Last-Day Webathon Desperation: And Now a Word From Our Commenters

I know that you are all very sad that, as Nick Gillespie mentioned this morning, today is the final day of Reason's annual Webathon, in which we have whispered sweet somethings into your ear about the value we have added to your lives & how you could help us make more of the stuff you like by providing a tax-deductible donation to our 501(c)(3) in exchange for some fun swag. We're still short of our goal of 500 donors (give anything, $10, whatever!), so if you're sitting on the fence, come on over to the bright side of life!

This one goes out to all of our gamboling, heavily monocled commenters, so reviled (particularly by one another), and yet so...valued here at Reason HQ. We were basically the first magazine of political opinion to tempt fates with an open commenting system, and though this decision has been occasionally, ah, controversial, I can testify from experience that I learn from you indecipherable, inexplicable lot almost every day, wart(y)s and all. As a tribute, I've gone through all 14 posts of our Webathon thus far, and selected one comment from each thread that made me laugh, wince, or just say "hmmm." It isn't a best-of, precisely, but these (mostly) reference the Webathon, offer still more reasons to give, plus they're fun to read. In chronological order:

SIV: Abolish threading and I'll pay for those old "bill me later" blow-in card " trial subscriptions" I took under fake names in the late 1980s back when I was a snot-nosed anarchist punk.

*

Ken Shulz: I just made a donation.

Reason represents me and my ideas better than anyone in Congress or the White House, that's for sure. Love seein' Gillespie and Welch, et. al. invading the airwaves--takin' the message straight to the average Joe.

Nobody else really does that--and certainly nobody else does it better.

If the commenters around her got smart about treating visitor traffic to the site better--that Gillespie, Welch, et. al generate when they hit the airwaves?

We might actually help their cause rather than shooting them in the foot.

P.S. All the trolls who imagine themselves libertarians should give twice.

*

Apatheist: Now that I am an income earning lawyer I supposed I should make a contribution for all the free content I have been receiving over the last 7 years. I have no idea how tax deductions for this thing kind of works though. My understanding is that you only only get deductions if you are itemizing correct? I will be itemizing deductions for tuition and loan interest so I suppose I'd rather Reason get the money than the government.

*

T: so we're asking you to volunteer a premium, in exchange for the value you get out of ... taunting us viciously in the comments

Okay, I have to admit, this is the sales pitch that works on me. I derive a great deal of amusement out of the comments section here.

*

That Guy: Couldn't you guys throw some of us poorer people a bone? A Reason sticker or something for 25 bucks?

I'm getting my yacht polished this week and can't afford to tip Jose AND donate 100 dollars to Reason.

*

PS: Look, anyone in their right mind knows they are too big to fail. Reason is the only thing keeping the economy from collapsing at this point. That and lemonade stands, and we all know what happened to them...

*

Joe M: Wait a second, Nick isn't The Jacket. He is merely its host body.

*

Dusty James: I love Reason and I will definitely give a little something during your webathon, the next time I'm in front of my computer. The purpose of this comment is to make a suggestion. I get 90% of my news and opinion via podcast. I'm subscribed to both the Reason.tv podcast and the Out Loud Opinion podcast. I love them both, but they leave me craving more. What I would love to have and would be willing to pay, say, $5 per month for (maybe more) is a complete audio edition of most or all of the articles you publish. I'd even put up with hearing a blurb about a sponsor in addition to the subscription fee. Whaddaya say?

*

rather: 150 donors, and I noticed most of the assholes who cost a load in legal fees failed to donate*

*warty, your ten dollars will put them over the edge

*

Arduin Grimoire: Forget that, where are we on the $$ collection for a Steigerwald-written profile of STEVE SMITH for the webathon?

*

db: I was disappointed that one of the pre-set donation levels wasn't denominated in grams of gold. Or orphan blood.

And how freakin' much do you have to give to get a reason-inscribed monocle?

That's a trick question: you don't get a monocle by giving.

*

Beloved Rev. Blue Moon: Feh - DCists get free beer and we get a "hey, come to the community center only a hundred miles away or so from your house"?

NOT GOOD ENOUGH! OCCUPY REASON!

*

Paul: I'd donate $2000 to Reason if Gillespie was taped giving Maher a wedgie backstage.

*

Almanian: All seriousness aside, Tim's right, of course. I managed to scrape together enough money to increase my donation...but how about you do this in the spring or summer? Then I FER SURE have money to give.

Anyway, for a magazine called Reason....good luck with the begathon!

