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A Holocaust Museum for Chickens?
You have to give those wacky
folks who run People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA)
credit for their ability to attract media attention (see, even I'm
doing it). Their latest stunt is a letter to Virginia's governor
asking to rent a closed down prison as a chicken empathy museum. I
can't say it any better than PETA's press release,
so here goes:
Roanoke, Va. -- This morning, PETA sent a letter to Virginia Gov. Timothy Kaine offering to rent the Botetourt Correctional Center building, which is slated to close because of budget concerns, and turn it into America's first chicken empathy museum.
The museum could feature exhibits that include video footage from research conducted at Bristol University in the U.K.--research that showed how chickens are intelligent animals with mental abilities comparable to cats, dogs, and even primates. It could also feature a restaurant that would serve heart-friendly and delicious faux-chicken drumsticks and chickenless pot pie and a gift shop that could provide free plush chickens for kids, with tags reading, "I Am Not a Nugget!" The museum would feature interactive displays, including one in which visitors have weighted backpacks strapped to their backs to simulate how large chickens' upper bodies can grow in proportion to their legs. The museum would also provide area residents with much-needed jobs.
"In addition to creating jobs, the museum would convert a building that was built for the purpose of incarceration into a tribute to liberation," says PETA Executive Vice President Tracy Reiman. "Chickens are sensitive, smart animals who have feelings just as we do--they deserve better than to be treated like mere meat machines."
My extensive personal experience watching over hundreds of chickens (and stealing their eggs) strongly suggests that the U.K. researchers are exaggerating. But given the assertion that chickens are about as smart as dogs, I guess one can update PETA President Ingrid Newkirk's infamous mantra to:
A rat is a pig is a dog is a chicken is a boy
!|9.15.09 @ 2:45PM|#
I never developed a craving for dog like the one I have for
chicken.
Never had to shoot rocksalt at a chicken in my yard either, but
that's a different thread.
|9.15.09 @ 2:46PM|#
I see they side-stepped the comparison of a chicken's intelligence to that of a PETA member.
|9.15.09 @ 2:46PM|#
I'm with Doug. I've been around chickens and they are dumber
than rocks and quite tasty.
Their deaths serve a higher purpose.
Rich|9.15.09 @ 2:50PM|#
... visitors have weighted backpacks strapped to their backs
to simulate how large chickens' upper bodies can grow in proportion
to their legs.
Hey, don't need the backpacks for many visitors. (The National
Center for Health Statistics claim 34 percent of Americans are
obese and 32.7 percent are overweight.) Prob'ly from eating
chicken.
MEAT MACHINE IS THE NAME OF MY|9.15.09 @ 2:52PM|#
"The museum could feature exhibits that include video
footage from research conducted at Bristol University in the
U.K.--research that showed how chickens are intelligent animals
with mental abilities comparable to cats, dogs, and even
primates."
Can we download this anywhere??? I need!! I need!
BeesInTheBrain|9.15.09 @ 2:54PM|#
I'm not seeing the problem. If they can afford the rent then I'm all for it.
!|9.15.09 @ 2:56PM|#
I'm not seeing the problem. If they can afford the rent then
I'm all for it.
The government should not be renting stuff out. That is unfair to
the commercial property market.
DX|9.15.09 @ 3:00PM|#
I would speculate that they have no intention of renting the place. That's a lot of money for a dozen annual visitors. And look at the publicity they got for the cost of a stamp and press release. Libertarians should be taking notes.
Baylen Linnekin|9.15.09 @ 3:05PM|#
I'd love to go if the museum's food court has a Chick-fil-A. Empathy should taste good, after all.
ยข|9.15.09 @ 3:10PM|#
MEAT MACHINE IS THE NAME OF MY DEATH METAL BAND
That's a grindcore name, not a death metal name.
Metal is for nerds. They care.
|9.15.09 @ 3:16PM|#
Chicken makes me glad that I am on top of the food chain. A 20 pack of those McNuggets sounds pretty good. And my chicken cattatorie rocks.
|9.15.09 @ 3:20PM|#
The museum could feature exhibits that include video footage from research conducted at Bristol University in the U.K.--research that showed how chickens are intelligent animals with mental abilities comparable to cats, dogs, and even primates.
This is a practicaljoke, right? Someone is spoofing PETA.
Chickens (and PETA members?) are about as smart as your aveage
barnacle.
|9.15.09 @ 4:07PM|#
...research that showed how chickens are intelligent animals with mental abilities comparable to cats, dogs, and even primates.
What the fudge? Chickens are the second dumbest animal on the farm
(with turkeys being the first). Cats, dogs, pigs and horses are
light years ahead of them. True, they're smarter than the average
PETA member, but that's not saying much.
tekende|9.15.09 @ 4:08PM|#
After reading the letter, the governor of Virginia, craving chicken, cancelled his mid-afternoon appointments, ran to his car, and sped down the road to the nearest KFC.
|9.15.09 @ 4:09PM|#
a gift shop that could provide free plush chickens for kids,
with tags reading, "I Am Not a Nugget!"
