Obama Offers Very Long Path to Citizenship, Penn State’s Bribes for Prohibitionist Purposes, Drone Strikes Jump in Afghanistan: P.M. Links

  • Still less trouble than trying to become an AmericanCredit: New Line CinemaThe path to citizenship on President Barack Obama’s leaked immigration plan is a long and winding road that will take 13 years to travel.
  • In an eye-rolling display of paternalism, taverns and restaurant owners near Penn State have been bribed $5,000 each not to serve alcohol during a college event on Feb. 23. I’d take that money, rent a beer truck, and give the beer away for free.
  • Economist Armen Alchian, who used the concept of property rights to explore economic interactions and wrote a college textbook, has died at the age of 98.
  • South African Olympian Oscar Pistorius claims he thought his girlfriend was an intruder when he shot her. He is facing murder charges in her death.
  • The number of drone strikes in Afghanistan jumped 72 percent in 2012. At least 16 civilians were killed. Drone use is expected to increase in the country as troops come home.
  • Now that she’s no longer running the State Department, Hillary Clinton can join the paid-speaker gravy train. Her husband, Bill (remember him?), gets $290,000 per speech.

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  • Fist of Etiquette||

    South African Olympian Oscar Pistorius claims he thought his girlfriend was an intruder when he shot her.

    He's knee deep in it now.

  • ||

    Aaaand he's back!

  • From the Tundra||

    Yep. No leg to stand on.

  • ||

    He'll kick in the bail money and then skip town.

  • Rich||

    He won't walk easily.

  • ||

    If he's lucky thy'll ride him out of town on the rail.

  • $park¥||

    He's not going to stand for this kind of talk.

  • ||

    Did he earn enough in endorsements to foot his legal bills?

  • Bobarian||

    Police working on the case were stumped

  • ||

    Well it takes a lot of leg work to investigate the perfidious action of this heel.

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    Pistorius doesn't have legs!

    /Brick Tamland

  • ||

    Witnesses say he was hopped up on goofballs at the time.

  • Rich||

    he was hopped up on goofballsblades at the time.

    FTFY

  • Xenocles||

    The prosecution cut his alibi off at the knee.

  • fish||

    I heard it was a hook!

  • General Butt Naked||

    I've got nothing.

  • Xenocles||

    "I was a sprinter once, but then I took an arrow to the knee?"

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    Classic.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    You people are all ignorant.

  • Ska||

    Yeah, it's "I used to be an Olympic sprinter like you; then I took an arrow in the knee."

  • Rhywun||

    Me neither so I'll just keep LMFAO at his "alibi".

  • Thane of Whiterun||

    So, I don't have any particularly strong thoughts on whether one should ever say "females" in place of "women" -- but this female has no business grading papers:

    I’ve spent quite a bit of the last few days crossing out the word “females” and writing “women” in its place. [...] I’ve been marking, so this crossing out is part of my job, but it has called my attention to just how often I see “females” used when the writer means “women”. [...] I think it’s a much wider issue, and not just pedantry about words.

    For a start, it’s disrespectful (and may, of course, be inaccurate, since not all people who identify as women are female.) It may not be intended as such, but calling women “females” is substituting an adjective for a noun. Female what? It turns a person into an attribute, their individual self replaced by a general category. If that sounds like I’m reading too much into grammar, consider how careful we are not to do to this other groups of people whose members include women. You don’t hear most people talking about “a Chinese”, or “a black”, or “a disabled”

    "[S]ubstituting an adjective for a noun" is, um, an extremely common phenomenon in English.

    So, as for her examples, let's see what the OED has to say...

  • Thane of Whiterun||

    black

    9. A member of any dark-skinned group of peoples, esp. a person of sub-Saharan African or Australian Aboriginal origin or descent.
    The Adaulet of Benares..now held by a Black named Alii Cann.

    Chinese

    a. A native of China. [The plural Chineses was in regular use during 17th cent.: since it became obsolete Chinese has been singular and plural; in modern times a singular Chinee has arisen in vulgar use in U.S. (So sailors say Maltee, Portuguee.)]
    If a Chinese feared or expected something from a foreigner.

    "a disabled"? Fine, nobody says that. But how about "a Korean", "an autistic", etc.?

    This female is grading papers... shit.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    "a disabled"? Fine, nobody says that.

    "a cripple"

  • Thane of Whiterun||

    Neat, I didn't realize "cripple" was used as an adjective without the -d:

    c1230 Hali Meid. 33 Beo he cangun oðer crupel.
    a1300 Cursor M. (Gött.) 22829 Ani man..crepil or croked.
    1535 Bible (Coverdale) Matt. xviii. 8 It is better for ye to entre in vnto life lame or crepell.
    a1616 Shakespeare Henry V (1623) iv. 0. 20 And chide the creeple tardy-gated Night, Who..doth limpe So tediously away.
    a1649 W. Drummond Wks. (1711) 56/2 That criple Folk walk not upright.
    c1860 J. G. Whittier Hill-top viii, My poor sick wife, and cripple boy.
  • Rich||

    What is "Cripple Creek", chopped liver?

  • Gene||

    A drunkards dream of course.

  • Enough About Palin||

    Depends. There are two distinctly different songs about Cripple Creek.

  • Gene||

    A drunkards dream of course.

  • T||

    No, just a horrible song.

  • John||

    I never knew you were such philistine T.

  • T||

    I have never understood the appeal of The Band. It's one of those things that appeals to many but baffles me utterly.