And a bonus from that last thread care of our old friend Slap the Enlightened!...

So let the second-guessing begin, then go to reason.com/donate, and please do as the URL suggests. Thanks, everyone!

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  • Spiny Norman||

    If this is the last day, does that mean we're not allowed to give you money tomorrow?

  • Zeb||

    I'm going to give, but not until tomorrow. Just to prove my prickly contrarian-ness.

  • ||

    Where can we see the exact number of donors they've received thus far?

  • ||

    You know, I donated, and all I'm going to get is this lousy t-shirt?

  • rts||

    At least you get the tax-deduction.

    I'm pretty sure us Canadians can't take deductions on money donated to US-based charities/foundations/whatever.

  • ||

    The tax deduction doesn't mean shit unless I itemize, which I don't. So Matt can talk about tax-deductible all day and it doesn't mean shit unless I gave them enough money to justify itemizing. Stop looking at me like that, Matt!

  • ||

    They got my money, despite the broken promise on the griefer hunt. I had my catchy one-liners for dispatching the prey all ready and everything.

  • T||

    Wait, you make enough moeny to be a monocle-wearing, serf-oppressing libertarian and you don't itemize? What, is all your income sheltered offshore?

  • ||

    Of course. What, do you think I'm stupid enough to pay taxes?

  • rts||

    I guess charitable deductions work differently in the US. For me it comes off the top, basically.

  • Joe M||

    Elite!

  • Jeff P||

    This never happened when Virginia was running the place...

    (gotta break that chestnut out every once in a while)

  • Almanian||

    My wife yelled at me for giving.

    "You gave $$ to Reason??!! WE could have used that money!"

    So it was doubly worth it.

    Wait till she finds out it was one of those "charitable presents in your name" Christmas presents...

  • Joe M||

    Good to see you married your best frenemy.

  • ||

    Whether your spouse is your frenemy when you walk down the aisle, they certainly will be shortly.

    If you're lucky.

    Err, I'm told.

  • Almanian||

    Comin' up up 27 years of wedded bliss. As I tell Mrs. Almanian, "It feels like 50."

  • ||

    I've been happily married for 5 years. Married 34 years. Badum bum.

  • The Art-P.O.G.||

    Hopefully you gave enough to get the t-shirt, then you can give her a Reason t-shirt and tell her "happy anniversary".

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    Ha Ha! I'm just laughing thinking about the shitstorm that would ensue if I tried that with Mrs. reppin' LBC.

  • Citizen Nothing||

    I've been married 25 years now! Just not all to the same person.

  • ||

    I haven't given yet, but fully intend to do so.

    The main reason I vote is to cancel the one cast by my dear betrothed.

  • ||

    My wife yelled at me for giving.

    Wait, you let your wife look the household finances? What kind of pathetic excuse for a man are you?

    Ohhhhhh, I get it. She saw only the donation from the account she knows about. That one was deliberately kept small. Smart man.

  • ||

    You know, Matt, you should just play this nonstop all day as the countdown continues.

  • ||

    Matt plays this during the annual staff reviews.

  • db||

    Why didn't I think to do this?

  • ||

    "The Star Trek Fightin' Song." Breaks the ice at parties and performance reviews (JW is correct).

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Gillespie vs. Welch? Which one is going through pon farr?

  • ||

    Nick, clearly. Just look at the hair. That's definite pon farr hair.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Phew. That means one of Welch's ugly ties will get sliced by that Vulcan blade on a stick, instead of the leather jacket. The 500th donation snaps Gillespie out of his blood fever.

  • ||

    FoE, H&R is yours. After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true.

  • Old-School Trekkie Tonio||

    Lirpa. The polearm with the round blade on one end and the weight on the other end is a Lirpa.

  • ||

    Oh great, slappy quotes.

    Check's in the mail.

  • ||

    I didn't make the cut but rectal did?

    I am disappoint.

  • ||

    Is distracted driving illegal? Who will get billed for the FD trip out?

  • Apatheist||

    I'm famous!

  • Auric Demonocles||

    But you aren't an "old friend"...

  • Apatheist||

    However this was my actual donation thank you: http://reason.com/blog/2011/12.....nt_2686548

  • ||

    Seriously, though, a lawyer should refer to himself as "blood-sucking," not "income-earning."

  • Apatheist||

    Give me a break, I'm new to this thing. Besides as a first year if my rates are blood-sucking what am I supposed to call them as they go up?

  • Ska||

    Vein emptying.

  • Loki||

    Ass raping?