Because your little vegetarian child isn't already getting picked
on enough.
ed|9.15.09 @ 4:12PM|#
free plush chickens for kids, with tags reading, "I Am Not a
Nugget!"
If I ever get a pet chicken, I am so naming it
"Nugget."
|9.15.09 @ 4:16PM|#
If it weren't for people raising and eating them, chickens would
just be another jungle fowl. Instead, they're loved and appreciated
by humans worldwide, unlike their jungle dwelling cousins pecking
about and hoping some python doesn't drop out of a tree and chow
down.
And screw KFC, give me Popeye's any day.
|9.15.09 @ 4:20PM|#
The only kid I know being raised a vegetarian is also the
sickliest little kid I've ever seen.
Yes, my anecdote doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of
things, but it's still sad when he watches most of his Halloween
candy being thrown away because it has gelatin in it.
Michael|9.15.09 @ 4:20PM|#
Now ist time on Sprockets ven vee dance!
I am not a morose person, but I would rather not be here. I
don't have any reverence for life, only for the entities
themselves. I would rather see a blank space where I am. This will
sound like fruitcake stuff again but at least I wouldn't be harming
anything...
|9.15.09 @ 4:24PM|#
Also, I'd like to once again point out that the vice president of PETA is an insulin defendant diabetic and owes her hypocritical turd of a life to extensive animal testing.
Meat Is Good|9.15.09 @ 4:30PM|#
You know, I would stop raping and beheading joggers I catch in the park at night, but it just feels so good. Mmmm, rape.
Your Average Barnacle|9.15.09 @ 4:37PM|#
Chickens (and PETA members?) are about as smart as your
aveage barnacle.
You take that back! We are so much smarter than chickens.
You see anybody raising us on factory farms for slaughter? Hell,
no! We just ride along, seeing the world on the hulls of ships or
hanging back on a pier and watching it all go by, debating
Clausewitz and brownie recipes and working up new anti-queenfish
strategies.
Ask a chicken about Clausewitz. Go ahead. See what you get.
"Cluck?" That's what you'll get. Chickens. Huh. Don't talk to me
about chickens.
Do you think a PETA member could, you know, stand really still in a
tide pool? For a really long time? Because then we could put them
to a useful purpose.
|9.15.09 @ 4:50PM|#
it's still sad when he watches most of his Halloween candy
being thrown away because it has gelatin in it.
Damn, Sug. My retarded parents decided to go kinda vegetarian when
I was little- (we had eggs, dairy and fish but no chicken or red
meat. Random enough?) but even they weren't that
retarded.
The only upside is that now I get a forbidden thrill when savoring
a delicious, bloody steak.
|9.15.09 @ 4:56PM|#
Once again everyone falls for the latest PETA PR stunt. Remember "sea kittens"? The gory Happy Meals thing? It seems like once a month, they come up with some absurd idea, and and get millions of dollars worth of "Haha, look at this!" media attention. Maybe if we ignored them they would go away....
alan|9.15.09 @ 4:59PM|#
. "Chickens are sensitive, smart animals who have feelings
just as we do--they deserve better than to be treated like mere
meat machines."
That is hilarious. I raise guinea hens, and my ladies produced
thirteen chicks late last Spring. Just a few weeks ago, they were
at the right size and plumpness for my edification.
What did I do. PETA ladies, this one is a horror story worthy of a
Rob Zombie production, so you may want to sit down. I have a vase
shaped device which has a ceramic funnel at the end. I put the
chicks upside down in it, and then I cut off their heads with a
pair of sheers and I let the blood drain out. I did this to nine of
them, and kept the rest for reproduction purposes.
What do the momma hens do? They came around sniffing for feed,
ignoring the little baby chick heads as they cluck and ate away--
Bwahahaha!
|9.15.09 @ 4:59PM|#
I think it is a great idea. Why should chickens be slaughtered
just to feed humans? You don't think God provided antelope for
lions or dear for wolves do you? You morons, life should not feed
on life!!! I am going to buy in with PETA and my group HETA is
going to put a lettuce museum in there also. Do you realize what it
is like to watch a cute little baby head of lettuce grow to a big,
beautiful, full head by the end of summer just to watch your mother
savagely chop it into a hundred pieces just to feed us greedy
humans?!?!?!? I am scared for life from it. All life should be
protected. What right do you have to cut grass to the size YOU
choose? Why can't you let it live and take its natural
course???
By the way HETA is the Humans for the Ethical Treatment of
Agriculture.
SW|9.15.09 @ 5:07PM|#
Ahh, the knee-jerk response from people confronted by their consciences. Did you jokers know a team of UK researchers also determined that libertarians are herd animals, just like liberals and conservatives? Carry on.
alan|9.15.09 @ 5:22PM|#
Can I carry on, SW? Can I? Are you giving me permission to carry
on? If you are sure, now, I'll go ahead. Mind if I whistle past my
conscience, while on the way? I certainly wouldn't want to confront
my conscience over something like cutting the heads off of birds.
Do I have your permission? Oh, I have to face my conscience. MMM,
That is not going to work for me. Could you put your head down,
over there. Just like that, yeah, that's it.
Fucking maroon.