  • Zeb||

    It's OK. It just means you are a bad person. You at least have to like "The Band" and "Music From Big Pink" to be considered a decent human being.

  • T||

    I am not now, nor have I ever claimed to be, a decent human being.

    What part of 'libertarian' did y'all miss?

  • Pi Guy||

    I've always felt the same way about The Doors.

  • Rich||

    "a disabled"? Fine, nobody says that.

    But everybody says "the differently abled":

    "Holding the door open for the differently abled is politically incorrect."

  • Xenocles||

    I believe the approved noun is "Chinaman."

  • ||

    Only if you're being formal. Chink is fine for casual use.

  • ||

    I believe the approved noun preferred nomenclature is "Chinaman," dude.

  • Xenocles||

    You're out of your element.

  • ||

    "Come in Booji Boy. You're late. Have you got the papers the Chinaman gave you?"

  • Timon 19||

    We are DEVO!

  • Zeb||

    or "an illegal" or "a minority" (that one actually should be stamped out).

  • MJGreen||

    What if you do mean females, as in persons with two X chromosomes?

  • pmains||

    What I got from this is that that offends her post-sexual sensibility and you need reeducation. What you should mean is woman, and by woman you should mean any being of either sex or gender that wishes to be identified as a woman. Sex and gender have been redefined, as well. It's turtles all the way down.

  • Jerryskids||

    That's a pretty broad statement.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    "From now on, I want you to call me Loretta!"

  • ||

    Did she bother to give an example where someone wrote females and women would have been better suited?

  • Thane of Whiterun||

    Did she bother to give an example where someone wrote females and women would have been better suited?

    Of course not, it's self-evidently misogynist. It's like black vs. ... nagger.

  • BakedPenguin||

    Grammar fascists are people who annoy me.

  • Brett L||

    Female is usually used as a descriptive term. The female of the species. That puppy is female. I think its overuse comes from over objectifying people, often found in high-minded writing that aspires to scientific, but is often scientishic.

  • pmains||

    Did she Brett L bother to give an example where someone wrote females and women would have been better suited?

  • gaijin||

    since not all people who identify as women are female.

    wtf?

  • Thane of Whiterun||

    A trans-woman is a biological male (XY).

    I'm ashamed of her -- she left out that not all females self-identify as women! Tsk tsk.

  • ||

    Gender identity sexual orientation and biological sex are seen as distinct attributes. When gender identity and biological sex don't match it's called Gender Identity Disorder. So a man might identify as a woman but be a male, not a female.

  • ||

    oops, important comma omitted *gender identity, sexual orientation, and biological sex...

  • Agammamon||

    "So a man might identify as a woman but be a male"

    And still a *man* no matter how much he might wish it otherwise.

    its missing the point anyway - people aren't replacing women with female in some wierd modern attempt to objectify women. They're doing it because the PC and victimization crowds have been bitching and carping over objectification and seeing sexual discriminationand harrasment in every shadow.

  • ||

    its missing the point anyway

    I was only responding to gaijin's wtf for a very specific part of the main quote.

    I don't disagree with you that PC has led to people being overly obsessed by slights, but that doesn't mean that harassment, objectification and marginalization are non-existent.

    In the case of a male who identifies as a woman, it's no skin off my nose to be polite and use his or her preferred pronouns, but I'm not gonna run around installing gender neutral bathrooms everywhere.

  • Professional Target||

    Yeah, I would say not all females are women. They might be babies or girls, or non-humans.

  • Thane of Whiterun||

    I was referring to trans-men, but of course you are right as well.

  • SugarFree||

    Trans-men are M2F, Trans-woman are F2M.

  • pmains||

    Oh, don't let the folks on Jezebel hear you say that. It's not PC, apparently.

    Which I think is bullshit. We all have to pretend that cutting of your genitals and taking hormones really changes your sex? Give me a break.

    I agree with your definitions.

  • Zeb||

    I can never keep that straight.

  • Zeb||

    And I seriously intended no pun there.

  • Thane of Whiterun||

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trans_man

    A trans man (also trans-man or transman) is a female-to-male (FTM) transgender or transsexual person. A trans man is assigned female at birth, but identifies as male.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trans_woman

    A trans woman (sometimes trans-woman or transwoman) is a transgender person with a female gender identity. [...] A transsexual woman is someone who was assigned male at birth but whose gender identity is that of a woman

    Come on Sug, up your game.

  • SugarFree||

    Shit, I got that assbackwards. I have been chastised.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Yeah, I would say not all females are women.

    You've got the Venn diagram backwards:

    since not all people who identify as women are female.

    The statement she's objecting to is "all women are females".

  • Thane of Whiterun||

    Auric, I think Target might have been referring to my statement upthread:

    I'm ashamed of her -- she left out that not all females self-identify as women! Tsk tsk.

  • Xenocles||

    How do we know the author identifies as female or as a woman? Use of 'she' is inappropriate here, folks. Maybe it is an entirely new gender.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Why would I care what she "identifies" as?

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    Are you ready for the twist....? THE AUTHOR IS A MALE!

    And I was going to state that if that pretentious douche ever taught in my department, I would cave his/her face in with my fists...and then I find out that he is an adjunct at the university I teach at!

    So when you read about his assault in the papers....

  • Zeb||

    He really looks like he is just waiting for you to punch his face in too, doesn't he?

  • BakedPenguin||

    Well, his parents named him "Jem", so at least we know they hated him and he probably had a terrible childhood.

  • ||

    Damn you, beat me by a minute.

  • BakedPenguin||

    PWND

  • ||

    Well, he'll always have The Holograms.