  • ||

    Gravity inducing....you know, because they are huge/massive, and therefore attract other objects in space which have mass.

  • ||

    what am I supposed to call them as they go up?

    Inadequate to maintain your lavish lifestyle?

  • Auric Demonocles||

    He's got a revenue problem, not a spending problem.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Once these students loans are out of the way I'll work on giving. Until then it's just beer and sports tickets. And girls. And golden monocles. And more beer.

  • ||

  • Almanian||

    fuckin nice

  • Porter Stansberry||

    Do you take payment in commodities? I got some Garbage Pail Kids trading cards and a couple of salvage title Pontiac Azteks.

  • ||

    I will make a donation if Matt posts a picture of Steve Smith and himself, just so I can see the unmitigated dread in Matt's eyes.

    STEVE TALK AT MATT ALL NIGHT ABOUT STICK & BALL GAME STEVE LIKE SO MUCH

  • T||

    Yay! Validation! I knew the time I spent here was worth something! It's boosting my fragile self-esteem!

  • ||

    I'd just like to endorse the idea of giving money to Reason. What other magazine/foundation would take up a totally ridiculous concept--say, calling a presidential candidate "Newcular Titties" for no sane reason--to get your donation?

    Not to mention that we're not exactly swimming in libertarian media in this country, so anything we can do to preserve the few outlets we do have, we should. Donate, buy swag, read the site, subscribe.

    My next demand is for an article promoting either the Censor or the Libertarian President Top 100 List, but those are selfish and self-serving demands, probably not appropriate to the season on second thought.

  • ||

    Alright, all your whoring of this webathon sucked me in. You got some of my monies. Congratulation, Matt.

  • Cliché Bandit||

    I will take it from my LP Donations...needed to send them a message anyway.

  • Cliché Bandit||

    DAMN SQUIRRELS!!!! MY NAME IS JACKED IN THE BANNER!!!

    for a magazine called Reason..

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Doesn't anyone but me care that the little r is about to drown in Tang?

    BRING BACK THE TORCH.

  • Tim||

    I'm not going to donate but I assure you I'll feel bad about it all year.

  • db||

    Yeah, poor sucker's done for.

  • ||

    wart(y)s and all

    I AM A GOLDEN GOD, EVEN IF YOU USED THE SAME JOKE LAST YEAR

  • Cliché Bandit||

    Yeah? Well try putting an accent aigu in your name and see what happens...

    KHHHHAAAAANNNNNNNNN
    and two for the price of one:
    This IS Seti Aplha Six

  • ||

    And you screwed up the emphisis, sleezak. It ain't the 300, ya know.

    "THIS is Seti Alpha Six!"

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Ceti Alpha VI exploded.

  • ||

    Bah. He's yelling the whole thing, but clearly hits the verb the hardest.

    "THIS IS SETI ALPHA SIX!"

  • Cliché Bandit||

    deep dish or thin crust...and I took a stab at the six vs five, i can never remember. Ohh and for your old age amusement:
    Fine corinthian leather

  • ||

    IT'S CETI ALPHA FIVE YOU MORONS.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    ARE YOU PEOPLE SHITTING ME?

    THIS is Ceti Alpha FIVE!

  • Cliché Bandit||

    Holy Tebow on a cracker, I love this comments board.

  • ||

    Curse your nimble fist!

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Yeah, I keep that link at the ready in my clipboard at all times.

  • ||

    "Ceti Alpha Six" sounds better, but I was wrong. Mark your calendars, kids. I'm finally wrong about something.

  • ||

    I have every day marked for that. It's not even the first mark for today. Wait, that's another thing you're wrong about. (makes mark)

  • ||

    "I fail to understand why it always gives you pleasure to see me proven wrong."

    Must be your emotional Earth weakness.

  • ||

    Well, the logic behind how the planets re-arranged themselves makes no sense at all and still bugs me to this day, when I watch Khan.

  • ||

    Look, a white space whale came along and moved the planets around, OK? Why is that so hard for you to accept?

  • T||

    Moby Dick swims through the vastness of space? Melville suddenly becomes much more interesting.

  • db||

    Moby Dick has just folded space from Ix.

  • ||

    If the planets are numbered out from the sun, then the 5th planet is closer to the sun. The 6th explodes, perturbing the orbit of five enough for it to become arid.

    The real problem is why Starfleet computers didn't alert them that Khan was there (or did Kirk cowboy it enough to not to report it?) or how you could survey and already surveyed system and not notice that the 5th planet is still the 5th planet and not the 6th.

