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Congressman Says 'Super-Marijuana' Gives You the Munchies for Brains
A scientist in Night of the Living Dead speculates that a plague of reanimated, flesh-eating corpses was caused by radiation from a space probe. But if Rep. Mark Kirk (R-Ill.) is right, the real catalyst may have been residual THC in the body fat of the slow-moving (stoned?) ghouls. This week Kirk unveiled a bill that would establish a 25-year maximum penalty for trafficking in any amount of "Kush and other high-potency marijuana strains," defined as cannabis with THC levels of 15 percent or more. "Local law enforcement reports that Kush users are 'zombie-like' because of the extreme THC levels," he warned. The current maximum penalty for marijuana offenses involving fewer than 50 plants or less than 50 kilograms is five years, so Kirk's bill would quintuple the potential sentence. His rationale is that really good pot commands a premium price. "If you can make as much money selling pot as cocaine," he said, "you should face the same penalties."
More on the menace posed by better marijuana here.
[via
The Drug War Chronicle]
the innominate one|6.19.09 @ 3:44PM|#
"If you can make as much money selling pot as cocaine," he said,
"you should face the same penalties."
Agreed. The penalty should be: nothing.
Or, better yet, three free balls to throw at a dunk tank target
that Mark Kirk is sitting in.
Ian Busher|6.19.09 @ 3:46PM|#
"If you can make as much money selling pot as cocaine," he said,
"you should face the same penalties.
Well its official, even republicans don't like profits.
Xeones|6.19.09 @ 3:47PM|#
Or, better yet, three free balls to throw at a dunk tank
target that Mark Kirk is sitting in.
The tank is filled with liquefied pig shit and broken glass.
"If you can make as much money selling pot as cocaine," he
said, "you should face the same penalties."
Making money is a crime?
tarran|6.19.09 @ 3:50PM|#
More importantly, did the darkies on super pot think that they
were better than a white man rather than just as good
as?
After all, preventing the latter was why marijuana was originally
outlawed.
|6.19.09 @ 3:56PM|#
Rep. Mark Kirk (R-Ill.)says
Local law enforcement reports that Kush users are 'zombie-like' because of the extreme THC levels
Just how did they distinguish the "Kish users" from
Congresspersons?
Paper Moon|6.19.09 @ 3:56PM|#
Fuck you, Mark Kirk, and the dirty whore that brought you into this world.
|6.19.09 @ 3:57PM|#
The only way we're going to stop this madness is be reducing the
time Congress is in session. Really. As long as Congressfolk are
"working" they feel compelled to "fix" things.
I say Congress should meet a maximum of one (1) week a year, or
less if there's nothing much going on.
|6.19.09 @ 4:00PM|#
Oh, and another thing. Until all elected officials are subject
to random drug and alcohol tests, I refuse to listen to them. Until
proven otherwise, I must assume they are wasted out of their
minds.
Soldiers are routinely tested and I think this would be a great way
for politicians to show their support for the troops.
|6.19.09 @ 4:16PM|#
Mandatory testing for congress would require very harsh penalties. These folks are trying to ruin a country for god's sakes. They must be stopped! I'm thinking 50 years man min in the gen pop.
NeonCat|6.19.09 @ 4:17PM|#
"You been makin' legislation under the influence, boy?"
"Don't taze me, I appropriated the money for them!"
In what way are stoned people zombie like? Are you implying they
actually eat brains?
Frankly, sawing off the top of someone's head seems like too much
work, especially if you were high. And if it were happening,
wouldn't we see a claim of copycatting from
Hannibal?
You know what? I'm going to blame the WO(S)D here. The main reason
growers switched to the more couch-lock inducing Indicas was
because the cerebral Sativas took too long to grow and were much
harder to hide.
Zombification, therefore, is an effect of prohibition.
|6.19.09 @ 4:18PM|#
Representative Kirk, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent press release were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this country is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
|6.19.09 @ 4:24PM|#
I don't know what kush is. I am, however, intimately familiar with thunderfuck from days gone by.
hmm|6.19.09 @ 4:25PM|#
Wouldn't you make the penalty for stimulants more severe since in theory they would be harder to catch? If something makes the "bad guys" so slow and prone to follow a Cheeto on a string into a cage shouldn't the punishment be less severe? Maybe set up some pot head traps like bear traps out west. You can capture them and then release them into their natural habitat, a basement with a couch and a TV.
|6.19.09 @ 4:28PM|#
NeonCat beat me too it.