  • mad libertarian guy||

    But is he truly outrageous; truly truly truly outrageous?

  • ||

    His name is Jem? Did his parents want him regularly beaten to a bloody pulp?

    I'm gonna run with Stephen or Robert was the name his patriarchal oppressors gave him and so his liberated femtopian name is Jem.

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    Or it's short for Jenkem.

  • Thane of Whiterun||

    ...and then I find out that he is an adjunct at the university I teach at!

    Holy shit.

    Anyway, I wasn't stereotyping, honest! I didn't assume the author was a female because the piece was a feminist rant, I assumed so because it was mind-numbingly stupid!

    /whyThereAreNoFemaleLibertarians

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    Here is why he might be the douche of all douches. If he's grading papers of students at my university, he's neglecting to mention that a HUGE percentage of our student body is international students whose first language isn't English.

  • DEG||

    SNHU. I moved to NH before they changed their name from whatever it used to be to SNHU. Sorry Heroic Mulatto, but I've always thought that place had delusions of grandeur.

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    It was New Hampshire College. And no offense taken, they give me a paycheck, that's all. I didn't study there. I got my degrees at UNH.

    Though, for my field SNHU is well-respected.

  • DEG||

    Heh... though I am one to talk. I got my undergrad at what is increasingly known as Pedophile State.

  • NeonCat||

    In the news reports I saw I noticed that Danica Patrick is described as the first female to win the pole for a NASCAR race. It just seems clunky to use it instead of calling her a woman. Whenever I read "female" I always hear it as if a Ferengi said it.

    Of course, I also wonder why it is considered insulting for a woman/female who acts to be called an actress (and notice that none of them turns down an Oscar if they win it). My understanding is that it is supposedly demeaning, that an actress can't be as good as an actor, but it seems like they're the ones saying that by objecting to being called an actress.

  • Xenocles||

    The way I see it, it would be correct to say:

    "... first female racer to win the pole..." or
    "... first woman to win the pole..." but not

    "... first woman racer to win the pole..." which I hear all too often.

    This is to say nothing about the potential wealth of "taking the pole" jokes.

  • John||

    Why not just use broad or girl?

  • ||

    I always liked gams, stems or legs.

  • Ted S.||

    Perhaps they should use "ladies" instead.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Take any random statement and add "ladieees" to the end and see if it's now creepy.

  • Brett L||

    Honestly, I agree with her. The word female is used too much and wrongly to mean woman.

  • SugarFree||

    The use of "female" was cop slang picked up by rappers and then transmitted into white suburban culture.

    "Females" is a dismissive derogatory in many uses, but it didn't seem to be much of a problem until white straight males (all damnation to them) started using it.

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    That is also exactly how "clip" came to be synonymous with "magazine". Rappers. Fuck!

  • Enough About Palin||

    Is there anything they don't fuck up?

  • SugarFree||

    I actually enjoy how they fire guns. The idea of an idiot imitating them and having their eye burned out by an ejected shell pleases me.

  • Generic Stranger||

    I like the fact that if I'm ever shot at, there's a good chance it will be by a moron using that technique. This makes my survival more likely.

  • ||

    The number of drone strikes in Afghanistan jumped 72 percent in 2012. At least 16 civilians were killed. Drone use is expected to increase in the country as troops come home.

    Carve some more notches on the Big O's Noble Peace Prize.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Her husband, Bill (remember him?), gets $290,000 per speech.

    The difference being I can actually see paying to hear Bill speak.

  • NeonCat||

    Her big thing will be getting paid not to speak?

  • Pro Libertate||

    It's still so weird to me that she's had a political career. She's not good at it and wouldn't have done any of the above except for her husband.

  • John||

    Her entire career is built on taking the fall so more powerful men can avoid taking responsibility for their actions. What a feminist icon she is.

  • Palin's Buttplug||

    Hillary is finished, John. Good riddance.

    Now why won't your side tell Santorum the same?

  • John||

    Santorum isn't even going to run in 2016. And Hillary is not finished. Dem women love her. She has a ton of money. She is the most popular politician in America right now. She is virtually guaranteed the nomination in 16.

  • Pro Libertate||

    I dunno, though it's possible. The candidates for the GOP are starting to become clearer, but I'm not sure who the Dems will run. She's definitely one of them, but I think she's got baggage up to her jowls that would make it difficult for her to win.

  • John||

    Look out for Corey Booker. He will win the Senate from New Jersey in 14. Then he will run and sell himself as the "no this time the black guy really is a moderate we promise" guy. The country just might be stupid enough to buy it and go vote fore the black guy because it feels so good one more time.

  • Pro Libertate||

    If Obama keeps the Fuck-Up-America parade going, we may never elect another black guy again, which I think is unfair.

  • John||

    The sad fact is Booker might actually be a decent guy. But Obama is going to ensure the country assumes that every black politician is really a closeted Marxist.

  • Palin's Buttplug||

    You're so fucked up, John. The top capitalists love Obama. Real ones (not like you). The market has set records under Obama. Corporate profits are at an ALL TIME HIGH.

    You are truly ignorant.

  • John||

    Yeah Shreek. Obama and Bernarke looting the country to give it to Wall Street has made him popular. Fascism is often popular with the largest businesses.

  • Palin's Buttplug||

    TARP was Dumbya.

  • Jordan||

    $350 billion of TARP was Obama.

  • Cyto||

    And W brought Obama in the loop on TARP. To his credit (from a continuity of government point of view) Bush actively worked to make the transition of power smooth and amiable. This included allowing Obama to appear presidential immediately after winning the election.

