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I'll Have a Tall Half-Caf Latte With Skim Milk and a Flash of Breast
The Fox affiliate in Seattle breathlessly reports that "bakini baristas" in Everett, Washington, were "caught selling more than just coffee." Evidently hot caffeinated beverages are not the only attraction at drive-through coffee stands run by sexy women in bikinis. (In its next exposé, Q13 Fox will reveal that customers do not go to Hooters just for the food.) In "the culmination of a two-month investigation by the Everett Police Department," five women are accused of carrying the concept a little too far by baring boobs, butt, and bush for bonus bucks. Police charged them with violating the city's adult entertainment ordinance and with "multiple counts" of prostitution, which in Everett is defined broadly enough to include "any touching of the sexual or other intimate parts of a person" for money. The women face up to 90 days in jail and a $1,000 fine on each count.
The intro to the TV report, which tells a story the ostensibly shocked correspondent declares "unbelievable," promises to let viewers watch as "a camera catches a local bikini barista baring it all." But all you get is a blurry shot of a fishnet-clad chest. What do you expect for nothing?
[Thanks to Dagny T. for the tip.]
|9.24.09 @ 12:12PM|#
I suppose there were no murders, rapes, burgalaries, robberies, theft etc to investigate and solve.
Tomcat1066|9.24.09 @ 12:13PM|#
So, if I consider the wrists an "intimate part", and I get handcuffed, does the cop get arrested for prostitution? After all, they get paid to cuff me.
|9.24.09 @ 12:13PM|#
Everett isn't exactly a hotbed of criminal activity. The pigs have to get their overtime somehow, and there just isn't enough standing around at construction sites for them, dammit!
|9.24.09 @ 12:21PM|#
I wouldn't pay extra, but if it were free it would guide me there instead of one of their competitors. Wouldn't be prostitution then, right?
|9.24.09 @ 12:21PM|#
No prob. People have been wetting their pants over the lingerie latte phenomenon for a while, but the "prostitution" allegation is especially retarded.
|9.24.09 @ 12:25PM|#
I love that the cops investigated this for two months. I wonder just how many separate trips to teh sexay baristas were involved?
|9.24.09 @ 12:28PM|#
This place was featured on either the Food Network or the Travel Channel. So everyone in America was already aware of getting two boobs and two cubes with your coffee, except for apparently a couple of prudes in Washington and some bored cops.
|9.24.09 @ 12:30PM|#
What is the problem - they don't have decaffeinated?
I will certainly go to the innertubes and ougle-google hot latte
breasts, so that I may educate myself much, much more on this
phenomena.
|9.24.09 @ 12:30PM|#
But all you get is a blurry shot of a fishnet-clad chest.
What do you expect for nothing?
Given the amount of free porn on the internet, quite a bit...
the innominate one|9.24.09 @ 12:31PM|#
that's pretty small time
the cops in Tampa go undercover in the nudie clubs to make sure no
laws are being violated, like dancers giving simulated sex
shows
cops really have tough jobs
|9.24.09 @ 12:31PM|#
I'm sure ACORN would have some sound legal advice for this
establishment.
Customer: "No! I wanted Guatemalan COFFEE. She can't be more than
14!"
|9.24.09 @ 12:36PM|#
OK, I wasn't quite correct. Apparently, Grab-N-Go is a knock of
of a more established chain called Cowgirl Espresso that was
featured on the Travel Channel's
Extreme Fast Food show.
So I guess the cops have some more stakeouts to do.
comrade|9.24.09 @ 12:42PM|#
God forbid a waitress briefly display an anatomical feature that
50% of the population possess.
And c'mon, it's Everett. Between the Navy base and the Boeing
factory, the place is a sausage-fest in need of as many flashing
baristas as possible.
|9.24.09 @ 12:44PM|#
It's amusing that the newsmedia makes money by selling the
salaciousness of the story, and the chance to watch a video of a
woman engaged in a lacivious act, yet the act of showing someone
your tits is prosecutable.
Somehow it's acceptable to sell candid camera videos to voyeurs,
but not sell the direct look at your boobs to a person in front of
you.