The oily indicas are the equivalent of MadDog 20-20 while the sweet
sativas are like single malt scotch.
|6.19.09 @ 4:39PM|#
"If you can make as much money selling pot as cocaine," he said, "you should face the same penalties."
Lets follow that line of thinking, shall we?
If you can make as much money selling pot
DVDs as cocaine, you should face the same penalties.
If you can make as much money selling pot
food as cocaine, you should face the same penalties.
If you can make as much money selling pot
automobiles as cocaine, you should face the same
penalties.
This is fun in a retarded sort of way.
|6.19.09 @ 4:44PM|#
Oh, and another thing. Until all elected officials and their staffs are subject to random drug and alcohol tests, I refuse to listen to them. Until proven otherwise, I must assume they are wasted out of their minds.
Soldiers are routinely tested and I think this would be a great way for politicians to show their support for the troops. [italicized portion added to improve the proposal]
I've only been screaming that since 1982.
Xeones|6.19.09 @ 4:45PM|#
This is fun in a retarded sort of way.
It would be a lot more fun if this clownfucker wasn't in
Con-gress.
Cal Lipigian|6.19.09 @ 4:46PM|#
If you can make as much money selling pot automobiles as
cocaine, you should face the same penalties.
In that case, Detroit is safe.
|6.19.09 @ 4:46PM|#
"If you can make as much money selling pot as cocaine," he
said, "you should face the same penalties."
I don't get this. Doesn't high potency cocaine turn you into a fast
zombie, while pot turns you into a slow zombie? Totally different
threat levels.
And that's assuming we ignore the mounting evidence that
high-potency butthash turns you into a monsturd.
Ska|6.19.09 @ 4:49PM|#
I don't care how good that pot is, a pound of the greatest weed, some Bob-Marley-would-murder-Haile-Selassie-I-in-his-sleep-for-a-hit-of-this-shit weed, is still not going to cost even as much as some garbage coke that's been stomped 6 times.
monkey on juice|6.19.09 @ 4:50PM|#
"The current maximum penalty for marijuana offenses involving
fewer than 50 plants or less than 50 kilograms is five years, so
Kirk's bill would quintuple the potential sentence"
Adding 20 years to the sentence for a slightly better grade of pot?
And taxpayers are suppossed to foot the bill for room & board
for another 20 years for something that shouldn't even be a crime
to begin with? Does this moron know about the current budget
problem?
Please Mr. Kirk, for the good of the country, and the benefit of
the taxpayers, please just step in front of a moving train.
hmm|6.19.09 @ 4:51PM|#
On the random drug test line of discussion.
The most absurd and ridiculous thing I have come across on that
subject is the fact that your city trash man or ditch digger with a
CDL is randomly drug tested. The guy with the gun and the authority
to kill you is not.
|6.19.09 @ 4:55PM|#
"If you can make as much money selling pot as cocaine," he
said, "you should face the same penalties."
So if you blow all your money buying the stuff, you should
get a reward.
BakedPenguin|6.19.09 @ 5:00PM|#
I nominate (ha!) the innominate one FTW, with several honorable mentions. And I hope Kirk gets voted out of office in favor of someone named Picard, or is caught by the press with a green hooker.
|6.19.09 @ 5:03PM|#
Town Hall meeting this coming Monday evening with my Congresscritter Tim Bishop. I was going to waste my mike time asking him a deep and reasoned question about the Federal Reserve oversight and HR 1207. But now I am so going to ask him why he and his colleagues should not be subject random drug tests like baseball players and soldiers.
|6.19.09 @ 5:07PM|#
In that case, Detroit is safe.
As a resident let me assure you, Detroit is never safe.
DJP|6.19.09 @ 5:08PM|#
I used to be a Republican-leaning libertarian. After Bush big
government and war, and the continued unconstitutional moral
fanatacism of a certain segment of the Republican party, I am now
firmly in the Democrat camp.
People like this congressman repulse me, I won't associate with
them even if it does mean I'll be paying a higher tax rate.
If our government were going to spend billions of our tax money on
"drug policy", it should be promoting the relatively harmless
substance marijuana and more clearly highlighting the extreme
dangers of the widely tolerated drug alcohol.
Tax and regulate marijuana the same as we do with alcohol.