    In fact, President Elect Obama made several speeches and statements to the press taking credit for TARP during the lame duck Bush months. He said things like "I'm reviewing all the options and I'll decide the best course of action here". Kinda sounded Alexander Haig-esque to me at the time, but the people loved it.

  • Enough About Palin||

    John, my lesbian feminist friends are itching to vote for Elizabeth Warren "as soon as she clears up that Indian thing". I shit you not.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    Why would that bother them?

  • mad libertarian guy||

    Her entire career is built on taking the fall so more powerful men can avoid taking responsibility for their actions. What a feminist icon she is.

    This is exactly right. But she thinks abortion is good and that the pill ought to be free, so she's forgiven for being the fall female for the political men in her life.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    It's more than that - she is a *martyr.* To lots of voters of the female persuasion, she is a Strong Woman being put upon by evil men, starting with her husband - and Ken Starr - and continuing with the Republican chauvinist pigs who pester her with questions about some place in Libya nobody cares about.

    If she accidentally released King Ghidorah on Tokyo, her supporters would blame the Republicans for making a big deal about it, and it the sense of persecution would make them support her even more.

  • Andrew S.||

    I'll chip in $20 to never have to see or hear from her again...

  • Sevo||

    Andrew S.| 2.19.13 @ 4:42PM |#
    "I'll chip in $20 to never have to see or hear from her again..."

    Yep, like a Madonna concert; If I got free tickets, I'd pay to get rid of them.

  • ||

  • John||

    Greek tragedy meets the 21st Century. Was Prudies answer that he now must gouge his eyes out and live as a beggar?

  • ||

    Pft they're only half-siblings, that's like half as kinky.

    This is a seminal question about the nature of assisted reproduction

    I see what you did there Prudence.

  • Killazontherun||

    She's a one trick pony. You got something emotionally upsetting in your life? Well then, you should spend a fuck ton of money on counseling from a complete stranger who just happens to be a dues paying member of the guild.

    My advice, shit happens, and it was not even your fault. So forget it about it. The drama is in your head, don't put it in your wife's head as well.

  • Matrix||

    yeah. This is probably one of those things that is better left unsaid until you're on your deathbed or leaving it in a letter only to be opened upon your death. Does the wife have a right to know? Yes. But it's not necessarily the right time to know.

  • Matrix||

    I think that would be horrifying, but they already had kids and he got snipped. So no more harm can be done. It's just a little weird is all. Legally, what can/will the state do?

    Oh, who am I kidding... they'd be locked up indefinitely.

  • John||

    http://freebeacon.com/epa-official-resigns/

    Most transparent administration ever!!

  • gaijin||

    can't these people be charged or is resignation a get out of jail free card?

  • ||

    Maybe he'll just stay in the Vatican with Benedict:

    Pope will have security, immunity by remaining in the Vatican

  • Raston Bot||

    The EPA denied any wrongdoing took place and said the agency “and the regional administrator have gone beyond any legal requirements in our efforts to ensure full transparency.”

    If by go beyond they mean circumvent, then yes I agree.

  • MJGreen||

    The old reach-around.

  • Rich||

    Her husband, Bill (remember him?), gets $290,000 per speech.

    It depends on what the definition of speech is.

  • SIV||

  • Palin's Buttplug||

    It will be hilarious if they find that 'Haze Her' is filmed at someplace like Boulder.

  • ||

    I've been hearing about this advice for more than a decade. It's probably taken out of Leviticus or something.

  • Enough About Palin||

    I heard this back in the 1980's. True story.

  • Rich||

    vomiting, urinating and claiming that they are menstruating

    Careful, though. If you do all three at once, you'll DIE.

  • ||

    unusual actions if they are attacked, including vomiting, urinating and claiming that they are menstruating.

    Claiming that they are menstruating wasn't unusual behavior among UCCS girls I tried to pick up when I was at Fort Carson.

  • SugarFree||

    Colorado Rep. Joe Salazar (D) on why rape on campus is not a big enough problem to justify letting panicky females have guns:

    It's why we have call boxes. It's why we have safe zones. That's why we have the whistles, because you just don't know who you're going to be shooting at. And you don't know if you feel like you're going to be raped, or if you feel like someone's been following you around or if you feel like you're in trouble when you may actually not be, that you pop out that gun and you pop...pop a round at somebody.

    I guess that satirical "Rape is better the killing someone with a gun" ad wasn't that far off reality.

  • ||

    So, in fairness, I am looking at this through my DemocratLenses, but I don't find this particularly offensive. He seems to have had a bit of a breakdown in his ability to communicate clearly, but it seems like he was just saying that you never know what's going on 100% but that adding guns to college campuses doesn't make you safer, and may lead to more tragedies. I don't think he's saying ladies are too stupid to know if we're being raped.

    Am I just being blinded by my partisanship? I am missing something?
  • Palin's Buttplug||

    Man shot and killed while urinating from balcony

    http://blogs.ajc.com/news-to-m.....m-balcony/

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Man urinates from balcony while being shot. That sounds more badass.

  • SIV||

    University of Colorado at Colorado Springs Department of Public safety is vindicated! He didn't get raped.

  • Ted S.||

    Lee Tracy has a more interesting urinating story if you ask me.

  • Thane of Whiterun||

    So this is more than a year old, but the stupidity of this comment almost killed me:

    *SIGH* If TFA is *SUCH* a fabulous idea, let’s spread the wealth to Cardiology. Seriously. I think the logic would hold, hmmmmm?