  • ||

    And what? No planetary debris field?

    It was weak, but we push on regardless. Because, he asks us, he tasks us.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Um, the were flying into the solar system from the outside, so they were counting from the outer most planet. Holy shit, remind me not to make any of you navigator.

    Also, this is the Reliant. They made Chekov science officer. How smart can they be?

  • ||

    When your policy is to send your captain and chief Russian science officer alone to a hostile planet instead of some dudes in red shirts, you know that their planet counting capabilities are probably equal to their common sense.

    "Make big trouble for Khan and parasite."

  • ||

    Now wait just a warp speed second there. You're presuming that every system is laid out parallel to the galactic plane. Solar systems can be at any angle, up to perpendicular, to the plane (de plane!). So, they could have come into the system from on "top" of it and seen everything laid out like a map.

    Hmph. 2-dimensional thinking.

  • Tim||

    Maybe it was like us with the whole Pluto thing. One planet gets demoted and there you go.

  • ||

    the were flying into the solar system from the outside

    "He is intelligent, but not experienced. His pattern indicates two-dimensional thinking."

    They could have been flying "downward" or "upward" relative to the plane.

  • Tim||

    Z minus ten thousand.

  • ||

    JW, my mind to your mind...

  • ||

    Great. Now I'm carrying around your Katra. Like my therapy bills aren't high enough.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    HA! SF and JW mind melded. Good luck with that, JW.

  • Tim||

    Fist of etiquette sounds like the title of an original series episode...

  • ||

    "For the World is Hollow and I Have Fisted the Etiquette."

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    That's enough of that.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    "He is intelligent, but not experienced. His pattern indicates two-dimensional thinking."

    You know, for someone who started this thread making the exact same mistake Reliant did, you two idiots are pretty cocky.

  • ||

    We don't believe in the no-win scenario.

  • Tim||

    Really, meet Mr. Obama, our new Captain.

  • Joe M||

    Seriously. They're trying to change the subject, but let's focus on their mind-melded wrongness.

  • Khan||

    THIS IS CETI ALPHA SEX! BEND THEM OVER!

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    THIS IS CETI ALPHA SEX! BEND THEM OVER!

    Not to pick space nits, but wouldn't that have been funnier posted as Strauss-Kahn?

  • Tim||

    Or STEVE SMITH

  • ||

    Say, how come Khan was so into Moby-Dick? Is it popular among Indians?

  • ||

    Wrong, Morlock.

    I blew the planet's name, so we're even. And now I feel shame.

  • Cliché Bandit||

    Does anyone remember the actual ToS episode where he was marooned? I remember that I did see it but I don't remember it at all. I only remember two episodes from ToS...guess which two.

  • ||

    "Mudd's Women" and "The Omega Glory"?

  • ||

    No, no: "Spock's Brain"...worst episode ever.

  • ||

    Nothing is worse than And the Children Shall Lead.

  • Joe M||

    That girl did the voice of Lucy in a Charlie Brown special, I believe.

  • Joe M||

    Three of them, if anyone cares.

  • ||

  • ||

    Are you serial? Here?

    Space Seed

  • Cliché Bandit||

    Gorn and Tribbles...

    I do have feint recollection of the one where Spok mind melds a rock (must be like talking to Tony) and the one where an antennae of some green dude broke off and that was important or something.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    You haven't lived until you've seen Space Lincoln.

    "Help me, Spock!"

  • T||

    The rock that had babies that looked like bowling balls and was visibly wearing Chucks in one scene?

  • ||

    The Horta!

  • Me Myself and I||

    From the 4th hour of the Today Show?

  • Tim||

    The one to see is "The Doomsday Machine" where the enterprise battles a giant foil wrapped cone and an ERTL model.

  • ||

    I have to admit, the new CGI effects on the Blu-ray discs is pretty gotdamn nice. I'm a TOS adherent, but I'm willing to bend the orthodoxy this one time.

    The new effects really do improve the original product, esp. in effects-heavy episodes like "The Doomsday Machine".

  • Tim||

    You said it. Now I can show them to my kid and not be ashamed.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Does that mean they CGI'd out "Cat's Paw" altogether?

  • Tim||

    Kirk running from a giant pussy didn't strike you as ironic?

  • ||

    Oh, you've heard the mocking call of "That looks so fake!" too?

  • Tim||

    Heartbreaking when your kids can't appreciate fine art.

  • Tim||

    Speaking of gods, they should time the webathon to expire with the Mayan Calendar Dec 21, 2012.