Mad Max|6.19.09 @ 5:11PM|#
'Night of the Living Dead . . . slow-moving . . . ghouls.'
Confound it, Sullum, you've confused zombies with ghouls.
Am I the only one sober enough to notice this glaring error?
|6.19.09 @ 5:12PM|#
Town Hall meeting this coming Monday evening with my
Congresscritter Tim Bishop. I was going to waste my mike time
asking him a deep and reasoned question about the Federal Reserve
oversight and HR 1207. But now I am so going to ask him why he and
his colleagues should not be subject random drug tests like
baseball players and soldiers.
Good luck in getting called upon. The fucking hypocrisy outrages
me.
|6.19.09 @ 5:14PM|#
'Night of the Living Dead . . . slow-moving . . .
ghouls.'
Confound it, Sullum, you've confused zombies with ghouls.
Am I the only one sober enough to notice this glaring
error?
Have you considered that you may be the only one anally retentive
enough to notice? ;-)
Mad Max|6.19.09 @ 5:20PM|#
J sub D,
This sort of cultural illiteracy is unacceptable. If Americans
can't even tell the difference between a ghoul and a zombie, next
thing you know they won't be able to tell the difference between
the
Master as played by Roger Delgado and the Master as played by
Anthony Ainley. Next thing you know, they'll be confusing
Dwarves with Hobbits.
Such utter ignorance can only lead to disaster.
Gene Berkman|6.19.09 @ 5:26PM|#
My experience from years working at health food stores (and other experience) indicates heavy pot smokers are more likely to be vegetarian than brain eaters.
MNG|6.19.09 @ 5:26PM|#
But then think of the potential stimulus in the snack industry were it legalized!
MNG|6.19.09 @ 5:27PM|#
"Next thing you know, they'll be confusing Dwarves with
Hobbits."
This would indeed be a sign of the Apocalypse...
Digby|6.19.09 @ 5:29PM|#
"The most absurd and ridiculous thing I have come across on that
subject is the fact that your city trash man or ditch digger with a
CDL is randomly drug tested. The guy with the gun and the authority
to kill you is not."
Some unions are better than others.
|6.19.09 @ 5:33PM|#
Being a politician is purely voluntary and if they're not
willing to undergo a simple, non-intrusive drug test, they should
pursue some other career.
Politicians should also be required to pass a breathalyzer or blood
test prior to every vote. Passing a law is significantly more
important, far reaching and potentially dangerous than driving a
car. Those that fail should face mandatory jail time and the loss
of voting privileges.
the innominate one|6.19.09 @ 5:33PM|#
MNG | June 19, 2009, 5:27pm | #
"Next thing you know, they'll be confusing Dwarves with
Hobbits."
This would indeed be a sign of the Apocalypse...
No, that would be dwarves and hobbits living in sin.
|6.19.09 @ 5:36PM|#
What I really want to know is where people stand on "fast Hobbits" vs. "slow Hobbits".
alan|6.19.09 @ 5:42PM|#
DNC Headquarters:
Head Schemer: Look at these damn polls, Paul. I tell ya' the public
stupid or is it just the economy?
Underling Schemer: Calm down, James. What's the problem?
Head Schemer: The people be giving the GOP, that's GO Fucking Pee,
a second look.
Underling Schemer: [Takes a minute to think] Alright, what do we
know about the Republicans? Ask yourself that. Any of them actually
have any of the principles they espouse?
Head Schemer: [chuckles] You kiddin' me? Maybe that loon doctor
feller, that's about it.
Underling Schemer: Here is what we'll do. We will bribe them to
sabotage any hope they may have of ever becoming a majority party
again.
Head Schemer: I like what I'm hearin' so far.
Underling Schemer: The law and order types of the GOP have always
undercut the laissez-faire message, right? Polls show
Americans support ending draconian drug laws. Just throw a few
bucks and gerrymands to them to support Super Draconian drug
laws.
Head Schemer: [kicks his feet dancing] The public will be back to
ignoring those fools in no time. Can you say Two term Obama! As the
great Sam Pickens would put it, Paul, you are a Gawd danged
genuis.
Underling Schemer: That's why you make the big bucks.
Head Schemer: That don't make no sense.
Underling Schemer: We are Democrats, JC. When we talk about money,
it isn't suppose to make sense.
alan|6.19.09 @ 5:46PM|#
What I really want to know is where people stand on "fast
Hobbits" vs. "slow Hobbits".