    Really, it would? An M.D. vs. a teaching certificate -- not to mention the different requirements of each as per undergraduate achievement?

    Fortunately, she's not spreading this idiocy to children in a government school... just to future teachers!

    Derp.

  • ||

    From the original post that Ms. Lugg commented on:

    Yet she has a friend who just graduated with a major in art, no education courses and went with TFA for a $7,000 “signing bonus”. The mother was upset that her daughters worked hard to earn a degree in education, yet here is someone with no training to teach and she will go into a classroom. “Obviously people who support TFA are folks who don’t think education is a profession and anyone can be a teacher,” the mother told me. (emphasis mine)

    No shit, Sherlock.

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    Really, it would? An M.D. vs. a teaching certificate -- not to mention the different requirements of each as per undergraduate achievement?

    Actually, that's already happening thanks to our doctor shortage. PAs, RNAs, and hell even LNAs are doing shit that they would have never done in the past.

  • ||

    Higgs Boson may provide clues as to ultimate fate of the universe.

    Or in other words, all of this has happened before and it will happen again.

  • Andrew S.||

    Must you remind me of the disappointment that was the final episode?

  • MJGreen||

    Watch out for the dancing robots!!

  • T||

    I'd like to think we'll provide better commentary next time.

  • Matrix||

    So we'll elect Obama twice again?
    fuck!

  • Mickey Rat||

    Time begins, time ends and time begins again.

  • Mickey Rat||

    The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave it birth comes again.

  • Thane of Whiterun||

  • ||

    A small price to pay to end the scourge of pubic lice!

  • mad libertarian guy||

    A small price to pay to end the scourge of pubic liceHITS (Hair In Teeth Syndrome!

    FIFY

  • Palin's Buttplug||

    Call me old-fashioned but I like a nice patch on a woman.

    GOD DAMN YOUNGSTERS! (channeling John).

  • Enough About Palin||

    "Call me old-fashioned but I like a nice patch on a woman."

    Keeps all the air from leaking out, eh shrike?

  • Rich||

    Anybody else first read that as "Owl Pubic hair grooming"?

  • T||

    Yes, and it derailed my train of thought quite nicely.

  • Rasilio||

    It would derail it even further if you knew that OWL classes are essentially Sex Ed classes for 12 - 14 year olds in Unitarian Universalist churches and their attendees are often referred to as "OWL's"

  • T||

    Well, would you want your kids picking up pubic hair grooming on the street? No, you'd rather they learn in the safe, supportive environment of the church!

  • BakedPenguin||

    They have to learn about merkins somewhere.

  • fish||

    I'm sure that that's some sort of felony.

  • SIV||

    Don't worry immigrants, your EBT card is no impediment to future citizenship

    Getting your grocery bill paid by taxpayers does not make you a "public charge" so eat up!

  • Brandon||

    Jesus Christ, the one thing that should prevent a non-criminal someone from becoming a citizen...

  • Thane of Whiterun||

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Yeah, introduce more pressure.

  • Thane of Whiterun||

    Yeah, introduce more pressure.

    More pressure = more distance for that final ScienceShot.

    Baby, it was for SCIENCE...

  • The Real Jose||

    http://bigstory.ap.org/article.....bus-strike

    "NYC SPENT AT LEAST $20M DURING SCHOOL BUS STRIKE

    NEW YORK (AP) — The city spent roughly $20.6 million in transit cards, taxis and gas mileage to get tens of thousands of stranded students to school during the monthlong bus strike...Walcott estimated the city saved $80 million because it wasn't paying bus companies during the strike, which started over job protection issues...."

    Let's translate that:

    NYC SAVED AT LEAST $80M DURING SCHOOL BUS STRIKE

  • Jam||

    the simple fact the state spends so much collecting young minds from mommy's doorsteps tells you all you need to know about its intentions

  • Auric Demonocles||

    The path to citizenship on President Barack Obama’s leaked immigration plan is a long and winding road that will take 13 years to travel.

    They should just have the Eagles fly them there.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Indentured servitude was only (usually) seven years. And you had a trade at the end of the period.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    If they just called up a bald eagle they could probably get a ride to citizenship in like a couple of hours. Major plothole.

  • Pro Libertate||

    That's a dumb meme. Sauron surely had anti-aircraft capabilities. The eagles didn't fly into Mordor, after all, until the Ring was destroyed, undoing all of Sauron's SAM battery emplacements.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Are you saying the citizenship test is equipped with Patriot missiles?

  • Pro Libertate||

    No, but that raises an alternative possibility. You can become a citizen if you can defeat an American in hand-to-hand combat. Not to the death or anything, but the loser has to go.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    What kind of combat? Something extra American, I presume?

  • T||

    You just restarted the American Gladiators franchise as a reality show.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    You just restarted the American Gladiators franchise as a reality show.

    Another hit show we created? Damn Pro Lib, why haven't we moved to Hollywood yet?

  • Pro Libertate||

    Reality show/path to citizenship.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Well, definitely they'd have to be drunk first. And I'm thinking Bowie knives.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    The other night I accidentally credited the name of the Bowie knife to "David Bowie, who fought at the Alamo".

  • ||

    What do you mean "accidentally"?

  • Pro Libertate||

    That's more correct than the truth.

    This Americadome business makes more sense, the more I think about it. Not only does it completely solve the immigration issue, but it also would improve America's martial skills, as we'd all be constantly training to defend our citizenship. In fact, it would also end the obesity epidemic, one way or the other.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    And you forgot the profit in it for us.

