazi bad. The Web site www.meth-is-death.com notes that German soldiers took meth to keep them alert so they were better able to shoot non-meth-head Americans, who, gawl darn it, only got government-rationed coffee in their MRE’s. “Another big black mark against all things Nazi,” says the anti-meth Web site, a quote I am not making up. They’re right: The American government would NEVER do that kind of thing.
Do meth, put on a brown shirt and buy a Doberman. You Hitler-sympathizin’ meth-head.
The solution to our meth problem is to ram meth down people’s throats. Not literally, of course. But it is our duty to scare kids into hating meth. We all know that works with kids because of the past “Just Say No” campaign, which eradicated drugs in the ’80s. Except for meth, apparently.
So we must mention meth a lot. Meth on TV. Meth on the radio. Meth in the movie theaters. Meth on our billboards. Anywhere kids are. We could turn the McDonald’s M’s into big anti-Meth ads. “Meth kills. Try a Happy Meal instead,” we could say. “They don’t serve Happy Meals in prison, where you’ll go to serve a mandatory minimum federal sentence for being an addict,” we could add.
One day, we will wake up, and the meth problem will be over. And we will look back as we’re snorting our new designer drugs and say, “At least I didn’t take meth. And it’s all due to those anti-meth ads.”
Warren | February 27, 2006, 4:48pm | #
Here's one I wrote:
Setting: Sunny day in the park, father and son taking a stroll.
Kid: Dad, did you ever do drugs?
Dad:[stammers] Well uhh
[guy with large Que cards (QCG) runs up and holds up card that reads:
YEAH I DID
AND IT WAS A DUMB THING TO DO]
Dad: [Looks at card, begins reading, vaguely dispassionate]
Yeah I did, and it was a dumb …
[shakes head begins speaking in engaged conversation voice ]
Yeah, yeah I did. I did a lot of dumb things too. But I also had some great times. Some of the best moments of my life happened when I was high. Like the first time I made love to your mother.
[QCG gets panicked look on face. Turns card over and reads it (twice) turns card back around and holds it up, waves it back and forth]
Kid: Sooooo, you're saying drugs made your life better?
Dad: I'm saying that drugs are powerful things. And like all powerful things, you need to have a healthy fear of them. You see son, drugs, like cars, a little knowledge, and religion, can be very dangerous. But they can also be useful and life enhancing when used responsibly. It's important that you educate yourself on the effects and risks before you start experimenting.
[QCG rotates the "yeah I did" card to back of stack. He frantically waves the new top card which reads:
BUT NO ONE EVER TALKED TO ME ABOUT IT]
Dad: [turns his back to QCG and faces his son] And the biggest risk of all is the fact that they're illegal. Not only can you get arrested, but if you're convicted you loose any chance of getting into college or landing a decent job. And of course there's no FDA or even Consumer's Reports to ensure purity and quality. For instance, Ecstasy is far safer than beer, but when you buy pills on the black market, there's no way of knowing what is in them. You could be putting anything from sugar to cyanide in your body.
[Father and son begin walking again. QCG violently throws the "no one ever" card away. His new card reads:
DRUGS ARE BAD
MMMMM-KAY
He is walking backwards and jamming his finger at his card]
Kid: So if making drugs illegal actually makes them more dangerous, why don't we just end drug prohibition?
Dad: Well it's like I said son, people do a lot of dumb things.
[Father and son continue talking and walk off together]
[QCG trips and falls to ground, cards go flying. Close up on his face – look of exasperation]
QCG: I need a drink