The only good hobbits are the ones that don't mind me putting my
beer bottles on their heads.
|6.19.09 @ 5:48PM|#
Some unions are better than others
Some unions are better than others
Some unions' members are lazier than
Other unions' members
mark|6.19.09 @ 5:50PM|#
I feel like starting (or continuing) a petition. Seems like a
few million signatures would be hard to ignore.
On a related note, should I be happy that my focus on policy has
turned to esoteric ideas like "return to Bretton Woods/gold
standard" or "drug testing for Congress" rather than actually
dead-on-arrival ideas like "free trade with Panama" or "adopting a
shelter dog"?
alan|6.19.09 @ 5:53PM|#
Mad Max | June 19, 2009, 5:11pm | #
'Night of the Living Dead . . . slow-moving . . . ghouls.'
Confound it, Sullum, you've confused zombies with ghouls.
Am I the only one sober enough to notice this glaring
error?
I bristled when I saw that too. He'll learn the hard way if he ever
tries to kill a ghoul the same way he would a zombie.
Speaking of the undead and drugs, did you here the one about the
ghoul who dug up and ate Jerry Garcia?
the innominate one|6.19.09 @ 5:59PM|#
Who here doesn't want to see a hobbit/ elf/ dwarf menage a trois? Nobody, right?
|6.19.09 @ 6:06PM|#
I spent a month at the JOTC so I say hell yeah to free trade
with Panama. And all the cats and dogs I've ever owned were
strays.
So...could we get back to talking about me now?
ghosts of joe|6.19.09 @ 6:19PM|#
Sugarfree, when I was the captain of my high school debate team I would've popped someone like you in the mouth.
Mad Max|6.19.09 @ 6:38PM|#
'Speaking of the undead and drugs, did you here the one about
the ghoul who dug up and ate Jerry Garcia?'
No. Couldn't find it on Google, either. Maybe I should try
Ghoul-gle?
Sam Grove|6.19.09 @ 6:46PM|#
Fuck you, Mark Kirk, and the dirty whore that brought you
into this world.
What have you got against whores?
Thorin Oakensheild|6.19.09 @ 7:18PM|#
"No, that would be dwarves and hobbits living in sin."
Hey Bilbo, walk your cute ass over here and let me show you my
"Goblin-Clever."
|6.19.09 @ 7:55PM|#
If SugarFree comes along posting harlequin stories about bearded dwarf women servicing Mark Kirk, I'm leaving. You've been warned.
Lord Elrond|6.19.09 @ 7:56PM|#
You bitch! When I gave you that blue glowing sword you said you'd love me forever!
|6.19.09 @ 8:31PM|#
SWIM just broke my bong and lost my papers!? and another congrescritter just doesn't get it. Eh, the latter is much worse. Congresscritters are idiots everyday; thank goodness I don't break sacred relics everyday.
Mad Max|6.19.09 @ 10:01PM|#
'My experience from years working at health food stores (and
other experience) indicates heavy pot smokers are more likely to be
vegetarian than brain eaters.'
Dude, I asked for a *bran* muffin.
|6.19.09 @ 11:38PM|#
This is just more evidence that Komrade Kirk, the man who went
to China and patriotically attempted to undermine his own nation by
telling them not to trust his government, has come to embody the
communist boogeyman of days past.
Or to be blunt, he's become a communist. We have to assume that
what he said in China was sincere, because as an elected
representative, he would never lie, he respects the office too much
to disgrace it like that for mere political reasons. Therefore, he
was moved out of concern for his communist brethren when he warned
them against us. Moved because he's one of them.
Now, having returned from his communist vacation, he is now
attempting to bring more police state powers like his communist
brothers are known to favor.
He can't help it, he's just being true to himself. Can't you all
respect that?
|6.20.09 @ 7:31AM|#
"If you can make as much money selling pot as cocaine," he said,
"you should face the same penalties."
At least he agrees that the penalties for crack should be
lightened.
jo|7.2.09 @ 12:49AM|#
I think that someone should educate Mr Kirk on the difference
between marijuana and cocaine.
Plenty of people die from cocaine overdoses...not a single person
from marijuana.
Making the penalties the same is just retarded..I hope he doesn't
convince other stupid people this is a good idea.
Also stronger pot is better for people..It means they have to use
LESS of it!
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