  • Pro Libertate||

    No, that's implied in all that we do. After all, we are not communists.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    It also stimulates the brewing industry, with the drunk requirement, while surviving as a constant reminder to our enemies what they would have to face in a war.

  • Bobarian||

    Where do you think he got the eye injury?

  • Pro Libertate||

    You mean Bowie? Agreed. It's the only possible explanation.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Ok, yet another venture for us to get to work on: the documentary of David Bowie's secret past.

  • robc||

    Also, in addition to what Pro Lib said, the Eagles didnt give a damn about the ring, that was a ground people's problem.

  • Fatty Bolger||

    Eh, it really was a pretty big plot hole. But that's OK, nobody's perfect.

    How Lord of the Rings Should Have Ended

  • Mickey Rat||

    Well, Gwaihir is Quenya for "Ron Paul".

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    My path to citizenship only took nine months.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Huh. Mine took billions of years, but here I am!

  • Auric Demonocles||

    I knew you were old.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Well, I wasn't here for the whole wait. At least, I don't think so. My memory goes back to a few years after birth. Don't know why it doesn't go back further.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    My guess is either they hadn't invented memory yet or that when the universe started you were already 17 years old.

  • ||

    We always knew Fist was a rush job. It explains why he's such a Firster.

  • Corneliusm||

    One does not simply apply for citizenship...

  • Auric Demonocles||

    The bar to citizenship is too damn high!

  • ||

    Same shit, different iterative universe?

  • ||

    Missouri lawmaker literally uses proposed gun control legislation as target practice.

  • mr lizard||

    It's a good thing it wasn't obamacare. Else he'd have to burn some of his armor peircing stash.

  • John||

    http://www.nydailynews.com/ent.....-1.1267918

    Robert Plant is perhaps realized a few hundred million dollars in his bank account wouldn't be so bad.

  • Pro Libertate||

    I'd go see Led Zeppelin, even old Led Zeppelin.

  • NeonCat||

    Need a whole lot o' Geritol…

  • ||

    Ramble On

  • ||

    Stair Lift to Heaven

  • BakedPenguin||

    Livin' Lovin' Day Nurse.

  • Mickey Rat||

    You've been droolin'...

  • John||

    I saw the movie of their reunion in 07 and they were fantastic. I would pay big bucks to see them.

  • Pro Libertate||

    I mean, it's Led Zeppelin.

  • John||

    And the son is in some ways better than Bonham. Bonham was just incandescent. He completely took over any stage he was on. His son is more understated and that allows Jones and Page to shine more instead of just playing frantically trying to keep up with Bonham.

  • T||

    Isn't Jones dead now? I thought Page and Plant were all that was left.

  • John||

    No. John Paul Jones is not dead. You must be thinking of The Who bassist John Entwhistle.

  • T||

    Yup, that's it. Entwhistle died right before yet another fucking reunion tour from the Who.

  • John||

    They kept doing the reunion tours because Entwhistle was constantly broke. Townsend and Daltry were done with it. But Entwhistle kept blowing all of his money so they kept touring as a favor to him.

  • Pro Libertate||

    No, he's not dead. You're confusing him with the Revolutionary War hero. He's way dead.

  • Killazontherun||

    Me too. They are perhaps the only band from that era who could get away with putting out a single album, I'll just call it Physical Graffiti II for arguments sake, and tour with it without playing any of their previous hits. They could do that and still sell out the stadiums.

  • Fatty Bolger||

    I saw The Song Remains the Same in the theater. (No, not when it first came out, I'm not that old.)

  • Enough About Palin||

    Old Zeppelin

  • Auric Demonocles||

    In an eye-rolling display of paternalism, taverns and restaurant owners near Penn State have been bribed $5,000 each not to serve alcohol during a college event on Feb. 23

    So there will now be an unusually high sale of booze on Feb 22?

  • Pro Libertate||

    I see "taverns and restaurants." I don't see "stores that sell beer."

  • NeonCat||

    It's Pennsylvania, don't they have weird laws about selling beer?

  • Pro Libertate||

    I think they might have state liquor stores, but even if that is true (and covers beer), there's still an intriguing gap.

  • Stormy Dragon||

    Beer can only be sold two place: distributors (where you must buy it by the half-case) and restaurants. A lot of places that appear to be beer stores are technically restaurants.

  • Ted S.||

    Damn you, Xenon Feline!

  • NeonCat||

    We should both blame Pro L, who should have read enough complaining by PA Reasonites to remember that they have weird/stupid laws.

    Thanks for wasting our time, Pro L.

  • Pro Libertate||

    It's not my stupid state.

  • Ted S.||

    It's not my stupid state either, but I remembered the wacky ABC restrictions.

  • General Butt Naked||

    No beer at the store. Liquor from the state store.

    A couple grocery stores in the state got licenses to sell beer but it's in a separate area and is a pain in the ass.

    6-12 beers buy at a bar (guess who lobbied for that)

    24+ beers buy at a beer distributor (guess who lobbied for that)

    liquor and wine buy at a unionized, government store (guess who lobbied for that)

  • Pro Libertate||

    I'm still confused after your explanation. Does this mean that I can't buy beer in that area, then?

  • T||

    Louisiana and Nevada are the only two states whose liquor laws don't baffle me. You have money, they sell you alcohol.

  • Pro Libertate||

    It's mostly that way here, with a few odd restrictions.

  • Enough About Palin||

    Not in Louisiana on Sunday.

  • T||

    Generally, I'm driving back from Louisiana on Sunday, so I'm not drinking. But I still love a state that sells you booze at the gas station.