Citizen Nothing|9.24.09 @ 12:45PM|#
A few years back, I wrote a column about how our city cops were
allowed to "get naked, be masturbated and "momentarily" engage in
sex" in strip clubs in order to gather evidence against the working
girls.
Talk about a perk.
|9.24.09 @ 12:54PM|#
Reminds me of an old Playboy, or was it Penthouse cartoon.
A girl is standing at the cashier (guy) in a grocery story with her
dress lifted up. The cashier says, "Nice bush lady, but you're
still a dollar short."
Ska|9.24.09 @ 12:54PM|#
This is why you bribe the police.....
I hate to add an extra layer of tax, but these things have to be
considered.
Sixtus|9.24.09 @ 12:54PM|#
I live in the region and I have to tell you I already feel much safer. I mean, I was being kept at night worried that I could be a victim of seeing a nipple. Really, my car that was broken in to twice while parked in front of my house in the last two months and my neighbor who had his stolen were really a second priorit to us compared to whether or not we would accidentally pay someone $5 to show us thier nipple if we asked them.
|9.24.09 @ 12:58PM|#
...would accidentally pay someone $5 to show us their nipple
if we asked them.
Lets be honest here: accidentally? C'mon.
Off to get some coffee!
Citizen Nothing|9.24.09 @ 1:00PM|#
I think that in my city, the only place where women can't
legally show their breasts is in places that serve alcohol.
No, really.
Tim Cavanaugh|9.24.09 @ 1:01PM|#
prostitution, which in Everett is defined broadly enough to
include "any touching of the sexual or other intimate parts of a
person" for money.
There goes my dream of setting up a proctology and urology practice
in Everett.
WWJGD|9.24.09 @ 1:08PM|#
This one story encompasses why I both love and hate the country at the same time.
VM|9.24.09 @ 1:12PM|#
bouncy bouncy?
Tim - that caused a horrible association:
"prostate milk with your coffee"?
*shudders*
Stretchy|9.24.09 @ 1:15PM|#
Excellent point Hazel, the media is making money off of this,
the cops get paid to investigate this, politicians will score cheap
points off of this. Everyone is allowed to profit from women
showing boobies except the women showing boobies.
In other news, the city of Everett has so much money and so little
crime that they can afford to pay cops to bust boob baring
baristas.
|9.24.09 @ 1:21PM|#
busting a bevy of boob baring baristas banned by burly
blundering bastards.
Bam.
|9.24.09 @ 2:06PM|#
Talk about burying the lede. The article says nothing about whether or not Dagny gets to keep her job. Hrumph.
tekende|9.24.09 @ 2:16PM|#
I have a friend who works at the county jail. She recently told me about a cop who, during a prostitution sting, allowed a prostitute to put her hand down his pants in order to convince the prostitute that he was not a cop.
|9.24.09 @ 2:16PM|#
I know baring breasts is illegal, but couldn't the cops give
fair warning to the public before they arrest them?
"Attention men: Coffee girls are getting naked for their espresso
customers at 10th and Vine from 7pm to 11pm each night. We will be
arresting these baristas for leud conduct next Wednesday. That is
all."
The Emperor has no Shuka|9.24.09 @ 2:27PM|#
"busting a bevy of boob baring baristas banned by burly
blundering bastard boys in blue.
FIFY
|9.24.09 @ 2:36PM|#
...my dream of setting up a proctology and urology practice in Everett
Worst idea for a drive-through Espresso stand, ever.
|9.24.09 @ 2:38PM|#
All they'd have to do is build a little carport type of wall
opposite the drive-in window, so the tightwad across the street
couldn't see the occasional nipple and be mortified by the sight of
it.
Then free trade and commerce could commence as usual and everyone
could be happy.
What a pathetic waste of time and tax dollars. I'm sure the cops
are ecstatic about getting that beat, though. If the expresso place
sold donuts they'd have cops from the next 3 surrounding
states.
|9.24.09 @ 2:39PM|#
This must have been as debilitating and degrading for the investigators as when, not too long ago, they were compelled to investigate those Lake City Way strip clubs.
alan|9.24.09 @ 2:43PM|#
Tushar | September 24, 2009, 12:12pm | #
I suppose there were no murders, rapes, burgalaries, robberies,
theft etc to investigate and solve.