  • Spencer||

    Would if I could, reason. One day I'll serve on your board though, so it'll all work itself out in the wash.

  • ||

    I'm finally wrong about something.

    Links don't count, apparently.

    ps- Just for old times' sake: THREADED COMMENTS SUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

  • Ayn||

    My views on charity are very simple. I do not consider it a major virtue and, above all, I do not consider it a moral duty.

  • ||

    IT'S CETI ALPHA FIVE YOU MORONS.

    "I TOLD you to stop at that gas station and ask for directions. But you never listen. My mother was right."

  • Raston Bot||

    I gave to reason even though the poor aint so bad.

  • ||

    I haven't seen that puke WI in a few days. Has Reason used WI's prefix code to lower his shields and destroy him? If so, I'll make another donation.

  • ||

    Did you take the poll? It suggests that they're working on it.

  • ||

    I hope that it's a cunning plan.

  • db||

    I voted against registration. And vote-up-down moderation. I think if there were some way to reserve posting names without requiring registration and login, per se, it would be nice. Maybe just have a new field for an authentication code for the name.

  • Geoff Nathan||

    I donated just to make the opening begging screen go away, and then it didn't. In fact, the whole screen just went black. On a whim, I clicked in the middle of the blackness and lo and behold, it DID go away and H&R reappeared. I have the power, after all....

  • Beloved Rev. Blue Moon ||

    This is just pandering to get me to donate.

    And it worked.

  • Beloved Rev. Blue Moon ||

    I still want my Ohio event. I will accept the Short North in Columbus or Mount Adams in Cincinnati.

  • ||

    Ok, $10. Seriously though, don't do this thing two weeks before Christmas. I'd have donated at least one-hundo if you'd done it in spring.

  • Joe M||

    Indeed. All my extra money is already spent.

  • Tim||

    The little woman goes over all the credit card receipts in January to be certain I didn't buy jewelry for my mistress.

  • ||

    My mistress gets cash only, usually in the form of rolled coin.

    Don't judge me.

  • Joe M||

    Here's something encouraging:

    New Iowa poll: Gingrich 22% Paul 21% Romney 16%

    New NH poll: Romney 33% Gingrich 22% Paul 18%

  • ||

    All my extra money is already spent

    *slaps Joe M with foetal-pig-skin glove*

    There is no such thing as "extra money" you crypto-communist.

  • Joe M||

    Curses! *disappears in cloud of smoke*

  • Colonel_Angus||

    I still be xing the thing that pops up in my browser. Maybe if I ever find myself in a position to give away money, I will donate some to Reason, the Knights of Columbus, Norml, and the guy who made Irfanview.

  • Cliché Bandit||

    STEVE SMITH donated...awesome.

  • ||

    Or did he? Bwa-ha-ha-ha!

  • Devil Inchoate||

    I'm in for $10

  • Paul Krugman||

    I'll donate, but only with somebody else's money.

  • Ben Bernanke||

    I'll donate, but only with grotesquely debased, freshly printed fiat currency. MUAHAHAHAHA!

  • SIV||

    These comments are still threaded. If I had a good, stable temporary address I'd get another "trial subscription" of the print magazine.

  • GILMORE||

    I thought the billions that we steal every year from the poor and use to fund our libertarian glass-mansions and monacle-factories created enough spare change to fund the Kochtopus, which, by simple logic, paid for all of our libertarian propaganda outlets?

    Someone's been dipping into the till, apparently. HELLO! Quick meeting of the libertoid star chamber! Someone's going to get a pretty mad hazing at Deer Island Lodge this year... what? We have to give CHARITY?? I thought we stole all this shit from the 99% for a *reason*, Reason!

  • Otter||

    Here's your problem, Matt...When Baylen unleashed Lobster Girl in his farewell post shortly before the webathon, you lost all your leverage. Withholding Lobster Girl and promising a crustacean climax for the webathon would have easily doubled your contributions.

    You can thank me next December when you're raking in the big bucks.

  • u guys||

    i will pledge over 200 mexican pesos - you heard right. i am a wealthy man. - to your fine young men's reading salon if you meet any 2 of my 3 conditions
    - matching funds, times 500, from the cool, older Koch brother
    - a patient, energetic blowjob from matt welch. and i want eye contact this time (brent can't watch though, or he has to pay 100)
    - glowing, effusive, >2 page articles about ron paul, twice a day, every day, until one of you dies.

  • Invisible Finger||

    Coulda got more donations with Emily asking instead of Nick & Matt.

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