  • Juice||

    depends on what part of La.

  • General Butt Naked||

    It sounds like a voluntary thing, so there will most definitely be a bar around that thinks they can make more than $5k by taking all the business that day.

  • Stormy Dragon||

    Unfortunately, all of the bars in state college are owned by two or three holding companies. Looking at the list in the article, every bar I can remember being near campus is participating, so if they want booze, it looks like they'll have to leave town

  • NeonCat||

    I think he means you can buy at grocery stores but there aren't any legally allowed to near Penn State.

  • General Butt Naked||

    They were gonna do this wine kiosk thing at the grocery store a while ago where you bought wine from a big vending machine, but nobody wanted to blow the damn machine in front of a walmart full of people so the kiosk got the kibosh.

    Check out the guy in pic 2.

    "That's it a little closer, come on, just a bit. Ahhhh, there you gooooo." the machine cooed.

  • DEG||

    I believe the bar/tavern/bottle shop maximum is 192 ounces, not 144 ounces.

  • Ted S.||

    That's becaue they're talking about Pennsylvania. Don't they have bizarre alcohol selling rules in PA?

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    From the article:

    “We see this as a logical next step in deterring unwanted and unruly behavior, which in turn will make the downtown area safer for visitors who want to come to State College,” said Tom Fountaine, borough manager and co-chairman of The Partnership.

    Tom, and the other members of The Partnership would have been better off spending the last 15 years deterring unwanted and unruly child rape, making the Nittany Lions football locker room showers area safer for 10 year-olds, who want to come to State College, and not be ass-raped.

    Fuck PSU and Fuck Michigan!

  • Brandon||

    Establishments will still offer food and non-alcoholic drinks, maintaining downtown’s appeal for responsible visitors.

    Fascinating. If you want to have even one drink with your dinner, you cannot be a "responsible" visitor according to Penn State.

  • Enough About Palin||

    "The number of drone strikes in Afghanistan jumped 72 percent in 2012. At least 16 civilians were killed. Drone use is expected to increase in the country as troops come home."

    AGD: Anthropogenic Global Droning

  • John||

    Isn't 16 confirmed civilian casualties for an entire year pretty weak tea? Hell, I bet cops kill more than that in a month in this country.

  • Ted S.||

    16 is only the ones they're confirming.

  • John||

    Maybe that is because that is all there are. It is what it is.

  • Andrew S.||

    When every male of military age (and we'll fudge a few years on the young side) is considered to be a combatant, and you get to report the numbers yourself, it's easy to keep civillian casualties down.

  • Corneliusm||

    Granted, these are figures provided by the UN, which is taken from reports from coalition forces (ie- America's intelligence). Even still, the administration is admitting that 10% of the people it targets for drone strikes are innocent.

  • John||

    It is a war. I don't think any bombing campaign in history has achieved an 90% lawful target rate. That is pretty astounding.

  • Cavpitalist||

    It is a war.

    Is that so?

  • ||

    Even still, the administration is admitting that 10% of the people it targets for drone strikes are innocent.

    I don't see that anywhere in the article. It's poorly written, but they seem to be saying of 506 weapon releases 5 hit civilians for a total of 16 deaths. Assuming that there were no bad guys in those strikes actually being targeted, you can only get to 1% on these figures.

  • Corneliusm||

    Oh nevermind. I misremembered the figures killed- I was thinking of the 172 people killed in drone strikes. Turns out, that was only children and adolescents.

  • Matrix||

  • General Butt Naked||

    They also said a drug dog motioning is probable cause even if you're busted with something the dog couldn't smell.

    Here's Scalia's barf inducing quote:

    Police "have every incentive to train the dog well," said Justice Antonin Scalia,...

    Does he have the president of the FOP under that bench perpetually servicing him?

  • NeonCat||

    I think Scalia actually believes the New Professionalism BS. Either that or he is totally disingenuous.

    Obviously someone needs to take the Supremes and submit them to Ludovico treatments with Balko's stories.

  • ||

    for the record, i think scalia is too deferential to police. of course, he also screwed the pooch in raich. that was imo where he completely jumped the shark

  • General Butt Naked||

    It's not even the police in particular, the supreme court for the last few decades has allowed so much blatantly unconstitutional shit to fly in the name of the drug war. Maybe it's because they're old, or whatever, but damn put some cold pills in a guys car and he's Osama bin Laden.

    Also, the guy busted didn't actually have meth, he had "the materials to make meth". What the fuck is that shit?

  • Cyto||

    sudafed.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    "SCOTUS says father soldier father must be heard in custody battle"

    It says the daughter is named Eris. Why did these parents name their daughter after the Greek Goddess of discord?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eris_(mythology)

  • Brett L||

    Her body, her choice. I hope for the baby's sake that the man in the suit is neither her father or the father of her child.

    A pregnant teen who sued her parents, claiming they were coercing her to have an abortion, will be able to give birth to her baby.

    Attorneys representing the 16-year-old girl were granted a long-term injunction against the girl's parents in Texas family court on Monday, according to court documents.

    The teen is 10 weeks pregnant and the injunction will last for the duration of her pregnancy.

    I'm sure she'll be lionized as a hero of the Women's Rights Movement.

  • John||

    Read the comments. All of these liberals suddenly discover personal responsibility.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    I hope for the baby's sake that the man in the suit is neither her father or the father of her child.

    It took me a couple moments to get your meaning. That was disturbing.

  • ||

    When they remake MiB in 15 years he's guaranteed the roach man part.