Your Average Barnacle|9.15.09 @ 5:27PM|#
Mmmmm...CONscience. Delicious, delicious conscience.
Served with chicken is best. With steamed rice. And water
chestnuts.
Random person from a county ne|9.15.09 @ 5:32PM|#
I actually live near the city where the proposed. Were this museum to actually come into existence, which is highly unlikely, I would most definitely visit it. In fact, I would smuggle in a box of chicken McNuggets and have a wonderful afternoon. Do they still sell boxes of 20?
SW|9.15.09 @ 5:33PM|#
Alan: Yes, you have my permission. I like you - you seem to be the dimmest member of the herd. Please continue.
Craig|9.15.09 @ 5:42PM|#
sounds like a good place to put a Chik-Fil-A next
to.
Not necessarily. PETA is planning to try the Chik-Fil-A cows (of
"Eat Mor Chikn" fame) for genocide.
M o n k e e |9.15.09 @ 6:00PM|#
man
just emigrated to Africa
the meat is something else
I'm living on an uber-carnivorous diet
Africans basically BBQ everything
no shit
without exaggerating
the whole place just smells like charcoal and BBQed meat
Its like a sweet smell that lingers everywhere
you can't walk down the street without smelling it
Africa is like PETA's Auschwitz
|9.15.09 @ 6:25PM|#
"It could also feature a restaurant that would serve
heart-friendly and delicious faux-chicken drumsticks and
chickenless pot pie."
If I follow the metaphor correctly, isn't that like stocking the
Treblinka gift shop with faux-human skin lamps?
GILMORE|9.15.09 @ 6:39PM|#
alan | September 15, 2009, 4:59pm | #
What do the momma hens do? They came around sniffing for feed,
ignoring the little baby chick heads as they cluck and ate away--
Bwahahaha!
"I know why the caged chicken clucks
The caged chicken clucks because
Its really, really, fucking stupid"
|9.15.09 @ 7:02PM|#
The real news for me in this is that a prison is closing down, due to budgetary reasons. I'm I the only one cheerfully blown away by this tid bit?
SIV|9.15.09 @ 7:15PM|#
Will
the Chicken Atrocity Museum have a pit?
I wouldn't
mind seeing this just once, for the laughs.
alan|9.15.09 @ 7:36PM|#
SW | September 15, 2009, 5:33pm | #
Alan: Yes, you have my permission. I like you - you seem to be the
dimmest member of the herd. Please continue.
Well, thanks SW, that is mighty white meat of you.
Jimbo|9.15.09 @ 9:02PM|#
Does anyone who has ever actually worked with chickens have any
respect for them at all?
As a kid we raised chickens on our farm each summer. I hated the
chickens because they a) ate up countless hours of my summer
vacation and b) were miserable, stupid and mean. The satisfaction I
got from watching them die each fall was soon gone as I realized I
still had to pluck and butcher them.
I was telling my chicken horror stories to a co-worker once when he
told me that he had a job crating chickens at a big time chicken
farm so they could be transported to the slaughter house. This guy
was as nice and gentle as anyone I have ever met, so I was really
surprised at the crazy gleam in his eye when he told how you had to
jam something like 10 birds into a small crate. Then he told me how
on his first day at this job he was trying to treat the chickens
somewhat decently but kept getting pecked and scratched. Finally,
he said, he just lost it and started ruthlessly packing them in
just like everyone else.
Neither of us will eat chicken voluntarily to this day.
On the other hand, I might give chicken farming a whirl again if I
could afford one of
these. I'd want a reverse button too, though.
AC|9.16.09 @ 3:05AM|#
SW is right. Forget chickens, the commenters here are a bunch of
sheep. Yep, that's YOU. Baa-aa-aa!
Challenge yourselves, guys!
PS In response to this comment, why not try to use (uh) "reason",
rather than insult? It will make you look cleverer.
!|9.16.09 @ 9:45AM|#
Remember "sea kittens"?
Yes and I thought it was funny that they were trying to lump
Japanese quisine in with Korean.
alan|9.16.09 @ 11:54AM|#
AC | September 16, 2009, 3:05am | #
SW is right. Forget chickens, the commenters here are a bunch of
sheep. Yep, that's YOU. Baa-aa-aa!
Challenge yourselves, guys!
PS In response to this comment, why not try to use (uh) "reason",
rather than insult? It will make you look cleverer.
I don't see how that is possible, AC. From the wit displayed in
your post and that of SW, it seem the two of you must be hoarding
all the IQ points among yourselves. What chance do we mere
libertarian have against such gray matter fire power? You with your
incredible Donne like mix of strenuous argument and meter, and SW
with his allusive T. S. Elliot compositional skills that managed to
critique our very existence in a erudite fashion that extended far
beyond the tiny mental capacity we as libertarians, nay, because we
are libertarians, have to understand any of it. Yes, and the two of
you did all of this rather than insult because you are
like giants who stride forth among intellectual midgets. I must
humbly bow out in the face of such finesse.
juris imprudent|9.16.09 @ 9:58PM|#
...who had nearly stood up to the vicious Chicken of
Bristol...
Yeah, but ya soiled your armor in Act II.
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