Maintaining community standards is an integral part of policing as
investigating any of those other activities. Not the community
standard of upholding a common tradition of decency and respectable
behavior, that went out the window a long time ago, and was always
a subjective value call, no the modern community standard, post
Machiavelli, the ones who have the guns make the call. The
community standard of the cops get to do what ever the fuck they
want, and if that means fucking up the lives of young women over a
petty matter in order to get overtime and salacious job perks, than
tough shit.
|9.24.09 @ 2:52PM|#
five women are accused of carrying the concept a little too
far by baring boobs, butt, and bush for bonus
bucks
Just working with the alliteration.
But it would eliminate the need for hairnets...
Kevin|9.24.09 @ 2:58PM|#
For $12 I can go to an art class and stare at a completely nude woman for 2 hours. I'm sure they have art classes in Washington. The only difference is the coffee.
|9.24.09 @ 3:06PM|#
I just go there to get beer making supplies
I pretty much order all my ingredients online these days (my local
homebrew store can't keep something as simple as Hefeweizen yeast
in stock). Now, if the homebrew store were staffed by chicks in
bikinis...
|9.24.09 @ 3:33PM|#
Of course, the media attention is free press. It would have
costed them a pretty penny to get their name in the media this
much.
"""For $12 I can go to an art class and stare at a completely nude
woman for 2 hours."""
That not a lot of quarters for the amount of time. Can I open an
"art class" in Times Square?
|9.24.09 @ 3:56PM|#
"[Thanks to Dagny T. for the tip.]"
She tipped you? What, specifically did you shows her or let her
touch?
JB|9.24.09 @ 4:00PM|#
Are they going to start arresting women who go on dates?
Dinners are paid for with money.
Rudy\'s Giuliani|9.24.09 @ 4:00PM|#
"Maintaining community standards is an integral part of policing
as investigating any of those other activities."
It's what's known as the Broken Hymen Theory.
|9.24.09 @ 4:05PM|#
Washington: Fifth bluest state in the union.
Everett: Bedroom community for liberal Seattlites.
Conclusion: Progressives are prudes!
|9.24.09 @ 4:07PM|#
"Attention men: Coffee girls are getting naked for their
espresso customers at 10th and Vine from 7pm to 11pm each night. We
will be arresting these baristas for leud conduct next Wednesday.
That is all."
And then the cops can charge admission to watch topless women
getting arrested.
Extra bribes if they have to use handcuffs.
|9.24.09 @ 4:43PM|#
Sandi | September 24, 2009, 2:28pm | #
I took a shit in Everett once.
Well, I certainly hope you return it as soon as possible. The
police might come after you.
Neu Mejican|9.24.09 @ 5:29PM|#
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Everett,_Washington#Crime
Everett has been ranked with the 55th highest crime rate in the United States. In Washington State, only Tacoma ranked higher on the list than Everett, placing 39th in the nation.[24]
In 2004, Everett had 62 rapes, which works out to 63.4 rapes per 100,000 people, twice the national average rate of 32.2 rapes per 100,000 people.
The median age was 32 years. For every 100 females there were 103.5 males. For every 100 females age 18 and over, there were 102.8 males.
Voted for Bush in 2004 (and every morning with espresso order,
apparently).
|9.24.09 @ 6:04PM|#
Glad to see that the Everett cops don't have anything else to do with their time.
|9.25.09 @ 9:10AM|#
To put it in George Carlin-eske phrasing:
Selling coffee is legal, wearing bikinis is legal, so why isn't
selling coffee while wearing bikinis legal?
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|10.2.09 @ 4:53PM|#
Funny thing is if you did some "Private investigation" you'd probably be arrested too.
Cops get all the fun, they get to drive fast with the cool lights on, shoot bad guys and now investigate sexy women. Damn.. I'm in the wrong job!
|11.11.09 @ 9:24PM|#
In this NW climate forcing employees to dress like this is wrong-that in itself should be a crime; if it were in California, it would make sense.
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