  • SugarFree||

    Sure makes those parental notification laws look like a good idea.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    Not applicable here, since it means notifying parents before having an abortion, which this girl didn't want to do.

  • T||

    I'm not in this situation, and never will be, but the whole taking away her car and the rest of that shit? Unless little girl paid for it, that shit's mine. I'll park the car in front of the courthouse and set it on fire before the judge tells me what I'm doing with it. Little girl wants to play the game and sue my ass, she can do it from the comfort and security of the homeless shelter and she'll go there with the clothes on her back.

  • General Butt Naked||

    Yeah they made her get a job, the monsters!

    If you're my kid and you wanna procreate sure, fine, whatever it's your body but you gotta pay for the fucking thing. Jesus.

    I don't even see how this injunction is legal. Can they not tell her to clean her room, or pay for her own shit because "OMG ABORTION MY BODY!!"?

    I don't get, from the story, what the injunction is even mandating. Other than she gets to use her own car.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    I got the impression from the article that the parents were using these forms of pressure to induce the kid to get an abortion.

    Look at it this way - what if Dad tells his son, "no car or TV privileges for you until you kill my SOB of a boss"? We would see this as more than a simple squabble over a teen's privileges.

    Now the situation is "no car or other privileges for you until you kill your child." Whether we like this or not depends on whether we think that child has as much of a right to life as the boss in my first scenario.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    But I wonder whether, in future, this kid will feel a bit awkward going to visit Grandma and Grandpa. Or making decisions about putting them in a rest home.

  • Red Rocks Rockin||

    What's truly pathetic is that the parents' first instinct was "Make our daughter get an abortion," not "Cut her boyfriend's nuts off."

  • Bam!||

    Abortions are legal. Forced castration isn't.

  • ||

    So one of my leftist friends posted an article about how Ecuador is doing awesome after instituting all of the bullshit policies that he thinks we should implement here. Have y'all read anything about Ecuador and what are your thoughts?

  • ||

    a friend of mine just returned from a mission in ecuador. his comment was that it was a great country, and everything seemed "smooth" and "well run' for what that's worth.

    oh, and good ceviche

  • Enough About Palin||

    TL;DR

    GO FUCKING DIE, CUM-STAIN.

  • Brandon||

    This seems like an overreaction. Are you allergic to ceviche, perhaps? Angry about missing out on the deliciousness?

  • Night Elf Mohawk||

    I'm moving there as soon as I can get my mother-in-law to stop undermining me.

  • T||

    So, never, then?

  • Night Elf Mohawk||

    Even "We bought a house by y'all to be close to our grandkids" wears thin after a while.

    The trip down there last year convinced us, though.

  • General Butt Naked||

    Sell the kids, she'll stop comin' around.

  • Night Elf Mohawk||

    I'm still subject to the sunk cost fallacy when it comes to the kids. I might as well see it though. Plus, two more libertarian women would nearly double the worldwide total.

  • General Butt Naked||

    Well, if you change your mind, the monocle factory is always in the market.

  • Fatty Bolger||

    I dated a girl from Ecuador. Her Dad was full-on overprotective crazy, but her extended family seemed nice. Oh, and she later became a stripper after moving out of the house, so let that be a warning to Dads who think they can scare their daughters straight.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    What trauma did you inflict on her?

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    PS-that was meant as a tasteless joke, by the way. Sorry about that.

  • Red Rocks Rockin||

    Ask him why he thinks that policies instituted in a small-scale, culturally homogenous country would have the same success rate here.

  • Juice||

    The path to citizenship on President Barack Obama’s leaked immigration plan is a long and winding road that will take 13 years to travel.

    It's still a hell of a lot better than it is now. I know people who dotted all their i's and crossed all their t's and never missed a jot of paperwork or money and it took them 12 years to get their green card. I know someone else that just got their citizenship at 40 after moving here when she was a child.

  • Coeus||

    Pandering asshole alert:

    Mayor Rawlings, less than a week later at a press conference, specifically stated that the victims of domestic violence are not to blame and if things are going to change, it is men who need to change their behavior: "It's our fault. It's not the women's fault. We want to make it known that any violent act toward a woman will not be tolerated by the men in the city."

    A quick reality check for the uninitiated:

    In domestic violence cases with one perpetrator, women are almost even with men. Approx 40-45 percent of perpetrators are women. In cases where the the woman is given medical attention, they initiate the violence approx 60-70 percent of the time.

  • Coeus||

    This is hilarious:

    It is imperative that we stop treating feeling at risk and being at risk as the same goddamn thing. I am going to keep making this point until there is nothing left of me but shards of vinyl.

    The punchline? This is a feminist who wrote this:

    I really want gun owners to understand that there is an equally valid no-gun culture. It is okay for me to never want to own a gun, for self-defense or any other reason. It is okay for me to not want to have guns in my home. It is okay for me to want to go into public spaces without seeing unconcealed guns.

    There has to be some sort of balance between the pro-gun and no-gun subcultures that coexist in the US, and that balance is upended utterly by the increasingly belligerent displays of carried guns in public spaces. Your right to bear arms is not predicated on your ability to brandish weapons anywhere and everywhere.
  • Dylboz||

    With respect to the commenters on that site... "Brandishing." You keep using hat word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

  • Dylboz||

    *that

  • Dylboz||

    It's generally illegal to publicly give beer away for free.

  • Russell||

    Hire a cabinet Secretary to perform for money ?

    The firat and last gentleman to serve in that capacity would be scandalized at the very suggestion .

  • johnres||

    You can use Long Path Tool, it works for such issues.

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